Dia Viente y Cinco~ The Reason I Believe I Am Still Alive Today


Through everything I’ve been through I’ve always had prayer in my life. The prayer of thanks. The prayer of strength. The prayer for the sick. The prayer for another chance…prayer has been a constant in my life.

Even before I understood what prayer was, I remember praying every night before bed with my paternal grandmother and thanking God for all of my family. At some point, I clearly understood what prayer was for, because my prayer became less “list” and more, “Oh, what about my friend, Grandma?”

I remember going to FDR park here in Westchester County one summer. My mom and her friends would jump in the cars and ride to a park for barbecuing, music, swimming and for their kids to run free outside the urban setting in my hometown. This particular time I decided to walk the edge of the pool. Not cognizant that the pool slopes…when I got to the 10ft part…I sunk. I grabbed at the edge and missed and went under. I was drowning. A lady who I’d passed along the way saw me sinking and quickly grabbed me up. She saved me. I had wandered so far from my mom’s reach and from other adults. I could’ve gone unnoticed…but, God sent that woman to grab me up.

That’s how I view God’s work. He grabs me up by someone I didn’t expect to have even been watching. Someone will come from SOME where and lay on me a word to witness something I’ve been praying on. A name spoken ends in a call…a thought results in an impromptu visit. Everyday people come into and leave my life and they represent some message God has for me.

Between his omniscient eye and my praise of Him through prayer…I’m here. Make no mistake…I’m here 🙂

Dia Viente y Cuatro~ Make A Playlist To Someone…

…and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

This is SO hard. There are like SO many people whom I have a musical history with. Friends, family, loves. This is almost unfair to ask me to narrow it down to one absolute person. I think I’m gonna go with my 1st love. The reason being is because for all intents and purposes…this dude (as well as my dad) help to imprint the love of music into me. We did duets all of the time, singing and vibing off music. To this day, this dude and I are still cool. THAT is the reason I can rock this playlist. We’re over each other but love each other just the same. We don’t kick it (which is best for all involved) because our energy is overwhelming and could shut out everyone in the room. We don’t mean it…it’s just who we be! 2B & 2E friends forever!

So here it goes…

Dearest First (Anonymity is best, lol):

~Let’s Chill by Guy~ A song that no matter WHO I’m loving still reminds me of you and makes me want to chill with you (as friends) LOL

~Giving My All To You by Johnny Gill~ Man. I can’t stand you dude! To this DAY whenever I sing this song and get to this part, I sing it the way you did…”I’m just waiting for you, Kali…come to me” LMAO Even though I know GOOD and damn well, it’s BABY…not Kali. Too funny! (Who ELSE’S name did you interchange with baby…damn Romeo) LOL

~I Care by Tony Toni Tone’~ I can hear you AND see you singing this…I’m so glad we cool as hell or I’d have to marry you. LMAO

~Let Me Be Your Angel by Stacy Lattisaw~ This is the first song you ever heard me sing and realized I COULD sing.

~Secret Lovers by Atlantic Starr~ No comments. LMAO

~Always by Atlantic Starr~ I just think that our voices went perfectly with their sound then. We tore this down every time we sung it.

~Ready Or Not by After 7~ Remember how you’d take the low lead and I’d take the falsetto lead?

~Thriller by Michael Jackson~ YES…the WHOLE album. We sung the hell out of this it!

~Center Of My Joy by Richard Smallwood~ He probably doesn’t even remember that I smuggled my mother’s album out of the house so he could hear this…see what a girl does for love? LOL

~All I Want Is Forever by Regina Belle & James Taylor~ Another duet we couldn’t resist

~Purple Rain by Prince~ Yes…again….the whole album. We watched this movie ad nauseum, so we sang those songs until we got told to shut it by your mother. lol

~Adore by Prince~ Always and forever this will bring me back to one of the first times we “did it”. Barely 14…but forever connected with you…AND Prince!

~I Wanna Rock With You by Bobby Brown~ I can see you tryna rock with me. *giggling*

~Perfect Combination by J. Gill & S. Lattisaw~ Come on…we’re the king and kween of duets! LOL

~Where Do We Go From Here? by S. Lattisaw & J. Gill~ WHAT? O_o LOL

~Vanishing by Mariah Carey~ One of my solos you loved 🙂

~Tears of Joy by Karyn White~ I can see you sitting intently at my dining room table as you listened to me sing it with my eyes closed 🙂

Look, I could do this all day with so many songs from several eras…truth is…this cat and I sat and sang EVERY day in some way. We were bonded through music and knowledge. We’re each other’s blueprint for what it is we seek in people. That need to be able to enjoy music and have great conversation between sexual peaks is something that is a pertinent building block of a relationship.

I hope if he ever reads this…he’ll be able to go backwards with me and enjoy the trip.

Love Always, “Pekoe Light” LOL 

Dia Viente y Dos~ Something I Wish I Hadn’t Done In My Life

This isn’t hard…and it’s not long.

I wish I hadn’t lost my virginity at 13. Okay okay okay…hole up…lol *trying to explain like Jada in Low Down Dirty Shame when Keenan woke up in the Crying Game*

I wasn’t a “fast-tailed fanny” as my grandmother used to call my cousin when we were younger…I really wasn’t. I was just in puppy love w/my first. That dude…man. He was etched all up in me since I was a little girl. We grew up next door to one another and eventually all that heavy-petting he did with me ended in me losing my virgin drawlz on the dark red carpet of his mother’s bedroom floor. We were watching TV and I fell asleep…well, I awoke to a hand on my ass. LMAO Then it went up my back and around to my breasts. ::snap front bra pops open…oops:: Next thing I know…I’m tensing up as he puts “that thing” in…and my flower is deflowered and petals are everywhere.

Anywho…we did “it” two more times that summer…and then NADA for NOBODY for 5 years. When I turned 18…I returned to “him” and gave him some more…and some more…lol. If I had my choice, I’d rewind and wait until then. Either way…I don’t regret that it was “HIM”…just that it was so early.

Dia Viente y Uno~ (Scenario)…

…Your Best Friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

What do you THINK I’d do? I hop my mad fat ass on the train or in a cab and roll up on the hospital looking for her. There IS no other scenario…

People argue, disagree, fuck up and may hurt others…but, as I always say…TRUE friendship/love doesn’t end because you get angry. If anything it bucks up, steps up and shuts bullshit DOWN! So yes, I’d have my ass there…holding her hand, crying and telling her ass she’s NOT Carol Ann and to get her ass outta the light. LOL

…and I’d trip over myself doing it. 😉

*mumbling to self…how they gone ask some DUMB ass question like this? I’m the KWEEN of LOVE gotdayumnit!!* 

Dia Viente~ My Views On Drugs And Alcohol

This is a toughie…then again, it’s not. Not really…

I grew up with a dad and uncle who were drug/alcohol addicted. It wasn’t pleasant. It’s never easy for a child to grow up in such dysfunction. Drunken brawls, verbally abusive behavior, broken promises, embarrassment…are all things I experienced as a child.

Both my dad and uncle are sober today…but the road was hard and tumultuous. I couldn’t be prouder of them…yet, the traumas still lie indelibly on my memories and heart.

I promised myself I’d NEVER be like either of them…and with my hand to God, thanking Him for His grace…I’m not. I drink occasionally and socially. I’m a light drinker, so I don’t go too hard…but, I’m no addict. I drink responsibly and govern myself with much class as possible when drinking in social/public settings. Again…I drink occasionally and in moderation…well sometimes. That birthday celebration was like Yeaaaaa Boy! LOL

As for drugs…I say no. ONE time I tried a joint. I DID inhale…and yet it had no effect on me. (Perhaps I’m already high off life? LOL) One thing is for sure…I hate being out of control. I don’t like losing my senses and being in a position where someone can take advantage of me in any way, whether physically, mentally, emotionally or otherwise. It’s almost as if my control freak tendencies won’t allow me to partake in such willy nilly activities, LOL. Seriously though…I just don’t desire to do them.

I do think that parents should talk to their kids and not demand that they not do drugs. Kids should hear their mom and dad as their Jiminy Cricket when around peers…not as the impetus for their individual assertion…rebellion at it’s finest. If there are drug or alcohol addicted people around children, they should be removed in one form or another…as children, kids either want to fix the issue, blame themselves, or blame the parents. I thought I was free of my dad’s addiction…but, I only encountered it in my choice of man. My ex turned out to be addicted to drugs and alcohol…and I didn’t even realize it until almost a year into the relationship. It was disconcerting to find that I’d brought my co-dependency/enabling issues into a relationship. 

I can’t tell this truth without at least helping others face theirs. Here are some links for families of addicts and some info for addicts themselves:


Narcotics Anonymous

Alcoholics Anonymous

Al-Anon & Alteen

Dia Diezinueve~ What Do You Think About Religion?…

What do you think about politics?

This is gonna be a QUICK blog as well. Just like with my regrets and gay marriage, I have little to say because it’s one of those things where you just let it be what it is. I don’t regret too many things. I don’t try and dictate people’s lives and I don’t argue over things that are opinion-based.

Religion? Whatever you believe in is between you and your God/demigod/etc. If you believe in Darwinism and feel there is no God…so be it. If you believe in Jesus as your savior…or Muhammad as your prophet…or you believe in Buddha, Yahweh, Jehovah, Tao, or whomever you bow to…it’s YOUR business. I believe in what I believe in and I respect FULLY who it is that you decide to worship…if anyone.

The quickest way for me to dismiss you is for you to be judgmental based on your beliefs and try to label me as a non-believer for not agreeing with you.

Politics? I hate that word. Politics (the word) always reminds me of the concept of “spinning” things for palatability rather than the truth of affairs. All politics is to me is several groups of people deciding what’s best for a larger group of people. I don’t argue politics because the moment you speak your mind and say something that doesn’t fit into a perfect box…you get called out and labeled. Communist, Fascist, Republican, Democrat…blah blah.

I’m on the side of RIGHT. Equality. Action. Change. Respect. Rights…and the ability to be who you are in this so-called land of freedom without being shoved into a corner.

My ex used to piss me off when he said, “You’re either WITH me or AGAINST me…”. I hate that idea. Being FOR you doesn’t even mean that I believe what you believe. It just means that we have at least ONE common interest. I’d rather rebel and be against you, even if you have a point…then to mindlessly be with you and not understand why I’m there. 

In the words of any evasive interviewee: “No Comment…” LOL

Dia Dieziocho~ My Views On Gay Marriage

I’m not big on having these discussions. Religion and Sexuality are sensitive issues. You say the wrong thing and someone’s panties/boxers are in a bunch and I for one have no time for apologies. The truth is…we all have our own ideas and convictions. I can call someone small-minded or intolerant, but the truth is…people’s beliefs are their own. What right does one, or do I have to pigeon-hole someone as being small-minded just because they don’t agree? It is the VERY reason why these discussions are met with fervent passions and emotional responses.

SO…what are MY views?

I’m no staunch Christian. I don’t go to church every Sunday. I don’t lead in a choir (I USED to when I was younger). I don’t know the bible back and forth…having the ability to pull the perfect scripture out of the ether to dispute or prove arguments. I just believe what I believe.

I believe in the sanctity of marriage. In MY belief…that begins with a man and a woman for the purpose of procreation. Now, if you don’t agree…so be it. This blog question is being asked of me and answered by me…on MY blog. I believe in the male/female dynamic. Even Scientifically speaking…men and women are made for each other. His chest accommodate my breasts. The space between my thighs, meant for love-making and baby-birthing…was meant for him. We fit. My compassionate mothering nature…met with his protective, fathering spirit. 

NOW…as far as my “tolerance” for the gay/lesbian community? I love PEOPLE. I don’t care what you do…WHO you do. You respect me…I respect you. Happiness is what you make of it. If my girl finds love in a woman…I’ll be ecstatic for her…I’ll make the wedding cake! If a male friend said he was in love with another man…I would zip his bridal gown (I mean, if he did drag) and attend his nuptials in my Sunday’s best. My own views are mine and no more than I would want someone imposing their shit onto me…would I impose mine onto someone else. I’d rather EMBRACE someone…than to push them away and hypocritically call myself a Christian.

MY personal views on GAY marriage…is the same for abortions, career choice, political party, and any other life choice people make. However you choose to live. Whatever you believe in…Whatever makes you feel whole…purposed…is on you. My walk with God isn’t anyone else’s. We answer for our decisions as individuals. If you can sleep at night and can walk proudly in your choices…who am “I” to ostracize you or project self-righteousness onto you? Who am I to say what you don’t deserve and shouldn’t do? I’m too busy trying to be the best me I can be.

If you “do”…than, do it. No business of mine…

Dia Dieziseis~ Someone Or Something I Can DEFINITELY Live Without

Yo…I’m getting Blog Wasted, dude. LMAO …my ass was caught NAPPING in the middle of blogging. LOL

I mis-numbered my blog. I THOUGHT I did the topic for #16 but I only put the number…not the topic. *UGH* THAT is what I get for doing TWO different 30 day challenges. (One here…one on tumblr). ::sigh::

Okay, what can I DEFINITELY live without. Well, I don’t know that I want to say a person, because people come in and out for a purpose. If someone needs to revisit my life for confirmation, lessons, etc…I have to accept their place.

What I KNOW I can do without…is drama. Lies. Deception. Hurtfulness. I pray always for honest and true connections. That is all I can ask for, because whether or not I’m meant to have someone in my life…at least the conclusion was found in a true and forthcoming way. Nothing lost out of dishonesty and duplicity. 

Yea…that’s how I feel about it.

Dia Diezisiete~ A Book I’ve Read That Changed My Views On Something

I read TWO books that accomplished this…
When I was with my ex of 8.5 yrs (who was 22yrs my senior) it was a learning experience in more than one way. I didn’t come away with only traumas. I came away with a plethora of knowledge on a vast number of things. Being with him was like attending a very exclusive university and apprenticing for a genius, albeit…”off-color” mind. My thirst for knowledge was quenched and THEN some.
He had an almost rare collection of books that he took care of like an eccentric curator a library. He would instruct how to read the book without destroying the  binding, pages and shape of the book. To this day, I am tender with the books I read…whether mine or someone else’s.
One day, he said, “We’re going to read today…” I was probably…22 going on 23. I felt like saying, “F_C% that…” out of rebellion…but the sponge in me wanted to absorb…so I complied. He handed me 2 books that day. He said, “You can read this in one day…both of them, but if you can’t…at least by tomorrow I want a book report.” I looked at him like he stole my mama’s purse and shoes and put them on and asked, “How do I look?” O_o <—yea, like that.

I did it. I read, “Assata Shakur: A Biography”. Let me tell you…BEFORE I met this cat…I was a militant ABW. I was well versed in the ways of Afro-Centric thinking and unlearning and relearning. This book didn’t show me anything different about racism (well some of it…because the way she was treated was beyond what I’d known). What this book showed me was the TRUE power of a Black woman with a mission. The courage that can only come from an oppressed spirit with a free mind. This woman’s story was heart-wrenching, exciting, inspiring, and intensely written with a power that spoke to my young mind. It’s still one of my favorite books.

The next book was “Superman to Man” by J.A. Rogers. I didn’t know WHAT this book was going to be about. The first thing I thought of was Christopher Reeves. (See how the indoctrination of society can place “flash pictures” of ideas and dogma without even trying? The purest example of slave mentality where you don’t have to beat your subject…just break down their thought process and walk away. They’ll enslave themselves (and their brethren) all on their own ala “Willie Lynch”)

What I READ…was amazing. I’m not going to even tell you what that book is about. I’m asking you to read it if you haven’t. If you’re interested in brilliance and wit…read it. The way this book is written is pure genius. Hell, if I can get hold of another copy…I’m gonna read it again! All I know is that this book gave me confidence to speak up and be heard…to be ME in all of my God-gifted intelligence and to walk tall in what I know. Who I AM. A beautiful, intelligent woman with, not just a mind…but the spirit of a quiet warrior.