The Twenty Eighth Day…

…the day you had your first fight. why?

I think my first REAL fight was within my family. My cousin Tisha who is three years older than me, ALWAYS tried to boss me around. She’d hug me like I was some stuffed animal against my will until I broke free. Or she’d drag me around like I was a rag doll, bellowing my name in her southern accent. Sheesh, it was like nails on a chalkboard.  I’m sure our fight started stupidly because well…we were kids. lol

Now, mind you…Tisha was always a tad jealous of me. I don’t know why…well, that’s not entirely true. I do know why. My uncles were 7 and 8 years older than me and were like big brothers for most of my childhood. They would throw me in a Tonka truck and vrooom me around the room while I giggled. I was their baby. Tisha on the other hand was a pain and they didn’t like her that much. That always resulted in her vying for their attentions and she ended up losing.

For whatever reason this particular day…she’d plucked my last nerve with her bossy ways. She and I ended up fighting and all I can remember is her pulling on my hair to the point that it was loosening from the two twists it was in. Y’all remember that hairstyle that all little girls had? A twist on each side of the head parted down the middle…or the side if you were fancy. lol

Well, she tugged my hair so hard…it was like she was trying to pull it from the roots. The oldest of my two uncles could be heard yelling between his teeth, “LET GO OF HER HAIR!” Once she finally let go, he kept saying that he didn’t know WHAT was wrong with her and why she’d try to “pull out that baby’s hair”. lol

For years to come, she’d compete with me and struggle back and forth with wanting to hate me and love me. For the longest she’d say, “Everybody thinks Kali is so smart…”, “Everybody loves Kali…”, “Kali this…Kali that…”. I just wanted to know who in the hell EVERYBODY was. I wanted to meet them. lol She would talk about me like a DOG to anyone who’d listen, then turn around and beg my mom for me to stay the night with her.

It’s bananas…because, this kind of behavior became the norm for me. Eventually, throughout school…most chicks would feel this way about me while calling me a friend. I guess not much has changed…well, except for the fact that I’ve found friends who love me and don’t hate me for who I am.

Gotta love that “growing up” thing, huh? 🙂

The Eighteenth Day…

…the last day of your first adult job

Hmmm…Would I have been an adult at 18? lol okay okay…I’m stalling.

I was 18 and I worked at the United States Postal Service. My mom got me the job (she’d worked there since the day I was born) so this meant I had to be on my best model daughter behavior. I could do no wrong…or at least not get CAUGHT doing no wrong.

Well, that is HARD when you’re a Narcoleptic, but don’t KNOW you’re a Narcoleptic so you just look…*wait for it*…LAZY! So…that meant I was walking on eggshells trying not to go to sleep. Trying not to fall asleep while running the OCR machine, or while sorting mail, or while pushing the “post cons” (which look like rolling jails for mail) LOL

I had fun sometimes…I knew a few of the workers around my age. My friend Catina (who shares a birthday with me), my friend Shaunta, Mia and a frenemy, Debbie. I had a crush on the older brother of someone I went to school with but that died shortly thereafter because he was an asshole who thought he could tell me how if I “sculpted my body a little more I could have a BAD ASS shape”. Man fuck you and the thoughts you’re thinking…

Anyway…

The last day of this job was following a fight I almost had a week before with an OLD ASS WOMAN!! This woman used to bother me all of the time. I have NO clue why. I always respected my elders and often deferred to them with a passive, “Yes ma’am” or “Excuse me, Ma’am”. WHY this crazy ass old hen felt the need to bother me was beyond me. She actually confronted me in the bathroom because she’d heard me say under my breath something about how she needed to back up off me. (I had only the intentions of going home and speaking to my mother about it and having her handle it for me, since this was a TEMP job and she’d been there for 18yrs) I’d had E-FUCKING-NOUGH of Rogue Gangster Granny acting like I stole her Ben-Gay. So, she followed me and said, “What you say, bitch?” I was like O_O …the fuck? is WRONG? with THIS OLD BISH???

Well, this chick was COCK-A-DOODLE DOO crazy. She pulled out a KNIFE on me. My friend Catina was like, “OMG…she’s gonna KILL YOU!” LOL I told her not to worry about it. She tried to jab at me and I dodged her. (I was pretty fast since childhood) She tried to jab me again and I caught her hand and pushed her with my weight. I ran the HEYELL up outta that bathroom and to the supervisor’s office. I reported her and within the week…I had been terminated.

Nope…it wasn’t because of the old lady debacle. It ended up being about the fact that I was late more than a few times (I worked from 11pm to 7am and it was hard to get up and out of the house) AND I’d been caught napping more than few times around the P.O. (damn looking ass negroes) LOL

I lost that job in Early November of 1991 and by 1992 I would begin work at NYNEX (now Verizon) for almost two years. I’d get terminated from that job for the same reasons…

I got diagnosed a month after leaving that job in 1994 and found myself being able to FINALLY put a name to what was “wrong” with me. Severe Narcolepsy.

The Fourth Day…

I hate this picture. The HELL did I have on?

…a day in high school

High School for me was a crazy declining of my GPA and scholastic aptitude and a speedily incline of emotional turmoil and drama.

I went from bad grades to worse, falling asleep in class incessantly without explanation (now diagnosed as Narcolepsy) and feeling insecure about that, my weight and having to answer to my mom and family for the never school issues. One which was my behavior.

I pretty much left folks alone, because I didn’t like to fight. I’d try and “reason” with folks because I didn’t want to get in trouble and I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of some of the brutal things I’d heard (sliced faces, acid thrown, face stomping). Shit was real in Mt. Vernon. LOL

On THIS particular day…shit was TOTALLY unnecessary. I was sitting in math class…I hated math, so I ALREADY had a damn attitude. This guy who lived in the PJ’s with me, but in a different building was ALWAYS bothering me. Chris…that was his name. He was an ASSHOLE!!

The period he’d pick at me. Say something smart. Push his desk in to mine. We were sitting in a group of four with our desks pushed two facing two. His dumb ass was facing mine. I couldn’t stand this ass. If it wasn’t that he would push my notebook around with is pencil as I wrote. CHILE…I LOST IT!

I jumped up and screamed for him to QUIT FUCKING WITH ME! He laughed. This only made me madder. I chased his monkey ass around the room. He ran behind the teacher’s desk (as she yelled for me to stop). It was catercorner so I pushed this big metal desk into the wall until he had to jump from behind it and over it. I tried to grab him, he was too fast…so, I picked up a desk and hurled it at him. Then the chair. Finally, a hall monitor came in and calmed me down. I got escorted out and sent to my division’s principal. (The school was broken up into Divisions A, B, C and D…can’t remember it there was an E). I was in Division C. My principal liked me. He said, “Kali, why let this knucklehead upset you? Now, we have to call your mother…”

I didn’t care. I swear…I was scared WITLESS and SHITLESS of my mother, but in that moment I felt like FUCK it. His ass is mine. LOL

I go home, inform Mom and she eventually tries to understand my view. She just said she wished I didn’t have such a temper. So the next day, Mom comes to school and the craziest thing happens. She gets to the class and sees this dude and the first thing she asks? “You have a crush on my daughter, don’t you?”

::GASPS:: WHAT THE?? MOOOOOOM NOOOO!! He’s ugh and ewwww mom, NO! LOL

He smiles…

What’chu smiling for fool?

She said, “Mmm hmmm…he likes you Kali. That’s why he bothers you. You don’t even realize it. Boy, leave my daughter alone. She will never like you if you act a fool. Both of you need to get it together. Don’t make me come back here!”

He says, “Yes ma’am”

The class laughs…I’m like -_-

Yea…he didn’t bother me anymore…but, I changed my seat and counted the days to be done with that class.

I know…I stay fighting boys who like me. At least it’s not the story of the guy who hit me in the head with a frozen Snickers on a bus and then I waited to get off so I could cut him with a cracked Pepsi bottle…chasing him down the street. Nah…at least it’s not that story. LOL

The Second Day…

yea, I pretty much started it…

…a day in elementary school
Well, what had happened was…
There was this boy I knew throughout school. He used to look at me sometimes and I’d get uncomfortable. Didn’t help that two other boys (I’ll call em JM & MJ by their initials) were instigating. We were in 5th grade, in an “Intermediate Humanities” class for very smart kids. Case and point that us smart kids were still stupid. lol
It started with…
“Kali’s your girlfriend, Mike!” 
I got heated. First of all..I liked the other guy…MJ. So, I was pissed that JM said it and that MJ went along with it. The hell? Don’t be passing me off on nobody else. 
“Nah uh…I don’t like him!!” I said vehemently.
Meanwhile, Mike just sat there shrugging them off. He didn’t say ONE mean word about me.
Mike was a sweet boy. He bothered no one. His best friend was his saxophone. He carted that thing everywhere he went. 
Me, with my mean self (Shut up y’all) wasn’t satisfied with just saying that I didn’t like him like that. Oh noooooo…I had to drive the point home.
“What’chu looking at stupid??” I shouted from across the arrangement of desks. Mrs. Brown had the desks arranged in a “U” shape…all of us facing one another and the open space at the end of the class with the chalkboard…Mrs. Brown’s podium. He told me to stop and I didn’t. He told me he was going to beat my ass…I laughed. 
I totally forgot about it. I went through my whole day not worried. Laughing with my friends, eating lunch, playing at recess and finally, packing my bag to go home.
Well, HONEY!! Mike’s ass was waiting for me. He whooped my ass. I couldn’t see outta one eye and I’m almost certain, the only punches I landed were on air.
I deserved it. lol
Later, down the road…he finds me on Facebook. (Mind you, I’d seen him YEARS before on a bus while on my way home from work. He was as sweet then as he was in elementary. Even told me he had a crush on me…but, I was in love w/a fool…as usual).
When he found me, he hit me up and wanted to talk to me, so we went to FB chat. We talked a little and I brought this story up. Do you know he did NOT remember beating my ass? LOL He was like I’m so sorry. I really am. I just said that I deserved it, laughed it off and we continued chatting. 
Mike Phillips aka Mike Philly…the saxophonist and Hidden Beach artist…beat me up. LOL
Truth is…that ass whooping ain’t stop shit. I was still NOT having anyone’s shit and fought boys all the time. I had to step my game up though…shit. LOL

That’ll Getchu Popped!

…Infamous words of Tami Roman of Basketball Wives on VH1.

That was her first real encounter with Meeka Claxton. She doesn’t like for folks to “put their hands up” because it makes her “defense mechanism” go off and she feels the need to defend herself. That statement in the title of this blog was her first “warning” to Meeka that getting too excited would get her knocked the fugg out. I personally saw it more than once and I honestly don’t think that’s what set Tami off. I didn’t see Meeka’s hands go up, but hey…it’s all about perspective, right?

I’ve been watching it from the beginning. Reality TV is my guilty pleasure. It is not an indicator of my intelligence (so many people say that people who watch this kind of television have low IQ’s or are ghetto…I am neither) so that isn’t it. Since watching I’ve come to like and dislike certain people. I’ve come to like Tami and even Evelyn at times. Jen is kinda flaky, Shaunie is a sneaky mofo (c) embezzlement of her ex-husband’s funds. Royce is cool…a firecracker. Suzie is a shit-starter and Meeka is her protege it seems. By far, Tami is my favorite. Funny thing though…back when she was on Real World II, I liked her initially but then became angry at her when she got David ousted from the house.  He was wrong, but I felt like it went beyond the normal reaction to the situation.

Now…the other night, Tami smacked/punched Meeka in the face. I totally get the reasons why she got mad. I for one am about thinking twice. Being the rash person Tami is, her gut reaction was to clock her co-star in the face. (The bish WAS tryna start shit…but, still).  You have to learn to walk away from a situation like that. If you know you’re dealing with a dirty little, messy little liar…you expose her and ignore her. Like she says in this interview with Necole Bitchie…you’re given an option to whether you want to film with someone. If she didn’t want to deal with Meeka she could’ve put herself in a position of protection by not filming. The outcome of that folly…is the fight.

A lot of people online have been split down the middle with the occasional understanding of both sides. Some feel Tami is ghetto, over-the-top, crazy and an attention whore. Some feel that Meeka deserved everything she got being the messy, petty bish she is…some feel that the show in it’s entirety is a smudge on the already questionable reputation of Black people and especially Black women. This is where I stand on the topic…

In the REAL Real World…in the communities where sistas are from, Tami is a prize. In a world where chicks are back-stabbers and liars…to have someone shed light on any topic…however hostile, is still a breath of fresh air. Tami is not dumb by any stretch of the imagination. She’s actually bright and very articulate. She’s just crazy as fuck got anger issues. LUH you Boo, but you need to touch on some anger management classes. At 40 it’s not cool to pop off on everyone who gets you mad. I know how frustrating it can be to have someone look you in your eye and tell you a lie like they believe that shit…and WANT to put your fist through their throat…but you can’t. There ARE consequences. Legally you can go to jail or be liable financially. Socially, you’re fulfilling the statistic that we’re just some wild animals who possess no self-control. In spite of her brash honesty, Tami will always be pegged the ghetto, classless one because of these episodes of “reality”.

Now…chicks like Meeka? She’s that chick you DO want to bash in her forehead. She’s the chick you can’t trust worth a damn and you find out down the road that you don’t even really know her. She came into the situation messy. Without meeting Tami or Royce she’d already put them in a bag. What was so funny about THIS is that, had she be an equal opportunity hater…she would’ve felt the same way about Shaunie and Evelyn. Shaunie TORTURED Gloria in the second season of BBW over something that wasn’t even Gloria’s fault. She should’ve taken her beef to Gloria’s sister about Shaq, but instead she menaced Gloria until she left the show. Evelyn did the same to Suzie. She may have had a point initially…Suzie runs her mouth too much…but, she made it impossible for that woman to co-exist. If you don’t like her…sit on the far side of the table, don’t bash her, nit-pick and argue each time you see her. It’s childish. Evelyn is also the same person who knew the entire time she was bonding with Tami…that she’d slept with her husband. Evelyn missed the WHOLE damn point and made it about the man. NO slowmo it wasn’t about the man!! It was about the fact that she knew she’d done it and didn’t feel the need to disclose that info to Tami upon their newly burgeoning friendship. Then proceeded to undercut her wife status with the “Non Motha-Fuckin Factor” remark. Yet, Meeka didn’t seem fazed by these things. She BADLY wanted to be on this show and wrote Shaunie more than once for the “opportunity” to be there. Why didn’t she prejudge Shaunie and Evelyn? Well we know the answer. She didn’t because she wanted to be IN the CIRCLE. So she took action against the two people who at the time were on the outs with one or more of the “Popular Bitches”.

If you know you’re dealing with a woman who would pop you in your shit at the first sign of beef…why then would you go IN on her? Did you think this wouldn’t happen? Or was that your plan, Meeka from the jump? …Disparage Tami and fill her spot while attacking her pockets at the same time? If folks are gonna bring attention to some shit…bring attention to her shit-starting ass because she loves drama EVERY bit as much as she claims Tami does.

How about bring attention to the Puerto Rican chick who flew all the way to California to dump water on a chick. Who this season threw an ACTUAL GLASS at Royce. She could’ve put her eye out, but no one is bashing HER. No, they’re choosing to go in on the Black woman.

What about the White chick, who can’t hold WATER for 10 seconds and runs her mouth every chance she gets. The CATALYST to issues between Evelyn and Royce, Shaunie and Gloria, Tami and well…everyone…yea.

YES sistas…we need to stop some shit. We need to think more and react less. This is true…but, we’re not the only chicks who go in. Watch Real Housewives of NJ, Orange County, Beverly Hills, Jerseylicious, Jersey Shore, etc. You will see shit being thrown and yes…even blows. It’s a WOMAN thing…not a BLACK WOMAN thing. WOMEN need to find their class and lady-like ways again. It’s imperative that we do that for our young daughters coming up with big eyes looking at us like a mirror.

Truth is…”we” can’t REALLY “afford” to let these things happen. Other races get to act a fool and the memory of those things are short and fleeting. It’s the NeNe Leakes’, Tami Roman’s, and Naomi Campbell’s who hit the headlines with negative feedback that get the backlash. Like I said in a previous blog…folks went in on A. Keys for her indiscretion w/Swizz Beats (lending NO accountability to HIS married ass) but, everyone LOVES themselves Angelina Jolie’s husband-stealing ass. Right? Matter of fact…some mag called Jennifer Aniston a home-wrecker for reaching out to Brad. Like REALLY? *smh at the utter hypocrisy of folks*

I pray that the lawsuit brought against Tami isn’t too detrimental to her pockets. I have to tell you…though I know she was wrong, I feel like Meeka was on some manipulative, premeditated bullshit to nudge HER way into the spotlight. It’s not everything it seems folks…pay attention to all sides…and remember, we’re hardest on our own. We don’t have to be…the rest of the world does a bang-up job for us.

Dia Viente y Uno~ (Scenario)…





…Your Best Friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?


What do you THINK I’d do? I hop my mad fat ass on the train or in a cab and roll up on the hospital looking for her. There IS no other scenario…


People argue, disagree, fuck up and may hurt others…but, as I always say…TRUE friendship/love doesn’t end because you get angry. If anything it bucks up, steps up and shuts bullshit DOWN! So yes, I’d have my ass there…holding her hand, crying and telling her ass she’s NOT Carol Ann and to get her ass outta the light. LOL


…and I’d trip over myself doing it. 😉

*mumbling to self…how they gone ask some DUMB ass question like this? I’m the KWEEN of LOVE gotdayumnit!!*