Why Me?


In the past recent months, my dear sister friend has been frazzled by her break up. For the longest, she cried, contemplated life and God’s unfairness. I struggled with her…often fighting for her when her fight for self was nil. Not too long ago…she told me she was over him and I was in awe of those words. I don’t think I thought it would ever happen. Her turmoil was so deeply embedded within her psyche, heart and soul…I didn’t know if she’d EVER stop missing that dude. Then it came back and haunted her like it had never gone away.

One of the things she asks me all the time is, “Kiwi…how can he just move on and I can’t?” I often come up with a few answers. Most of the time, I tell her that I don’t believe he’s “moved on” like she thinks. When you break up with someone and never speak to them again…how can you ever be sure they HAVE moved on? Because they don’t call? That’s pride. Oh, you heard he’s got a woman? That’s called a distraction. Just because you haven’t heard hide nor hair of him in however long it’s been…doesn’t mean that he is over you, the relationship and doesn’t care. How can you ever really vouch for what someone else is feeling? See, men ARE visual and physical. So if theres another woman within stroking distance, he can temporarily forget the woman who has affected his heart for a millisecond. If that doesn’t work…he’ll get MORE chickies to fill the slot. Maybe, even just fall back on a female whose just a friend. Perhaps he HAS moved on because he was a bastard, a liar, manipulator and gamer and never felt feelings to begin with. So, where does that leave us? The women left behind in the wake of a shit tsunami? Well, you can either swim and get a little stank on you…or you can drown and swallow shit. Yea, graphic, huh? Well, that’s what it is. It’s a bunch of bullshit.

I can recall breaking it off with a cat…and he didn’t seem to be affected not one bit. He didn’t look back (at least not while I was going through it) to even see how I was. It hurt me that this dude once said he loved me on a daily basis only to find out that his words were baseless lines to perpetuate a lie. Until, one day…I saw him for the first time in over a YEAR. He looked at me and said, “WOW…you look so beautiful”. Well, I knew that already…lol…but he said something else that took me for a loop. He said, “You look like you don’t have a care in the world. You look stress-free…and I know that’s because “I” was the one adding stress to your life. I’m sorry for that.” You could’ve printed my face for a smiley template. Here I was, thinking this dude wasn’t at all affected by me…or sorry for his part in my heartbreak…and he comes along almost a year and a half after we broke off telling me this.

The thing is…that often people can be so preoccupied with protecting their own hearts, that they don’t realize they’re breaking yours in the process. Whether its, cheating to avoid intimacy…pushing you away to avoid pain…trying to replace their ex with you…whatever…it can all be an act of self-preservation. Not hearing from an ex, or having them say what you need to validate your feelings…doesn’t mean they’re cold, heartless people who must have never loved you. Some people are proud, oblivious, ignorant and selfishly afraid to the point, they’ll duck the feelings of accountability to avoid looking at themselves. As far as thinking that someone has moved on fast and left you in pain? Well, think of it like this. If they did, then its best. Rather they move on than to stick around shoveling bullshit onto your feet. If they haven’t moved on, but have left signs behind that they have…well that would be THEIR issue. They’re the ones who have to live with the fact, that though they may not be in your life they’ve chosen that out of pride. They’ll be the ones to live with any regrets they may have. On the other hand, all you can do is be true to your heart and get over things in your own time. Just remember, you can’t control anyone or anything but yourself. Accept that and you’re half-way to getting over the ex.