This is kind of painful to write…
Oh, forgive me…”HI!” Nice to see you all again. It’s been a minute…but, then you guys understand me so there’s no hard feelings. 🙂
Like I was saying…this is kind of painful to write. The reason being that I have always been proud of the ability to connect to others…to build genuinely true friendships. There’s something about establishing a connection with someone who has so many wide and equally deep commonalities as yourself. It quickens the meshing and it can hold you endeared to that person for years of long friendship.
Until it doesn’t anymore…
I firmly believe that just like in love relationships with a significant other…we are drawn passionately to people who are built to bring out the best AND the worst in us. Reflectors of our light and dark traits, lovers AND friends are there to show us who we can be…and remind of us what we no longer HAVE to be. Having said that, just like in love, there’s passion. Friendships can behold passion as well, except it will often be for love OF things like: shopping, reading, partying, music, etc. What will draw you together also has the potential to weaken your bond over time with too much stress on the parts of you that are depended on for your dynamic.
For instance, you may find a friend who loves to shop like you do. You guys tend to hit each other up for the newest sales, seasonal releases and just plain old window-shopping for the lean days. At the same time, because your buddy may like to shop and acquire things…they may also be superficial. You may have a friend on your hands who will “trade up” just because someone else can buy them things and get them into places you may not be able to.
There are always drawbacks to common threads that create friendships. We are individuals and that means we’ll always be self-interested at some point. (Most of us anyway)
For me, I’ve realized something. An epiphany hit me in the middle of the night/early morning, hence the reason I’m up blogging presently. (Random Side Note: I am such a geek, in that when I find a new favorite font, I change my settings so that I can use it as a default font. I’m enjoying watching these words form. Oh, new said font? “Veggieburger” lol)
What I realized is that due to my own deeply empathic abilities and my propensity to meet or befriend people who are also deeply empathetic or spiritual…it’s like placing two frayed, live wires together and watching the electricity surge and form sparks. They can either be sparks of intelligence, inspiration, encouragement and love…or they can be sparks of competitiveness, envy, confrontations and sensitivity.
It makes all the sense in the world that people who are extremely sensitive to their surroundings and energies, would pick up on the slightest slight. I am by no means saying that they way I feel or the way others feel in relation to me are insignificant or trite. Contrarily, they are at times insurmountable and daunting. It leaves the people involved questioning whether or not they’re crazy.
Questions one can ask themselves in such a conundrum:
“Am I too sensitive?”
“Am I feeling my own feelings or someone else’s?”
“Do I need to tailor my words and behavior? Should I ask someone else to do that for me?”
Those are questions to begin with.
I often wonder if I misunderstand the spirit and intentions of my friends. I surely believe that I’m misunderstood at times. Here you have two or more highly sensitive spirits, picking up on each other’s mental, spiritual, emotional and SOME times PHYSICAL pain. There’s bound to be moments when the intensity of raw emotion bubbles over into everyday communications. Maybe it’s better to be around people who aren’t as sensitive to the unspoken word as you may be. Perhaps that will foster better relationships that don’t breed contempt with passing time. I just know that it’s often work, communicating the intent and motivation behind what I mean…what I mean to SAY.
I just imagine two psychics in a room…so much clairvoyance, perception and highly sensitive and lighted vibrations…can you imagine the offense to be taken to each other’s deepest feelings? To each other’s SURFACE feelings? Think about it…for an average person, a surface feeling is just that. It’s skin deep, seasonal and fleeting. For someone who feels everything with abysmal depth…a “surface” feeling can become a misinterpreted slight. In order for each psychic in the room to truly feel one another with the truth, there has to be a give and take. A moment when one is tuned down as one is tuning in.
Or, maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about. That’s entirely possible. lol
Either way…I’m trying my best to harness that which doesn’t require release and loosening that which does. Nothing hurts more than to hurt others unintentionally or otherwise. When friendships become difficult because of miscommunication, it can be hard to deal with. It forces you to look within, but more so, it can make you feel like alienating yourself…especially if it’s happening too often.
Just a short thought…
***BLOG NOTE: I wrote this like three days ago in the dawn hours…I just got around to pressing “Publish”. lol***