Too Close For Comfort?

This is kind of painful to write…

Oh, forgive me…”HI!” Nice to see you all again. It’s been a minute…but, then you guys understand me so there’s no hard feelings. 🙂

Like I was saying…this is kind of painful to write. The reason being that I have always been proud of the ability to connect to others…to build genuinely true friendships. There’s something about establishing a connection with someone who has so many wide and equally deep commonalities as yourself. It quickens the meshing and it can hold you endeared to that person for years of long friendship.

Until it doesn’t anymore…

I firmly believe that just like in love relationships with a significant other…we are drawn passionately to people who are built to bring out the best AND the worst in us. Reflectors of our light and dark traits, lovers AND friends are there to show us who we can be…and remind of us what we no longer HAVE to be. Having said that, just like in love, there’s passion. Friendships can behold passion as well, except it will often be for love OF things like: shopping, reading, partying, music, etc. What will draw you together also has the potential to weaken your bond over time with too much stress on the parts of you that are depended on for your dynamic.

For instance, you may find a friend who loves to shop like you do. You guys tend to hit each other up for the newest sales, seasonal releases and just plain old window-shopping for the lean days. At the same time, because your buddy may like to shop and acquire things…they may also be superficial. You may have a friend on your hands who will “trade up” just because someone else can buy them things and get them into places you may not be able to.

There are always drawbacks to common threads that create friendships. We are individuals and that means we’ll always be self-interested at some point. (Most of us anyway)

For me, I’ve realized something. An epiphany hit me in the middle of the night/early morning, hence the reason I’m up blogging presently. (Random Side Note: I am such a geek, in that when I find a new favorite font, I change my settings so that I can use it as a default font. I’m enjoying watching these words form. Oh, new said font? “Veggieburger” lol)

…I digress.

What I realized is that due to my own deeply empathic abilities and my propensity to meet or befriend people who are also deeply empathetic or spiritual…it’s like placing two frayed, live wires together and watching the electricity surge and form sparks. They can either be sparks of intelligence, inspiration, encouragement and love…or they can be  sparks of competitiveness, envy, confrontations and sensitivity.

It makes all the sense in the world that people who are extremely sensitive to their surroundings and energies, would pick up on the slightest slight. I am by no means saying that they way I feel or the way others feel in relation to me are insignificant or trite. Contrarily, they are at times insurmountable and daunting. It leaves the people involved questioning whether or not they’re crazy.

Questions one can ask themselves in such a conundrum:

“Am I too sensitive?”

“Am I feeling my own feelings or someone else’s?”

“Do I need to tailor my words and behavior? Should I ask someone else to do that for me?”

Those are questions to begin with.

I often wonder if I misunderstand the spirit and intentions of my friends. I surely believe that I’m misunderstood at times. Here you have two or more highly sensitive spirits, picking up on each other’s mental, spiritual, emotional and SOME times PHYSICAL pain. There’s bound to be moments when the intensity of raw emotion bubbles over into everyday communications. Maybe it’s better to be around people who aren’t as sensitive to the unspoken word as you may be. Perhaps that will foster better relationships that don’t breed contempt with passing time. I just know that it’s often work, communicating the intent and motivation behind what I mean…what I mean to SAY.

I just imagine two psychics in a room…so much clairvoyance, perception and highly sensitive and lighted vibrations…can you imagine the offense to be taken to each other’s deepest feelings? To each other’s SURFACE feelings? Think about it…for an average person, a surface feeling is just that. It’s skin deep, seasonal and fleeting. For someone who feels everything with abysmal depth…a “surface” feeling can become a misinterpreted slight. In order for each psychic in the room to truly feel one another with the truth, there has to be a give and take. A moment when one is tuned down as one is tuning in.

Or, maybe  I don’t know what I’m talking about. That’s entirely possible. lol

Either way…I’m trying my best to harness that which doesn’t require release and loosening that which does. Nothing hurts more than to hurt others unintentionally or otherwise. When friendships become difficult because of miscommunication, it can be hard to deal with. It forces you to look within, but more so, it can make you feel like alienating yourself…especially if it’s happening too often.

Just a short thought…

Peace, Scopers.

***BLOG NOTE: I wrote this like three days ago in the dawn hours…I just got around to pressing “Publish”. lol***

In My Feelings…or Not.

I’ve made a decision. I’ve decided to stop running from the truth of who I am. WHAT I am. I am what is called, an “Empath”…

It’s nothing eerie, mysterious or mystical. It just means I’m tapped deeply and highly into emotions and spiritual vibrations. It means, that what people around me feel…I feel. It’s not just emotions either…it’s the physical pains, aches…things of that nature.

Let me start by demystifying what an Empath is. I’m no witch, gypsy, or pagan ritualist. I am a human being with the capacity to feel and “empathize” strongly with other people. Click here to read a little on what an Empath is and goes through. (I’m sure you heard of the fact that humans on average use 8-10% of their brain’s capacity. Geniuses use anywhere between 15-25% or more. Think of what you would be capable of if those percentages increased.)

Anyway, as I was saying…

I often have moments where I meet eyes with people in public and I just start tearing up. I may see a couple and become overrun with emotions. It can be the happiest of feelings…or it can be sadness for what’s hidden beneath. It’s a burdensome gift at times. I get easily pulled into people’s dramas and lives because I am a sponge for emotional energy. Always the helper…I can be the one who sticks around when all the doors are blinking EXIT in neon red. I don’t like to quit on people, so I stay longer than what is required of me. What I’ve learned though, is that no one should be a “sponge” for anyone. Do you know what a sponge does? Of course you do. A sponge’s purpose is to clean, absorb and then be wrung free of it’s excess. That is it’s cycle. There’s no other life for a sponge…other than to dry up and become useless. I’ve also learned that sometimes it’s not really quitting…it’s self-preservation.

There have been times when I’ve just had to close off the outside world for a few days to get a handle on my emotions. I do NOT watch the news…a political faux pas to some…emotional stability to me. I’ve sat in heaves of tears after seeing news broadcasts with people being senselessly killed, raped, harassed…and it’s really killer to see a family member or friend being interviewed with tears streaming. I’m gone. Any thing can set off my emotions…so there are times, in order to distinguish from what is MINE and what is someone else’s…I need down time. I’m not somewhere tucked into tears. I’m listening to music, writing, watching a good comedy for laughs. I’m doing what I love to do in my spare time without intrusion. Sometimes, I’m just napping my way through…being Narcoleptic makes me even more susceptible to the emotions. High and deep emotions make me sleepy…and sleep repairs.

I’m glad that I have the kind of friends who don’t take personal, the time I take off. Rather than assume something is wrong between US…they make sure something isn’t wrong with ME. I’m outgoing, talkative and humorous most times…but, I reserve for myself the times when I need to decompress and shake off all of the tears, frustrations and trials of those around me. I know that when I’ve returned to myself…my friends and family return to me as well. That is important for a “feeler” and someone who has the ability to tap into things before they take place…to have a good support team. People who understand, recognize and respect their gifts.

I hope that this glimpse into me isn’t met with whispers of “she’s crazy” (I’ve gotten that WAY too many times to count). I hope it’s met with compassion for my compassion. If it isn’t…oh, well. This is who I am and I won’t apologize, clarify or mask it for someone else’s comfortability. I’ve been doing that way too long.