Ask And Ye Shall Receive

Dee and I in June of 2012

Hola, Scopers! I came to share something very close to my heart with you. It’s been a moment since I’ve laid anything bare for you all…so, here I am…blogging in the hopes that you all are reading and in the mind and spirit of reception.

I met my friend DeAnna last year in Boston, MA. She’d been “chasing” Phil Perry for a minute and when she knew he’d be in Boston at a Doubletree hotel’s lounge…she jumped at the chance to go. It was also a chance for us to meet. So, I hopped a train and met her there.  We enjoyed a weekend of getting to know each other [all over again] because though we were seeing each other in the flesh for the first time…we’d been friends for years through the internet.

From the moment I became acquainted with Dee or “Deedles” to her close circle of friends…she’s been one of my closest confidantes. She’s also always been a dialysis patient for the entirety of our friendship. In the time since I’ve known her, she’s been embattled with the task of fighting for her life. Surgeries, treatments, weight loss requirements., traveling to doctors AND holding down two jobs (now, one)…has been her daily struggle.

It actually seems as though her battle has only gotten ROUGHER within the last year.  She lost her father suddenly and has had several surgeries. You can read her blog “Sunsets, Streams and Afrosheen”  and see some very raw and uncut photos and details of her sickness.

Doing THIS for her…THIS meaning, this campaign to help offset some of the costs of her medical expenses…was a no-brainer. She’s my friend…my sistar…and someone who I’ve prayed for and worried over like family. I can’t even imagine the pain she’s going through, but I know that as her friend it’s painful to watch her struggle as a single mother, a kidney patient and a woman dealing with her own personal grief.

I know times are hard friends…I really do, I’m roughing it as well, but what I am asking is something I hardly ever do for anyone, including myself…which is bare my soul’s need to the public. Whether it’s $1, $5 or $10…or if it’s a gift of more…I ask that you consider giving to DeAnna’s cause. All of the expenses she’s incurred in just the last YEAR since finding a hospital in Chicago (she lives in Springfield, Illinois) has been astronomical for what it is she’s bringing home. She has a long way to go…a few more surgeries and lots of traveling to ready her for the point at which she can receive a kidney. (She was accepted to the National Kidney Transplant List!). We’ve received a few donations from some very giving and beautiful souls…but we have 102 days to reach her goal. I think 3+ months is enough time to get us at least HALF way to the goal. What do you think? Yes? 🙂

Click on the link to the donation site (it’s on the top left of this page, but because of how my blog is set up *lol* …I’ll post the link ————> here)

I want to thank you in advance, bless you always and love you much!!

Thank you,

Kiwi ❤

The Thirty First Day…

…Bonus Day: Pick a day you haven’t described and share

Well, first off…THANK YOU CHALLENGE TAKERS!!! I appreciate all of those who have participated (and are finishing up) for taking on this little blog exercise. Once or twice a year I try to take one of these on to bring about a myriad of goals. I strive to have consistency in writing, to blog things that mean something to each and every one of us on a personal level and for you who have a blog (or 5 like me) …it’s a way to keep your audience’s attention. I go so long between blog posts that it feels like a ghost town, but these challenges keeps the writer in me and the blogger some love…on their toes.

On to this last day’s challenge…

I had a lot of days that I didn’t get to share. In retrospect, I found a lot of days that could’ve been a part of this challenge…but, hey…hindsight is 20/20. Anyway. I’m gonna play a little bit of “The Day I met…” and factor in MANY days, Hey! It’s my DAY, I’ll dump a whole buncha days in iffin I wanna!!! O_O

I’ll do it chronologically for my mind’s sake. lol:

“THE DAY I MET MY INNANET FRIENDS”

la tres mariposas

Joy & Celeste: HA! I met Joy and Celeste on DECEMBER 6th of 2008! We’d been howdy-doodying online for a bit and decided to have a meeting of the butterflies. SO, Mama Butterfly, Butterfly Effect and the Celestial Butterfly met at Joy’s apartment in the Bronx and made a weekend of it. I ain’t gone tell y’all ALL of the debauchery and fuckshit that went down, just know…divorcing these two is NOT an option…we all know too much about each other. ctfu

OH, that sucka JOY? FIRST thing she said to me upon meeting me at the train station, “DAMN  Kiwi…you LIGHT-skinneded!!” yea…that is why I punch her every time I see her. lol

a diva and an almond

DIVA: I met Diva on an October weekend in 2009. (I think it was ’09). Anyway. Joy and I went to the airport, picked her up, hopped a taxi and headed to the SAME hotel I had my birthday weekend in 3+ years later! We had fun. We went to MAC and got make up, went out to eat, got drunk, talked shit, and had SOME one O_O send us a nassy pic to which we passed around like drunken college boys. lmaooo. GOOD times I tell ya…GOOD times.

three smexy summabiscuits

Maria: On the weekend of 911 in 2011, Joy and I met Maria in Times Square with her then-boo and we commenced to cut up. I got a little tipsy, but that’s par for the course. lol We ate, laughed, took pics around the table and had the best couple of hours we could fit in until Ria had to go. 😦 …it was on THAT weekend that I found out Maria ain’t THAT much taller than me. Yea, she thought she’d be towering over me. NOT. psssh…old delusions of grandeur type shit. lol

deebo and kali simpson lol

DeAnna: Me and Dee met in Boston, Mass on the weekend of June 29th 2012…because she was stalking Phil Perry’s schedule. lol She wanted to go somewhere she’d never been with someone she’d never met and I fit the bill. hehe. She invited me and paid for me to get to her. (Isn’t she a doll?) I got there first and waited impatiently for her. I kept looking out the door like, “Where the hell she at?”.  She’d had a delay and got there just in time to not be TOO late for Phil’s performance. We swayed and took pics of him in the dark *ctfu* and once it was over? I LOST her. She’d tracked that man down and I looked up to see that she’d snapped a pic with him. I turned my back for ONE minute…goodness. lol.

We also went on a boat ride, which was lovely…and found a reason to keep going to the concierge for the sinful chocolate chip cookies out of the magic ubbin behind the desk. Doubletree is the DEBIL for that. (I can taste ’em now…)

squeezing for a pic…wife, dat sucka and me. lol

Tina: I met my Wife [insider] on my birthday weekend this year.  The ORIGINAL plan was for Tina to come before the Christmas holiday, but we couldn’t get it together quick enough in that time frame. I suggested she come and spend my 40th with me [and Joy] instead. It was my 40th after all and I’d love for her to be one of the folks I shared it with. So the party snowballed from there. I swear, Joy, Tina and me are frickin CLOWNS. We stayed laughing the entire time. Tina got to meet some old friends of mine as well as my sis, cousin and godsis. We promised we’d have another chance SOON to do more cutting up.

I’m looking forward to not only spending more time with these ladies, but meeting MORE friends in the near future. I can’t wait to see who I meet next!! *singing* “Rolling with the homieeeees”

***did you all pick up on the running theme? once I met Joy…we rolled together meeting everyone else (except in Dee’s case). Ha! 

The Nineteenth Day…

…your favorite day of the week and why

It used to be Thursday (Cosby Show, A Different World…Must See TV and all that). It also was payday for a bit.

I used to love Wednesdays for the same reason (some kind of television program) …also, it’s the “hump” in the week…the exhale of the week where you finally can see the weekend on the horizon. (I was born on a Wednesday, too)

I’ll just say Saturday.

It was cartoon day as a kid with the line up of my faves: The Smurfs, The Littles, Scooby Doo, Thundercats, Jem!, Alf, Looney Tunes, Tom & Jerry (and Sundays were the day for Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse shorts between The Three Stooges).

..and even though it was also the day we cleaned the house top to bottom…it could ALSO be the day to go out and shop. PRIME time to beg for stuff from mom.

It was the day of the week where I could run OUT of my house and be FREEEEEEE!!!

It was for a time…the night of the week that new movies premiered on Starz! I live for new movie premieres. Don’t forget “Saturday Night Live”…I loved them since the days of Jane Curtain, Gilda Radner, Chevy Chase, John Belushi and Eddie Murphy. (Even though I don’t watch it that much anymore. I normally forget)

Saturday is also the day of the week referenced for my sign (Capricorn)…along with the #8…but, that’s neither here nor there. lol

Saturday or Sabado in Spanish…represent a day for “me time”…even though I know how to turn ANY day into that kind of day. lol

Saturdays are days I get to hang with my sistars. It’s also “Big Breakfast Day” in my house. It’s the one day of the week where I (and sometimes mom) will make a full on breakfast with waffles or pancakes or French Toast with meat (for her) and eggs (for me). Sometimes it’s home fries and ALWAYS coffee! ::swoons for cafe::

Yea…I still love Saturdays.

The Eleventh Day…

a pic of my boo…I stepped to the side so he could shine…

…a daydream you have often

Okay, be prepared to side eye me…

I have a full on, grown up, daydream that wears heels and thongs and walks with an attitude. My daydream could be a short story…

It starts with Laz Alonso. In my daydream, he’s my man. He brings me to all of his events…this time, I’m dragging HIM along, See, Oprah’s interviewing me on “Oprah’s Next Chapter” and she wants to know all about me and my books.

We sit on her couch, hold hands and he tells Oprah how I support him and make him feel like no woman ever has…and Oprah tells us the same thing she told Beyonce and J-Hud! “Don’t tell everyone your business…” and we promise to remain private. Oprah wants to know how I lost weight after the wedding and I just tell her, “All that good lovin’ Laz be putting down…worked it RIGHT on off”…even though…he wants me to gain some weight. He liked me better before. So we tell Oprah we won’t let nobody come between us and we’ll stay out of the spotlight.

…but, it doesn’t matter because everywhere Laz goes he waves into the camera and says hi to his “mami”…that is, when I’m not beside him, wowing the crowd. Folks saying, “That’s Kween…the author…her books are BANANAS!!”

The paps and press are yelling to get photo ops for both of us! “LAZ! LAZ!” “KWEEN, OVER HERE…KWEEN!!” and I pause. They click and BOOM, we’re off to an event.

When we’re not show-stopping, we’re home or on a vacation. We love to travel. Every other trip is one of our own. Last trip, Laz chose…this trip, I choose. We end up in Bora Bora and have a bungalow on the water. We do water activities and hike during the day…blow each others…minds at night. lol

We have a few homes. We live in L.A. mostly for his shows and movies. We have one in upper Westchester which is near my family and we have one in Miami…we’re thinking of buying a chateau in France. I love France.

This winter, we’re visiting my girl Joy and her husband, Jesse. They invited us over to celebrate the birth of their new baby girl. She’s gorgeous…looks just like me. hahaaa! We’re waiting for Maria and her man to bring they ass…always late, them two. If only they’d stop pulling over and getting it in they could make it some damn where on time.

My main home in L.A. is gorgeous…it overlooks Malibu Beach.  We have an infinity pool, a huge vegetable garden, fruit trees, tennis and basketball courts and a huge gourmet kitchen. Our bedroom is amazing and has two huge closets…his and hers. The bathroom is like another bedroom, but with a bathtub and shower.

Everything is beautiful here and I couldn’t be happier…except for the few times of year one of my exes hits me up wanting to know “How I’m durn…”

The Ninth Day…

…the day you discovered the Internet

Well, I got a computer in 1999…and was WAY too happy to be able to finally get on the net. I actually spent less time on the net and more time researching fun things. I had a love for surnames, so finding out what names meant had me geek-ed!

That computer was short-lived…some refurbished piece of shit that bit the dust. So, we got the PC of the moment…a Gateway. I got Britannica-wasted the first day. lol

I want to say that I truly got introduced to the internet in 2000. I found my sister online via AOL and she introduced me to chat rooms. LORDY BE, LORDY BE!!! That is the LAST place Kali needed to be. There I was in a chat room full of racist fools, hissing racial slurs and racial supremacy and I was NOT the one to fuck with. One dude was LIVID, I tell you…because I told him that Black people were NOT the true monkeys…White people were. I told him that take away the black hair and he’d see his grandfather. Small brains, larger cranium, white skin, big ears, thin lips, elongated torso, short pelvis and legs, extremely long digits and a barely there nasal passage…and VOILA…Grandpa Whitey! He left that chat room so quickly that I heard an e-door slam. LOL I told him that Black people had BIGGER brain mass, smaller cranium, shorter torso, longer legs and shorter arms. That we had natural melanin and less body hair, therefore…the primate known as a monkey was more HIS folks than mine!! hahaaaa

I had fun terrorizing racist and sexist assholes…it was QUITE the therapeutic outlet for a woman going through a tumultuous domestic abuse situation. I left my dripping venom on many a fool in those days. I traversed the chats and Black Voices scene, barely meeting anyone…just reading to see if I WANTED to.

Finally, my true segue into social media came via MySpace on 2006 when I got a page to my god-sister’s urging. It was also the year that I got SUPER cat-fished. The drama was STILL one, that to this day leaves me looking over my shoulder.

Later that year after the crazy person whose REAL name I do not know had left…I found [the now defunct] site of Yahoo 360. A friend I’d met on MySpace had lured me over and I was hooked. There I found friends and love and unveiled my poetry and found erotic writing tucked into my repertoire. From there we migrated to Multiply, which has now closed ITS doors.

I sometimes can’t believe how much has changed since the days of chat rooms and AOL’s “YOU’VE got MAIL”. The dude running…and running…and running…as you wait to be connected via DSL.

Dang…I feel old. lol

Le Birstay Blog

HOLA!! How’s everyone?

I know, I know…I’m soooo off this blogging game. I think it became sorta kinda tainted when they started making money off of it…before that, blogging was an art and was fun. Now, it’s about capitalism and we all know what happens once an art gets exploited…but, I digress…big time. LOL

My BIRTHDAY! Right! 🙂

I turned 40 on January 10th. I’d been super excited for my birthday. I’m ALWAYS excited about my birthday. I love birthdays…mine and everyone’s around me. I normally just chillax on my day and soak up my own personal “New Year”. I dig a peaceful existence, so I’m just fine w/the meal of my choice and a little sippy sip while sitting in front of the TV. lol

NOT this year though. I wanted to share my day with some special people…friends…ladies, who’d been there for me. People who have been on some part of my journey. It’s goes without saying that my baby sis has been there the longest, but she’s far from being the only one to be in my life…giving love, support and true friendship. My girl Joy has been quite the sister, too. She helped me organize this little kween affair and did a lot of running around to ensure that all of those involved were either safely arrived, comfortable or accounted for.

Joy & Kiwi
Our friend Tina came in from Maryland to visit…
See, it started out as a mere visit. Tina wanted to come earlier in December, but the planning (along with the pressures of the upcoming Christmas season) was a bit much. I suggested she come at a later date and immediately, my birthday popped into my head. She, Joy and I would hang out and do fun things AND celebrate my milestone birthday. LEGGO!
Kiwi & Tina
Before long…this plan turned into what I called, “Kween’s Kick-Ass 40th Birthday Weekend”. Originally, the plan was to see Times Square and show Tina the town, but as time passed things changed. One of the biggest was my injury. I somehow happened upon a meniscus tear and was given an immobilizer with crutches. I couldn’t have been more bummed. I had SO much to do to prepare for this weekend and not enough get-up-and-go. 
Somehow…SOME way…the more important details came together. I may not have gotten my nails done, or had the necklace I wanted or been able to stroll Times Square, but I had friends and family who loved me and wanted to bring in my 40th year breaking bread in my honor.
Meeting Tina was the highlight of the weekend. As happy as I was to see all of my lovely sisters/sistars/sistas…this one was special. Once again, I got to meet someone who’d earned a piece of my friendship heart from afar. TIna is as sweet and loving as I thought her to be PLUS more. The energy this woman emanates is nothing less than a positive aura with the glow of a crown. She’s easy-going, but don’t take NO shit…my kinda girl. lol Having her there was very special.
…but, so is my entire sista circle. 🙂
My baby sister (and twin by six years) came and brought along our godson’s mom, Aly…my baby sister from another. I knew she’d come, but didn’t know she’d come…but, knew she’d come. LOL It’s hard to explain. Just know that I was glad to see shawty roll up in what had to be 5″ heels…tryna be taller than me. lol
Monifa, Kiwi & Aly
My sistars Chante & Caprice showed…which was a given. These ladies just hop on trains and beat a path. lol …it’s always too long between visits…but, it’s good to know that there are folks in your circle where the love remains the same no matter HOW long it’s been since the last hug.
Caprice & Chante

Speaking of a LONG time between visits…my friend Vikki and I hadn’t seen each other since my grandmother died. That’s almost three years ago. It’s amazing how “life” gets in the way and time continues to expand between people. The thing is…that regardless of how long it had been, when thinking of those I wanted to share in my day with me…she was definitely one of them. I was happy to see her and grateful that she took the time out of her non-stop busy life to come out.
Kiwi & Vikki
My cousin Felicia showed up, too! I actually just met her in December and wanted to make sure that we used every opportunity to hang out. She blended right in and I was tickled by her ease with my friends. 
Felicia & Monifa
Dinner was at the Havana Cafe, a suggestion by Caprice. The food was good…the ambiance was nice as well. We had a momentary run-in with a rude hostess, but all was remedied and the night went smooth afterward. I mean, what do you expect? She had that Latina fire…but, I gotta little Rican in me so THERE!! LOL 
Havana fare…
Joy got my cake from “Make My Cake” in Harlem. Red velvet…and good!
Yum!!
I have to say…not all who were invited…made it. My girl DeAnna aka Deedles…couldn’t make it. Crazier thing…even thought it’s not WHY she couldn’t make it…she, too had a knee injury that required an immobilizer. 
My girl Maria couldn’t make it on such short notice. We both pouted about it, but she kept telling me to have fun for her. I tried. lol I may not have poured some licka out for her…but, I definitely made my drink strong in her honor. LOL
My girl, Tei was sidelined too…I swear, it seems all my closest friends of the heart…live the furthest from me. That’s the down side to finding friendships in cyberspace. The distance is a killer of party dreams.
Gina…a close friend of Tina’s and mine…was thisclose to coming, but couldn’t. She was sorely missed with the rest of the absentee ladies.
My LOCAL girls, Ayanna and Renee missed the festivities as well. In spite of living in the vicinity, the two ladies had last minute issues that kept them away. We’re gonna plan an outing soon though. I mean, my birthday celebration ain’t over. I think 40 DESERVES a whole month of recognition…don’t you think? 
I spent my ACTUAL day with the lady who brought me in the world. We had a simple lunch of pizza and she helped me get a couple of errands done for the weekend. I got cool cards and gifts and I felt like a spoiled little diva. lol …what more could you ask for?
I had a wonderful weekend…and I just pray that God blesses me with an equally stellar year. How about that…I COULD ask for more.
Love you…fa weel doe. 😉
Kween

The Next Level: Turning 40

Wow…

ME…Kween…will be 40 (God willing) on January 10, 2013. I will have lived four decades (almost half of a century) on this earth.

I’m not daunted about the age though. Not the fears that I’ll look back and wonder where my best years went, or ask myself what am doing with my life, or mourn the fact that I’ve yet to have children and most likely will not. (I’ve done that already).

Why cringe at the grace God’s given me? I’ll be 40 and will have survived these years with a healthy constitution  a roof and four walls, a circle of beautiful friends and a good, albeit…wacky…family. I’m blessed. I love who I am and what and who I’ve become. I’m proud of myself for having been consistent in friendships and personality and for having grown in the places that needed to grow. I pray I’ll live to see the age my great grandmother died at…91. Sounds like a good number. Hell, if I survive to see 81…the age my grandmother died…I’ll still have done this 40 thing, TWICE!

I have plans for my birthday. I’ve always just let my day pass without a thought to celebration. I used to wait around for people to surprise me (which happened once at the age of 30), but I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to own my entry into my fine forties and kick it off with a bunch of ladies whom I couldn’t imagine having anything but the best time with. There will be some missing from the fray…some by circumstance, others by choice…and perhaps…I’ll nod and sip to their part in my journey. What I do know…is that I am going to have a ball.

The weekend in question will boast dinner, drinks, fun and maybe even a little shopping…but mostly it will boast LOVE. The love for my friends and theirs for me. If I could invite EVERYONE and see to it that they all showed up no matter where they were coming from…I promise you, I would. What I AM certain of, is that the well wishes that will be in the room will be no more important than the ones I get from afar.

Wow…I’m turning 40 y’all…FORTY. Thank God and good genes for that baby face! hehehe!

I’ll be sure to chronicle the weekend so as to share my day with you all.

Until then…Peace and Kweenly Love

Hurricane Sandy, Numbers and Prayers

a pic made for one of the special ladies who wrote me gorgeous words on Monday




**Firstly, I’d like to say…God bless those who were severely hit by Sandy this week. I pray a prayer of recovery, comfort, healing and renewal. I thank God for those who came out of it alive and able to connect with their family and friends. Amen**

Where I live it’s a very mountainous and hilly area. There are few places here that suffer severe flooding, but with trees everywhere…we’re in constant danger of very large, old trees falling haphazardly. So far, all I know…were not hit. A couple of my friends in OTHER areas did suffer from trees hitting their homes, but thankfully they were not hurt.

We had a couple of brown-outs and had some flickering, lots of wind, and of course the temperature dropped. Other than that…Thank God, We’re here.

During the storm…in between the Internet going off and on I got online and was kept occupied by a #’s game on Facebook. It’s a game a lot of people love and loathe at the same time. Some complain about the flooding of anonymous messages in their feeds (I don’t see how that is any different than any other status, any other day…but, people ain’t happy unless they’re spewing misery onto others). Most enjoyed the fun of showing love and honesty about their friends anonymously.

Truthfully, I didn’t get many numbers in my box (I guess no one gives a damn what I think, lmao) and I didn’t place my number in anyone’s inbox who hadn’t already put one in mine. I didn’t want to get swamped with having to tell folks what I thought of them. I’m on some IDGAF mess and someone could’ve wandered into a shit storm asking me for my opinion. lol

However…I got some REALLY cool opinions. I mean, when you’re friend to most…you don’t always hear or see or feel how people view you. To have someone tell you beautiful things is a breath of fresh air. It’s not some weak need to be validated like some cynical folks would say. It’s about the fact that with anyone…you need to remind people what they mean to you because the “knowing” can get lost in the day to day minutiae. Having said that…here are the ones I got. I’ll keep them anonymous for the sake of the game, but if you happen to know us then you may already know. LOL

~

25555- I LOVES ME SO YOU! You are so encouraging! Whenever I’m down if you even sense it you drop the simplest line that truly makes a difference in my mood. I cannot wait to meet you in person and spend some sister time. You’re the epitome of a sisterfriend and I so wish you were closer. God gave you a warm caring heart and you share it with those who love you. Your prayers made a difference more than you know…. SMOOCHES BABY

~

#2139 Brought together by a liar and a cheater (I just sang that right there) You are my ninja!! I TOLD you we were gonna meet in 2012!! My zodiac sista, My sista from anotha mista, my spirit sista. 

I love that you have given me my space this year because I don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going half the time, but if something is REALLY wrong, I don’t even have to make a call because you’ve already seen and felt it. Unlike other folks, I’m not scared of you because it is the Spirit working through you.

I love you dearly and look forward to hanging out with you again in the future (hopefully the airlines won’t jack my travels up next time! I love you dearly and talk to you soon!

~

2139 Ughhhhhhh! THIS chick!
How you gonna be ALL up in my head? You know good and well that it’s ALREADY crowded in there with all my other voices. The only thing that I can think to say to let you know how much you have come to mean to me is…..I trust you! And you know how much me saying that REALLY means. You have been the beautiful surprise that I never knew I needed. We twin so much that sometimes it’s hard to remember who originally thought or said what. Thank you for being one of the few who have allowed me to dispense with the cape & who accepts & loves me….faults, weaknesses and all. You’re a beautiful loving soul who deserves someone just as amazing as you! Love you.

~

#2139.. Man where should I start… You are so special to me.. We had a little disagreement at first. Just cause the lines of communication wasn’t there. Then once we cleared the air.. You have BEEN ONE HELL OF A FRIEND.. As I struggle and have my days.. It is you who knows what to say.. Sometimes you don’t say nothing but listen.. I need that at times too.. We might not be close in miles.. But you sure as hell close to my heart.. You are a very loving person. Any person that have you in their life has a piece of GOLD.. Amazing, Beautiful, Loving, Honest, Caring, Artistic, Intelligent etc, etc, etc… Heck I can go on all day about you.. I ♥ you to pieces….

~

#25555, I think you’re an awesomely talented individual who can come up with some serious pearls of wisdom. Not only that, but you’re very pretty as well!

~

111000…
from the very first time i read something of yours i knew i had to keep reading.. i love your wit..i love how you love your friends.. you are you with no questions asked. you are kind,real, and i appreciate the silent support that you give me. i cannot WAIT to hug you! …oh, and i DO count you as a sister!

~

#111000…

My constant… 

My constant friend.
My constant support. 
My constant ear.
My constant sister.
My constant everything. 

You are the bestest! You listen to my bitching, my complaining, my love stories, my horror stories and you tell me what I NEED to hear, not what I want to hear. Not too many people do that and I need you to know that I appreciate and love you more than words can say. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

…and there you have it.

Love on a stormy night. Friends in anonymous rejoicing…giving each other positive affirmation of their cherished life force. Nothing is better than that. Loving people, being loved and being considered. These people reminded me that I’m doing something right.

On that night, we told each other we loved one another, we prayed for each other’s safety and we were stronger than even Sandy.

Peace and Love to you all.

Challenged

OVER IT!!
I think I did too many challenges back to back…

I left this last challenge (The Photo Challenge) in the dust like an abandoned child. I ALSO had a hard time remembering to TAKE the damn pictures everyday…and when I DID remember, I found nothing to snap pics of. It’s kinda hard to do that when you’re not walking to and fro. I used to and I’ve gotta get back to that, but between one of the worst winters AND summers we’ve seen in a while…it wasn’t fit for a dog or squirrel to walk out there. I did have my days that I just said “EFF it…” and walked but for the most part…it wasn’t happening.

I apologize for the BIG pause though. I had been on a roll for a few months…posting daily in one way or another and now it’s been this long ass hiatus (unannounced, no less) and I feel like I’ve let down my readers. God bless those who managed to stick to their challenges. You can check the side bar for “Dem Challenge Takers” for the ladies who’d been participating in several challenges. I’ve gotta make my rounds and be supportive…

Honestly,

I ain’t gave a damn in a while. I’ve been “living”. Enjoying family and friends…because guess what? ::inserting cliche::

Life is too short!

I’ve got family and friends who are suffering from a disease or disorder of some kind and have been sending up prayers nightly for those whose stories of affliction sit heavily on my chest. I’ve had sleepless nights for nothing more than a worry or concern of what they’re doing…HOW they’re doing. So, no…this challenge hopped, skipped and jumped WAY over my head.

I’ll tell ya what. If by some off beat chance…I take a pic that fits the bill, I will slowly but surely finish this challenge. BEAR with me, my people.

In the meantime…I’m prepping for this weekend. Gonna finally get to meet yet ANOTHER SiStar of mine…Ms. Maria. I’m very excited and therefore you MAY get a blog w/pics for this occasion.

Deep Peace and Kweenly Love unto you!

Friends nor Lovers





“I hope we can be friends…”


It’s the phrase most spoken when a couple breaks up. I’m not sure if the one speaking this even believes it’s possible. I’m almost certain that in most cases, this phrase is spoken so that they can allay their own feelings of guilt for breaking up with someone. Or perhaps they’re hoping that the person won’t be upset with them and that the “friendship” will give them a “free-to-return” card.


That’s it…


The friendship card…is played to keep the avenues of opportunity open. When someone breaks up due to dissatisfaction or boredom…they don’t want to cut ties altogether. It’s almost like they’re breaking up with the person to 1) Give the other party a chance to get their shit together…2) Punish them (which is a more malignant form of #1) 3) They’re too punk-assed to say I’m done with you completely, so they offer the person “visitation rights” to their company and 4) They ACTUALLY believe they CAN be friends. *guffawing*


Okay, so in SOME instances, friendship between estranged lovers CAN happen. In my own experience, it takes time though. You can’t hop RIGHT into the friendship. If you’re trying to maintain an active friendship daily with someone you were madly in love with 2 days before…er, um…hell nah. That’s you (and them) holding onto the relationship…hoping for a things to get better under the threat of ending things. It’s denial…full-fledged denial.


No one wants to start over…


No one wants to go through the preliminaries again. Getting to know someone from square one. The niceties are a breeze. The sweet nuances that bring love to the surface, sourced from the butterflies in your belly. That’s easy. The hard part is learning to let go again. Knocking down the walls, the etiquette, rules of engagement. 


~No farting
~No snoring
~No burping
~No clinging
~No nagging
~No displaying unfavorable qualities that might send someone fleeing in the opposite direction with jets on their soles…


Right? Isn’t that list of “things” the many things that a lot of us try to keep from showing the new love in the beginning? I mean, I don’t care HOW real deal you think you are…ladies NOR gents gets off with a SWEET “dutch oven” or an out of left-field “Where were you?”…without a side eye. ESPECIALLY if you’ve only been out a few times. You want to gain their endearment, their adoration and affections before you destroy the bathroom for the first time.


Also, no one wants to open themselves up rawly to the risk of hurt. Getting hurt IS the risk we take when opening ourselves to love…but, a lot of people would rather rumble with the devil they know than the devil they don’t. Who wants to put themselves out there again just to create a pattern of losing battles? No one wants to find out it’s THEM that is the recurring theme in a long line of bad relationships. No one wants to look in the mirror and be the unworthiness…that stigma…that comes with failed love lives. Ask Halle Berry, she is living testimony.


Regardless…because of these things and more idiosyncrasies…we often hold onto relationships that are often under the guise of friendship. Emphasis on the word “guise”.


Truth is…if your relationship ended due to the strain of betrayal, indifference, cruelty and lies…what kind of “friend” would they be? To me, the guidelines of friendship and love relationships are damn near the same. I apply almost the same standards to my girls that I do a man of interest (accept the sex and stuff). I actually hold my friends to HIGHER standards just because I understand how easy it is for men to lose focus.* My girls? Nah…I expect them to go to the mat for me just as I would for them. Friends are chosen family and that responsibility shouldn’t be taken lightly. My love? I expect him to do the same, but the truth is that men and women’s weaknesses to each other are way different than their same-sex friendships. You WILL most likely forgive an infidelity by a lover at least once in this lifetime, before you’d forgive the betrayal of a friend. Story short: Friends are supposed to have your back when all else fails and everyone else is gone…if your friend doesn’t do that, then why would you want to keep them around? Even if you found a way to forgive your friend, the friendship is never the same…so, why would you want to immediately transition an ex into a friend when they have no concept of true friendship? (Seeing as the best love relationships begin with the best friendships). Someone who can’t fathom the vulnerability, trust and honesty that goes into friendship can’t possibly muster up those same qualities for a relationship. The only incentive for them is the sexual intimacy that comes with it.


As I was reflecting one day…confiding in a friend…I said to her, “I’m pissed at him because he destroyed our friendship…we could’ve salvaged that if nothing else…but he took the whole ship down.”


Well, no…it couldn’t be salvaged. Not as it stood…not in that moment. I believe with time and forgiveness, a friendship can be cultivated again…but, only if it began that way. You need time and PLENTY of space or else, you’re not getting over them properly. Their presence as “friend” is really a security blanket and therefore no one is moving on…well, at least not EVERY one. He couldn’t be my friend again, because he wasn’t my TRUE friend from the beginning. He kept key information about himself from me, he put me in dramatic situations with other females (aka played them against me so that I wouldn’t know what he was telling them on the side) and he didn’t trust me with his heart…not really. That’s the important part…trust.


So, If you weren’t a good friend…then you’re probably not gonna make a good mate…and back again.


Friends nor lovers….treat you badly.






*I have since changed my perspective. I have learned that one of the biggest reasons why men are such repeat offenders is because WE women excuse their behavior. I believe that if a man has dare to call me his friend before the courting, he should be held to the same EXACT standards as your same sex or platonic friends. Friendship is friendship…even after it’s burgeoned into a love relationship.