Word 19: Lies

Lies…

“here lies the lie that lies lying where truth once lied…”
My mother always said, “If you’d lie…you’d steal.” As a kid I never quite knew what that meant. I always thought it was some off-color wives’ tale she’d told us kids to discourage lying to her. After all, just because I’d lie…perhaps to get out of something I’d done…doesn’t mean I’d steal. 
Then I grew up and I understood the foundation of a lie. The anatomy of a lie. I saw for the first time (whilst in a relationship built on the shaky legs of a liar) that a lie is INDEED theft. When you lie, mislead, deceive…you steal. You rob the person or persons of knowledge and therefore the rights to participate, accept, stay or leave. You sneak in and slip a burlap sack over that person’s confidence in you and you hold it for ransom; as long as you get what you want out of the deal…the confidence is “safe”
…but a liar can never promise safety. Nothing can be trusted in a person who would concoct a lie for their own purposes, voiding any truth that would bring their character into question.
Beware of Liar…beware of thieves who steal the truth and bury it with bones that later get dug up and carried, full of decay and the stench of dead intentions.

Looking Asses

I am taken aback…

That folks in their 30’s and 40’s are still playing mind games. That women who are grown and have children or just are GROWN…still pursue men on and offline like a cat in heat. That men who define themselves by the length of their dick, still act like children with no aim. I on the other hand…just wanna be at peace, live, laugh, love and learn. That’s it. Keep the rest.

Let me tell you…2011 is NOT the year to fuck with me. I’m not lying down for ANY bullshit. I WILL step and I WILL blast you! So many times before, I let etiquette and decorum dictate my steps. I’m over it. I’m STILL a lady…STILL a kween, but even a kween has to exact some action when fools start trying to infiltrate her peace of mind.

I had a convo with a dear sister friend and I was once again reminded how the lies of a MAN had tainted my online reputation. A site we used to be on had me looking like some desperate bitch who needed to be loved and wanted to be just like some other woman! WOW. I’m glad that I know who I am and I’m BLESSED that I have real friends who know better. I don’t sweat the small stuff usually, but this bit me on the ass in a hard way. I don’t feel that, believing in someone is desperate…it’s called LOVE you assholes!! Trusting your friends to keep your confidence isn’t VIOLATING or BETRAYING someone else…or being catty or being a bitch. If I’m talking to someone I call a FRIEND and they runteldat…that’s not MY fault…it’s Mouth Almighty’s fault. Contrary to the rumors and lies of little people with little else to do than discuss me…I don’t thrive off drama. Drama makes the underside of my breasts itch…keep that shit. One thing is for sure…if you wanna know if I said some shit…ASK…I PROMISE I’ll tell you if I did or didn’t, but if you’ve made up your mind already that I’m some petty bitch…then stay over ——>THERE!!

Anyway, I find that some of the same people who were in my circle then made it over to Facebook with me and honestly…I know there is this dark cloud that follows me. The only way for the myth to be dispelled is for folks to be enough of an independent thinker to say, “Hmm, I wanna get to KNOW her…”. Otherwise, it’s like a red letter sloppily stitched onto my chest. Truth is, EVERY guy online who I’ve ever been “involved” with…pursued me. They had to CONVINCE me that they really were interested and wore me down after months of convo. I’ve never…EVER seen one dude and been like, “Let me roll up on that.” Nope. I mind my business…and then because these men on the Internet have a gang of stans…I end up the bane of some bitch’s existence because she thinks I’m a threat. One thing I’ve NEVER done is befriend someone so I can see how close they are to my love interest. If you’re still doing that in 2011…

GET A FUCKING LIFE!!!

I ain’t ask dude to holla…
I ain’t ask dude to rope YOU in…
I ain’t ask dude to lie to you…
I ain’t ask for none of it!

Take your LOOKING ASS…and SAT down! Leave me alone. You REALLY won’t like me if I gotta tell your ass that shit again!

Privacy or Secrecy?







What is the difference between privacy and secrecy? Well, privacy is about guarding your personal life and secrecy denotes a sense of duplicity. They are not interchangeable. They ARE two different things.


I have heard a lot of my friends tell me that their men have insisted on protecting their privacy from the online community. The men don’t want to list their status…or aver their emotional affections for them online. There are many “reasons” given:


~ There are haters online who aim to break us up…
~ The last woman I dated betrayed my trust and our lives were broadcasted…
~ No one needs to know but us…


Yea…


Pure constipated bullshit! 


Proclaim!
Provide!
Protect!


A man is to proclaim a woman as his. He is to let the world and anyone in sniffing distance know that this one particular woman is his lady. A man who is interested in something past sex will definitely “piss on a tree” to let all other roaming men know that his woman is off limits. He speaks of her openly and even if he doesn’t gush…he draws lines between himself and other women that are clearly visible. He doesn’t act independent of his relationship. He considers her even when she’s not in the room. I believe that a person…male or female…should ask themselves TWO things before doing or saying something when their mate isn’t around.


“If my [wo]man could see/hear me…would they approve?” and “How would I feel if I knew they’d done/said this to someone else besides me?”


A man is to provide. Perhaps not necessarily in the archaic sense…where she’s a housewife and he’s the breadwinner (unless that’s their arrangement). More so…it’s a provision of love on every level. Not just financially, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. It’s about giving her what she needs (as she gives him what he needs as well) and being a supportive and interactive part of the relationship.


Protecting her…is as much about shielding her from hurt and unnecessary struggle…as it means a physical sense of protection. It’s about being loyal rather than cheating when it’s bound to hurt her to discover that betrayal.


I personally find that when a  man or a woman constantly begs for privacy in a relationship, he or she is hiding their lover for a reason. Whether they’ve got other options that they want to keep lined up,  they’re ashamed of their mate, or they have no interest in being 100% committed to that one person. 


That is where secrecy comes in…


This secrecy masked as privacy is common.  A man with a veritable pantheon of women on his list is reluctant to declare allegiance to ONE woman out of the fear that his band of ego-stroking fans will cease their adulation of him. He’ll be forced to deal with the affectations of ONE woman and be vulnerable to ONE woman’s power over him. I mean, do you know how hard it is to relinquish control/power to another? Poor men…they feel conflicted. How do they maintain their mack personas while appearing to be whipped/controlled/caught up by this one she-devil who just wants to strip him of his manhood…his ability to reel in biddies like a pied piper. ::end sarcasm::


Ultimately, I feel that men and women alike should be honest. Yea, I know…that’s too much like a right angle on a triangle…but it’s a thought. If you don’t want to be in a relationship where you’re open and honest about being exclusive then why be with someone? Why not opt to “date” or screw casually? Why go on and on about loving someone (and only them) yet feeling the need to deny them publicly? I am all for keeping the relationship between you and them…an intimacy protected from prying eyes and whispers…but come on. Eventually, the cat is out the bag and a man and a woman in love will begin to spill over and show how they feel. It’s not cool to avoid, deny, deflect and use sneaky tactics to keep your supposed loved one under wraps. I’ve been there. I’ve had someone go as far as to say they loved me and wanted to marry me but never told a soul past a few people that really didn’t matter. Folks who never met me. Who DID matter…was his mom, brother, etc. His family looked at me as his friend and to this day I was nothing more. YET, he wanted me to tell my mother and sister about his marriage proposals and ring. Interesting right? Not really…more like a con game…and something like a “reservation” to keep me waiting for him with bated breath. ::exhaling::


Anyway, a good dose of privacy is required…but playing dodge ball with your relationship is NOT cool. Someone will PROUDLY shout to those watching, haters and all…”I LOVE THIS PERSON”. Anything else is some high school punk shit. 


I’m out…

Dia Cuatro~ Something I Have To Forgive Someone Else For



*sigh*


I don’t know y’all…this truth thing is getting serious. I don’t know how anyone can do this and not be raw dog honest. Maybe that speaks to who I am as a person (Thank God for His influence)…but, I can’t just say that I’ll tell the truth and then tiddlywink this challenge. So, I inhale and exhale as I form the courage to speak from the heart…


When I was with my ex of 8 1/2yrs…it didn’t take me long to forgive him for the hell he inflicted. He was an addict and having come from an addicted dad…I understood the disease. The forgiveness came from a place of understanding. I understood that he wasn’t lucid. He wasn’t always responsible for his own behavior due to being under the influence.


What’s the excuse for someone seemingly sober? I say seemingly, because I never laid eyes on him. I don’t know if he was an alcoholic or a drug addict or a sex addict or addicted to lie-telling. All I know is that I spent almost 3yrs waiting for him to make a move he never had intentions on making. Sure, he’ll say he did…but, actions are the definition of love…not words. Affection…the act or state of affecting (a verb), influencing, giving a display of emotion. This dude lied about his “love” for me. He lied about the ring he sent, the love he claimed, the time he promised, the life we planned…and guess what? I’m okay with that. I’m over the concept of being is woman, needing his love, expecting his presence.


I’m not quite sure I’ve forgiven him for the senselessness in which his lies were rooted. I always say, “We could’ve remained friends…” but, I know that friends don’t do what he did. Friends don’t pretend to love you and then play you against other women behind your back. Friends don’t DO what they’re doing…and then turn around and TRY to make you feel like it’s your “crazy” mind and not his crazy lies. I’m having a hard time with that one. Knowing what was going on in spite of his denial of such…was my comfort. To have him often accuse me of being “insecure” and “needing tangibility” (um…what the fuck? Yea…dude…you live in Alabama. I live in New York…damn right I want some tangibility. Were we going to get married via phone? Send our specimens to the lab and have test tube babies and mail them to and fro? Live in an e-home, take e-vacations and have e-sex?) was often a slap in my face.


Yea…just thinking about that stuff makes me shake my head. I don’t even hate him. I really don’t. There’s a space of love for him within my heart…right along side other humans I care for. I just wonder how a person could tell such intent and disruptive lies and smile in public like it’s okay. How can you dismantle someone’s heart and without conscience…turn around and try and convince them it’s their own fault? That seems cruel to me…which is something I’ll never wrap my mind around.


I’m almost there…but on a rough day, I feel like kicking the proverbial door in on someone’s life and exposing the truth of what he’s done.


Most days…I’m just fine. EVERY day, I’m better off without him.

~In The Clouds~

Here’s a word or two to the not-so-wise. The “wise” don’t NEED a word…so riddle me that. I digress…my apologies.

Marriage…is for the marriage-minded. Need a clue? Well, the marriage-minded are in the state of marriage before they ever enter and say “I do’s”. The ceremony and license are just that…ceremonial. It’s the religious or social declaration of commitment ALREADY present. One day on Twitter, I saw a quote that @RevRunWisdom tweeted. He said, {loosely translated} that if a woman wanted to BE a wife, she had to be one before even being proposed to. To be in the mind state…is the key. So, if you’re considering marriage…yet, you’re still “pitching woo” to others, needing and meeting others of the opposite sex for “friends” and haven’t shed the so-called freedom that so many cling to…you are NOT marriage-minded. Marriage is not for the selfish. It is for those prepared and EAGER to begin a life with someone who they not only can live with…but can’t live…WONT live without. I said the other day…fighting = sacrifice. When you fight for love, you fight for it sacrificing the things you THINK you need for the one thing you KNOW you need. For me, truest freedom is found in a true love where you can be yourself. You don’t have to hide your weaknesses. You don’t have to build yourself up. You are from the nucleus of you…everything you are and aren’t. You are that without apologies when with someone who sees you and loves you…regardless. Marriage-minded people, understand that friends/associates come and go…and that the true ones will support your step towards marriage. They will RESPECT your union and support your union. After all…I don’t think married folks mingle well with single ones. Unless you as a married person have single friends who love you as a unit…there could be drama and circumstances that may leave you in temptation or make you feel the need to “prove” who you are.

Single…is for the single-minded. It’s when you’re okay with being single and are not looking for commitment. It’s also a game that should only be played by the honest. Single people tell other single people, that they don’t want anything more than to date, have sex, or other activities that don’t require being coupled up. Single, is EVEN quite possibly…having an exclusive “partner” but not putting labels or expectations onto the relationship. As any situation grows and changes…the parties involved should be honest about their intentions, change of heart and/or growing attachments. If you’re sleeping with more than one…say that. When you lie to someone about your interactions, you’re robbing them blindly of the choice to invest in you or not. SOME folks are game to do whatever…as long as there is honesty. If someone chooses to walk away, that is their right…but holding on to “prospects” for future marriage/commitment…is selfish and a flagrant violation of their trust.

If you’re not ready to be honest with your partner, put in the time to bring about a unified sense of intimacy, and have no intentions on following through with promises of monogamy, etc…you need to be single. If your thoughts are you first, and your mate AFTER the fact…you need to be single. If you’re loving one person, finessing another, romancing another, making plans to kick it with the next…you need to be single. I have had married people tell me that their mate is their ace. They have LOADS of fun, great sex and good communication. They work together like a Swiss timepiece…ticking in sync, on the moment with accuracy and grace.  Marriage is NOT the end…if you’ve chosen the right mate. One who is compatible to you…who is down to have fun with you and give you the freedom to be true to self. If you’re using past experiences to hesitate towards true vulnerability, trust and communication…you are indeed swinging what is called “baggage”. Work that out before you couple up and start waltzing toward, around, near but never AT the altar. All marriages aren’t good ones, otherwise there would be few to no divorces, but it takes work from two willing participants…committed and unified in the choice to be together for their life’s span. 

Again, honesty is the best policy…and remember…what is done in the dark comes to the light. NEVER be so confident you’re flying under the radar that no one can find out what you’re up to…because {and this is that word to the not-so-wise}…if you’re doing things surreptitiously, dubiously, sneakily, with the hopes of getting away with something…you need not be doing it and need to be SINGLE. Free yourself and be honest…and you could live freely to do what it is you like. Marriage and single hood…is a mind set. Where is your mind at? If it’s in the clouds and you think you’re not noticeable to those around you…remember…while your head may be in the clouds out of sight, your body is still earth bound and bare to the eye. You’re not hiding from anyone but yourself…and that is the saddest part of all.

Blah Blah Blah

Growing up, I remember how my father used to promise me things…and then disappoint. I always felt like he was REALLY gonna come through. Then at the last possible moment, he’d almost indignantly shrug his shoulders and say something like, “Kali…I had to do other things!” or “Kali, please don’t be mad baby…next time”. I would get so damned mad. I mean, as a kid what is the worst thing that can happen to you except getting your hopes built up high for the colossal let down? Gonna get that extra $20 this allowance…NOT. Gonna get to go shopping for those sneakers everyone else has…NOPE. Gonna take you to the Statue of Liberty…yea, ok. Over and over again, I got promised the world and got let down damn near every time. I remember being 15 or 16yrs old and once AGAIN, my father’s promises disintegrated into thin air with the night’s breeze. I don’t remember exactly what he’d promised…all I know is he didn’t come through. We lived in the projects…a building away from each other. He and my grandmother in one and my sister and I, in the other. We started out at his house and because it was night time, he chose to walk us home…me fussing the entire way as to why it was so unfair that he lied to me…

*sidebar* I have no problem disclosing that my dad at that time was addicted to drugs/alcohol. He has since been clean for the past 13yrs AND keeps his promises! 😉

…so, my father is getting irritated and begins to brush me off. I too, frustrated as hell…get irritated. I walk ahead, mumbling under my breath while my dad is walking with my sister who was about 9 or 10. We get into “our” building and as we wait for the elevator he tries to calm me with apologies and more promises to make up for the other broken ones lying at my feet. I tune him out. The elevator arrives and he kisses my sister goodbye and attempts to lean in to me and I back away and put my hand up. He says, “Alright, Kali…bye.” My sister and I step into the ill-odored space, press 6 and watch him close the door and walk away. Now, if you don’t know…in most PJ’s there was the door that slid…and the one that opened first. Right before the sliding door closed, I kicked the one that opened…but, instead of it swinging open and back…it fell off the hinges. This STEEL DOOR got kicked off the hinges. Now, my father was barely in the safe zone. That door fell RIGHT at his heels…missing him by a mere inch or less. He said, “What the fuck? Are you crazy?” Not so much because he almost got cartoon hammered into the lobby floor, but because he most likely couldn’t fathom his teen daughter kicking a door of that weight off it’s hinges. My sister started to get scared…me, I’m even MORE pissed. This means…I’ve got to walk 6 flights of stairs to the apartment. The entire way, he’s yelling and cussing and scolding and blah blah blah. I get in the house and he tells my aunt what happened, and she puts her 2 cents in. By that time, I am so NOT fearing anyone’s discipline. Fuck it, I’m tired and done with half-assed behavior from adults who want full-assed behavior *lol* from me. Ultimately, I don’t get any real punishment…accept walking up the stairs another day. (btw…funny that on my way to school the next morning, I hear the custodians, who are now picking up the door; asking who in the world would tear the door off, while I proverbially whistle and scurry by) LMAO.

I, to this day…cannot stand a liar…a breaker of promises or whats more…an EMPTY promise maker. Someone whose intentions fall short in THOUGHT. Someone who makes promises to keep a situation at bay or to seem like they’ve got it all under control, when they know that they don’t possess the wherewithal to complete the thought let alone the promise. As adults, you have the ability to do one of two things when making a statement. Tell the truth…whatever that shall be…or LIE and know that with each lie, promise, fallacy…your character diminishes. In the final moments…it is YOU that looks bad and has no credit. BAD credit…to which steals your ability to get big ticket items…like TRUST and RESPECT!

Just keep it real. With that…I bring you a song by Mr. Chap f/Slim Breeze “Blah Blah Blah”…enjoy..lol

For more widgets please visit www.yourminis.com

Internet Intentions

This thing we’re on…this forum we’re in…it’s the Internet. Oh, you didn’t know…well, lemme show you around. We have Internet shopping for the person who is addicted to shopping without the fuss and muss of being in a store or on a line. We have Internet School, for those who find it more convenient to get their education online and out of life’s way. Oh, over HERE, we have Internet games…they’re addictive, so steer clear if you have too much idle time. There are social sites for young people and older people. Some juvenile, some jazzy and mature (like Luvy’s Lounge) and some are just hotbeds for drama and ignorance. Watch out for stalkers and those waiting to scam you for whatever is in your bank account. *phew*

So, now that you’re acquainted…let’s take you back to the social sites. The sites meant to help connect people in this technological world, where everything is fast-paced and microwave. A lot of these sites generate cool connections for people who haven’t been afforded opportunities to mingle in their areas. Some of these people are socially stunted and don’t know HOW to mingle. Some prefer computers to people period…well, they too are socially stunted. Nonetheless, we are all here for SOMETHING. I’ve learned the hard way that people are not always who they claim to be and that you have to be careful who you give away your info to. Not everyone is here for the sake of peaceful and beautiful connections.

Now, these sites are and can be responsible for bringing together two people who may have never met otherwise. So many people date in their areas and come up empty-handed after dating and dating and dating. Finding love online has become as common as going to a club and buying someone a drink. Unfortunately, not everyone online is interested in participating in an adult exchange of honest intentions. Some people use it to gather booty calls and long distance “pen pals”. Men and women, using each other as ways to pass the time, to not feel lonely or to use for one thing or another. I think its deplorable that a person would tell another how much they mean to them, how special they are, how they want to live the rest of their life with that person only to be optioning out to other females/males in the same forum. Pitting folk against one another so that they don’t ever come together and figure the scam out…that they’re one of many. With so many men AND women empowered to freely have sex without commitment and strings attached, one wonders why they don’t all find each other and commence to doing what it is whores do. Why drag an innocent person into your games? Why lie to someone and toy with their heart, for your own personal gain?

So many guys and girls have strung people along and made them think love was on the horizon…only to back off the closer it became a reality. That is so weak…and it is so unfair to the person who has put their heart on the line for love. People REALLY need to be more careful…you never know whose life you may be destroying. Everyone isn’t detached from emotion like the pimp-like individual perpetrating a fraud.

I would hope that as adults, we begin to behave more as they would expect someone to treat them…and not oblivious to the feelings of others. If you want to be friends or more…that should be what is displayed and offered.

What are YOUR Internet Intentions?

Promises, Promises

I need answers. Someone tell me what is wrong with the men of the world? Ok, maybe not the world…but at least MY microcosm!

A lot of women are SO sick and tired of men and their promises and proposals. Wait, lemme explain. See, I know someone who has a few male friends. She’s been kicking it with them for about a year or more. A few she’s been cool with for about 2 years. They’ve always been respectful, even in the midst of flirting. Now a few of these dudes have always expressed interest in sex with her…but, she’s no hoe…so, she don’t just sleep with dudes by request. There’s gotta be some kind of bond…or at least a chemistry that can’t be ignored. Anyway…tell me why when she’s got her feelings wrapped up in someone do they all NOW want to express some interest? Is that some kind of male ego thing? Where people pursue the seemingly unobtainable? I mean a couple of these dudes have been fussing at her for putting them on the back burner for the one she loves. She’s like, nah…when you COULD’VE pursued her you chose friendship for one reason or the other. She accepted that friendship and now you want her? UGGGH!

…OR is that you want to CONQUER her? *scratching chin* See…theres always that dude who is gonna try you. He’s gonna tell you how if HE had you, he’d love you WAY better than the other dude. “You’re such an inspiration and if you were MINE, I’d cherish you and take care of you…” blah blah blah…and the drivel goes on and on.

I think its wack when some guy decides to play emotional games with someone to gain some sort of leeway with them. Making empty promises about how they’d be the better guy for you. I find it to be a weak quality. How about respect that man that has her heart. We can respect your mack if you tell the truth. Be honest and say, “Look…I wanna screw you” That way, the chick you’re talking to doesn’t begin falling for a facade, dream, oasis…all to realize they were just a challenge. You’d be surprised who is willing to have sex with you regardless of intention or circumstance. Try the truth and not some convoluted story and promise of eternal love and bliss. It’s demeaning, disrespectful and damaging to someone with fragile sensibilities.

Number ONE, guys? Get over yourselves. You’re not making some ladies’ day by flattering them to the point of sickness. Besides, you’ll only quit once you’ve captured her…and another dude will be singing your song. Two, grow the hell up…man up and find a woman on the right grounds, instead of playing hump-a-girl…ANY girl. I guess its that whole priority over option deal, huh? If you bypass a chick you really dig…its probably because she’s an option of many. You fear the whole settling thing…or you just wanna have your fun. So, when she moves on…accept that and kill the cock-blocking. Okay?