Word 28: Shoes

Shoes…

I think of this word as less noun and more proverbially. So often I find people questioning the lives of those they see…people whose shoes they’d kill to walk in.

I”ve seen a pair of BAD ass shoes and even if I thought they were stylish and something I’d wear if I could, I’m aware that I can’t walk in heels over 2 1/2″. I can LIKE someone else’s shoes…covet them, even…but, if given an opportunity…could I successfully walk in them? I’d most likely fall and bust my ass.

We see people’s lives and ask, “I wish I was him/her…” but whatever it took for them to get their shoes…you don’t know. They could have worked EXTREMELY hard to get their shoes…or they could have been handed them as a gift…OR it could have been obtained in an ill-gotten manner. Stolen…cheated.

My shoes are mine, broken in by me, fitting my understanding, You may not fit mine and I may not fit yours. We could wear the same size and still not be comfortable in each other’s shoes.

I like my shoes. I think I’ll keep the ones I’m wearing. Someone else might have Athlete’s foot or something. lol

The Problem With People

What’s been keeping me calm…sketching

I don’t know why…or the precise “when”…but the part of me that used to LOVE people and everything to do with connections…is at a standstill.

I’ve found myself less tolerant of people’s idiosyncrasies. Do I have some of my own? Sure, but we’re not talking about me. We’re talking about me in relation to people and their ways. lol

Here’s a short (or possibly long) list of things that have me questioning an escape to another life sustaining planet:

  • Common sense has eluded most humans; online and off
  • Self entitlement, arrogance and disrespect are commonplace. Generosity, humility and respect are rare commodities…just above common sense
  • Friend is the new Associate is the new Stranger…
  • A C C O U N T A B I L I T Y is another rare commodity in the ‘game’ of love/friendships
  • Hard-headed muhfuhs. How can you live a life NEVER being in the wrong, NEVER listening to leadership. NEVER caring what you do to others…yet, expect all that you NEVER give from EVERYONE? I’ve found that a lot of people prefer to “move on” and attempt to build new friendships rather than apologize for their part in past failed friendships. Until you deal…you’ll be making the same mistakes over and over.
  • Very few respect the concept of boundaries. When to quit. Where to draw the line. How to know their place.
  • The internet has made “stars” out of people; I’m all for a successful following…what burns my last piece of toast is when people place themselves above the very following they need to be a star. A lot will say, “I don’t need anyone to validate my awesomeness…”. I’d say, “I beg to differ my attention thirsty friend…”
  • There are a dying breed of free thinkers who haven’t had the chance to pass on their sagacious ways to the folly of fools. All that has done is left us with a band of idiots…in most cases…leading the way
  • Negativity: Negative feelings. Words. Actions. Such HATEFULNESS among humankind. It’s so ugly.
  • Superiority Complex: There’s such an epidemic of elitism going around. No one wants to be the commoner, but the truth is…we’re all commoners with material things being the deciding factor of importance. We live in a capitalist, superficial and materialistic world and it’s given many people the idea that they are above others because of one thing or another. Whether that thing is money, looks, or station…people seem to be constantly looking down their noses at SOME one. How small of them…
I know that seems like a lot of complaining…and it is. I’m not here to excuse away my feelings. This is my own personal blog and its purpose is to serve as my sounding board. I feel like the best thing I can do for myself and others is to remain low key. Until the feeling I’m experiencing subsides, it’s best for me to sit quietly and use that energy to recharge my temperance.
The truth is overall…I don’t EXPECT people to do right. I only HOPE that they can see their influence, their impression…their effect on others. I try hard to be cognizant of my behavior and how I come off…but, I’m not perfect either. I do wrong. I make mistakes. My only hope is that anyone within reach of my wrongdoing would be honest with me and tell me where I’ve gone wrong. Other than that…I’m living to the best of my ability. I’m working EVERY day to be the kind of person God can smile upon with a father’s pride.
…that’s my problem with people.

Hypocrisy: Two Tongues

I suppose eventually…or at some point in the past…we’ve all had a hypocritical moment. You know what I’m saying. You say one thing or do another…or worse. You judge someone for something you’re doing or have done…with a straight face.

Hypocrisy is one of my biggest pet peeves next to lying…probably because it IS a form of lying, It’s unbecoming to present a face that has two sides…a tongue that is forked and a mind with dubious intentions.

Daily, folks present Christianity when most of what they say and do has nothing to do with God. I know folks who will go to church as long as the doors are open and yet still are rotten to the core. Folks who’ll treat their own family like shit and then turn around and be “charitable” to the church’s family. I thought it began at home?

Respect me! Love me! Consider me! Support me! Embrace me! Tolerate me! Give me!

…yet, those are the very ones who respect nothing. Love with convenience and condition. Support only themselves and whom support them. Embrace only those who benefit them. Tolerate nothing…give little. Yet…want to be heralded as a child of God and a friend and lover of people. Boo! Boo, I say!

How do parents form such resentment for children that have done nothing but be good children and have brought them very few if any sorrows? How do they feel that even in their child’s adult life, they have the rights to belittle them, undermine their lives, disrespect their choices and give guilt trips? I can’t ever and won’t ever understand how selfishness is lauded while generosity is punished. I can’t get how a person wants to be honored as the parent but has no consideration for the child. They speak to the world like loving parents and hiss at their progeny in private. Ugh.

Folks want you to, be accountable for your actions in hurting THEM, but have no memory of ever wronging YOU. Apologize, but no apology returned.

Check on me, see how I’m doing, give me love? Yet, where are your thoughts of kindness? Where’s your show of concern?

Blah…

I don’t like people right now. I can do without speaking to people for a LONG ass time. Reason being, I don’t have the patience anymore in my near 40 year old life to show people how to be. Some shit should be inherent…especially if you demand a certain level of behavior.

Take the words out of the corners of your mouth and speak forwardly and deliberately with a kind tongue and thoughtful mind. Stay true to yourself and be kind to yourself, but remember…self-love isn’t just about YOU. It’s about drawing to you the kind of people you desire to share your energy with. So being true to YOU…is ALSO…being true to others.

Wondermentals: I See You

“I see you…”

It’s something I’ve been saying for years now. It’s how I let those whom I come in contact with know that I can see their spirits…feel them to the core.

Since I was young, I could “see” people. I sensed a lot as a child and often got chastised for responding accordingly…even though it was seen as disrespect. Like the man who was married to a friend of my grandmother. I could smell the strange on him. As soon as he’d enter the room, I’d hide. I’d find a place to be other than around him. His smile was creepy and I couldn’t bear to let him touch me. Once, my grandmother sent me to her friend’s house for an hour or two. He asked me to come to him and I took off like a bolt! They couldn’t find me for the longest. I could hear them calling my name and getting worried that I’d left the house. Finally, my grandmother’s friend called me for the last time and I could sense she was worried. “Kali, please…he’s gone.” She knew I was afraid of him…and I believe she knew why. I came out of my hiding space…but, I begged my grandmother to NEVER send me there alone. Years later it would be discovered he was a child molester.

That’s how it’s always been. I see you. Even when you’re trying to hide your fears, insecurities, intentions, feelings… and secrets. So many have come and gone and colored me naive or clueless…but, I remain in people’s lives on God’s will and not theirs. People will never understand how I can KNOW a person has dubious intentions and still want to be around them and remain involved as a friend or otherwise. It’s because I know that no one is one thing only. I also understand that sometimes there’s much to learn. From them to me…and vice versa. To this day, I’ve regretted not one relationship or friendship because I know that I came out of it a better person, learning something in it that I didn’t know before. I’ve been to places because of people and grown leaps and bounds because of people. We’re a connective unit of souls. We thrive on the heat of spirit and the glue that is experience and bonding. Not one person has crossed my path that I haven’t learned from. I only hope that I’ve struck a positive nerve in others. I’ve lost many people in my life because they didn’t quite like what I saw. Sometimes your ability to see past what they’re portraying is too much. So be it…such is life. I hope it’s encouraged them to live truly and not in the bondage of fallacy.

What inspired this blog was that on Facebook, I scroll for minutes on end. I see the vague rants, the DIRECT rants, the turmoil and struggle, the joy and celebration, the judgment and hatred, the bitterness and cynicism. I see it all…I absorb most and discard the rest. It’s how I learn who is just my Facebook associate and who has the potential to be a lifelong confidante.  I see people pretend to be happy and hide behind the Bible. I see those who don’t yell their beliefs from the Internet’s mountaintop…yet, have the deepest, realest hearts. I’ve seen people claim to be a part of the Lord’s house and have nothing to say but surface, superficial idleness…bragging, boasting and preaching about how the masses can get what they’ve got…if only. I’ve seen those humbly speak to their Facebook family with love and true humility and are blessed immensely in family, friends, the comfort of a humble home and humbler income. I see so much. I see those with their huge vocabularies and small minds. Some with their hypocritical testimonies of love and second chances…and judge from lofty perches of intolerance from cliquish circles of like-minded friends.

I see a lot. The only thing that I try to do is to learn how to be and how not to be. I want to beam genuineness and earnest intention. I try hard not to use my worries and woes as a means to tear down others. I’m happy for new and seasoned lovers. I’m happy for new babies and homes. I tear up when I see pictures of people’s children who I’ve had the privilege to see grow into super kids from expectant bundles of joy.  I pray for those who seem to be on a twisted path. I pray for those on the RIGHT path…to continue onward to where they’re supposed to be. When people get raises, promotions, engagement rings, lose weight, gain degrees and find their purpose, I yell “YAY” with them. When they lose family or friends, get sick, lose hope and feel defeated…I whisper love and give them hugs as I stop in the middle of everything and pray. Do I care if they know? Nope. I surely don’t. I see how affected I am at others’ lives and wonder if anyone is remotely touched by mine.

What I see…is that as people…we’re ever-changing. We’re constantly revealing ourselves as we hide our fears. Concealing ourselves with conspicuous mantras. Some of us are faking it until we make it…some of us are doing the best we can to be the truest us.

Sight isn’t just ocular. It’s aural. It’s organic. It’s sensory. It’s innate. It’s something we can tap into…as long as we’re willing to see us as we’re viewing others. The best sense of sight is heightened in the acknowledgement that we are exactly what we’re viewing. Whether it’s in past tense, present or future tense or simply a small glimpse into what we could be if we let ourselves. We’re sharing a memory, an idea, a fear, a dream, a belief…when we stop and see someone. That second moment that we double back for understanding we’re speculating again, who it is they may be. It’s simply respect. Respect…re: again…spec: look. To look again. See them truly. See them and embrace them…as they are. It’s the most sought after kind of love and affection…that element in love that opens the door to deeper love. Acceptance of exactly who they are in that moment. No desire to change them into our own idea of what we want or need. Full on acceptance. Most people just want to be seen…

I see you. Do you see me?