Legacy of Marriage


My mother and I were out running errands the other day. She had on a yet to be released CD by Kirk Whalum. The Gospel According to Jazz 3 is a must have. One of my faves is the piano rendition of Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me” with George Duke on piano…but, I digress. LOL

Kirk was speaking to the audience (it’s a live CD with a DVD companion) and was telling everyone about his dad who at the time was still alive, but sick and making his transition. He said something that sparked this blog. He said, “My brothers and I and our wives…”

“OUR wives…”

I said to my mother, I love that…I love that when all the men in the family are married and there is a legacy of marriage. She said that it was indeed THAT reason…why it may work for them. They’ve known nothing BUT marriage in their family. Now, don’t get me wrong…there are people who have not seen an example of marriage and/or healthy relationships, and they’ve found happiness. Yet, what did they go through in order to find that place of peace? What I believe to be a great truth is that those shown healthy and I repeat…HEALTHY relationships and marriages lean more toward finding themselves married more contently. Just like a child needs two parents…they need to see their parents (or some semblance of it) interacting in a functional partnership of matrimony in order for them to navigate through the trials of being a couple. You learn behavior that is exampled…even if only from a mentor. For instance…my cousin has become his pastor’s honorary 4th child. The pastor has been married to his wife for long over 20yrs and have 3 productive children. My cousin befriended his eldest son when they were younger and have been roll dogs ever since. Seeing their example of family, “I” believe is the reason my cousin wanted to go to school…and why now he is striving to be a minister (even though he’s loved church since before he even knew this family)…but, again…SEEING it and knowing its possible are two different things.

My uncles are married. I have 3 on my mother’s side and 1 on my father’s side. My uncle on my dad’s side married finally 7 years ago…but, by then he’d done all a man could do and more. My mom and dad were never married and not so sure either of them are worried about that now. The three uncles on my mom’s side are married and have been married for several years. My oldest uncle has been married for over 20yrs…to his 3rd wife. My other two uncles were married the same year 2 months apart. They’re still with their wives even with all they’ve been through since. Yet, I noticed…the women in my family aren’t married…or in serious relationships for that matter. On my maternal side, my grandmother was never married, but her sisters were…and their children were. MY grandmother’s daughters and granddaughters have yet to find that to even be a possibility as of yet. On my paternal side…my grandmother was married to my grandfather, until they divorced before I was even born. She’s yet to be “seen” with a man. *laughing at my grandma*

I wonder how it is that the MEN found a legacy of marriage in a family where there was no example of relationships…yet the women have not. I would love to see someone’s take on it.