Word 29: Car

Car…**I am aware that the pic is crazy as hell, but that’s how I’m feeling right now #djm lol*

Why when trying to find something to write about, the movie “Vanishing” came to mind. The one w/Keifer Sutherland, Sandra Bullock and crazy ass Jeff Bridges? I thought of how he spent an inordinate amount of his life, looking for his woman…replaying her last visit to their car over and over.

Then I thought of “Adam”…and how the real life story was played out on TV…the little boy who never came home…and how his parents left their car in the lot with a blanket and toys JUST in case he returned.

I thought of how many people get kidnapped from cars, jacked from cars…goodness. I must be in the mind of loss right now. I’ll quit typing.


The Twenty Ninth Day…

taken today 3-29-13

…what you were doing today

You know…the next time I make a challenge I’m going to have to remember NOT to repeat myself. Even though the other day’s was an average day in your life and this one is what happened THIS day, it’s still too close for comfort.


Today was my last day in physical therapy for my knee. It’s still not at 100% but, it’s coming along. There’s still tightness when bent and going up and down stairs is a challenge, but I’m hoping that with more exercise it will increase mobility. It just don’t make NO sense that I can tell when the rain and snow’s a-coming. lol

Tonight is movie night for me. I’ll be watching two (maybe three) flicks. One is an Eastern love story called “Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love“. I saw it a while back, in late 1997 or 98. I love to watch movies with rich story lines or something that requires me to step out of my comfort zone. It’s subtitled (I think), but hey…so was “Like Water for Chocolate” and I love that movie.

The next is a movie I actually have in my possession called “Perfume: The Story of a Murderer“. I’m not even sure why I’m watching it again since it kinda creep’d me out the first time, but hey…entertainment is required tonight. I need to get my mind in a zone and movies and music do it for me.

The third movie is the last movie in the Twilight saga “Breaking Dawn Pt. 2” I ain’t linking you because you should know what that is.

So that’s it my friends. My boring Friday.

Maybe there’s hope for tomorrow and I can get out to see Tyler Perry’s “Temptation”.

The Nineteenth Day…

…your favorite day of the week and why

It used to be Thursday (Cosby Show, A Different World…Must See TV and all that). It also was payday for a bit.

I used to love Wednesdays for the same reason (some kind of television program) …also, it’s the “hump” in the week…the exhale of the week where you finally can see the weekend on the horizon. (I was born on a Wednesday, too)

I’ll just say Saturday.

It was cartoon day as a kid with the line up of my faves: The Smurfs, The Littles, Scooby Doo, Thundercats, Jem!, Alf, Looney Tunes, Tom & Jerry (and Sundays were the day for Courageous Cat and Minute Mouse shorts between The Three Stooges).

..and even though it was also the day we cleaned the house top to bottom…it could ALSO be the day to go out and shop. PRIME time to beg for stuff from mom.

It was the day of the week where I could run OUT of my house and be FREEEEEEE!!!

It was for a time…the night of the week that new movies premiered on Starz! I live for new movie premieres. Don’t forget “Saturday Night Live”…I loved them since the days of Jane Curtain, Gilda Radner, Chevy Chase, John Belushi and Eddie Murphy. (Even though I don’t watch it that much anymore. I normally forget)

Saturday is also the day of the week referenced for my sign (Capricorn)…along with the #8…but, that’s neither here nor there. lol

Saturday or Sabado in Spanish…represent a day for “me time”…even though I know how to turn ANY day into that kind of day. lol

Saturdays are days I get to hang with my sistars. It’s also “Big Breakfast Day” in my house. It’s the one day of the week where I (and sometimes mom) will make a full on breakfast with waffles or pancakes or French Toast with meat (for her) and eggs (for me). Sometimes it’s home fries and ALWAYS coffee! ::swoons for cafe::

Yea…I still love Saturdays.

5~ If You’re A Bird…I’m A Bird…

Favorite Romantic Movie

The Notebook…

I could’ve said, “Love Jones”…because honestly, that movie rocks and one of the key lines in that movie that speak to me is, “I love you…and that’s urgent like a mothafucka!”. I mean, in the day and age of excuses upon reasons upon alibis, upon treasons for why one cannot commit…it sounds good coming out of a man’s mouth that love is about urgency…even if it’s just a line in a movie. I loved me some Darius and Nina…because they spoke to me as a couple who were both so artistic and bonded off of those passionate stanzas and camera clicks. I could’ve chosen them…

Or “Titanic” with it’s epic romance of obligatory relationships, love-at-first-sight whims, artistic interludes and music that could pluck the heart strings of even the coldest heart. I loved Jack and Rose…and how he showed her that she could let go and be free…to answer the call of her heart without compromise. How to live for herself and not others…how to be okay with not having the world in material possessions…to have the world in her soul. Yea…I love them, too.

I could’ve picked, “Love and Basketball”. Love one on one. “I’ll play you for your heart…” MAN…I love that movie. Quincy and Monica…balling it out…and sometimes bawling it out in the name of love…oh, and basketball. lol. Yet another story that spoke to my love of love spanning from era to era. Young puppy love, high school love (at first unrequited), college sweethearts…and then going their separate ways. That moment, when you’re in the middle of doing that thing that the two of you did together and wondering why you’re doing it, now that you’re apart. Could’ve picked them easily…

I could’ve chosen those (amongst countless others that have had me snotting as I lived vicariously through the lead couple’s ups and downs, realizations and sometimes not-so-fairytale endings) but, the one that had the most range of love and emotions was, “The Notebook”.

God, I could’ve been Allie. At one point in the movie…she’s being asked what SHE wants and all she can think about is who she’ll hurt. I could’ve been NOAH for goodness sakes…pining away for a lost love. Having that gaping void that no one could occupy but the one who made you freer than you ever thought you could be.

I loved how he courted her…persistent, with all he had, big sweeping gestures…but then reinforcing them with the most tender moments. (I smile as I write) I loved how he wrote her a letter everyday for a year…that is fucking DEDICATION! Here he is, this young dude…could have any local chick and he’s penning love notes for his lady…EVERYDAY for a YEAR! Man, folks can’t even be consistent and CALL a bish everyday for a MONTH…and you have this cat using up the ink in his inkwell…messing up good paper (expensive as hell back then) to write someone who may never (and almost didn’t ever) see them. Noah even renovated the house that they both dreamed would be their home. He did this even though he hadn’t laid eyes on her in several years since their tragic break up. Even when they weren’t together…he was living for her love. ~sigh~

Yet, the love that rounds it out the most…is the spin on the story that begins the whole movie. Noah as an old man…living in a nursing facility (though he doesn’t have to) to tend to an ailing older Allie who is now suffering from dementia.

This dude is sitting there…DAILY, re-reading a book of their love story…JUST so he can capture a glimpse of the woman he remembers. The woman who remembers HIM. Imagine…loving someone SO much, that you cant and won’t let go in your heart. You pursued them until you couldn’t anymore…and then when given an opportunity, you seized it and was always willing to let them go if it was what THEY needed to do…loving someone enough to let them go. That hurts more than being let go or letting go because you felt they weren’t the one. To have a chance to get right what went wrong is beautiful…it ain’t everyone’s story…but, it’s a hell of a love story nonetheless.

Yea…The Notebook was and is a classic romantic movie for me. If it came on now (no commercial interruptions) I’d watch. I cannot watch that movie on network TV. It kills the flow. I must watch without any scenes being edited for a 2hr time slot. A story of epic proportions…spanning from sweetheart love to “the end of time” love. Everything I’ve ever thought love could be.

“Say, I’m a bird…”
“You’re a bird! …”
“Now say you’re a bird…”
“If you’re a bird…I’m a bird”


Chrisette Michelle’s “Notebook”…not from the soundtrack of course…but apropos nonetheless 😉

Big Heads & Little Minds

I am sitting here watching “Alice in Wonderland”…and perhaps even though I may be over-analyzing…there’s still a very good point. I think. LOL

I noticed that as the “Red Queen” was being fitted for the Mad Hatter’s hats…all of her court was around telling her lies. How beautiful she looked. How she’d never looked better.  All of a sudden, one woman’s nose fell off (reminded me of a Pinocchio moment)…well, her fake nose fell off. It’s like she was pretending to be grotesque and unattractive. The Mad Hatter pointed out that her nose had fallen off and she quickly scooped it up and placed it back onto her face…but as she was bending, The Hatter saw the man behind her. His stomach over-sized, but seemingly sewed on…or was it his pants were sewn to him…either way, a thought crossed my mind…

Was the Red Queen aka The Queen of Hearts, requesting of her court to appear to her disfigured? Were they encouraged to pretend to be ugly so that she wouldn’t feel bad  about her “bulbous” head? (live update: They’re all revealing there truer selves and being revealed as “cheats” by the Hatter…perhaps I blogged in haste) LOL 

SO…anyway, that STILL brings me to my analytical point of the night. Who is so insecure about their own shortcomings, that they request of people around them (beautiful/smart/healthy/functioning) people…to dull their shine to accommodate their own insecurities? Not forgetting to mention…that as much as this is a statement of the Red Queen’s inability to deal with her own abnormalities…it is also sad that others are so in need of acceptance of someone who seems to be powerful, that they’d live a lie to fit in.

I see it all of the time. People with a “following”. Women and men who have loyal subjects instead of loyal FRIENDS. A flock of mindless sheep willing to say an untruth dipped in sap, to make the object of their adulation feel better. It’s criminal to think that people sit uncomfortably in their own skin to be accepted by others who are equally uncomfortable in theirs.

I would hope that anyone around me would feel like a “kween” or king…and not someone bowing for my assent. I love everyone. Misfits even more. I dig the quirky, odd-shaped, misunderstood “underdogs”. I always feel as if they’d have a better chance at accepting me as well with all of my idiosyncrasies…as opposed to someone who is addicted to the perception of perfection. In need of adulation so dysfunctionally that they live off of delusions.

S/N: I even noticed that the Red Queen had a crush on her guard, whom wasn’t the bit interested in her. He, on the other hand was attracted to the very large, Alice. In her jealous rage, The Red Queen ordered Alice and all of her cohorts beheaded. ~sigh~ Such a hater…with her big ass head.

Hmmm…epiphany. Perhaps the Red Queen’s head was so large, because she had a puffed sense of self. A huge ego…with no real founding. Using feeble minded characters to do her dirty work and feed her complex.

Okay…it’s time for me to quit pontificating over this movie…I’m missing the good parts. LOL

2 Chicks-a-Chatting: My Inbox

Earlier this evening I had a convo in the inbox on Facebook with a sister~friend of mine. We got into a private discussion about Tyler Perry’s new movie “For Colored Girls” and people’s negative feelings toward the screenplay writer/producer. Well, our “inbox-ersation” as I like to call it…went like this (with the other party’s permission of course):


MENovember 8 at 7:40pm
GIRL…why did that chick inside of ******’s post on TP’s movie piss me off?

I can’t stand the way folks attack other artists. It pisses me off. The Beyonce’s of the world, the Tyler Perry’s of the world, the MICHAEL JACKSON’S of the world…

Why do people need to break down successful folk? No…why do BLACK folk have to tear down OTHER successful BLACK folk? Why do people feel that in order to “fairly” judge a situation they have to be HARDER on their own to impress looking eyes. WTF?

You know I saw your post. And yeah, she pissed me off too. I just didn’t feel like going into depth with her ass like you did.

ME: November 8 at 7:45pm
I’m sick of it. SHE and other women and men like her are the reason why we are still at the bottom of the totem pole in society. It’s downright sickening to see a WOMAN of all people sit there and begrudge a man for portraying us for what the world DOESN’T but NEEDS to see. We black women aren’t evil…we’re fucking tired. We’re tired of being everything to everyone and having NO one appreciate us. We’re sick of being thrown aside for every other color of the rainbow because sensitive ass pussy ass black men want their dick sucked at will rather than their back bone straightened out the way it needs to be. Funny shit? Those White, Latina, Chinese women? They’re doing the same shit to them they claim WE do…they’re just the kind to suck it out of them rather than prop em up, fight for em or take their shit raw on the way out the door to work. Girl, I’m NOT in the fucking mood.

HER: November 8 at 7:47pm 
I can tell, Mama. I can tell. But you know there will always be somebody out there that will try to tear their own down.

ME: November 8 at 7:48pm
Yep. Fucking group thinkers…

HER: November 8 at 7:49pm 
Exactly. And the wrong kind of group at that.

ME: November 8 at 7:50pm
RIGHT…the hating ass, guilty ass, denying ass, deflecting ass, looking ass negroes who probably need to be paying attention the MOST!

HER: November 8 at 7:53pm 
That’s exactly it. I’m sick of people…females especially…that always have something to say without thinking first. Shit, I think some of us are dumb as broken bricks. I know others do.

ME: November 8 at 7:57pm

Yea, I do think that folks think of us like that. They don’t think of us as intellects. They think of us as emotional and needy. They think we’re the chicks either on the videos or on the ghetto pics on the Internet. We get NO love for being the kind of women who understand the depth of life and love. We get a bad rap…and it’s easy to see why.

HER: November 8 at 7:58pm 
Of course it’s easy. I am willing to bet that not too many people with white skin watched “Black Girls Rule” but they stayed glued to “The Housewives of Atlanta.”

ME: November 8 at 8:01pm
*stomping foot* PREACH!!!! You know it. Seeing us in NeNe, Sheree, and Phaedra’s deluded bourgeois-ghetto aka boughetto ass…all the while bypassing any real judgment onto Kim’s hoebag ass.

HER: November 8 at 8:03pm 
And do you see how many people are hyping her non-singing ass up like she’s Celine Dion or some shit? And we can’t even back our own brother in the movie theater. For shame.

ME: November 8 at 8:11pm
RIGHT! GIRL. Let me stop before I make myself a fever. lol

I do that…I get riled up and my whole face turns red and my face overheats.  Girl, I get heated…LITERALLY! lol

HER: November 8 at 8:12pm 
I do that too when I’m passionate about something. You should go read ******’s comment on the thread, though.

ME: November 8 at 8:15pm
I did, I liked it. I’m glad to see that there are more positive inputs from us women than negative. A few of my friends…can’t stand Tyler Perry…and I quit arguing with them as to why. Their only REAL gripe is that he dresses up as a woman and has latent gay tendencies. NOTHING to do with his contribution to art nor our black community’s gripes.

HER: November 8 at 8:16pm 
No one said shit when Patrick Swayze (may God rest his talented soul) did it. People kill me with their double standards.

ME: November 8 at 8:18pm
RIGHT! Everyone want’s to come down on our artistic brothers. Those whose talents cross the lines of “comfort” and go into the portrayal of things to which others are too insecure to do it. They talked shit on Flip Wilson, Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence…man. GET OVER IT!

HER: November 8 at 8:20pm 
And yet, “Brokeback Mountain” got an Academy Award. GTFOH with that. Not that the movie wasn’t good…it was. But it’s more about acceptance. Aren’t we supposed to be the race of tolerance? Didn’t we put up with more shit than a little bit but yet, still invited others into our world? Man, please…let me stop.

ME: November 8 at 8:23pm
OMG…*rolling around on the floor kicking and screaming…figuratively that is* LMAO

FOR REAL. Two dudes hump in a tent…and that’s ACADEMY AWARD winning shit! Eddie single-handedly portrays 6-7 characters in a movie…and he gets flack for the 2 that are women. O_O

ME: November 8 at 8:24pm
I should make this part of our inbox-ersation a blog. A true back and forth between two intellectual sisters. *changing names to protect the stupid*

HER: November 8 at 8:25pm 
OKAY?! Man, folks kill me. Just because someone is secure enough to don a dress has absolutely nothing to do with them as a person. Hell, for the right amount of cash, I’ll put on a suit for a movie and be a man. Even though it wouldn’t cause as much flack.

HER: November 8 at 8:26pm 
LOL…sure. Have at it.
So, YEA…that’s how we do it.  LOL

Nothing is more frustrating then people homing in on ONE thing in a multi-faceted situation. Nothing is ALL positive, nor ALL negative. As many abusive, no-good men that were brought to the forefront in Tyler’s movies…there were positive, loving, men showcased as well. All of the women weren’t victims…some were the cause of their own troubles. It’s life. It’s how Jay-Z raps about what he knows, How Biggie rapped on the streets until he got money…then he rapped on money. THAT is what’s happening with Tyler. SCREW who he wants to or likes to screw. I don’t need to know that man’s personal business in order to take something away from his productions. Hell…some folks still LOVE themselves some R. Kelly, even though he’s been accused (and allegedly CAUGHT on tape pissing on and screwing young girls). They’re pumping that new jam RIGHT now. 

People…stop being so unbalanced and selective in whom you “judge”. If you’re going to weigh up someone for the skewering…use the same system of measure as you would someone on the opposite end of the spectrum. Live and let live.

It’s okay to STFU sometimes. LMAO

Beautiful Bean Footage

Do you know how some people have a soundtrack to their life? I have a movie reel as well. My father is a movie connoisseur and always had all the movies hot off the block…aka bootleg. Well, actually…he had what are referred to as “promotional copies”. It’s the actual DVD/tape meant for the vendor to view before purchase. He got the hook up constantly. If I wanted a movie…he got it for me. I usually watched until the tape popped and the video was no more good.

SO, tonight…I was in-boxing my sis (as per usual our routine) and I told her I was watching “Grease”. I went on to tell her that I remember seeing that movie in the theater with my 2 childhood besties, their dad and their dad’s girlfriend. (Except now, I’m remembering that I saw that movie with mom and her friend and kids) The movie I saw with the childhood besties was “Stir Crazy”. That movie was too funny. Although, I do believe that it wasn’t suitable for us kids. I saw “Beat Street” with my godsisters, their dad and their cousin. I loved that movie. I was crying when Ramo died. 😦

I remember viewing “Annie”, with my class. I still have the brass keychain which is an actual stamping of the tickets. I’ve loved Annie ever since, viewing that among other movies umpteen times without tiring. Something about Ms. Hannigan’s (Carol Burnett) crazy tub shinny swigging ass ordering around a school-ful of moppets.

I remember that dad had folks in the PJ’s knocking on the door borrowing movies.  He had the TV hooked up to the stereo system which made it sound like theater surround sound. When the kids and I watched Poltergeist the night of my birthday party…we felt like we could hear that creepy short chick…right beside us.

I remember that I was deathly afraid of “The Exorcist”, “The Thing”, “The Omen” and “The Shining”. I was also scared after watching “Dracula” in the movies with mom and our crew. My cousins cracked jokes on me for a day because I cried in refusal to watch Linda Blair throw up pea soup. Hell nah…get that outta here. Today? I’m a horror flick lover. The scarier the better. I got mad when “The Grudge”, “The Village”, and “Hostel” were wack. O_O

On the flip side, my dad forbade me to watch “Caligula”, which of course I sneaked to find and watch with my first love. I was between 14 and 15…which made him 17 or 18. WRONG MOVE. We’re watching all of this explicit sexual content (one scene so unforgettable, where dude fists a man’s ass on his wedding night O_O) and getting riled up. There was everything from deformities and bestiality to homosexual sex, which was unheard of then. While watching…my crush ends up feeling me up…that is, until my grandmother comes home. *insert scene of us jumping up and sitting on opposite sides of the room before she sees us*.

I have my movies that I watch ad nauseum, every time they air. I’m REALLY a movie buff, so I deplore movies aired on cable networks where there are commercials. Movies like “Color Purple”, “Titanic”, “The Notebook”, “Last Dragon”, “What’s Love Got To Do With It”, “Coming to America”, etc…all should be viewed with no interruption.

I am the girl who wants to make it to the movies on time for previews and credits and will sit there at the end for any blooper reels, soundtrack info or to spot who played whom. If a movie I’ve never watched comes on and I’ve missed the first 15 minutes…I won’t watch. I’ll look for the next airing so I can catch it. The most intricate pieces to the plot happen in the first FIVE to ten minutes of a movie. Miss that and you’ll be asking, “Wait…what’s going on?” until the plot is revealed. LOL

Some of my faves?

Star Wars Trilogy
Hope Floats
Pillow Talk (with Doris Day and Rock Hudson)
Sleepaway Camp
Steel Magnolias
Terms of Endearment
Malcolm (X)
Distinguished Gentleman
Which Way is Up?
I’m Gonna Git You Sucka
Dr. Detroit
Howard the Duck
Sixteen Candles
Fifth Element
Dirty Dancing
…I can go on and on. I know I’m missing stuff…but, oh well. That’s bound to happen when your love of movies is vast. I love obscure independent movies, classics, black and white (like “The Hounds of Baskerville”), science fiction, horror, suspense, drama…yea. You get it.

Movies along with music, TV shows and books…are key to helping time stamp your life’s moments. I remember MANY things around movies, songs, what I was reading…or even where I visited. Share some of YOUR favorite movie moments with me…

…ROLL that beautiful bean footage! lol

Don’t Make NO Sense!

I watched Rosewood again this morning. I was SO mad when Esther Rolle got killed on her porch…for telling the TRUTH! They knew GOOD and well that woman hadn’t been raped…but rather than admit she was a lying whore…they torched homes, hung families…including women and children all for the “precious honor” of Fannie Taylor.
I saw this movie when it came onto VHS (yes, I rented it, lol) and I just remember being upset and crying at the animalism. The joy they took in killing “negras” and searching for the non-existent rapist. In spite of the fools that led the lynch party…there were a few who refused to be roped (no pun intended) into killing innocent folks on a foolish rampage of imaginary justice. John Wright, played by John Voight (Angelina Jolie’s father) was the merchant who helped hide some of the Rosewood survivors fleeing from imminent death in January 1923…and secured a train ride to Gainsville. 
Rosewood was a majorly Black/Seminole Indian populated town that had a thriving community where the families owned their own homes and businesses. They were upstanding citizens who were hunted down like wild dogs to satisfy the lie of a woman afraid to tell her husband the truth. As I watched this movie for what has to have been the 4th or 5th time…I looked at how disgusting hate can be. How ironic it was, to have them refer to Black folks as less than human, when it was THEM who displayed the ways of inhumanity. Barbecuing, dismembering and maiming the bodies of lynched and burnt men and women…ugh.
Anyway, I saw this movie and it had my spirit unsettled for a few. I’m ok now…but, I had to let it out. I think in a way, a part of me questions how much of that hate has REALLY dissipated. How just because we’re not being physically lynched, burned and killed…doesn’t change the fact that there are still hatemongers amongst us with the same mentality. The lynching has turned into false imprisonment and unnecessary brutality. The burning is something like rights being violated…and the killing? Well, they’re still doing that…they’re just finding ways to call it justified.

Don’t make NO sense!!

PUSH to Precious

A Saturday in October…I invited my friend Joy to come up where I live and go to the movies with me. Along the day’s planning my mother was invited as well. I let Joy choose the movie…she chose “I Can Do Bad All By Myself”. It wasn’t my first choice, but it was a good movie. I wanted Joy to be happy, so that was all that mattered…she needed cheering…if only by a few hours of being somewhere other than her own 4 walls…so the day was successful if for no other reason than she wasn’t home alone in her thoughts.

The previews set in…I love previews. I love the WHOLE movie experience. I’m not one of those impatient folk who has to see the movie right away and complains that the preview section is too long. HUSH, I say…see what ELSE is coming out! lol. I saw a few movies I want to see…”Couple’s Resort” with Faison Love and Vince Vaughn. “Lovely Bones” a thriller about a little girl’s murder…and Precious, a movie based on the book PUSH by Sapphire. Precious is starring a young lady named Gabourey ‘Gabby’ Sidibe as the entitled character. Her mother is played by Mo’Nique, whose role is CLEARLY against the type she’s expected. Speaking of people stepping out of their type, Mariah Carey plays the dowdy social worker and Lenny Kravitz, has a role as well. I am not sure if it’s his 1st role in a movie, but I know I’ve never seen him in one. Either way, I want to see this story.

This story is ugly…much like the name Precious is called over and over again in the 2 or more minutes of the preview. Not because SHE is ugly, but because the truth of how people are in this world is ugly. I’m sure not every parent is born with the instincts to love, protect, and build healthy people of their children…but to see examples of how wrong that can go is undoubtedly sad. When I saw the preview I cried…because one…I don’t like to see people demeaned, belittled and disgraced. Especially over societal views of what “beautiful” is. Two…growing up, I encountered ridicule from kids and adults, too. I look back at my pictures…and I wasn’t an “ugly” child…so, I don’t know why I was called that. I can only chalk up a lot of the chatter from other things such as skin color. Black-Americans have a negative inner caste system when it comes to skin color. Features play a huge part in the stigmatization of beauty vs ugliness. Flatter noses and thicker lips, regardless of skin tone can be seen as ugly. Still…The light-skinned vs. dark-skinned thing is an issue within our own culture and it shouldn’t be. I’ve been called too light…I’ve been called not light enough, and I suspect that growing up that was one of the components of a building complex I had for a long while. Being “thick” didn’t help. I got picked on incessantly for being weighty. I wasn’t even “fat” per se…but, I was stocky and couldn’t be considered skinny once I hit the 4th or 5th grade. What always knocked people off their square, was seeing how the “big” girl could outrun, catch, snatch AND pass most kids my age. Looks are surely deceiving…but, I digress. I can mostly empathize with the girl in this role. On so many levels she is me…still. Not always knowing your value comes with with the territory of having been taunted about your physical looks. When I was younger my ears were uneven. One stuck out further than the other and I was teased relentlessly about it. GEEZ, did my friends give me hell about that one…a sister and brother especially. I won’t say their names, but if they were to read this…they’d get it. LOL. I’m over it NOW, because…well…I’m FINE! HA! Yet, growing up…a little girl doesn’t know that she’ll be swan fine when all the kids see is an ugly duckling. To this day, I can hear a certain friend of my mother’s calling me that. When she said it out loud to my mother after years of not seeing me, suggesting that I’d “finally” gotten pretty…my mother got defensive. She’d never known that my “aunt” had looked at me as if I weren’t as beautiful as her own daughters. Either way…it confirmed in my being that people were superficial and cruel, and most likely did those things because they themselves didn’t feel adequate. I say that I am still Precious in some ways, because there is a part of MOST people who is affected by the things their loved ones say or don’t say. When starved, you crave…when overfed…you waste. It’s simple. I just hope that with stories like this one…we can push the issues of individual hatred further and further to the back…leaving room for nothing but acceptance of humans as they are.

No one can call me ugly now. I’d laugh in the face of that word. I’m God-made…God-created…God-loved. I don’t need the co-signing of man nor woman nor child to feel beautiful. It took me a long road to get here and I’m sure that when I see the movie “Precious” I will see a little or a lot of myself in it. I’m prepared to cry for her, for me, and for all the women out there who grew up feeling unloved, unwanted, unprotected and purposeless. I’ll be back with a review when I do see it.

Destiny – Mary J. Blige

A Little Princess

I swear sometimes I feel psychic. You all have NO clue how often I think of something and then it happens, or shows up wherever I am. Just the other day, I wished that “A Little Princess” would come on. It’s an enchanted story, set in 1954, of a little girl whose father goes off to war and leaves her in a school for girls. While there, she lives off of the adventures they’ve taken in their travels to India. After receiving word that her father died in the war…life becomes a little hard for her, but she gets through it by remembering what her father said, “All little girls are princesses…if you believe”. Her storytelling abilities become the sunshine in the lives of a few little girls who become taken with her. It’s kinda like an upscaled orphan Annie story, made in 1995. (It stars Liesel Matthews, who is also an heiress to the Hyatt Hotel fortune).

So, I wished for this movie…and VOILA…this morning, as I was searching for a movie to watch. It was there slated to air @6:45pm. Only, I didn’t want miss Hancock which was coming on @7:45pm (they coincide) so I continued looking for another time it would air…and it was coming on right then.

I love this story. Here’s a little girl, who was schooled in LIFE. She comes to the school, where she’s supposed to take French and Latin…but she is already fluent in both. Her flair for the creative and her knowledge at such a young age makes her a target for an angry little bully…and even the head mistress. Who would think that a grown woman would hate on a child’s life? But, I suppose that perhaps there are adults whose lives are shells of what they once believed or dreamed they’d be. They covet the innocence, zest and wide-eyed faith that children possess and rather than encourage or bask in it’s shine…they try to beat it down…reprimanding and chastising away their hopes.

Here is one of the saddest and cruelest parts:

In this story…a father’s love for his daughter and hers for him…allows a little girl the ability to exist in her own lovely state. In spite of how she begins to get treated…she still feels irrepressible hope and joy, just because her father loved her more than anything.

I just thought I’d share that. Hmmm, I’ve been wanting to see Joy Luck Club…you think if I wish hard enough, it’ll come on?