The Anatomy of a Petty Bitch



–adjective, -ti·er, -ti·est.


of little or no importance or consequence: petty grievances.

of lesser or secondary importance, merit, etc.; minor: petty considerations.

having or showing narrow ideas, interests, etc.: petty minds.

mean or ungenerous in small or trifling things: a petty person.

showing or caused by meanness of spirit: a petty revenge.

of secondary rank, esp. in relation to others of the sameclass or kind: petty states; a petty tyrant.

Yep. Kween is on that shit today. That’s what happens when my fam gets fucked with. I go in. I normally pipe down and stay the quiet supportive sister, but I feel that maybe a PSA is in order. My sis Maria loves those things and I do, too. I need to submit this one to the Ad Council.

The Anatomy of a Petty Bitch:

Well, before I say something…know that this is entirely figurative and not literal. There is no physical look specifically that will help you point out one of these people. This can be a male or a female. It can be someone of high status or someone of meager means. Pettiness doesn’t discriminate.

The Head:

BIG…and nothing inside. Usually, this is that person you’ve heard of before and didn’t think you’d ever meet. This person’s head is big from self-pumping. They’ll come off confident, believing in themselves (which is really believing their own hype). They’ll swear they’re not insecure, jealous or malicious…but they’re the exact opposite. They have small minds…and in order to perpetuate their cocky ways, they will make up the space with lies, malice and drama. They’re everyone’s BEST friend…until you don’t do what they like. Then you have a vengeful bitch on your hands who will make your life miserable in the most petty and catty ways possible.

The Heart:

Well, I won’t say “said bitch” has no heart. I will say that they have their heart protected by all of the shit in their heads. They have been hurt, rejected, abused, used, disrespected and left to feel alone. They don’t trust their own judgment anymore…so they don’t trust anyone at all. Chances are…they love knowing EVERYTHING about everyone…promising trust and confidence unbroken…but that’s a con[fidence] game if ever. There’s a perverse pride that is relished in, from being able to suck people in and make them feel secure…knowing that they secretly despise them and are intimidated by them…even sometimes coveting their lives.

The Loins:

I won’t say they’re ALL whores…but, most people with the head and heart of the above…can be loose with the loins. People who crave outside validation and attention/affection…will fuck whomever with the hope of getting that momentary fix of “love” without the fear of rejection that could follow if they were to allow themselves attachment. It’s safe to say when you’ve got self-respect…you respect your body. If you don’t respect yourself or others…why would you value your physical temple?

The Feet:

They have NO under-standing. No true under-standing of what it takes to move on in life and live fully with peace of mind and spirit. Read The UN-blog to get what I’m talking about.

Their feet are huge. Not physically…figuratively. They’ve used their feet to plod over people’s lives and hearts. They’ve walked over people like bullies stomping through playgrounds. Demanding respect when they don’t even know what it is. Respect means essentially, “to look again”. To give someone a second look. Usually our first glance is fleeting and can sometimes be a rush to judgment. When you take the time to “look again” it means you regarded that person enough to rethink your own ideas and consider who they are past the view. Folks who don’t respect…will stomp and grind on you. No second glances…no second thoughts.

Miscellaneous Rhetoric: Vol. 1

I see SO much stupid shit on a daily basis and I never document it. (What’s wrong with me? This is what bloggers DO!!) So I decided to hit you all with some of the various thoughts that meander through my mind. lol

~People…if you’re gonna rant and rave. Talk DOWN to folks. Or simply ‘act’ intelligent…USE THE DAMN SPELL CHECK! Damn near EVERY browser has it. Please don’t be the one (or the 1 millionth) fool to say you’re in school and misspell grammar school words…over and over! I’ll take your diss a lot more seriously if I’m not red-penning your whole comment! As someone said to me once (jokingly) “Before you set it off…get a Speak N Spell”. lmao

~I get so sick of the glammed up “barbies and kens” of the world thinking because they’re thin and apply flawless make up that they get to bash the “imperfect” crowd. (I ain’t “hating” either…have you seen me? lmao j/k) Maybe you’re NOT “ugly” chick, but your personality sucks jungle ass. I’m giving out free STFU coupons EVERY DAY…just ask me. You don’t get to bash people and then say someone’s hating when they come back for your ass. #YouAskedForIt #YouGotIt #Toyota *lmao* (c) April in Paris w/Billy Crystal & Debra Winger

~Kinda sorta maybe speaking of some big folk…being a big woman, I gotta tell ya. Big girls? You’re not making it very hard for the “barbies and kens” to clown you/us…when you come out of the house looking HORRIBLE! Spandex is NOT our friend…unless you’re covering up the extra areas that are unbecoming. You don’t have to dress in a burlap sack, but find out how to dress for your shape. See what is flattering and go from there. The new style is nice. Stretch leggings or skinny jeans (guffawing loudly) underneath a nice dress or long shirt is cool…as long as you don’t look like you’re being packaged for Hillshire. #GOMEAT

~*sidebar* I’m such a commercial whore. I love laughing at these dumb ass commercials. Like the Cheez-it one where he says, “NACHO CHEESE”  *lmao*…and the Swiffer one, where they have “Hair Club for Brooms” with the po’ broom wearing a mop toupee…I have issues. Don’t judge me.

~I get a little more than tired of people…no correction, BLACK people telling all of us other Black people of how we shouldn’t use the “N-Word”. There’s a video currently making the rounds on Facebook where a little Black boy, intelligently delivers an oral dissertation on the origins of the word and how we should eradicate this word from our vocabulary. I am VERY proud of his research and his point of view. Yet, I’m all about the flip side of things. If the word “nigger” originates from Niger and is a derivation of our people’s heritage…why SHOULDN’T we own the word, and give it positive power? To loose (yes, I meant loose, lol) the word completely is like forgetting where we come from…what our ancestors were. My theory is that the word, this world’s politics, the arcane and secret societies that exist in this world will be what it is always..until the razing of it’s foundation. This society was built on thievery, slavery, mis-education, and hatred of other cultures. When that is gone…the world will change. Until then, use your info to navigate AROUND the obstacles of ignorance. Unless you have the tools to bulldoze through it, that is…

~Unique is a great thing. It seems that being weird is the new normal. Everyone wants to be defined for what makes them different than the rest. I feel you, to a degree. But, It IS okay to share an opinion with the masses…as long as it IS your opinion. No band-wagoning to avoid debate. Just know, that for all the uniqueness you may behold…you STILL figure into a group of people who think just like you. In this world of infinite knowledge, thought and spirit…no one knows EVERYTHING…so you do share thoughts with others. Thoughts, ideas, etc…are things. They manifest and live within us and bounce among us. Quit with the whole…”I’m different” shit. We get it…damn.

~I wonder how the smart people at my job are the ones being “supervised” and the supervisors are damn dimwits. WTF?

~I’m wondering if I should get on the ball and learn Spanish fluently, so that when Spanish folks talk to me in their language (as they do often) I can blow my OWN mind and know what the hell they’re saying.

~Why’d they name it “blog”? What does that mean? Is it short for “beta log”? Should it have been “elog”…kinda how video blogs are called vlogs? #shortbus moment

~Why does my grandma go back and forth between the plot/script and making it real when discussing the soaps? Grandma, please stop saying, “I don’t know why they write this plot like this…” and then turn around and say, “Well, he’s always been a drunk…that’s why”. O_O He’s not a drunk in REAL life, grandma. ~sigh~ I think senility is setting in. (love you Grandma!!) lol

~Why do I see so many women wearing sleeveless shirts with a FULL afro underneath in their armpits? THEN, they’ve got the nerve to have white deodorant caked up. They have INVISIBLE deodorants so you can go without the “thick grits in the pits” look. *smh*

~Life is too short to be bitter and mean. Don’t snarl at EVERY damn thing. Maybe basking in someone else’s happiness can help you get past your own sadness. If not…still…STFU. lmao (but so serious)

~I am SO mad at the “Booty Pop” infomercial. Why are they dancing around like idiots? It’s the bomb to have a fake ass? Those things are more deceiving than bras…some “butt man” is gonna be severely disappointed when you get undressed and your ass pops off on the floor ala “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”.

Okay…I’m done for now. My boy Rippa inspired this randomness. I saw him post something random (which he rarely does…he’s straight no-chaser)…so thank him on his blog “The Intersection of Madness & Reality“. 

…now let me go read his blog. haha LATER!

Tat my AYASS!! WTF??

I was watching “Real Chance at Love” and these hoes done lost they Rabid Ass Rabbit minds! For those that don’t know, this is a reality show spun off from a spin off. Real and Chance are brothers who both vied for New York’s love….who once…no TWICE vied for Flavor Flav’s love…who was in love with Brigette Nielson. *phew* Now, that you’re caught up…


Chance, challenges his “stable” of chicks on their “love” for him…buy having them get tats for him. One chick gets a “K” on her neck…and her own name doesn’t begin with one. HIS real name is Kamal. One chick is getting the word “Stallionaires” on her shoulder which is the trademark the 2 brothers share for their music company. Now, there’s a chick they call “Rabbit” who actually ISN’T out of her mind and gets a Chinese symbol. She tells him it means chance, but it really means love…now THAT hoe is smart! LMAO

I know people get tattoos for people all of the time. Love makes you do ignorant shit…I’m sure we’ve all been there at one time or another…but, this takes the cake. FIRST of all, I am not marking my body for NO mofo. I barely wanna put my own name on me. (Even though I’m considering an alternative and getting Kiwi) but still…to do this for someone who hasn’t even chose your ass yet is outdamnrageous! What if this dumb hoe loses? Then she’s got a K on her ass for as long as she CAN’T afford to have it removed.

I mean, the prize ain’t even money…shit. It’s THEM negroes…and we all know what happened on all of the countless “love” series on VH1. EVERY LAST ONE has broken up. (Because they need to do a part 2 for ratings) So, um…do you know what is wrong with these people? Can someone tell me that “I” am the one inhaling noxious fumes…cuz this be some BULLSHIT! Would you do this for someone? Have you? Don’t be scurred. LOL