Word 4: Stand

Stand…

“God, just let me stand up. I want to say something so badly. I don’t want to be paralyzed by fear. I have so much to say. I want to sing, too. I want to speak and say the words…I think. I’m not sure if I want to…or if I think I’m ¬†SUPPOSED to want to. I sit here, hands clasped, feet planted, eyes affixed to the podium and I WANT to stand. My mind runs rapidly like beating waterfalls on rock…the ideas, thoughts, stories…all deserve a voice…but, why must it be mine? Why is it that I can’t just think it and it BE…write it and it be ENOUGH? If I could stand…walk over to the microphone and say everything I’ve ever wanted to say in front of a crowd of people…I might be okay. I’d tell the church how much my grandmother meant to me. I’d read my favorite poem. I’d sing that song at that family reunion. I’d tell everyone my favorite memory of my cousin. Alas…I can’t stand the thought of standing. I’m struck down by this fear…this unnatural fear to speak in public. God, why can’t it be easy to STAND??”