Capacity and Reciprocity


I speak on love…a LOT, but that’s because no matter how much I try…I end up breaking love down to someone. Am I God? NO! No way…but, I have always been in awe of what love can do. I am a sucker for love stories, whether they’re between couples or families…or friends. I love how miracles are born through love and people’s determination to fight for it.

Today, I was talking to a friend of mine. She’s newly broken-hearted. She spent almost a year with someone, whom seemingly didn’t grasp the intensity of her love. She gave up a lot for him…probably more than any person should do for another. In typical fashion, whenever a person gives up too much of themselves during a relationship, it’s extremely difficult to get that back when they’re gone. I believe in compromise, consideration, adaption, even…but never total sacrifice. I’ve learned that the very hard way.

She wants to understand why he did and said what he did. She wonders if he ever loved her and if she was doomed to live a life of loneliness. It’s the questions we all ask. When a relationship ends…we think the love has, too. We question what it is we did, where we made the mistakes, and how do we get it back if possible. We blame ourselves for letting love in and curse it to a banishment of never again. Yet, in our hearts…its not the love we try to banish. It’s the pain. My friend wondered why she didn’t hurt this deeply when she and her husband separated. I told her, simply…you didn’t love him as deeply as you did this man here.

She wondered why it is that people get what they need from her and leave. How unfair it is to always be the one giving and nurturing and coddling. To be other’s inspiration and to never feel like someone cares about her enough to inspire her as well. I told her, that I preferred to have someone take what they want and leave…rather than stay and milk me over and over again. The kind that feel entitled for you to give them you with no reciprocity. I know I’ve said it before…I’ve had to have written a similar blog, but I’ll say it again.

Unconditional love. Not everyone is capable of coming CLOSE to this kind of love, but to make it more possible for you, I’ll define it simply. Loving without condition or expectation. Knowing that you loved because YOU were capable (even if they weren’t). I still do believe that people love to their capacity. The one I love may never give me back what I give…and that’s ok. Someone WILL love me, because I am open to love as it comes. Looking for it in a certain package, wrapped how you want to receive it…is an automatic letdown. You will NOT get it as you give it from who it is you give it to. Sometimes, we’re in people’s lives to affect them and move on. To learn something and move on. To feel what is being felt in the now…and then move on. Operative phrase: “move on”. Sounds easy, right? Of COURSE it isn’t. That would be Pollyanna-ish and foolish to think that you could so easily get over having your heart broken, your dreams dashed and/or your love betrayed. No…not easy…but it gets better. Only if you want it to. God can replenish. He’s in that business, you know? And if you don’t believe in God, but in your own autonomy…then either way…you have the power to heal thyself. Affirm the positivity around you. The beautiful parts of that union. The love that you were blessed to feel…however it ended. Know that, the one person who is now gone does not encompass all love. Love is bigger than one person. No man or woman should be able to take love from you and leave you listless in pain.

Another thing…if a person is broken or damaged all on their own. Has issues of insecurity and self-esteem. Hates themselves and anyone who reminds them of who they are…that is not your pain to own. People do and be to their own capacity. Every action “against” you is not against YOU. Personalizing and internalizing someone else’s demons is a sure fire way to end up beating yourself up to the point of pulverization. Reciprocity is only possible, if the person embodies the capacity to give that very thing to themselves.

Internet Intentions

This thing we’re on…this forum we’re in…it’s the Internet. Oh, you didn’t know…well, lemme show you around. We have Internet shopping for the person who is addicted to shopping without the fuss and muss of being in a store or on a line. We have Internet School, for those who find it more convenient to get their education online and out of life’s way. Oh, over HERE, we have Internet games…they’re addictive, so steer clear if you have too much idle time. There are social sites for young people and older people. Some juvenile, some jazzy and mature (like Luvy’s Lounge) and some are just hotbeds for drama and ignorance. Watch out for stalkers and those waiting to scam you for whatever is in your bank account. *phew*

So, now that you’re acquainted…let’s take you back to the social sites. The sites meant to help connect people in this technological world, where everything is fast-paced and microwave. A lot of these sites generate cool connections for people who haven’t been afforded opportunities to mingle in their areas. Some of these people are socially stunted and don’t know HOW to mingle. Some prefer computers to people period…well, they too are socially stunted. Nonetheless, we are all here for SOMETHING. I’ve learned the hard way that people are not always who they claim to be and that you have to be careful who you give away your info to. Not everyone is here for the sake of peaceful and beautiful connections.

Now, these sites are and can be responsible for bringing together two people who may have never met otherwise. So many people date in their areas and come up empty-handed after dating and dating and dating. Finding love online has become as common as going to a club and buying someone a drink. Unfortunately, not everyone online is interested in participating in an adult exchange of honest intentions. Some people use it to gather booty calls and long distance “pen pals”. Men and women, using each other as ways to pass the time, to not feel lonely or to use for one thing or another. I think its deplorable that a person would tell another how much they mean to them, how special they are, how they want to live the rest of their life with that person only to be optioning out to other females/males in the same forum. Pitting folk against one another so that they don’t ever come together and figure the scam out…that they’re one of many. With so many men AND women empowered to freely have sex without commitment and strings attached, one wonders why they don’t all find each other and commence to doing what it is whores do. Why drag an innocent person into your games? Why lie to someone and toy with their heart, for your own personal gain?

So many guys and girls have strung people along and made them think love was on the horizon…only to back off the closer it became a reality. That is so weak…and it is so unfair to the person who has put their heart on the line for love. People REALLY need to be more careful…you never know whose life you may be destroying. Everyone isn’t detached from emotion like the pimp-like individual perpetrating a fraud.

I would hope that as adults, we begin to behave more as they would expect someone to treat them…and not oblivious to the feelings of others. If you want to be friends or more…that should be what is displayed and offered.

What are YOUR Internet Intentions?

Wondermentals: Love

This isn’t a poem. I’d say its more like…fragmented, random thoughts…

I wonder…
why cant it be simple?
love who we want
who wants US…
follow our hearts
to the desires they’re led by
be fulfilled in it
not just enveloped
left to suffocate in an illusion
why cant a man and a woman…
be?
be in love
stay in love
close out the madness
the distraction
the greed
the jealousy
envy
competition
and close in on the joy
why cant the one you trust…
be trustworthy
is it too much to ask
for love to love you back
to take words
at their weight
meaning what they say
meaning more than they weigh?
why cant the simplicity
filter through perplexity?
sloughing off the hardness
giving way to a soft ease
a please
why cant it be…
that when love sets in
all walls tumble
and love humbles
fear’s rumbles
and two unify
to be…
*one love, one love…you’re lucky if you have just one*
if I had a wish
for love’s sake
I’d wish that
when love arrived
it would be invited in
once invited…
it would be hosted
with pleasure and thanks
once pleasured…
it would be nurtured
to grow and evolve
I’d wish for
us to be faithful to it
unafraid of it
truthful with it
but,
I was just wondering…

A Little Goes A Long Way

I was talking to my sister today. She’s in that wonderful awe, we call…falling in love. She spoke in sighs and bated breaths about the man who has captured her heart and thoughts. Listening to her, I truly am convinced (as if I wasn’t before) about how much of an impact the “little things” have on a relationship’s dichotomy.

For instance…she said she was speaking aloud…almost rhetorically. She’d mentioned how she wanted something sweet. Without thinking twice…her paramour left and returned with a brownie. He does this with almost everything. He remembers her likes and dislikes and is attentive with what he’s discovered about her. She too, responds in like kind. Even though she knows he’s trying to quit smoking…one day after expressing his irritability with his day, he mentioned wishing he could get a cigarette and some coffee. Being that they work in the same hospital, she went and found him a cigarette and a cup of coffee and brought it to the building he was in. It’s the little things. She said that he would go without…not eat, rather than see her suffer. He thinks of her first…himself second. That says something about his character as a man, that before he’d see her go hungry or without money…he’d sacrifice his own comfort to see to it that she had what she needed.

When she’s upset, he lets her…he doesn’t attempt to fix it. He allows her the moment in which she needs to gather herself and find her calm. He’s there if she wants to talk…but not to try and be her hero. That is what some people don’t get. There are times when a person just needs to be understood, accepted and left to be an individual. He also knows when to shed optimism and not just WHEN, but HOW. He’s learned her in the few months they’ve been involved enough to see how her personality is. She too, knows how to allay his worries and support his needs. They’re open and communicative. Gentle and considerate. Loving and nurturing. Stronger together than apart. The little things, segue into the bigger things. Its like, when a building is being built…its the millions of bricks that fortify the structure into a tall skyscraper.

I guess the little things aren’t so little.

Going Home…Soon


So…my time in DC is coming to a close. I will be going home on Tuesday for good…or at least for a while. I had a good time. I really did. I remember at first not wanting to come here, feeling in some way that I’d be “inconvenienced”. Now, I realize that my coming here was as much for me as it was for the case of Syre. I had a different kind of “freedom” so to speak, while here. I slept less (lawd knows I did) but, I lived more. Being around my godson has been a joy. He may have kicked year two off the hinges (and his birthday is in May) but he’s still a good baby. I hope he learned something from me. I hope that he will remember me well. Well…he should. I spanked that booty today because he unscrewed, opened and “painted” with his mom’s nail polish…neon pink…on the carpet! LOL

I’ve gotten a chance to meet a couple of friends…not everyone I intended. Hopefully before Tuesday, I will at LEAST get to see one or two more. To be so close, yet so far…is wack as throwback Chinese slippers. I became closer to my godson’s mom, Aly. I thought I knew her, but I spent a LOT of time around her and realize how much she’s grown up since I met her. She was 19 when I met her…a spoiled little brat. Now, she’s a grown woman…grinding out, taking care of her child alone. I have a lot of respect for the sister I call “Pippy” (cuz she has so much energy). We truly took our friendship to another level these past 2 months.

I’ve snapped a few pics, gotten some peace of mind…LOST some *lol*, almost had to beat someone’s mama. Almost had to beat some hood rat. God truly DOES watch over babies and fools…cuz them fools coulda got it.

I got a chance to truly back away from the net at a time when my heart was in knots and my mind in a fog. I got clarity that you cant pay for. I had time to get my head together and be away from home. Not bad. Later, DC…it was good. I might actually visit again. LOL