Le Birstay Blog

HOLA!! How’s everyone?

I know, I know…I’m soooo off this blogging game. I think it became sorta kinda tainted when they started making money off of it…before that, blogging was an art and was fun. Now, it’s about capitalism and we all know what happens once an art gets exploited…but, I digress…big time. LOL

My BIRTHDAY! Right! ­čÖé

I turned 40 on January 10th. I’d been super excited for my birthday. I’m ALWAYS excited about my birthday. I love birthdays…mine and everyone’s around me. I normally just chillax on my day and soak up my own personal “New Year”. I dig a peaceful existence, so I’m just fine w/the meal of my choice and a little sippy sip while sitting in front of the TV. lol

NOT this year though. I wanted to share my day with some special people…friends…ladies, who’d been there for me. People who have been on some part of my journey. It’s goes without saying that my baby sis has been there the longest, but she’s far from being the only one to be in my life…giving love, support and true friendship.┬áMy girl Joy has been quite the sister, too. She helped me organize this little kween affair and did a lot of running around to ensure that all of those involved were either safely arrived, comfortable or accounted for.

Joy & Kiwi
Our friend Tina came in from Maryland to visit…
See, it started out as a mere visit. Tina wanted to come earlier in December, but the planning (along with the pressures of the upcoming Christmas season) was a bit much. I suggested she come at a later date and immediately, my birthday popped into my head. She, Joy and I would hang out and do fun things AND celebrate my milestone birthday. LEGGO!
Kiwi & Tina
Before long…this plan turned into what I called, “Kween’s Kick-Ass 40th Birthday Weekend”. Originally, the plan was to see Times Square and show Tina the town, but as time passed things changed. One of the biggest was my injury. I somehow happened upon a meniscus tear and was given an immobilizer with crutches. I couldn’t have been more bummed. I had SO much to do to prepare for this weekend and not enough get-up-and-go.┬á
Somehow…SOME way…the more important details came together. I may not have gotten my nails done, or had the necklace I wanted or been able to stroll Times Square, but I had friends and family who loved me and wanted to bring in my 40th year breaking bread in my honor.
Meeting Tina was the highlight of the weekend. As happy as I was to see all of my lovely sisters/sistars/sistas…this one was special. Once again, I got to meet someone who’d earned a piece of my friendship heart from afar. TIna is as sweet and loving as I thought her to be PLUS more. The energy this woman emanates is nothing less than a positive aura with the glow of a crown. She’s easy-going, but don’t take NO shit…my kinda girl. lol Having her there was very special.
…but, so is my entire sista circle. ­čÖé
My baby sister (and twin by six years) came and brought along our godson’s mom, Aly…my baby sister from another. I knew she’d come, but didn’t know she’d come…but, knew she’d come. LOL It’s hard to explain. Just know that I was glad to see shawty roll up in what had to be 5″ heels…tryna be taller than me. lol
Monifa, Kiwi & Aly
My sistars Chante & Caprice showed…which was a given. These ladies just hop on trains and beat a path. lol …it’s always too long between visits…but, it’s good to know that there are folks in your circle where the love remains the same no matter HOW long it’s been since the last hug.
Caprice & Chante

Speaking of a LONG time between visits…my friend Vikki and I hadn’t seen each other since my grandmother died. That’s almost three years ago. It’s amazing how “life” gets in the way and time continues to expand between people. The thing is…that regardless of how long it had been, when thinking of those I wanted to share in my day with me…she was definitely one of them. I was happy to see her and grateful that she took the time out of her non-stop busy life to come out.
Kiwi & Vikki
My cousin Felicia showed up, too! I actually just met her in December and wanted to make sure that we used every opportunity to hang out. She blended right in and I was tickled by her ease with my friends. 
Felicia & Monifa
Dinner was at the Havana Cafe, a suggestion by Caprice. The food was good…the ambiance was nice as well. We had a momentary run-in with a rude hostess, but all was remedied and the night went smooth afterward. I mean, what do you expect? She had that Latina fire…but, I gotta little Rican in me so THERE!! LOL┬á
Havana fare…
Joy got my cake from “Make My Cake” in Harlem. Red velvet…and good!
Yum!!
I have to say…not all who were invited…made it. My girl DeAnna aka Deedles…couldn’t make it. Crazier thing…even thought it’s not WHY she couldn’t make it…she, too had a knee injury that required an immobilizer.┬á
My girl Maria couldn’t make it on such short notice. We both pouted about it, but she kept telling me to have fun for her. I tried. lol I may not have poured some licka out for her…but, I definitely made my drink strong in her honor. LOL
My girl, Tei was sidelined too…I swear, it seems all my closest friends of the heart…live the furthest from me. That’s the down side to finding friendships in cyberspace. The distance is a killer of party dreams.
Gina…a close friend of Tina’s and mine…was thisclose to coming, but couldn’t. She was sorely missed with the rest of the absentee ladies.
My LOCAL girls, Ayanna and Renee missed the festivities as well. In spite of living in the vicinity, the two ladies had last minute issues that kept them away. We’re gonna plan an outing soon though. I mean, my birthday celebration ain’t over. I think 40 DESERVES a whole month of recognition…don’t you think?┬á
I spent my ACTUAL day with the lady who brought me in the world. We had a simple lunch of pizza and she helped me get a couple of errands done for the weekend. I got cool cards and gifts and I felt like a spoiled little diva. lol …what more could you ask for?
I had a wonderful weekend…and I just pray that God blesses me with an equally stellar year. How about that…I COULD ask for more.
Love you…fa weel doe. ­čśë
Kween

The Next Level: Turning 40

Wow…

ME…Kween…will be 40 (God willing) on January 10, 2013. I will have lived four decades (almost half of a century) on this earth.

I’m not daunted about the age though. Not the fears that I’ll look back and wonder where my best years went, or ask myself what am doing with my life, or mourn the fact that I’ve yet to have children and most likely will not. (I’ve done that already).

Why cringe at the grace God’s given me? I’ll be 40 and will have survived these years with a healthy┬áconstitution┬á a roof and four walls, a circle of beautiful friends and a good, albeit…wacky…family. I’m blessed. I love who I am and what and who I’ve become. I’m proud of myself for having been consistent in friendships and personality and for having grown in the places that needed to grow. I pray I’ll live to see the age my great grandmother died at…91. Sounds like a good number. Hell, if I survive to see 81…the age my grandmother died…I’ll still have done this 40 thing, TWICE!

I have plans for my birthday. I’ve always just let my day pass without a thought to celebration. I used to wait around for people to surprise me (which happened once at the age of 30), but I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to own my entry into my fine forties and kick it off with a bunch of ladies whom I couldn’t imagine having anything but the best time with. There will be some missing from the fray…some by circumstance, others by choice…and perhaps…I’ll nod and sip to their part in my journey. What I do know…is that I am going to have a ball.

The weekend in question will boast dinner, drinks, fun and maybe even a little shopping…but mostly it will boast LOVE. The love for my friends and theirs for me. If I could invite EVERYONE and see to it that they all showed up no matter where they were coming from…I promise you, I would. What I AM certain of, is that the well wishes that will be in the room will be no more important than the ones I get from afar.

Wow…I’m turning 40 y’all…FORTY. Thank God and good genes for that baby face! hehehe!

I’ll be sure to chronicle the weekend so as to share my day with you all.

Until then…Peace and Kweenly Love

Damn, Ladies…

Women Unite!!!

…or maybe not.

Why is that though? Why is it that women PERIOD seem so easily pushed to turn on one another. It doesn’t take much at all. The moment a woman leaves the room, something negative is uttered. A woman sees a confident woman doing what makes HER happy…out comes the claws.

I’ve never seen such meanness. I see so much side-eyeing, side-swiping, side-talking on a daily basis. In my Facebook feed, my Twitter timeline, my tumblr dashboard, my office, the store, reality TV…GEEZ la-fuggin-WEEZ!

I can’t even say it’s all about men, either. I’ve seen chicks hate each other for simple looks. “She thinks she’s this…” …whether that be her thinking she’s cute, smart, sexy, whatever…I see it.

WHY can’t a woman just look at another woman who is doing her thing and quite possibly succeeding at it…and give her kudos? And MEAN it? Why is it so hard for women to be honest with each other?

Has society pitted us against each other with it’s views of beauty and worthiness? Have we been indoctrinated over the years with superficial peeves about each other? Hair, clothes, weight, skin color…MEN? Yes, SOME of the issues are about men and the attention level one may get over the other.

If I see a woman doing something productive, making her life count for something and being a positive force…I can’t hate her. I love her grind. I love her determination and if I’m not doing what I feel I should be doing, I pray that she’ll inspire me. No, everyone doesn’t have to be┬áinspired┬á Hell…if you seriously have a reason to dislike or hate…then do you, but why must that be the only thing you have to offer? If I don’t like someone, I just don’t deal. I don’t care if she’s the average Jane or if she’s a celebrity. I seriously don’t like much of Nicki Minaj’s works. Rather than [at any given opportunity] go in on how good she’s NOT…I just don’t listen to her music. I don’t entertain her interviews. There’s no need for me to hold a hate campaign against her. If anything…I respect her carving out a place in the industry for herself.

I refuse to succumb to the title of a “crab in a barrel” by hissing in her direction or any OTHER female I may not care for. It’s not to say you can’t have an opinion, Ladies…but, why does it HAVE to include a hateful lambasting of “that bitch” that you PROBABLY don’t even KNOW well enough to have an opinion on? How do you arrive at a conclusion about any person you’ve never held a conversation with? That to me is a problem and it’s a seemingly BIGGER problem among my very own people. Yes, Black women…I’ve seen some HATEFUL ass comments about each other online. No sense of respect, boundary or basic loyalty to a caste of people who severely need to be unified. Nope…just crazy, insane, nonsensical hate and bitterness toward one another.

This HAS to stop!!

…but, HOW? Where does it begin? Does it begin with saying nice things in lieu of judgments? Does it come with changing the way you speak to people (changing the attitude and being less offensive/defensive)? Where do we begin? How do we pass on love, respect, peace and a sense of community love in place of hate, disdain, envy and division?

I don’t know. For ME, it’s checking mySELF. I rarely have a catty thought anymore. I used to have one from time to time, but those are far and few between. Nowadays, if I find myself rolling my eyes at you…I’ve truly come to that feeling by way of observing you or getting to know you…and even THEN, I don’t feel strongly enough to talk badly about you or wish you ill. Even when people have left my circle…I still send love their way. Why do anything else? Does it benefit ME to be a bitch and be a self-proclaimed warning signal that says, “I’M A BAD BITCH…BEWARE!”? Sure doesn’t. I refuse to sully my overall energy with that kind of negative brashness.

Please ladies…PLEASE consider how you speak. How you perceive each other. How you treat each other. Women are beautiful in so many ways and we must celebrate that in each other daily. Anything else is a crime.

Come out of the litter boxes, damnit! LOL

The Sista Circle

ABSOLUTELY…a personal vent blog. I don’t do it often…but, every now and then someone steps out into the wide crossing which is my range of shot. I’m a patient woman, a tolerant woman…but, I do get fed up. Don’t sleep on the sweet…please believe me.

Since high school, I’ve learned SO much about the dynamics of male and female interactions. I’ve learned that your friendships with your girls can sometimes carry over into your relationship with your man…and vice versa. If you’re not careful, that is. Girls since the beginning have had a kindred-ness that I wont say is “lacking” in male bonds…just different. What WE as women hold dear is way different than what men deem sacred. From the moment we could talk and emulate our mothers…little girls learned to chat and laugh and keep secrets. Some didn’t catch on to the “keeping the secrets” part…but that’s an entirely new blog. Most of us girls learned through trial and error that boys come a dime a dozen but that friendships…TRUE friendships can last eternal. EVEN if we stop talking…we never forget how we bonded with that chick that we did everything with, told everything to, went everywhere with and would’ve whooped ass for (and in some cases DID). We keep those memories…even when we don’t fully understand what went wrong.

SO, when we get older and actually LEARN from our mistakes…we tread very carefully around certain “unspoken rules”. I experienced a very traumatic betrayal when I was merely 19. I won’t go into details, but I’ll just say that someone who was 10yrs older than me, had ties to my family and I spent almost every day with…fucked me over…with the dude I was head over heels for. Even after we mended fences for the sake of family, we were never the same. I take VERY seriously that friendship bond…so, hence forward…she was never truly re-embraced by me. I love her, but I’m no dummy.

I digress…but, the point is (and I have one, lol) that because it took me a minute to get back into the swing of kicking it with females…I don’t play bullshit and games. If I trust you…that’s it. So, when a dude comes along…who too, is a friend…and infiltrates my circle…I gotta ask…are you CRAZY? No seriously, did you not read the manual? THESE *pointing at my girls* are my sistas by choice…so, if you have unsavory, dubious and surreptitious intentions…do not play over here. These beautiful, classy, sexy, smart, funny, sensitive DIVAS…will go into BITCH mode and tear your ass to shreds. PERIOD! Mind you…the ladies I deem sista-worthy…aren’t all best friends by default. “I” am the common denominator…but, because they love me…they respect each other. The dichotomy of each friendship is different. What I have with one isn’t the same as the others…yet, we know of one another and respect what we mean to the next. So if a cat comes strolling in the yard…tryna eat out a bitch’s bowl…well, it’s gonna go through all of it’s 9 lives in 9 seconds. *QQn* *LADIES…ASSEMBLE!* *inside joke* LMAO! To dumb it down…if there’s a tidbit of info to be known, in order to minimize drama…we’re gonna share it.

Fellas? If there was a chick who went from dude to dude in your inner brother circle…what would you call her? O_o RIGHT! So, if a dude knowingly bounces between friends…what does that make him? Oh…the MAN you say? Nah, it makes him a O_o too. I just don’t and won’t take pride in my boy making his rounds with my closest friends. I mean…Should a friend be respectful of a girls’ circle and shop elsewhere? Because, in MY book…it’s a violation. Don’t make a woman choose between her girls and her male friends…b/c if he’s in the wrong it’s an easy lose. If my girls are wrong, I tell them. We shoot straight no chaser…so, why should it be any different because your chromosome is a Y?

Miss me with that…

AND I’M TIDE!!