Koffee Break for Kween

Hello boys and girls *taking off good shoes*…I just came to see how you were all doing * placing on skips*. I wanted to share some things with you. *places on sweater* Welcome to Da Kween’s neighborhood! *Queue rock music*

Ok, lol…enough. I just came to check in on the few whom have been loyally reading the Kaleidoscope. I love and appreciate you dearly. Right now. I’ve been trying to get some things accomplished for myself and I’ve noticed that I’ve been spending way too much time trying to decide on the newest blog…rather than the end to my book I am writing. I love this blog, and I shall not abandon it…but, I need to get my head right with what’s important.

When I need a break from the scribing…I will hit up Y’ALL and see what’s flowing from your typing hands…so make it good. I’m counting on you all now…you NEVER know what inspires me. Smooches… Da Kween

Hmmm?: The Death of Society…or is it Suicide?

The other day someone posted a link on Twitter of a young man committing suicide. I clicked on it, but thank GOD, the video was stuck in the middle and could not be viewed. Still…the vision of seeing him lying in bed lifeless as he took a pharmaceutical overdose was more than enough.

It reminded me of the movie Untraceable, starring Diane Lane. The movie centers around a FBI computer specialist who traces online crimes. What reminded me of this movie, is how the people were dying while being viewed LIVE online. Though this young boy took his own life…it made me wonder as to what is becoming of this forum. The Internet, which can be a positive tool for socialization, research, entertainment and other forms of pass times…can also be a place for the worst kinds of things. I fear for our society where people are more apt to film their worst crimes and post them…or in this case, the taking of his own life. Abraham Biggs was merely 19…and it bothers me that someone so young would feel like this was his only option. That life was too much and therefore he had no use here. That his breath was useless and he was better off gone.

One of the reasons why I don’t stay glued to news channels and sites, is because a lot of things become sensationalized and therefore desensitizing to the public eye. What was once sacred, or held in a private and confidential vein…is now public and rampant to the degree of normalcy. Do we crave “knowledge” and voyeurism so badly that we ignore the humanity of our fellow people? Do we need to be in the know, live vicariously or desire an escape from our own realities so badly that we ignore that “switch” in our heads and spirits that say NO…do not partake?

I guess its something like rubber-necking. You know…when an accident takes place on the highway and though you know you may see the most gruesome sight possible…you can’t tear yourself away? Will we get to that point like in some movies of past…where death sentences are carried out nationally televised? Where everything that was once personal is now a “reality show” to be viewed, consumed and digested…eventually to be shat out and reduced to nothing? If so, I’m afraid for this world’s collective soul.

Use Your Imagination!

I am NOT a parent. It’s not so much a disclaimer as it is a reality. I don’t claim to know ANYthing about kids, but I WILL tell you this…kids have NO imagination nowadays. Or at least it seems so. I see all too often kids who need to be in front of the television or the computer in order to remain calm. I love the fact that my uncle only grants my cousins a certain amount of time in front of the TV and video games a week…and its EARNED!

When I was a kid, the use of my imagination was crucial to my mother as a parent. She was young when she had me, but she instinctively wanted me to know how to use my mind. Even though she was in her mid 20’s by the time I was in school…she still made it her business to make sure I used my mind. Buying me a few sets of books, including a set of Childcraft books and an World Book Encyclopedia set…was her way of giving me the freedom to seek knowledge on my own.
Asking her a question was as good as being sent to the “library” which was a cozy corner in our apartment housing a shelf with the aforementioned book sets. Games such as Junior Scrabble and Othello were there for me to play with. Yet, I had a chalkboard, plenty of chalk and paper to play school with. I owned coloring books, paint sets, crayons and all kinds of crafting materials. I learned how to use flour, water and food coloring as “play dough”. Sitting in front of the TV all day was NOT an option. We were sent to play outside and having all of the fancy toys they have now weren’t always available.

I remember…

  • ~Tap dancing with the bottle caps stuck to my sneaker soles
  • ~Playing house in the PJ’s where some of the hollowed bushes served as “rooms”
  • ~Digging an igloo behind the neighborhood clinic out of the 10ft snow drifts
  • ~Making up hand games and cheers with the girls
  • ~Having one parent take us for a walk around a neighborhood other than our own
  • ~Standing in front of the fridge playing Soul Train with the fridge magnet letters
  • ~Holding puppet shows from puppets made from socks and material

Back in MY day *I know I sound old, lol* you didnt have the common occurance where nearly everyone had a PC. No iPods to tune out our parents. No Internet to surf on when bored. No gadget for every known activity/action we need to perform daily. I know that we have advanced to this beautiful technological future, but I still think from time to time parents should tell their kids…NO TOYS…USE YOUR IMAGINATION!!

back pains

my back hurts
though the bones in my back
ain’t jelly
they ache
from holding shit down
holding people up
my spine don’t curve
but it bends
i pick up
lift up
hold up
sit up
when i feel like lying down
when i feel like slouching
i straighten my back
chest out
proud to be strong
and when no one’s looking
i lay down my bones
wanting a rub down
soft trails leading to a weary head
applied pressure
to relieve pressure
pressing on points
to relax the pain
if done right…
you can hear my heart
if REALLY right…
other things may part
my back hurts
i’ll just pop a few chill pills
and get back to the business of holding shit down

I’ve Been FREAKING Tagged!!!

I could REALLY slam “Funky Black Chick” upside a wall right now. LOL I JUST blogged about her, saying nice things…and then she makes me go and wanna snatch it all back! Why you ask? SHE TAGGED ME! *grrrrrr* She’s asked me to list 7 random things about myself and I guess I’ll comply for sport. I also have to add 7 links to 7 other blogs. (I’m gonna get beat up, lol) Here goes nada…

1. I hate creepy crawly things…but not just, say…A spider. How about them all clumped together? *itching* Whenever anything is in a multiple number of small moving things, I immediately get chills all the way to my scalp and start to itch. It’s enough to send me screaming into the day.

2. I’m a scent freak. I don’t mean that I love perfumes and stack up on them. I mean, I love to smell clean scents. It’s nothing for me to invest in scented candles, incense, air fresheners and cleaning products. I don’t like them overpowering either. A “canny” floral scent makes me wanna hurl…as opposed to a scent that kindly greets you on your way into a space.

3. Sounds. I love sounds. I find rhythm in everything. I can sit and listen to the rhythm of my environment and a song will spring up. Ask me to write that song onto paper and that’s where it’ll end. I don’t read or write music. I just hear it and hum it…but that quiet that leads to the harmonies in my head are what contribute to soothing my soul in the worst of times as well as accompanying my joys in the best of them.

4. I see things. Yep. Don’t get freaked out. I’m not. I’m used to it. I see spirit. I spend time around people, talking to them, or reading their words and its a wrap. I see it a lot. The struggles, the triumphs…the sadness, the fears. I used to be afraid to admit that. Once upon a time, it made me feel weird to be able to see things in a person that they themselves hadn’t told me yet…but its remains true. Do I TELL them what I can see? Sometimes…most times I wait for them to tell me themselves. That way it doesn’t feel so invasive.

5. I, like the culprit who tagged me have number recall…but in a different way. I recall dates and times. I also play with numbers in my head. I try to find different combinations for times on the clock. I reduce them to one digit. I even do what I’m sure MOST people do, which is catch people’s birthdays and/or special dates on the clock. I’m always watching the clock…not for time purposes, but to see what I can see THAT time.

6. I’m a cat lover…but, I have this effect on cats. Cats that don’t normally like people…like ME. Will follow me, rub up on my leg. This summer alone…I had 3-5 cats perched outside my house. Just chilling for no other purpose than to chill.

7. I love names. If you tell me your name I’m going to look it up…but, not before I use what I know about root words and language to try and figure it out. If I can’t find your names meaning, I’ll make one up based on your personality. Like for instance. My mother cannot find the original meaning of my middle name, Tenee’. So, I’ve decided it means “tenacious”. LOL

Here are the 7 sites I chose…I’m gonna get cussed out, but here it goes! If it doesn’t link, its because its a site which may be closed to public. (sorry)

Mahogany Speaks

My Twisted Mind~ Wizzy Jr.

A Diamond~Star’s Dream

Ebony’s Beautiful Eyes

Neturu’s Site

Butterfly Effect

Curvy Queen

What the FUNKY black chick?

My girl has this site. [FUNG’KE] [BLAK] [CHIK]™

Now, she’s been blogging on this site for a WHILE now. She’s been using this name, since her college days. Early to mid 90’s. She’s a GREAT blogger. She blogs on her life. She really puts her all into her site. I met her on Y360!, from which she dragged me to Multiply. She was there for a bit and left…only to return (mostly to read the blogs of her friends). The site above IS her main site to blog on. You’ll find anything from family funnies, to relationship highs and lows and political views. She speaks on fashion, music…but all to a personal liking. Her ideologies on everday tomfoolery is hilarious and thus she has a great following. I’ve been reading for a while now and not ONCE have I confused her site with another.

That brings me to why I’m even talking about her. Recently a woman with a similarly “fashioned” name, came to her asking her to cease and desist usage of her name based on some confusion, loss of “business” and “unfair competition”. I guffawed, simply because I never ONCE tried to get to my girl’s site…only to end up on the other one. One of MY confusions with this case is that the lady on the other site is insistent that she’s losing business…but, doesn’t that mean that MY friend would have to more than likely be selling goods? (Which she isn’t). If I was trying to get to someone’s site…that sells things (something I seem to want badly or need moderately) I’m not gonna confuse a site that sells AIR with one that sells merchandise. After being contacted my friend even placed a disclaimer, denying ANY affiliation with the other site to bring down any possible confusion.

Bottom line…this chick is writing about it so much, I figured…if people weren’t leaving your site for hers…they will soon. You’re giving her site FREE publicity (which she doesn’t need, esp. if its negative) AND you’re unfairly swaying the public opinion on something you PROBABLY shouldn’t be discussing. And what’s even funnier…is that the very thing she’s accusing my friend of is what it looks like SHE’S doing. Using the name similarities and this drama to bring in readers. *SMH*

Like I told my friend…there is Kentucky Fried and Kennedy Fried (esp here in the NE)…but, you DAMN sure know which one is made by the Colonel. The internet is VAST. There are plenty of corporations or sites here that have similar names and never bump heads…so, there IS enough room for us all.

Oh, and NO you’re NOT dreaming…I have NOT made mention of the other site…on purpose. If you do know it, don’t mention it here. Please and thank you 🙂

Nuttin BUT the Debil!!

I went out with my sister today to run a few errands. We had to swing by the bank to pay the rent. Now, lemme give you a little background. My sister is fresh off of major surgery…like 2 weeks, so she’s really just getting her self back on the road. She’s ALSO impatient as hell.

So, after we went to the bank where the rent goes…we went to HER bank. I was on a mission. I wanted some wine…so as she was depositing, I was withdrawing from the liquor store. LOL We left there and walked down to the Chinese place and ordered. (I had 4 chicken dim sum…yum) Until the order was to be picked up we had about 20mins. My sister decided she wanted to go look in the clothing store to see what they had in the way of lounge wear. Being that she’s got four more weeks off, she needs stuff to kick around in and because she mostly buys work or evening clothes…she had none. SO, we go to the store which is right by Wal-Mart. I say, I’m going to Wal-Mart..and immediately she grunts. She hates that store. She’s like, “How long is it gonna take?” I tell her not long at all.

I immediately begin speed walking from the clothing store to Wal-Mart and I promise you it was like the DEBIL! The FIRST thing I spot is 2 old ladies taking up the ENTIRE expanse of the doorway. One with a cart going at 0 miles…and the other with a walker…just standing there. I was like AW COME ON LADIES! (in my head of course)…one finally moved a millimeter and I got through. So, I’m speed walking again…only for me to then end up behind a dude who I thought originally was about to fall over…only to realize he was disabled and his walk was erratic. Now, I’m like…ok. This ain’t funny…forreal! I finally get past him and shoot over to the lotion. *check* then the incense *check* and as I’m basically burning 100 or more calories speed walking BACK from the rear of the store, here goes Mr. and Mrs. Oldypants! He’s leaned over pushing the cart and she’s obliviously browsing. I cut to go through another aisle only for IT to be blocked. I swear I kept bumping into folk…OLD folk or special people. I paid for my stuff and left…just in time for her to be at the check out. But they REALLY should’ve had “The Flight of the Bumblebee” playing. SHEESH!

*I know…I’m going to hell*

Love…from the heart of Kiwi

I rarely write personal blogs on my life. I speak vaguely to situations or on things to which can be taken generally, but my love life? No.

Today, I lost my friend. I lost someone who means a lot to me. More than a lot…something like a huge piece of me. Do I think I’ll ever get it back? I don’t know. All I know is that I reacted to my hurt in ways I am not proud of. I guess, when I realized that it was gone…my heart broke. Kind of like an explosion where shards of glass scattered to the winds. Some hit him…some hit the ground…others are still airborne and yet to fall to the ground. All I know, is the person who I awoke to every morning and went to sleep to every night…is gone.

Perhaps, this will fuel poetry. Maybe a song or two will spill from my heart only for the melody to fade afterwards. (that happens a lot) I may pour my hurt into my book and make it do what it do and be what I’ve been destined to be. What he believed I could be as well. I will make my dreams come true…step out of the shell (which he pried open and held long enough for me to step out of) and walk into the future.

If he reads this, I want to say…I’m sorry. Sorry that you feel your dreams cannot be made manifest with me riding shotgun. I’m sorry that you felt hurt ever…whether at my hands or anyone else’s. I’m sorry that I allowed the hurt I felt to change us. I’m sorry that you never felt you could be rawly emotional and open with me. I’m even sorry if in reading this you’re upset that I’m blogging on a personal level…but, hey. You brought me out of my shell, man. You created this monster. LOL

I also want him to know…that you were loved. Are loved. Are seen. Are worthy. Are beautiful. Are talented. Are special. That you’re always gonna be a part of me. Through my tears as I type, I still love you. And even when I’ve fully faded from your picture…I hope you will still keep pieces of me close. I wish you the best in life…never be afraid to reach out to me. God bless you, baby. I love you Papa Pea.


The 5 yr Philips Plan

*saying a Baby Jesus prayer*

(not MY TV in the pic)

Ok…I have been battling with my TV for a week. The picture has been going out. It starts blinking greens, reds and yellows and then cuts out with the sound. Its a 20″ Philips television, that I purchased for a little under $200 from Wal-Mart in December 2003. Upon moving to my current residence I found myself without a TV. I was in the process of a break up and had relinquished most of my possessions in the interim. So, when I got here…I told the ex…look fool, you pawned my beautiful 27″ TV and I need a TV. So, he gave me the money and I picked it up ASAP.

*fast forward 2008*

*insert dumbass look* —>Kiwi<— did NOT send in the warranty…or did I? Oh nevermind…because dude @ Philips Customer Service said that it wouldn't matter. It's been 5yrs so the warranty would've expired by now. On top of that the television is "dated". What the frazzled TV screen? My mother and sister have TWENTY and TEN year old televisions respectively. How the HEYELL does my Philips TV which is TURNING 5 in December has a shorter lifespan? He says (thinking I must be named Silly McDummy) that, "Well, ma'am…technology changes every 6 months or so…" So, I say, "Well, doesn't that mean it IMPROVES?" Or am I just being Crazy McBrainfart? If it changes constantly than shouldn't the wear be longer? Or is it that "plan" that someone told me about where the point is to keep people purchasing their products so they shorten the life expectancy?

Either way…I’m Angry McPissed because I basically have to figure out a way to replace the television if I EVER wanna watch TV in 2009. SHEESH Had I known Philips was hustling a 5yr plan to make me buy a new TV, I would’ve just gone to the pawn shop and bought back my old joint.

Intuition or Paranoia…or BOTH?

For decades we’ve heard of the glorious sense known as intuition. That “feeling” that one gets when something is wrong (or right). It’s that sense that won’t quiet itself. No matter what logic or realistic objectivity you throw out…you simply cannot shake it. It’s called “your gut”…probably because you feel that funny fluttering in your stomach. Not quite butterflies, but something more like bats in the belfry. Annoyingly loud and restless…hungry for truth and revelation.

I have heard so many say that intuition and paranoia are two different things…but, I’m wondering now. The definition of paranoia has it defined as a psychotic disorder. It’s a baseless distrust of others…yet a definition of intuition is defined as direct perception of truth, fact, etc…independent of any reasoning process. Well clearly they both stem from and are motivated by feeling and not fact. No reason is involved with either…just a sense of something being “off” Now of course paranoia is also defined as being an “EXTREME and irrational distrust of others”. Intuition isn’t so much extreme as it is annoyingly present.

Yet, I feel strongly that one or the other can be something so much bigger than what is taken from it. I know personally that the smarter you are the harder it is to share your vision or insight. People call you crazy or weird. So, it stands to question if one’s intuition was so keenly tuned…that someone ELSE may conclude them to be paranoid or over analytical…so ultimately it is the perception of someone looking from the outside in that makes the difference. I am sure there is someone who was thought to be paranoid who proved a theory to be true. No one believed him/her and called them psycho and other ignorant monikers all to be floored by the final outcome.

I say…go with your GUT. If you really know yourself…you can discern from whether you are “paranoid” or insecure and far off the mark. Or if you’re on point with an intuitive notion that can lead you to a long pursued truth. Go where your spirit takes you.