Word 2: Water

Onto day 2…this one should be easy…water

a walk along the edge
tipping on toes
sidling against
a slippery slab
wanting to float freely
afraid and unable,
still willing to try
“i’m not scared…”
hands too small to hold on…
from shallow to deep
in a blink, i dip
succumbing to weighted water
screaming silently
heart pounding
ears filling
feet reaching for footing
“where am i?”
“help…i can’t swim!”
thank Him
for putting ‘her’
where i struggled
she yanked me upward
like i was made of air
my cries freed
from the damp choking
shivering from fear and cold
i revel in the concrete underneath me
…i almost drowned

**as a child I almost drowned while at a park with family and friends. I decided to walk the edge of the pool and miscalculated the very moment the water went from 5 feet to 10. luckily, a woman was sitting on the edge, saw me struggling and pulled me clean out of the water. it took me years to want to get back into a pool…and crazy enough…I STILL can’t swim.**

The Second Day…

yea, I pretty much started it…

…a day in elementary school
Well, what had happened was…
There was this boy I knew throughout school. He used to look at me sometimes and I’d get uncomfortable. Didn’t help that two other boys (I’ll call em JM & MJ by their initials) were instigating. We were in 5th grade, in an “Intermediate Humanities” class for very smart kids. Case and point that us smart kids were still stupid. lol
It started with…
“Kali’s your girlfriend, Mike!” 
I got heated. First of all..I liked the other guy…MJ. So, I was pissed that JM said it and that MJ went along with it. The hell? Don’t be passing me off on nobody else. 
“Nah uh…I don’t like him!!” I said vehemently.
Meanwhile, Mike just sat there shrugging them off. He didn’t say ONE mean word about me.
Mike was a sweet boy. He bothered no one. His best friend was his saxophone. He carted that thing everywhere he went. 
Me, with my mean self (Shut up y’all) wasn’t satisfied with just saying that I didn’t like him like that. Oh noooooo…I had to drive the point home.
“What’chu looking at stupid??” I shouted from across the arrangement of desks. Mrs. Brown had the desks arranged in a “U” shape…all of us facing one another and the open space at the end of the class with the chalkboard…Mrs. Brown’s podium. He told me to stop and I didn’t. He told me he was going to beat my ass…I laughed. 
I totally forgot about it. I went through my whole day not worried. Laughing with my friends, eating lunch, playing at recess and finally, packing my bag to go home.
Well, HONEY!! Mike’s ass was waiting for me. He whooped my ass. I couldn’t see outta one eye and I’m almost certain, the only punches I landed were on air.
I deserved it. lol
Later, down the road…he finds me on Facebook. (Mind you, I’d seen him YEARS before on a bus while on my way home from work. He was as sweet then as he was in elementary. Even told me he had a crush on me…but, I was in love w/a fool…as usual).
When he found me, he hit me up and wanted to talk to me, so we went to FB chat. We talked a little and I brought this story up. Do you know he did NOT remember beating my ass? LOL He was like I’m so sorry. I really am. I just said that I deserved it, laughed it off and we continued chatting. 
Mike Phillips aka Mike Philly…the saxophonist and Hidden Beach artist…beat me up. LOL
Truth is…that ass whooping ain’t stop shit. I was still NOT having anyone’s shit and fought boys all the time. I had to step my game up though…shit. LOL

Snapshot #2: Yellow

Photo of: Yellow

A yellow candle…in the shape of a butterfly. It’s more yellow than it shows. Yellow is my favorite color, so of course it was like hitting pay dirt when I got this candle. I won’t even light it…

Behind it, I’m sure you see the “Tiffany-inspired” butterfly lamp…and a butterfly that houses an electric flame tea light candle. 🙂

Also the color that Dee calls me. She says I’m “Kali Simpson”…you know…relative to Homer anem? *rolling eyes*

Funny thing…I don’t own as much yellow clothing as one would think since it’s my favorite. I just can never find anything I like in yellow.

Foods I like that are yellow:

I love the sun, yellow flowers, yellow butterflies (of course), Post-its, journals, shoes, underwear (I do own a bra set in yellow cotton :), rings/stones, birds, pottery…you get it…

*in my Celie voice*  …Yellow…Y-E-L-L-O-W…yellow.

2~ Thus Far…

Best Love…what they meant/mean to you…

Well, this is what had happened right? I don’t even know why I asked this question because truthfully, I’m not quite sure I’ve met my best love. (Goes to show you I wasn’t thinking of self when composing this challenge)

I will say this much…my ex of 8 1/2yrs, the one with whom I had a tumultuous and abusive relationship with was my best thus far…and I’ll tell you why. (of course I will, lol)

What I know about dude, is that he was an addict. Having a father who was an addict taught me the basics of the disease. When dude was sober, he was a wonderful friend and companion. He changed drastically the moment he was using.

As a sober man, he was loving, tender, respectful, protective, funny and endearing. He was a functioning addict, so he still managed to get up every day for work and provide. He was never selfish with his money or his time. We often had some of the best times cruising in the car up Boston Road from Bronx until we hit Port Chester. He’d point out all of the massive mansions and we’d end the trip with chili dogs from a hole-in-the-wall joint. We were movie buffs, music connoisseurs and had a knack for reading each other’s minds…especially where private jokes were involved.

He worked and I stayed a “housewife”.  In spite of this…he made no qualms about doing the shopping, the laundry and sometimes…the cooking. He taught me a LOT. Deep esoteric, abstract, out of the deepest dimensions of the universe type knowledge and ideas. My brain never rested…challenges on a daily basis. We’d do book reports. He introduced the book “Superman to Man” and Assata Shakur’s autobiography to me.

When it was good…it was great. When it was bad…it was fucked up…but, I learned. I learned what he meant to teach me and what he didn’t mean to teach me. I learned how to lean on my faith and how to understand the difference between loving someone and holding on for the fears that sit in wait.

If there’s a “best”…he was it. He set the standard for what I do and DON’T want…and that’s a hell of a blueprint to work off of. I’ve since forgiven him for the things he put me through because I understand addiction and it’s workings. I saw the love in his eyes when he was lucid and the hate for himself, when he wasn’t. It was never about me…and THAT is a hell of a lesson to obtain. Realizing when someone is mistreating you that it’s not always YOU their mistreating, but the fears and ideas that hold them hostage. Thank you, my friend…you taught me well.

~waving at my friend~

Dia Dos~ Something I Love About Myself

I’m a LOVER!

I LOVE that…so much!

I love that no matter what happens, what situations take place, what betrayals ensue, what “failures” fall through…I still believe in the power of love. God’s love, His love through me, my love for others, their love for SOME thing or someone. I champion love everyday.

I feel like, the true test of love…whether friendship, familial or spousal/intimate love…is when things are bad. Those who give up and run away make me sad. It takes a LOT for me to decide, I’m done…and even then, they remain in my thoughts and prayers…my HEART! I never stop loving you. I only love you from a distance.

REAL, TRUE, AUTHENTIC love is something I tell people about all of the time…not that half-assed thing folks CALL love. I’m talking moves-mountains-crosses-seas-closes-distance-climbs-heights-changes-your-life type love…THAT, makes no excuses. Does no harm (intentionally). Keeps no record, etc…just refer to I Corinthians Chapter 13. It’s my favorite passage. It’s speaks to me deeply. It’s what I strive for daily.

Sorry for the ramble…but, what I love about myself…I SO love about myself 🙂