The Fifth Day…

wearing that ring…

…the day you first fell in love

I used to say that it was when I was four and fell in love w/my first. I’m gonna keep it real with you. So, here it goes…

When I first fell in love with the first wasn’t at 4. That was puppy love…a crush. I think I fell IN LOVE with him back then when he kissed me up against the wall in the middle of the night, while his hand was on my 11yr old boobs…

Nope, let me try again. I think I fell in love with him…when we were watching a movie in the dark with his sister and he reached around her for my booty…lol

Nah…okay, maybe it was when got on his knees between my legs and unsnapped my…wait, no.

Perhaps, it’s the day that I feel like we went from having sex to making love and he made me feel like a woman…no?

Damnit. Okay so maybe it was when he first sang to me. ~sigh~

Maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe it was the other guy. See…I’m thinking I had my first mixed with my first love. The fella I spoke of up there, was the first to kiss my lips, feel my hips and deflower me. He was the first to give me fuzzy feelings and the first to break my fragile teenage heart…but, the first time as an ADULT was probably in 2007.

In 2007 Mr. Mic had entered as a friend via the Nets. We talked a lot and I dug that. I wasn’t looking for love at all. I didn’t mind his conversation, but I was very aware that he was the object of a lot of ladies’ affection. He was charming, concerned and comical…and that’s valuable to women.

He’d sung to me, but that wasn’t it. He’d told me he loved me…and that wasn’t it. He’d cut off a lot of people, giving his time to me with undivided attention [for a time] and he called me everyday in the beginning. I think when I realized I’d fallen in love was when I found myself singing his music one day and smiling big. A song I had written a verse on. It probably was in early January of 2008 near my birthday.

It was an Internet love though. It didn’t manifest past these bits and bytes. Many asked what it was that made me love him…some even doubted that you could fall in love on the Internet. I say…if you can be with someone who mistreats you, cheats on you, lies to you…in your face, why can’t I fall in love, join spirits and share a heart…sight unseen? What makes your tangible, physical love more important than my ethereal love that brought me out of my shell, introduced me to people I love to this day and gave me a song in my heart for 2+ years? Who can replace that?

Nothing…

…and nobody

9~ Different Than Before

Tell us about the first time you ever made love (not had sex)

The 1st love and I had become estranged. I won’t go into details…but, I’ll say it was my very first experience of a friend’s betrayal with my love. For the longest time afterward I spoke to neither of them…and to be fair, when I decided to forgive one…I forgave BOTH. (Although, the friendship between chick and I was never quite restored. Hey, neither was mine and his!)

I was home. Sitting my little sister and a young lady from the church family we were a part of at the time. My sister had been told numerous times to NOT let dude in, but she had a soft spot for him just like I did. The doorbell rang and even though I KNOW my sister told the young lady (her name was Mo) that I didn’t wanna talk to this cat…they both still let him up the stairs.

There I was in the kitchen and when I peeked past the door (thinking I heard his voice in the house) there he was…

~sigh~

Fine as ever…

::FUCK::

I threw on my straightest face possible and asked what he was doing there. That I still didn’t want to discuss anything with him. He practically begged me to take a walk with him back home. He wanted to talk to me and apologize…he just didn’t want to do it with the youngins around. I caved. I didn’t want them hearing either…besides…my mother didn’t like people in her house when she wasn’t around. I was 18, so I had to do what she asked.

I told the girls I’d be back…and off he and I went. We walked the short block to his apt. Turned out, his mom and sis had moved and all but a few things the place was empty. He was about to move into a room, but had a key still.

As I sat on the old freezer he stood between my legs as they dangled and begged me to forgive him. He said sorry a lot…and honestly he rarely ever apologized. This was new. ::pause::

For the record…he and I had a sexual relationship that didn’t span the intense emotions of passion and lovemaking. We had sex…up to this point. I knew the difference the moment he kissed me in a way he never had… >>play>>

He kissed me and held my face. I felt like crying and I’m sure he could tell. He took my hand and led me to the back room. There…he kissed me. He gently unbuttoned my shirt as he kissed my neck. (another tidbit of info…as youngins…we rarely were ever full-on buck-it naked. There was always SOME article of clothing remaining) He fully unclothed me and laid me down. He undressed and laid with me…touching, kissing, holding me…sweetly.

(another tidbit [I hope he doesn’t read this and kill me, lol] …we used the rhythm method. He always pulled out)

…not this time. THIS time…he and I stroked back and forth into and onto each other with a passion I hadn’t quite felt from him. Him deeeeeep in me as I straddled and let him apologize. When it was time to pull out…he didn’t. He held me tightly and that shocked the hell outta me. We laid there…naked…until we fell asleep. I actually awoke to him watching TV and it being dark outside. He apologized some more and wanted me to stay…but, I couldn’t. I had to go check on the two chicks I left home.

From that point on, our time together had more meaning than it had before…until it was no more.

1~ Adore

First Love (of course!)…what they meant/mean to you…

I can’t listen to Adore without thinking of SB. They go hand in hand. He really was my first love. We grew up together and honestly, I followed him around until it was no longer cute to do so. Once we stopped “playing”…we began something else…

I lost my virginity early. I was 13 and he was 16. Not the ideal age to begin exploring sex…but it happened. I don’t regret him though. Even though, I know there was some juvenile insecurities involved behind his reasoning for not wanting people to know we were sexing…I’m still grateful that I gave myself to someone who basically cared for me. I blame his “shame” on youthful pride and caring way too much about what his friends would think (even though at one time or another they all tried to get some). I didn’t have to worry about my name being dragged through the bowels of the projects’ halls…”Kali’s a slut…” or some shit like that. He remained my one and only until I was 20yrs old…and I’m proud of that.

He and I are still cool. He’s on my Facebook page, has my number and from time to time we talk or text. He’s never gonna be my “brother” again…but, he’s always gonna be my boo.

Oh…he never DID give me back my Prince cassette. LOL

Dia Viente y Cuatro~ Make A Playlist To Someone…


…and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)


This is SO hard. There are like SO many people whom I have a musical history with. Friends, family, loves. This is almost unfair to ask me to narrow it down to one absolute person. I think I’m gonna go with my 1st love. The reason being is because for all intents and purposes…this dude (as well as my dad) help to imprint the love of music into me. We did duets all of the time, singing and vibing off music. To this day, this dude and I are still cool. THAT is the reason I can rock this playlist. We’re over each other but love each other just the same. We don’t kick it (which is best for all involved) because our energy is overwhelming and could shut out everyone in the room. We don’t mean it…it’s just who we be! 2B & 2E friends forever!


So here it goes…


Dearest First (Anonymity is best, lol):


~Let’s Chill by Guy~ A song that no matter WHO I’m loving still reminds me of you and makes me want to chill with you (as friends) LOL


~Giving My All To You by Johnny Gill~ Man. I can’t stand you dude! To this DAY whenever I sing this song and get to this part, I sing it the way you did…”I’m just waiting for you, Kali…come to me” LMAO Even though I know GOOD and damn well, it’s BABY…not Kali. Too funny! (Who ELSE’S name did you interchange with baby…damn Romeo) LOL


~I Care by Tony Toni Tone’~ I can hear you AND see you singing this…I’m so glad we cool as hell or I’d have to marry you. LMAO


~Let Me Be Your Angel by Stacy Lattisaw~ This is the first song you ever heard me sing and realized I COULD sing.


~Secret Lovers by Atlantic Starr~ No comments. LMAO


~Always by Atlantic Starr~ I just think that our voices went perfectly with their sound then. We tore this down every time we sung it.


~Ready Or Not by After 7~ Remember how you’d take the low lead and I’d take the falsetto lead?


~Thriller by Michael Jackson~ YES…the WHOLE album. We sung the hell out of this it!


~Center Of My Joy by Richard Smallwood~ He probably doesn’t even remember that I smuggled my mother’s album out of the house so he could hear this…see what a girl does for love? LOL


~All I Want Is Forever by Regina Belle & James Taylor~ Another duet we couldn’t resist


~Purple Rain by Prince~ Yes…again….the whole album. We watched this movie ad nauseum, so we sang those songs until we got told to shut it by your mother. lol


~Adore by Prince~ Always and forever this will bring me back to one of the first times we “did it”. Barely 14…but forever connected with you…AND Prince!


~I Wanna Rock With You by Bobby Brown~ I can see you tryna rock with me. *giggling*


~Perfect Combination by J. Gill & S. Lattisaw~ Come on…we’re the king and kween of duets! LOL


~Where Do We Go From Here? by S. Lattisaw & J. Gill~ WHAT? O_o LOL


~Vanishing by Mariah Carey~ One of my solos you loved 🙂


~Tears of Joy by Karyn White~ I can see you sitting intently at my dining room table as you listened to me sing it with my eyes closed 🙂


Look, I could do this all day with so many songs from several eras…truth is…this cat and I sat and sang EVERY day in some way. We were bonded through music and knowledge. We’re each other’s blueprint for what it is we seek in people. That need to be able to enjoy music and have great conversation between sexual peaks is something that is a pertinent building block of a relationship.


I hope if he ever reads this…he’ll be able to go backwards with me and enjoy the trip.


Love Always, “Pekoe Light” LOL