Legacy of Marriage

My mother and I were out running errands the other day. She had on a yet to be released CD by Kirk Whalum. The Gospel According to Jazz 3 is a must have. One of my faves is the piano rendition of Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me” with George Duke on piano…but, I digress. LOL

Kirk was speaking to the audience (it’s a live CD with a DVD companion) and was telling everyone about his dad who at the time was still alive, but sick and making his transition. He said something that sparked this blog. He said, “My brothers and I and our wives…”

“OUR wives…”

I said to my mother, I love that…I love that when all the men in the family are married and there is a legacy of marriage. She said that it was indeed THAT reason…why it may work for them. They’ve known nothing BUT marriage in their family. Now, don’t get me wrong…there are people who have not seen an example of marriage and/or healthy relationships, and they’ve found happiness. Yet, what did they go through in order to find that place of peace? What I believe to be a great truth is that those shown healthy and I repeat…HEALTHY relationships and marriages lean more toward finding themselves married more contently. Just like a child needs two parents…they need to see their parents (or some semblance of it) interacting in a functional partnership of matrimony in order for them to navigate through the trials of being a couple. You learn behavior that is exampled…even if only from a mentor. For instance…my cousin has become his pastor’s honorary 4th child. The pastor has been married to his wife for long over 20yrs and have 3 productive children. My cousin befriended his eldest son when they were younger and have been roll dogs ever since. Seeing their example of family, “I” believe is the reason my cousin wanted to go to school…and why now he is striving to be a minister (even though he’s loved church since before he even knew this family)…but, again…SEEING it and knowing its possible are two different things.

My uncles are married. I have 3 on my mother’s side and 1 on my father’s side. My uncle on my dad’s side married finally 7 years ago…but, by then he’d done all a man could do and more. My mom and dad were never married and not so sure either of them are worried about that now. The three uncles on my mom’s side are married and have been married for several years. My oldest uncle has been married for over 20yrs…to his 3rd wife. My other two uncles were married the same year 2 months apart. They’re still with their wives even with all they’ve been through since. Yet, I noticed…the women in my family aren’t married…or in serious relationships for that matter. On my maternal side, my grandmother was never married, but her sisters were…and their children were. MY grandmother’s daughters and granddaughters have yet to find that to even be a possibility as of yet. On my paternal side…my grandmother was married to my grandfather, until they divorced before I was even born. She’s yet to be “seen” with a man. *laughing at my grandma*

I wonder how it is that the MEN found a legacy of marriage in a family where there was no example of relationships…yet the women have not. I would love to see someone’s take on it.

Happiest 2nd Birthday, Syre Boo!

Today is my little Pufnstuf’s 2nd birthday. He was born early…2 whole months early. His mom was supposed to be on bed rest, but the bills demanded that she work. My godson Syre Christopher was brought into the world and became a ray of sunshine for all who love him.

He endured a couple of surgeries and a couple of months in the hospital. When he came home from the hospital, his mom and dad rented a limo to bring the little star home. He was so small…but so strong. I saw him in the hospital. I saw him a month after his trip home…and then again a few months later for his 1st Christmas. A whole year went by without seeing him. I saw him again on Christmas of 2008. We saw him frequently into the New Year, and then his mom asked for my help. It was then…about 2 days after my birthday…that I returned home with her and Syre. I stayed in DC for 2 months caring for him, waking up with him everyday.

That little boy is a TRIP. I’d wake up and he’d be standing over me like 3am smiling. He has a sense of humor to rival some adults. He knows EXACTLY when he’s being funny. Take that picture up there. It’s one of my faves. His mom and I were talking, just gabbing along…both of us on our laptops…when we looked up and he had on her new beret. He had it tilted right and everything, with this smirk on his face like, “Am I funny…huh?” Of course Auntie had to flip out the camera phone and take pics. Too hilarious for words. There were so many more moments like those. I got to bond with him, teach him…and in the interim…learn from him as well.

I miss him like crazy. Happy Birthday, Syre. Godmommy loves you.

Happy Mama’s Day

I just wanted to come through and say Happy Mother’s Day. I don’t care if you’ve never carried a child in your life…if you’ve ever loved someone with the unconditional, unwavering strong love of a mother…then you too, have mothered.

This year, I got to spend a lot of time with my godson and he taught me so much about love, patience, consistency and how to be real (kids can see right through you).

I feel sincerely blessed to have him, whether I ever have a child of my own or not.

Remember to take your reverence of mom all through the year. But, then…that’s how we should treat EVERYONE. No occasional commercial holiday should be the standard for how we treat our loved ones. Each day should be cherished and beheld within our hearts…giving what love we have to those around us.

Be blessed…I love you.

Games, Pawns and Checking ya Mate

Restraining order…court appointed psych test…supervised visits…physical abuse…using child as pawn to manipulate the situation.

What am I talking about? BULLSHIT…PURE unadulterated, nonsensical, unnecessary bullshit.

I know a dude who has been separated from his wife for 2 years. In that time…all of those legal terms above have been used against him. In SPITE of his wife’s incessant emotional and psychological torment…he wanted to reunite. He did everything she asked to prove himself. She lied to the courts and said he was a danger to himself, he had threatened suicide and that she was afraid for her son’s safety with him. The courts made him take a psych test…which he passed. Unfortunately, he was appointed supervised visitations…meaning if he sees his kid…he has to see her too. THEN, when he finds someone else…moves on, files for divorce due to abandonment…she becomes this maniac, stalking him and the girl…showing up at his house at inordinate times of the day or night. Going from Ms Bitch on Wheels, to Merriest Homemaker. TELL me that’s not the craziest shit?

I personally feel like she is wielding her power…recklessly I might add. She’s already taken dude to the cleaners (because since he isn’t divorced his income still gets allotted to the household). She’s controlling when he sees his son…if at all. She knows his family has an open-door policy…so she comes in and out freely now that she suspects she is losing control over him. All of this is because he’s chosen to go through with the divorce she never thought he’d ask for. She is confrontational…looking for reasons to get into it with him and his new interest…yet, throughout the marriage (of 8yrs) she’s been openly disrespectful…allowing men to challenge her husband’s position…leading him to believing strongly that she’s been sleeping with at least ONE person. SO…wtf?

THIS is why I say, when you’re in a situation that is drawn out like psychological/emotional warfare between you and an ex-spouse/lover (esp. one that is headed to court) you should DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Like a journal. Every time something happens out of the ordinary or out of that person’s character….or just an unstable behavioral pattern…write it down.

The judge WILL look at all inconsistent activity. If a person is saying in court, “Your Honor…this person is harassing me”…but the records point towards mental game playing and THAT person initiating conflict…esp. ones that led to filing of false reports…the judge will not take kindly to that.

Basically, you have to be willing to take certain things into your own hands. If you allow for a person to think that just because they’re not being watched by an officer of the court…that they can do malicious things to you…they will continue to do so. You have to be proactive with 3 major things in life…education, medical doctors, and the law. Not only will the courts possibly see a factor that isn’t visible to the naked eye…but they will respect the process. The time and energy you took to build a case and come full throttle in the courtroom, instead of half-assing and playing tiddlywinks on the taxpayer’s dollars. An organized case makes for speedy decision making. I think it is time well spent…especially where children are involved.

Where My Mind Is

Lately my mind has been everywhere. I’ve got so many ideas that I can barely focus. There are SO many stories, blogs, poems, etc…swimming around in my mind’s pool…that I can’t focus on how to get them out one at a time.

I recently put up a new blog…an erotica blog. Fruits of Love is the place where all of my sexy, tawdry, and illicit tales go. I’ll be churning out stories in parts (usually 8, including an epilogue), erotic poetry and short stories, and from time to time the occasional freestyle blog on whatever is sexually seducing my brain. You know? Sex in relationships, mature thoughts and such.

So, hopefully…I won’t become TOO scattered that I can’t come and give my readers a quality look through my Kaleidoscope. I also am trying to reinvent my cooking blog “da Kween Can Burn“…and considering getting the Kween’s Kouch up and running on Blogtalkradio. I hear they need some quality shows. LOL (kidding).

Hang in there with me guys…I promise I wont fade into the dark or melt away. If I have to come here and give you all an update blog, I WILL remember to come to my base blog and give love.

In the meantime…don’t be shy…stop by the above highlighted blogs and leave your feedback there or here in the below comment section. Let the kween know if she’s keeping it royal! 😉