*Sneaks Back In*

SO…

If you haven’t guessed it…(as predicted by some of my friends) …I’m back.

I WOULD start getting inspiration to blog as SOON as I decided to shut it down. *SMH* I didn’t think I’d get inspired so soon, but so much has been happening around me that I seriously kept thinking, “This is a blog…”

So, here I am. Perhaps if I get that feeling again, I’ll just leave it be.

Did you miss me? No? I understand…lol

Anyway…

Back…and writing. Stay tuned 🙂

Snapshot #6: Home

Photo of: Home
This is home…
Well, the back of it. I decided not to take a pic of the front b/c I don’t need folks tryna figure out which street in which city does that number belong to. LOLOL

It’s not ALL ours. We live in the bottom right part. That bottom window furthest on the right is actually my window 🙂  I love where I live. I have a great view of the Hudson River and Bear Mountains…

daytime
I am always taking different pics of these mountains…especially come sunset…
Sunset
Sorry if I broke the rules and posted more than one pic…lol

Billy the Bully





You all know or knew Billy…the bully. Remember that kid. He was bigger than everyone in his class and his shirt didn’t cover his stomach anymore than his pants covered his ass? His parents couldn’t afford the fly shit, so dude walked around beating the crap out of kids who were dressed better? His ass would come through and smack the shit out of you just because you had a name. “What’s your name?” You’d shudder and reply, “Lenny…”.  :::SMACK::: “That’s a STUPID name!”. 


Yea…you remember him. All jokes aside, Billy was troubled then, and if he didn’t get the snot whooped out of him or someone didn’t blast his crazy ass…he’s somewhere looking like the adult version of his grade school persona. Still knocking over people in the attempt to exact some control in his life. If some woman felt sorry enough, she married him or had a few of his spawn and he’s smacking them around for just being.


I am STILL not joking…


This is what happens to a lot of bullies. Misery becomes his best friend like Linus’ blanket. He drags it everywhere he goes. Chances are…Billy Jr., Billimina and Billisha…are bullies, too. Dad has made life hell at home, so they’ve grown accustomed to exacting control on the school yard…OR the Internet. 


When I did an online talk show a couple of years ago…the producer had a PSA from the Ad Council.  Some little chick “ding-dongs” on her friend’s bell, waltzes in as she greets the mother…and as SOON as she rolls up on her “friend”, she goes IN. She goes from telling her that her dress makes her look like a clown, to her breath smelling like garbage, to her disclosing the fact that the REASON they know it smells like garbage is because the boy she kissed says so. I mean REALLY? I would’ve beat her ass on MY living room floor. As soon as the first words exited her mouth, Megan or Judy or whatever her name was would’ve been swallowing those words whole. The motto?  “Cyber-bullying…if you wouldn’t do it in real life…don’t do it online.”. I would always follow it up with, “Why do it at all?”.


Secret: “I” was “Billy”… 


I remember being a mean child. I was feeling some kinda way about mom, or the new baby, or dad, or whatever…and I’d go to school and slug upon some unsuspecting children. My mother even walked up on me in the middle of me doing a “Sluggo” on some poor girl.  I got spanked…I think. Either way, some years down the road…I traded in my bully fits for a new outfit. I donned a cape and a “U” on my chest. “Underdog Girl”. I wouldn’t bother anyone and I wouldn’t fight if approached…well, if they hit me it was on…but, I let people talk themselves blue, while inwardly DARING them to hit me. YET, if someone picked on a friend of mine…I was ON it! To this day, I don’t take kindly to someone just going in on someone who not only didn’t ask for it…but isn’t willing to speak up. I got a lot of respect for being that one to do that FOR them. I didn’t NEED the respect….but, yea…I made sure no one took me for light and that no one beat up on weaker folks when I was around. To this day, I’m fiercely protective of anyone who I love…and some who I don’t even know.


I wonder what happened though…


I wonder what happened to the little girl I beat up in kindergarten for nothing…


The child in the bathroom stall who I believe I was jealous of because she had on the prettiest outfit, the perfectly braided ponytails and cute glasses (which I believe I broke) ~sigh~…


The little girl who got cornered in the PJ’s hallway by myself and a friend…


God forgive me…I’m probably suffering behind that mess right NOW. *lmao*


Seriously…this blog came about because my sister Almond Joy aka Butterfly Effect posted about a young man named Tyler Clementi, who committed suicide. This young man jumped off the George Washington Bridge, because his roommate shared his homosexual escapades on Twitter via live cam links. WHY would that guy do that? Why would he expose that young man’s lifestyle like that? Why do people feel the need to “tower above” people with such disrespectful and hurtful things? All I know is that a young man is dead because of it. He didn’t feel he could tell a soul of his shame…so he decided his life had no value. NOW, the young man who revealed his secret has to live with this in HIS life. What a sentence.


Parents and adults need to…HAVE to do better. No, I’m not a parent, but damn it, I was a child once…and I know what happens when it’s not nipped in the bud. My mother nipped it in the bud. Children are our little reflectors. Children emulate what is shown to them. They have a distinct idea of us…and they personify it in the scariest ways. You’d be surprised how your little one views you. If we perpetuate rudeness, violence, dysfunction and hate…our children will mirror that. If we don’t cut it out in the early years, by the time grade school is out…they’re who they’re going to be until something traumatic evokes change in them. By then, they’re solely responsible for their own souls and actions. There’s got to be a resolution. The village is divided and in disarray. The home is not a haven anymore. The schools are glorified meeting places. It is imperative that the the village get rebuilt…and that the home be a safe place to be. Otherwise, our children will become bullies…or victims of bullies.


I am sorry to those children I hurt. I pray that their lives weren’t affected too adversely by any actions of mine. I accept my karma…I pray that I’ve protected enough people to bring balance. That is a sincere apology…and they probably will never see it.


My prayers go out to the Clementi family…and to all the families who have experienced similar losses.

h.o.m.e


i saw a homeless person
crouched
in the structured shadows
of cement stilts
the circumstance much colder
than the weather he was weathering
a pallet of rags
thinly veiling
the hardness of the ground’s
rock bottom
watching the world go by
literally
the metro moving
the highway grooving
but nothing soothing
this underground space
that is his home
away from a home
movies
nor stories
nor allegory
can prep a soft soul
to spot a lone soul
with no home
free from shelter
protection from climate
all things
harshly shat upon him
no blinds for the sun rays
no warmth from the cold fronts
because…
for 30 miles
my smile hid
inside a heavily laden heart
optic clips
flashing in stills
of this epidemic ill
ironically,
he may be happily free
free from the constraints
of faithless love
being told what he ain’t
ain’t gone be
ain’t gone have
ain’t gone learn
free from time
gotta clock in
or be docked
gotta show up
or be thrown out
he’s got panoramic
live
HDtv
surround sound
at ground zero
or maybe that’s what i tell myself
to soften the painful sight
of a man
with no home
in the cold
on my way home…
heart of my/man’s existence

Going Home…Soon


So…my time in DC is coming to a close. I will be going home on Tuesday for good…or at least for a while. I had a good time. I really did. I remember at first not wanting to come here, feeling in some way that I’d be “inconvenienced”. Now, I realize that my coming here was as much for me as it was for the case of Syre. I had a different kind of “freedom” so to speak, while here. I slept less (lawd knows I did) but, I lived more. Being around my godson has been a joy. He may have kicked year two off the hinges (and his birthday is in May) but he’s still a good baby. I hope he learned something from me. I hope that he will remember me well. Well…he should. I spanked that booty today because he unscrewed, opened and “painted” with his mom’s nail polish…neon pink…on the carpet! LOL

I’ve gotten a chance to meet a couple of friends…not everyone I intended. Hopefully before Tuesday, I will at LEAST get to see one or two more. To be so close, yet so far…is wack as throwback Chinese slippers. I became closer to my godson’s mom, Aly. I thought I knew her, but I spent a LOT of time around her and realize how much she’s grown up since I met her. She was 19 when I met her…a spoiled little brat. Now, she’s a grown woman…grinding out, taking care of her child alone. I have a lot of respect for the sister I call “Pippy” (cuz she has so much energy). We truly took our friendship to another level these past 2 months.

I’ve snapped a few pics, gotten some peace of mind…LOST some *lol*, almost had to beat someone’s mama. Almost had to beat some hood rat. God truly DOES watch over babies and fools…cuz them fools coulda got it.

I got a chance to truly back away from the net at a time when my heart was in knots and my mind in a fog. I got clarity that you cant pay for. I had time to get my head together and be away from home. Not bad. Later, DC…it was good. I might actually visit again. LOL