I’m here…Random as hell, but I’m here

I feel a little…well a lot shitty today. I guess I’m not immune from being sick. My kween status has been disrespected. I, da Kween…am coming down with “something”.


I haven’t been “sick” for a while. Save for some aches, pains, headaches and exhaustion from time to time…I haven’t been, “Call the doctor” sick in some time. I’m still confused as to how the germs got past the anti-bacterial shit and the washing of the hands and the 409. Perhaps it’s just the change of season as everyone has said. Either way, I need a day off…thank God my annual physical is tomorrow or I’d be up a stank rank and dank creek.


Anyway…here’s some Miscellaneous Rhetoric for you guys. I guess when you’re grumpy…everything annoys you. Especially at the job.


~WHY on God’s gaseous ball of rock and liquid…does one of the supervisors at my job INSIST on being >>thisclose<< to me. This chick locks eyes with me every time she passes…even if I'm trying NOT to look at her…somehow she's in line of sight. O_O 


AND…why does she insist on pronouncing my name “Kay-lee” instead of “KALLY”. I told this hoe…make it rhyme with Sally…alley…use it in a sentence and don’t forget it. I am convinced she’s intentionally fucking my name up. How about I stop calling her Laurie and call her Lauren for a week. You think she’ll get it, then?


~There’s a chick at my job who I’m convinced is a candidate for a mainstreaming program. She kinda reminds me of “Lurch”…with her lankiness and her almost strange features. (scanning Rolodex of animals she may look like) Rhino? Is that it? Anyway…I SWEAR I’m not usually this mean, but she’s a pain in the ass. She either smokes or has asthma and either way she’s breathing harder than a fat dude after sex. Talking to customers a mile a minute and then taking one huge GASP…and then continuing. She laughs like a bass-toned hyena on hallucinogens…and most of all…she’s all UP in your business but SUPER vague and private with her own shit. She also has the tendency to ask me to do the most nonsensical clerical tasks, to which I almost always respond, “Get someone else…I’m busy”. I know, I know…Kween is mean. *rolling eyes*


~ Caucasian and Latino folks…I love all kinds…but, I have a VERY special PSA for you: Quit wearing flip flops and open-toed shoes into the damn winter!! You look stupid with a parka on or a raincoat/overcoat on in the rain and snow and your ass got your cracked and ashy ass heels out in some summer sandals. STOP IT!!


~ THIS face —> O_O …is the International face for WTF, I don’t care, or I don’t understand the dumb shit you’re saying. If I look at you like O_O…your best best is to STFU and walk away…


~ Don’t ask me what I like or want and then proceed to tell me that either that’s stupid or well, I don’t have that…take this. Um…don’t make me morph into my dolphin persona and fin slap the shit outta you.


~ Learn some etiquette. Yes. ETIQUETTE! It’s the way of doing things, appropriately, diplomatically, mannerly and with flair. It’s the way of engaging and responding with class and sophistication, rather than like a hood rat or a child with no home. This includes but is not limited to, proper communication (preferably private) when you have an issue with someone. Your friends should not have to read your status to see what they did wrong. Your family shouldn’t have to read your status to find out you’re engaged/married. Don’t make me pick a switch and welp you folks into some ack right. *smh at FB’s fuckery*


~ Quit lying, pretending, putting on airs, etc…the truth oozes from your pores whether you know it or not. You might have popped a piece of gum to hide lunch…but, the garlic is all in your pores (analogy). If you’re real with you (because God already knows)…then don’t be afraid to be real with the world. I don’t want to be around, in love with or friends with a SOUL that I’m afraid to be real with. Love me or leave me be. Be you or die a spiritual death.


~ Some random questions…


*Why is Gina Neely so loud?


*Is Pat cute or what? lol


*Why am I so happy that the lady next door finally got her window replaced after a month or more? You would think she drove me to work…


*Why can Chinese folks make damn near everything? Burgers…Mexican…wtf?


*Why do I feel helpless now that my electric toothbrush died…like I forgot how to do it without vibrations…


*Why are my summer sandals still sitting at Joy’s office O_O


*Why have I been dreaming non-stop for 2 weeks that my 1st love and I are married…and last night’s dream had him rubbing my belly with lotion…you know…to keep it from itching during pregnancy? O_O


*Is my mom making that chicken soup yet? I hungry. (Yes. I said “I hungry”)


signed — Da Kween (so y’all will know it’s me and not some hacker blogging random shit)

Miscellaneous Rhetoric: Vol. 1





I see SO much stupid shit on a daily basis and I never document it. (What’s wrong with me? This is what bloggers DO!!) So I decided to hit you all with some of the various thoughts that meander through my mind. lol


~People…if you’re gonna rant and rave. Talk DOWN to folks. Or simply ‘act’ intelligent…USE THE DAMN SPELL CHECK! Damn near EVERY browser has it. Please don’t be the one (or the 1 millionth) fool to say you’re in school and misspell grammar school words…over and over! I’ll take your diss a lot more seriously if I’m not red-penning your whole comment! As someone said to me once (jokingly) “Before you set it off…get a Speak N Spell”. lmao


~I get so sick of the glammed up “barbies and kens” of the world thinking because they’re thin and apply flawless make up that they get to bash the “imperfect” crowd. (I ain’t “hating” either…have you seen me? lmao j/k) Maybe you’re NOT “ugly” chick, but your personality sucks jungle ass. I’m giving out free STFU coupons EVERY DAY…just ask me. You don’t get to bash people and then say someone’s hating when they come back for your ass. #YouAskedForIt #YouGotIt #Toyota *lmao* (c) April in Paris w/Billy Crystal & Debra Winger


~Kinda sorta maybe speaking of some big folk…being a big woman, I gotta tell ya. Big girls? You’re not making it very hard for the “barbies and kens” to clown you/us…when you come out of the house looking HORRIBLE! Spandex is NOT our friend…unless you’re covering up the extra areas that are unbecoming. You don’t have to dress in a burlap sack, but find out how to dress for your shape. See what is flattering and go from there. The new style is nice. Stretch leggings or skinny jeans (guffawing loudly) underneath a nice dress or long shirt is cool…as long as you don’t look like you’re being packaged for Hillshire. #GOMEAT


~*sidebar* I’m such a commercial whore. I love laughing at these dumb ass commercials. Like the Cheez-it one where he says, “NACHO CHEESE”  *lmao*…and the Swiffer one, where they have “Hair Club for Brooms” with the po’ broom wearing a mop toupee…I have issues. Don’t judge me.


~I get a little more than tired of people…no correction, BLACK people telling all of us other Black people of how we shouldn’t use the “N-Word”. There’s a video currently making the rounds on Facebook where a little Black boy, intelligently delivers an oral dissertation on the origins of the word and how we should eradicate this word from our vocabulary. I am VERY proud of his research and his point of view. Yet, I’m all about the flip side of things. If the word “nigger” originates from Niger and is a derivation of our people’s heritage…why SHOULDN’T we own the word, and give it positive power? To loose (yes, I meant loose, lol) the word completely is like forgetting where we come from…what our ancestors were. My theory is that the word, this world’s politics, the arcane and secret societies that exist in this world will be what it is always..until the razing of it’s foundation. This society was built on thievery, slavery, mis-education, and hatred of other cultures. When that is gone…the world will change. Until then, use your info to navigate AROUND the obstacles of ignorance. Unless you have the tools to bulldoze through it, that is…


~Unique is a great thing. It seems that being weird is the new normal. Everyone wants to be defined for what makes them different than the rest. I feel you, to a degree. But, It IS okay to share an opinion with the masses…as long as it IS your opinion. No band-wagoning to avoid debate. Just know, that for all the uniqueness you may behold…you STILL figure into a group of people who think just like you. In this world of infinite knowledge, thought and spirit…no one knows EVERYTHING…so you do share thoughts with others. Thoughts, ideas, etc…are things. They manifest and live within us and bounce among us. Quit with the whole…”I’m different” shit. We get it…damn.


~I wonder how the smart people at my job are the ones being “supervised” and the supervisors are damn dimwits. WTF?


~I’m wondering if I should get on the ball and learn Spanish fluently, so that when Spanish folks talk to me in their language (as they do often) I can blow my OWN mind and know what the hell they’re saying.


~Why’d they name it “blog”? What does that mean? Is it short for “beta log”? Should it have been “elog”…kinda how video blogs are called vlogs? #shortbus moment


~Why does my grandma go back and forth between the plot/script and making it real when discussing the soaps? Grandma, please stop saying, “I don’t know why they write this plot like this…” and then turn around and say, “Well, he’s always been a drunk…that’s why”. O_O He’s not a drunk in REAL life, grandma. ~sigh~ I think senility is setting in. (love you Grandma!!) lol


~Why do I see so many women wearing sleeveless shirts with a FULL afro underneath in their armpits? THEN, they’ve got the nerve to have white deodorant caked up. They have INVISIBLE deodorants so you can go without the “thick grits in the pits” look. *smh*


~Life is too short to be bitter and mean. Don’t snarl at EVERY damn thing. Maybe basking in someone else’s happiness can help you get past your own sadness. If not…still…STFU. lmao (but so serious)


~I am SO mad at the “Booty Pop” infomercial. Why are they dancing around like idiots? It’s the bomb to have a fake ass? Those things are more deceiving than bras…some “butt man” is gonna be severely disappointed when you get undressed and your ass pops off on the floor ala “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka”.


Okay…I’m done for now. My boy Rippa inspired this randomness. I saw him post something random (which he rarely does…he’s straight no-chaser)…so thank him on his blog “The Intersection of Madness & Reality“. 


…now let me go read his blog. haha LATER!