Paparazzi (pop-em-in-the-eye-so-they-cant-see)

WHY every time I go to the store and stand in line…there’s a National Inquirer or a Sun with pictures of celebrities in bathing suits exposing their not-so-fab bodies? Why is America so beauty obsessed? Do I really care if Jerry Hall has 4 rolls? Or that Anjelica Houston, who is in her 60’s looks old? I mean, shit…she almost damn 70. What kind of “body” do you expect her to have? I was talking to my sista on the phone and she was saying that Star Jones was very hurt about the whispers and gasps concerning her post-gastric bypass body. If someone caught me…da Kween…on the way out to the curb to dump the recyclables, with my hair not done, early in the morning, wearing what I threw on, from the worst angle possible…I’D BE PISSED, TOO! I just hate that this country has made it almost impossible for a celebrity to do anything privately as well as made the people in this WORLD do unnatural things to maintain an idea of beauty.

It’s so bad, that you have teen girls who haven’t even shed their baby fat…haggling with their parents around graduation time. “Mom…DAD…I’ve figured it out. How about…instead of the new car (which would help me get back and forth to college and/or a job for the next several years until I can afford to upgrade)…I’ll take a boob job! It’ll last WAY longer and it will help me GET a man who will drive FOR me! Whatta ya think?” Yea, stupid right? Yet girls are getting ass, tit and facial implants…lip injections…rhinoplasty [sp.], etc. Guys are getting CALF, facial, and only Lord knows what else…and of course people are getting stuff sucked out! Before their adult bodies even get a chance to mature…they’re already hating it and doing things to it all because mom and dad probably think THEY’RE ugly. Or perhaps look like Thing 1 and Thing 2…so the kids need to fall in and look like things, too. I mean damn…that is just the UPPER middle class. Even poor folks do it. It’s ridiculous that people are saving thousands of dollars in a weak economy all to look better, which is SUPPOSED to make them FEEL better. Does it? Because we’ve got some repeat offenders in the limelight…who are NOT satisfied with the first nip/tuck. They go back for more and more…and what does the doctor whose Hippocratic oath fell off the wall with the money being tossed at him/her in slo mo, do? They continue to cut into these people, who CLEARLY have self esteem issues. God rest his soul, Michael mutilated himself. I had a CRUSH on Off the Wall Mike. I had a lukewarm crush on Thriller Mike. After that…There was nothing to familiarize him to me except his signature dancing and voice. Lil Kim…on her quest to resemble Faith Evans…or someone light-skinned…has totally FLUCKED her face up. She was a pretty girl before it all. I thought Kim was too cute, with her petite self. Everything fitting HER frame. Then it happened…first came the eye contacts. Then the skin began to gradually lighten. The boobs enlarged, so much so…Diana had to play with one. Then she bought a booty. Lightening even more…then the facial implants. Was her chin always that pointy? ANYWAY…that child messed herself up. That video of her being assembled as a plastic doll was on point. At least she knows…and so does the pop-em-in-the-eye-so-they-cant-see. They’ve chronicled it for our viewing (and horrified) pleasure.

It’s not just about the idea of beauty either. These folks are making their living dipping in people’s garbage and whatnot. Some rich person is in their own backyard with their fat let out, because they are HOME and don’t have to suck it in…but Mr. Flash Pause is in the bushes with his Canon, snapping them bending over and their stomach hanging. Or you’re seeing the “first time” pics of the baby they hide under blankets in public…because they don’t want AMERICA to have the first set of baby pics before Grandma and Grandpa can get them. I wish I would see some fool in the bushes with a mechanical eye…taking pics of me scratching my ass or adjusting the girls. You remember how on the cartoons you’d see the bushes shaking and all you could hear are punches and kicks? Yea…breaking my hoof off in they goose ass. No wonder they get beat up all the time. MIND YO BIZNESS! Couples can’t even go anywhere without being snapped. First vacation since those movies came out and the kids were born and the pop-em-in-the-eye-so-they-cant-see is riding shotgun through it all. (Even though I’m convinced SOME celebrities bargain their private life for money and more fame) That being said, they’re making it bad for the ones who DON’T want to sell their lives. Those sharks get a taste of blood and they circle forever. Remember Princess Diana…and remember how bad it can get.

MAYBE folks are changing their faces so no one will recognize them in the media…

Remember that lady who looks like a cat? Or Joan Rivers who can no longer naturally smile? Cher and the alleged rib removal? Mickey Rourke’s overhaul? Just horrible. All these face lifts, boob jobs, lip implants, etc. prove…is that we’re warped. It’s one of the many reasons why men are obsessed with a perfect body…instead of a beautiful mind and spirit. It’s why women will dump a good man, for a FINE one who’ll do them dirty. It’s why, there are hundreds of weight loss and gym advertisements daily. It’s why…even though the country is beauty obsessed…we’re still the fattest in the world. It’s because…no matter how much you WANT to look like the Halle Berry’s and LL Cool J’s…we’re all built differently. Weight, heights, hereditary predispositions…are all factors in why even if you had a personal trainer to work you over every day and a dietitian planning and cooking all your meals…you STILL might get on the air and complain that you’re fat. It’s because the problem isn’t whether you eat right, or work out. It’s whether you love yourself AS IS and relish in your individuality. Giving yourself the permission to love them rolls. The flat chests and asses. The thin lips. The inherited gut, the crooked nose and those bowed legs…all of which you got from grandma or grandpa or auntie or cousin…and LOVE it. Love YOU.

…AND PUT THAT DAMN NATIONAL INQUIRER BACK!! Wasting good money…buy a Soyjoy. LOL