filled with crooks
on our behalf
can only take you
as far as He’s
willing for it to
and river flows…
are a gift of MOVEMENT
Can you live without a love relationship?
Nope…because a love relationship isn’t specifically between a man and a woman. I’ve got love 24/7…
I’ve got friends and family and I’ve got love for self…I’ve got love for nature and life. I’m in love with everything around me…
Right now, there’s no one special. I’m not in a relationship with a soul, but God. I like it that way. As far as I’m concerned…His love and mine has to be rock solid before I go giving love to another human. I want to be reinforced in my spiritual infrastructure. I’ve always been strong, but I want for my soul to be receptive ONLY to the one who has the wherewithal and stamina to match his intent…and even then I have to be interested in slowing down for the catch.
I did say recently to my girl Joy, that I’m at the point where I can say that if God saw fit for me to be single and just surround me with family and friends to love…I’d be happy. Would loneliness for a man’s touch seep in from time to time? Sure…undoubtedly. Yet, I’m willing to bet that what is going to draw any potential dude…is seeing me from afar…giddy. Happy with my life…head reared back in belly laughter. Not somewhere sitting lonely, looking as if I need saving. MY king is going to see my elation and want to join into the program…already in progress.
Did I even answer the question? LOL #kweenshrugs
We all go through pain and hurt and frustrations with our lives and the road we’re on. It’s unlikely that most I know or will know will tout a problem-free life. Even the best outcomes are dotted with triumphs and reversals. The first thing us God-fearing people…or In-Search-Of-God people do is ask God…”Why?”…
I know sometimes you feel like God dropped you off in a basket weaved from pain…right in front of Lucifer’s door…but He doesn’t answer prayers like genie wishes. He answers them…almost like a therapist would. He asks you, “What do YOU want?”. Now in asking this, He doesn’t ask to provide it for you and He doesn’t automatically reward you with your desire (for it may not be what it is you need). There are ways for you to get what you [basically] want…and it be what you need as well. He presents you with a way to get what you need by helping Him help you.
For instance: “I want a child…” God may be saying, “MY child…I gave you a child. I gave you a godchild and I gave you some of MY children to mother…”
How you WANT it…may not always be how you get it. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you…it means He needs you to fulfill a will of His, while fulfilling your maternal desires. If you had a child of your own…would you be so available to mother to the ones that needed you?
(The greatest blessings are when your WANTS coincide with His WILL for you)
He can’t help it if you ignore or reject the solutions to your problems. His final will is going to happen regardless…it’s whether you choose to ride in the comfort of faith…or in that basket of pain. We have dominion over ourselves and this land He made for us. We’re it’s protectors and it’s main users of it’s resources. The way you’d cultivate a crop is the way God wants you to cultivate your life.
We have NO dominion over each other…even though we are our brother’s keepers. We’re meant to be a solid brother/sisterhood…watching over each other and loving one another as He loves us. Whether or not we do that is somewhere between holding onto pain…and a heightened sense of self-preservation. We aren’t meant to lend ourselves to abuse, but we are meant to learn forgiveness and continue to love our naysayers from a distance. It’s better for you and they indeed eventually feel the power of your love’s void. (I know…but, sometimes you don’t always get to SEE it.) You can’t control how people see you nor can you control what they do or don’t do with, for or because of you. A lot of our burdens would lighten tremendously if we learned to let go of the uncontrollable factors in our lives.
God is showing us daily what we need to do. He witnesses to us through friends, family and yes…even strangers. I can’t tell you how I’ve had a stranger randomly minister to me with a word and be on POINT! We’re just some hard-headed, knuckle-headed chillren. lol
The hardest thing to do with a child (of yours) is to parent while dealing with a defeatist or pessimistic attitude. You know it’s for the best, but they don’t want to hear it. You know your kid needs braces and that for a year or more they will have to walk around with these “railroad tracks” on their mouth. The fear of peers teasing and out casting…doubled with the growing vanity of a preteen/adolescent keeps them from walking into it with a positive attitude. “For the rest of my life, I’ll have GREAT teeth and a sweet smile“. No…they see the taunting, the hardships of eating with their new apparatus and having to sleep with a retainer in their mouth every night. How frustrating is it to be doing your parental best and have them resent you for as long as it takes to get over the stigma?
That is how some of us adults are. We struggle against what is best for us…because we want it to be easy. We want to coast. We want to breathe without struggle…but, you’d best believe that the current pains are not thrust onto us from the ether. We’ve EARNED these trials with a debris of wrong choices. PLEASE don’t get all, “So, I’m a bad person and it’s all my fault” on me. That’s a pity party I don’t wanna go to. I’ve thrown a few in my time and I try to make those rarities. I take accountability for my life. The decisions I’ve made and those I didn’t make, but were made for me by my indecisiveness.
I also try and understand that if there are people around me whose lives are smoother, easier, less drama-filled, etc…it’s because they’ve taken a more responsible route on their life path. I can’t get mad because so and so has more than me, a man, children, etc. I neglected a LOT of things while participating in an unhealthy relationship. My 20’s were misused with someone who by all means had LIVED. He had me by 22yrs and I was so swept up in the phenomenon of someone loving ME for the first time that I didn’t consider loving myself enough to see my way out of it. So…any fertility issues I may have had, got slept on. The baby I envisioned may not ever happen for me…and I can’t blame anyone else. I’m not KICKING myself relentlessly about it either. I long for that baby, but I also have faith that the life I’ve lived up until now is where I was supposed to be. As a matter of fact…I look at that one relationship and the one before it and the few after it and know that neither situation was ideal for children. I was blessed with the opportunity to not get saddled down with children whose father[s] may have been absentee or dysfunctional. If that is my lone blessing (which I’m sure there are many more “blessons” [blessed lessons] in those missteps) then so be it.
Basically, our lives are navigated by us…commissioned by God. He’s the manufacturer and how each product functions is solely up to the environmental strains they’re put through. A pair of shoes worn by a walker are bound to get worn down. A pair worn occasionally and only when driving…are bound to last longer. Yet, which pair tell a fuller story? The mint condition pair that have barely been worn? Or the pair that have walked miles…worked in diligence…danced circles…and tapped in happiness? Point? Just because you’ve got wear and tear doesn’t mean you’ve lived hard…and just because you seem unscathed doesn’t mean you’ve lived easily.
We can never know someone else’s path. Where they’ve been, what they’ve gone through, who they’ve loved and lost, what they’ve sacrificed to get where they are. What you CAN know, is something that I heard Liz say in her movie memoir “Eat Pray Love”…”God dwells in me…as me”. Before you go forsaking God and asking what He hasn’t done for you…ask yourself, what haven’t you done for you.
God bless…Happy Easter!
**I wrote this over a week ago and decided to post it on this day. His resurrection can be YOUR resurrection into new thinking and new life. Be blessed my loves…
I sang this song in church as a teenager…it is my favorite Gospel song of all time. VERY close to my heart. Enjoy…
Through everything I’ve been through I’ve always had prayer in my life. The prayer of thanks. The prayer of strength. The prayer for the sick. The prayer for another chance…prayer has been a constant in my life.
Even before I understood what prayer was, I remember praying every night before bed with my paternal grandmother and thanking God for all of my family. At some point, I clearly understood what prayer was for, because my prayer became less “list” and more, “Oh, what about my friend, Grandma?”
I remember going to FDR park here in Westchester County one summer. My mom and her friends would jump in the cars and ride to a park for barbecuing, music, swimming and for their kids to run free outside the urban setting in my hometown. This particular time I decided to walk the edge of the pool. Not cognizant that the pool slopes…when I got to the 10ft part…I sunk. I grabbed at the edge and missed and went under. I was drowning. A lady who I’d passed along the way saw me sinking and quickly grabbed me up. She saved me. I had wandered so far from my mom’s reach and from other adults. I could’ve gone unnoticed…but, God sent that woman to grab me up.
That’s how I view God’s work. He grabs me up by someone I didn’t expect to have even been watching. Someone will come from SOME where and lay on me a word to witness something I’ve been praying on. A name spoken ends in a call…a thought results in an impromptu visit. Everyday people come into and leave my life and they represent some message God has for me.
Between his omniscient eye and my praise of Him through prayer…I’m here. Make no mistake…I’m here 🙂
Nigger…as defined by Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary:
usually offensive; see usage paragraph below : a black person
usually offensive; see usage paragraph below : a member of any dark-skinned race
: a member of a socially disadvantaged class of persons
Interesting…now, go to Dictionary.com and skim over all of the info on the page given for the word “Nigger“.
Now…in spite of what I showed you, I am NOT here to advocate the eradication of the “N” word. I am ACTUALLY here to defends it’s use amongst the Black community. I understand that it is a word that has been associated with the oppression and discrimination of our people. I get that it’s used to slur us and demean our humanity…I do get it. I even understand the concept of negating it’s negativity by not using it…a sort of “picketing”…a protest. An oral petition, so to speak. I. Get. It. I attended a rare Black Studies class in HS and it turned my thinking around. I went from thinking in a Euro-Centric mindset, to thinking with an Afro-Centric POV, as my teacher put it. To see things from the positive aspect of a Black person living here in America as opposed to eating academically and socially what I was fed and being blind to what was blatantly in front of me. Yes, the word “nigger” was told to be negative and therefore should be used…never.
Yet, I feel that the word is significant enough to warrant a little researching. I believe that if the knowledge was spread amongst the community about the TRUE origin of this supposedly disgraceful word…that we could systematically empower our people to see themselves as the royalty we are.
BULLETIN: It does NOT matter how many of us erase it, it will still be used and referred to. This world is too corrupt for anything to change that. To ignore it is to become deluded into believing that this world will ever erase the lines of racial division long enough to truly respect each other. I had the dream, too…but reality is dictated daily.
My girl, Diva posted several statuses the other day and her purpose was to educate those willing to learn what she was teaching. I respect her immensely for taking the word out of her vocabulary and for reaching out to others to do the same. I overstand her objective, but it inspired me (being my naturally adversarial self) to question WHY we SHOULD remove this word from our vocabularies. It IS in the dictionary…but then so are a lot of words. I’ve been taught that words, nor things (and in some cases…people) aren’t bad or good. It’s the way we use them. It’s what we do with things…it’s how we behave as or treat people. Everything in moderation is a balanced civilization. White is no more a “good” or “perfect” word anymore than black is a bad or hateful word. You can say “white snow” and it infer pureness and then say, “white lie” and infer dishonesty. It is indeed how you use your words. We use “bitch”, “ass”, “cracker”, etc…and it can be a good or bad thing. We KNOW bitch is a female dog, ass is another word for donkey and cracker is a thin baked wafer used to snack on. We also know that bitch is used to degrade women, ass is used to describe someone of ill character and a cracker can be a slur for a White person. Are we removing these words from our vocabulary? Are they being voided completely?
I found a site called Race and History. There the original meaning of the word nigger is broken down to microscopic pieces. Click the link…I encourage you to take time out to read this page and give me some feedback about what you think. I read it and took lots of notes, but check what stood out to me:
The word nigger…is an English word derived from the Kemetic word n-g-r…which translates into “God”. It is very clear how the word looks like it sounds. The British heard the Kemetic (Egyptian) people calling one another this and adapted the word phonetically to describe darker people. I’m sure down the line, as battles for land and a people took place…the word became used in a negative way.
So, let me ask you this. If you educated yourself on what the word derives from…and even it’s derivative “nigga”…would you not agree that you are addressing people as “God”.
This is where I come and reconfigure my OWN analysis of this usage. I don’t refer to another human as “God”…but, I would and could respect the term being used to acknowledge the God IN us…since we’re made in his image and such. This isn’t about the reverence of our brothers and sisters and a placement of veneration. It is about turning a negative connotation into a positive affirmation. Empowering (do you see the word “emperor” in that word?). It’s about instilling the king and queen back into our culture with understanding and education. Validating our past and it’s impact on the now without losing the sense of respect we look to gain amongst one another. People will always disagree on this…hell, Oprah and Jay-Z went head to head about it on her show once. Two different generations…looking for the solution to a people’s pain from a single word.
So, if we’re really addressing the God in one another…and even the most ignorant of ANY race is acknowledging this as well, even without intending to do so…why again should we erase the word? Would it not be a form of denying our heritage and power?
Tell me…what do you think?
On the heels of my blog concerning the deaths of three black men (Derrion Albert, Sirmone McCaulla, George Woodard Sr.)..comes my afterthoughts.
Sitting reading an interview with Derrion’s great aunt on Essence.com sparked my tears to run again. My emotions to take over. My heart to bleed…as usual. As I read this woman’s words and flashed back to the blog my boy Rippa wrote which had 2 deep videos from a sister named Joy the word “respect” resonated in my spirit. As the sister named Joy broke it down, “respect” simply means to “look again”. To take a second look at something or someone before you make a decision or judgment. That was so deep to me. I love words. I study words and their origins in my free time. I pride myself on having a pretty decent vocabulary…but to me, what is most important…is knowing that the wisdom is in applying the usage to your daily life. So learning a new way to see that word was soul-stirring.
Derrion’s great aunt said that parents should spend more time with their children and that so many parents want their children to be seen and not heard. That is so true. I remember my mother saying to me when I was a child that I didn’t HAVE any privacy to be respected…that it was her job to invade my space. To an extent, I’ll agree…but, I think that parents should give their kids more of their own voice. I fully understand that at the beginning of children’s lives…they need to fear their parents. Their parents are their “God figures” and need to fear them in order to create boundaries when they’re young to keep them safe. Yet, when children begin to formulate their own opinions and independent thoughts…it’s time to reconfigure the parent-child dynamic. Make it safe for them to come to the adults in their lives about whatever pressures they may be influenced by. When kids…especially teens, don’t feel understood or as if they can express themselves, they make alternative routes. All of the pressures they may innately back off from…they partake in to drown out that lost feeling. Whether it’s drugs, sex, gang violence, or other criminal behavior…it’s a way to numb the feelings of being alienated from home.
Early this morning in the 5 o’clock am hour…I saw a woman reporting for Headline News TV. Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell is what it was. She was reporting on the after effects of Derrion’s murder, and she said that a lot of the reason these kids are angry is because of home. She said there is probably physical abuse, alcohol, drugs, etc. She’s right in a way…but, I think other culture thinks those things are the ONLY reason kids act a fool in the streets. MOST black children caught up in gang violence or criminal ways are screaming for attention. A lot of these children’s parents had them when they themselves were mere teens. They’re overworked and underpaid. They’re most likely single parents and have either NO one to assist in keeping watch while they work…or the job is left to elderly family or older siblings. Either way…it’s not always the worst situation. Sometimes it is simply a matter of mom and dad aren’t around like they should be. Not because they don’t want to be, but because bills dictate a working parent.
There’s a lot we can and need to do to grab hold of our youth’s futures. Is it nicely packaged with no damage to parent’s egos? No. It’s raw. It’s a hard road. It’s gonna take a long time…definitely not an over night process…but, it begins “I” believe…with RESPECT. Parents want their children
to respect THEM, but you have to respect them as well. If you treat a boy like a prince and a girl like a princess…then they will learn to behave in the manner of kings and queens-in-training. I don’t mean spoil them with material or allow them to disrespect you…but, teach them their worth by example and reinforcement. Give them the freedom to be themselves and nurture their individual personalities. Protect them and make sure that the world around them knows that there is a lion/father and lioness/mother within arms reach. A child who knows that they have parents to put the fear of God in them…and protect them with the wrath of God…will respect life a little more.
But, that’s just my opinion. What’s yours?