Happy Happy, Joy Joy

I began talking to Ms Joyous (as I like to refer to her) over a year ago. We became friends through a mutual acquaintance and it just stuck. LOL

Truth is, the circumstances surrounding our friendship’s conception was hardly smooth or cordial. Sure, we were nice to each other. I thought she was sweet and her connection with our friend was cute to me…but some misunderstandings crept in that could’ve ended badly. She was always so sweet though, which is so funny, because the day I spoke to her on the phone I had no clue she was gonna be so……so……NEW YORK! LOL I knew she lived in the Bronx, but…well, I just expected something different. She was full of “Yo, son’s” and “Ya Heard May’s” and it was too funny. What’s even funnier is that she is from Alabama (can’t shake that state for THIT!) and I thought she might have a little twang…yea…RIGHT! lol

LAWD, lemme tell you…she’s a handful. In essence…we’re complete opposites. From our signs, she Cancer…me, Capricorn…to our nature. She’s a pessimist, I an optimist. She’s highly sexual…I’m more conservative. And THIS one…shocked me…she’s VERY sensitive and I, well…I’m sensitive as well…but, I more mental. *yall, better not touch that!*

SO, as our friendship burgeoned towards a sisterhood, we encountered some snafus but we made it out unscathed. Along the way, she brought Buttercup aka Celeste along for the ride and it was so cool that we decided to meet back in November 08. We missed a couple of dates, until we just couldn’t take it. At one point or another, Joy, Celeste and I were all going through emotional situations that we felt merited some sister love. So, on December 6th, 2008…I hopped on a Metro train and went to the Bronx. Joy met me at the train station and we clicked immediately (even though she accused me of being light-skinneded…which still has YET to be proved). We shot to her place, she made me breakfast and we waited for Celeste to show. We had a BALL. We had a GREAT time and that’s all I’m gonna say. *lmao*

This woman, whose love for hip hop isn’t rivaled by anyone I know is a piece of work. She’s a consummate Erykah Badu fan and lives by the music on her Ipod. She loves to blog and has a passion for make-up that is as strong as mine is for cooking. Give us $1000.00 and set us loose? She’ll go to MAC and Sephora…I’ll find Williams-Sonoma. We’re both lovers of the butterfly…but for different reasons (at least it began as such). Her motto is, “Change one thing…change everything” in reference to a theory and the movie, “Butterfly Effect”. I love butterflies, because although they’re gorgeous and can symbolize ANY one’s journey of growth. Together, we’ve hurt and cried…laughed and loved. We rarely miss IM sessions and try to touch base often on the phone (though she’s not a phone person…girl, gimme that BB) lol. This 5’7″ Alabama born beauty, has the most tender soul, which is covered by a harder shell (crab anyone?) and though she doesn’t know it…my helping her through her storms, helps me as well. She hard-headed as HEYELL…but, I still love her. lol

Since initially speaking over the phone, meeting at her house and us spending a couple of weekends together since…she’s surely become my sister. Now, don’t get me wrong…there are several tiers to sisterhood. There’s basic “we’re women” sisterhood. There’s “we’re strong black women” sisterhood. There’s “she cool as hell” sisterhood. There’s “we’re besties” sisterhood” and then there is “we couldn’t be closer if we had the same mama” sisterhood. I have a biological sister who is like my twin…and no one can replace her and no one tries…yet, there are a few ladies who I’d ride on a fool for in a HEARTBEAT! I can truly say, Joyous…is one of them.

Happy Birthday, Joyous One…

Love, Kiwi

**you can view her blog HERE! You can follow her on Twitter HERE**

A Little Goes A Long Way

I was talking to my sister today. She’s in that wonderful awe, we call…falling in love. She spoke in sighs and bated breaths about the man who has captured her heart and thoughts. Listening to her, I truly am convinced (as if I wasn’t before) about how much of an impact the “little things” have on a relationship’s dichotomy.

For instance…she said she was speaking aloud…almost rhetorically. She’d mentioned how she wanted something sweet. Without thinking twice…her paramour left and returned with a brownie. He does this with almost everything. He remembers her likes and dislikes and is attentive with what he’s discovered about her. She too, responds in like kind. Even though she knows he’s trying to quit smoking…one day after expressing his irritability with his day, he mentioned wishing he could get a cigarette and some coffee. Being that they work in the same hospital, she went and found him a cigarette and a cup of coffee and brought it to the building he was in. It’s the little things. She said that he would go without…not eat, rather than see her suffer. He thinks of her first…himself second. That says something about his character as a man, that before he’d see her go hungry or without money…he’d sacrifice his own comfort to see to it that she had what she needed.

When she’s upset, he lets her…he doesn’t attempt to fix it. He allows her the moment in which she needs to gather herself and find her calm. He’s there if she wants to talk…but not to try and be her hero. That is what some people don’t get. There are times when a person just needs to be understood, accepted and left to be an individual. He also knows when to shed optimism and not just WHEN, but HOW. He’s learned her in the few months they’ve been involved enough to see how her personality is. She too, knows how to allay his worries and support his needs. They’re open and communicative. Gentle and considerate. Loving and nurturing. Stronger together than apart. The little things, segue into the bigger things. Its like, when a building is being built…its the millions of bricks that fortify the structure into a tall skyscraper.

I guess the little things aren’t so little.

Taking out the Trash

This might seem like a petty issue…but, read between the lines.

Living with my mom and sis these past 6yrs has been a blessing. We’ve all managed somehow to conquer some demons based on things that happened in the past. My sister and I have become closer than we could’ve imagined and my mother and I have found some civility in our relationship. We’re closer than we were, but not quite where I’d like to be. I’d love to say that one day we will be, but because I KNOW my mother very well…her personality will NEVER allow for her and I to become respectful counterparts. My mother respects only those who she feels she needs to impress…and even then I feel its phony. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

My recent trip to Alabama showed me something. Independence. Not just mine either, but my mother and sister’s too. While I was gone, they were forced to do certain things, like cook for themselves…clean the kitchen…take out the garbage. Usually, I do all of those things and they sit back and ignore the menial duties around the household. I didnt have to worry or concern myself with cleaning a thing. I believe every adult should have that luxury. “I dont feel like cooking tonight, so I will have a bowl of cereal” No one should have to run around worrying about other grown folk eating unless they are elderly/disabled and need help.

Well, yesterday (Wednesday) my mother walked in from work and asked me if the trash had come. Well of course I look at her funny and say…I dont know. I asked what day it was and she told me. I said well, I didnt realize it was the first Wednesday of the month (the time for paper/boxes to go out). She seemed perturbed. Like I’d gotten on her nerves…but, it pissed me off because I am thinking, if you even THOUGHT about it this morning and yet you walked away thinking, “Kali will do it”…then you’re an ass. SORRY. She gets up the earliest and leaves by or before 7am…the time that the trash is usually already GONE! So, why come in at the 5-6pm hour and ask me that?

NOW. I set my alarm to get up THIS morning, because recycables go out on Thursdays. Plastic bottles, cans, etc. are picked up by 7am…so, I arose at 6:30am. I go to the back door to collect the bin and she sees me and says, “That was YESTERDAY. The trash was yesterday…everything was, because tomorrow is the 4th of July.” I just said, “Well, I didn’t know. I wasnt aware of the holiday.” Why should I? I don’t care about this holiday like that. I know its big on a LOT of people’s list, but not mine. Its another day to me. My question is this. If you KNEW, THOUGHT, or SUSPECTED that the schedule had changed due to holiday…why would you ask me about the shit YESTERDAY at a time of day it no longer mattered, then proceed to get twisted because we missed the opportunity to get rid of this JUNK!?

My issue is this…if you are able-bodied. Aware of the time of which this stuff needed to go, why didn’t you do it yourself? Why lump the SOLE responsibility of handling that onto me? I forget shit, just like you do. I do not concern myself 24/7 with the dates so that I can know when to dump trash and recycables! I live with 2 other people…people who are spoiled. So used to me doing stuff that they feel or seem almost incapable of managing menial chores. Is it beneath them? Do they feel “I” am, because I am home and they’re working? I contribute to this house as well. I deserve respect too. People who work everyday DO come home and clean and cook…but, my mother seriously sometimes treats me like a child who has chores.

I think I am ready to leave. It’s just a matter of time. I am gonna pray on it, and ask God to ready me for my exit…before all of that hard emotional work we went through to get where we are, gets trashed.