Word 6: Song


this is a freestyled song. a little thing that few know about me, is that I hear music all day in my head. some songs are from singers and soundtracks…and some come from my own heart and humming. I make up songs in my head daily. don’t try to imagine the melody…it floats away after I’ve hummed it anyway. I’ll do one verse and a chorus. ūüôā

i’ve seen you
in MY dreams
floating close…walking by my side

you save me
and it seems
your love is made for mine

but when I wake…
your gone again
my heart shakes
from the dream’s end
i try to
bring you back to me
but NOTHING…NOTHING ever does


so i…
lay down to sleep
waiting for…
my prince of dreams
hoping for…
my loving heart
to kiss me gently
how do i start
…finding you
…finding you

…and there is a song that came to me in seconds. all I need is the ability to play instruments, a studio and a lack of phobia for public performing. LOL

The Sixth Day…

My Boobie

…the day you first held a job

I was 14. I got a work permit from City Hall (where my grandmother worked) and got my first job at Toddler’s Park Day Care Center.

My Aunt Iris worked there and my little cousin Arthur (affectionately Boobie) attended as a 2yr old. It was the summer of 1987. I believe I got $110 (before tax) bi-weekly for late June-Early August….about ¬†6-7 weeks. I thought I was ballin’. lol …it was perfect for me to be making some kind of money because I’d be able to buy my own clothes for the upcoming Sophomore year in High School. I had to go to summer school the summer before and this year I could make my little pocket change and hang out after four hours of teen labor. I didn’t get to keep a lot of that money though. My mother made me hand over my check to her (something about I didn’t need to be walking around with too much money) and she’d give me a little money out of it…said, it was for school clothes. By the time we got to shop, it didn’t add up to what I thought it would. I KNOW it should’ve been more than she said, but it wasn’t. I ain’t saying she profited, but I’m just saying. LOL

My job consisted of watching after and playing with the kids outside at recess and assisting in activities, lunch and nap on the inside. I actually enjoyed it. All of the ladies there loved me. They knew my aunt and were very nice to me. I remember the cook used to make good lunch and I recall going to Sesame Place that summer with the school.

The downside, was that it was a bad summer for Narcolepsy. I’d fall asleep outside while watching the kids. Openly, I’d nod or be found standing by the slides with my eyes closed. I could hear the babies saying, “She’s sleeping…” I think at times my aunt was embarrassed. Especially because my sleepiness didn’t have a name yet. We didn’t know what I had until I was 21. I’d fall asleep in the middle of conversation, at the table with the kids while crafting. I even fell asleep while walking Boobie home. Poor child told me to wake up in his little baby voice…right as we were about to cross the street. I was apprehensive from that point forward to be responsible for him while alone.

I’d work there the next summer and once during the school year. Ahh the good ole days.

6~ I Love Thee…Truly

What is your idea of true love?

Well…how in the hell do I ask a question that I’m stumped on my damn self? *quizzical face*

Okay, let me just start typing what I’m thinking…

I’ll start with my favorite passage known as the “Love Passage”.

1¬†If I speak in the tongues<sup class="footnote" style="line-height: 0.5em; vertical-align: text-top;" value="[a]”>[a]¬†of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.¬†2¬†If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.¬†3¬†If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,<sup class="footnote" style="line-height: 0.5em; vertical-align: text-top;" value="[b]”>[b]¬†but do not have love, I gain nothing.
 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13 ~ NIV (BibleGateway.com)

The thing about love for me is that I’m convinced that most people who speak of it have a very¬†minuscule¬†version of what love is in their mind. It’s mostly conceptions given to them through example of their most intimate environment, society and/or Hollywood, or a disillusioned vision of it based on what they’ve never experienced.

Some people’s love is rooted in lust, desperation, loneliness, appearances, fears, etc. I tend to lean toward the kind of love expressed in this passage. If you asked me what it is I want in a true love relationship, I’ll say again…refer to this passage. There’s another little quote that speaks to me by Dinah Craik…

“Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

That is all.

Dia Seis~ Something I Hope I Never Have To Do

Well, I already buried my grandmother…and even though the little grand-baby in me doesn’t want to face it, there is a strong possibility that in the future I will say goodbye to another.

I don’t want to have to bury either of parents…but, such is the cycle of life that we’re supposed to bury our parents…I fear this with every ounce of me.

I can’t imagine being parent-less. I can’t imagine talking to doctors and making life-changing decisions concerning my mother or father. I don’t want to arrange a funeral/memorial. I don’t want to look down at their “earth suits” and have to remember them instead of HAVE them.

I don’t want to bury not NARE ‘nother family member or friend!

YES…YES, I GET IT! I knoooow! I KNOOOW!!!!! I know that’s not realistic. ::pause for a sob::¬†

Shit happens. Life ends. I just can’t lose another person right now or no time soon. I know it’s selfish, but I’d rather it be me than anyone I cherish. I’m not saying my life is less important…but, everyone I know has a child or a dependent of some kind…they’re needed. I am childless and though I know my family and friends love me…need me, even…my logic is that they’ll miss me, but not as much as the most significant people in their lives…like their babies. Their mates.

I know, the logic is screwy…but, I’m a punk when it comes to this. Maybe this is the grief talking. It’ll be a year on March 2nd, 2011 that my grandmother has been gone. Perhaps if this is asked of me a year from now, my perspective will change and become something frivolous. I’d rather it be something else right now…but, it’s the thing I dread the most.

That’s my truth today…