The Twenty Sixth Day…

…the day someone left and never came back (not death related)

I make me sick…these questions, man…~sigh~ lol

Welp, I’ve already spoken about my ex, my BFF from 5th grade, and since it can’t be death related (I’m a fucking genius)…I can’t think of someone.

*sighs and stares at screen for a while*

OH! I got it!!!

This chick…she was my best friend. I grew up with her. Told her EVERYTHING and never once betrayed her…or at least I didn’t feel like I did. I loved her like a sister…she was part of my soul. She was me but in another form. All I thought about most days was what else she and I could get into. NO amount of drama in my life or distance from her could turn me against her.

I mean, did I hang out with others? Yes. Of course. I had other friends. I had my friend who I sang with all the time…staying up until the wee hours of the morning whispering in the dark and falling asleep on her. I even had one who became my go to for sexy advice. She helped me broaden my sensual self and learn to be in touch with the full-fledged woman dwelling deep within me. I have my fun friend who brings out the artistic side of me…

but, I miss my first best friend. She left and didn’t return. She seems gone forever. I look at reminders of how good we used to be together and I find myself hurting at how abrupt her exit was. I wonder if we can make up…if I can apologize and have her come back so we could make it right. I don’t know. Maybe she was jealous of my other connections and felt some kinda way. I never meant to make her feel that way…I just thought she always knew I’d defer to her…always remember her as my best.

Here’s a poem my friend reminded me of tonight…it speaks volumes to my heart space right now.

LOST ART

i’ve never felt this helpless
lost to the art
and afar from the center
so estranged from inspiration
…i don’t want
every poem to be a non-poem
of poetic pain
a plea to the god of bards
to lift the weight
off of my pen…
i can’t tell if it’s due
to lack of paramour
or presence of apathy
either way,
i’ve never been here so long
it just doesn’t feel like me

not only are poems stilled
and erotica chilled…
books won’t bind
stories won’t end
things begin…
and end again against my will
when i see works
of fellow quills
i burn with envy
for my own passions
to be fulfilled
…i can barely read
the scribes of others
while my own muse’s heat
is snuffed and smothered

i feel as if this helplessness
can’t be helped
…and just when,
think i’ve missed it
i shrug with indifference
and nestle comfortably in it
i wallow in silence
i slop in muddled thoughts
an eerie acceptance
of aimlessness and loss

i count the pieces of me
that have broken and been cast away
all of the events remembered
like white noise on repeated play
and i know
that somewhere adrift
are the words
that escaped to be free
traipsing hand in hand
refugees…
overjoyed and over me

maybe they’re in Tahiti
on my dream escapade
tanning, swimming and floating
basking in French Polynesian rays
i might be able to locate
a few in the family i never made
or took up with another poet,
spoken words on a stage
it’s possible,
they grew wings
and became angels
with “mi abuela”
love
peace
bliss
all fitted with little halos
some stuffed in a box
interlaced around a ring
or maybe they’ve become lyrics…
waiting for me to sing

i just wish i didn’t feel strange
a stranger to it all
i want to find my place again
i want to do it all
i want poetry
and novels
and erotica
and blogs
i want it easy
like it once was
before this overcast of fog
find me…
return to me,
i miss my inner bard
i want words, stanzas and depth again…
i want to find my heart

Words on Wings © 2010

Just know…I miss you my Muse…My Poetry. I hope you read this and don’t stay gone. Novels, Music and Erotica could never take your place. I love you. I miss you. I need you.

~*thank you Renee…you showed me…well ME*~ ❤

Gotta A-Muse Myself…

I have been SO lackluster lately in the writing department…penning only a few poems sporadically, here and there. I don’t like it. I need to “exercise” my writing muskles (lol, my little cousin used to say that).  I don’t like when I go extended amounts of time with a motionless pen. The worse feeling for ME is having ideas and not being able to articulate them…

I think my biggest impediment is not ever wanting to be monotonous. I would hate to seem redundant. I would hate to seem redundant. LOL

SO…I’m imposing a challenge upon MYSELF. This is NOT a challenge where I’m inviting others to do it with me…but, if someone sees it and chooses to participate…so be it. I think the reason why I didn’t do to well at the photo challenge I was last seen fleeing away from, lol…is because it involved less writing and more photo taking. I couldn’t for the  world of me remember WHAT I was supposed to be taking a pic FOR…which would result in me trying to find something…ANYTHING to snap once I got home. ~sigh~

Anyway…THIS self-imposed challenge is right up my alley. I’m calling it my “30 Day A-Z Word Challenge”.  I’ve come up with 26 words that I have to blog about…leaving 4 extra slots. The list goes a little something like this…

Ambition
Beauty
Chance
Desire
Entity
Favorite
Generosity
Hate
Illusion
Jubilant
Kindred
Limitation
Music
Nucleus
Optimism
People
Questions
Revelation
Secrets
Triumph
Unique
Validation
Weakness
X factor *wild card word*
Youth
Zen

The last four words were fashioned out of the acronym for the word “word”.

Writing
Oxymoron
Rhythm
Dreams


Here I go…

Hmmm?: Music or Mess



I love music. I absolutely adore beautiful songs, intricately composed ballads and spirit-moving up tempos. I grew up on mom and dad’s music (a combo of Motown, disco and blues). I remember as a kid…sitting intently in front of a radio searching for the perfect song to sing along to. I remember falling in love with the Emotions, EW&F, Stevie, Patti Labelle, Marvin Gaye, Gladys Knight and the Pips, Luther and so many others. I later put names to the groups. Like the Manhattans, Stylistics, Chi-lites, and Atlantic Starr. I had no clue I could sing until my mother busted in on me making up songs while playing with my little people toy set. (LOL) She tried without success for years to get me to step to a mic, but for me music was more about the soothing…the lulling…the world of perfect harmonies and simple melodies. As far as I’m concerned, God gifted me this voice to sing along to beautiful music for my own spiritual comfort.

I love to find all the instruments. I’m listening to a song by Jazmine Sullivan called “Make U Stay” and I hear pianos, some sort of woodwind (a flute, piccolo, oboe or somefin), something that sounds like moraccas even though it might be studio-engineered. I’m still feeling out those background chimes…but, I get totally entrenched in a song. My favorite instruments are percussions with strings and horns following closely behind. I’ve always wanted to play the piano. I still may learn.

Anyway (see how enraptured I become) I’ve been listening to a few select artists lately. I’ve grown tired of cookie cutter beats and producers giving all of their clients the same sounds. I also want to hear some soul in their voices. That’s probably why I’m feeling Jazmine Sullivan right now. I love her sound and her range. She’s only 19 but the potential she holds is phenomenal. I hope Teedra Moses comes out soon…she’s definitely been slept on. Ledisi could also use some shine. I am hoping that Jennifer Hudson continues to rise…her new song, “Spotlight” is one of my faves. I’m even feeling Dear Jayne’s collaboration with the Dream. My boy Raphael Saadiq is coming out soon with a new album (and I also love his “alleged” girlfriend, Joss Stone) For me, good music has no color, gender no genre. I’m tired of hearing MESS! I want to hear quality music. The kind where on tour they’re using BANDS instead of recorded tracks. Beyonce got hip to that…Alicia Keys has been doing it, among others. Artists like Kindred Soul, Ledisi, Amel Larrieux and many other underrated artists should be HOT right now…but, bullshit prevails in an industry where you “get in where you fit in”.

I continue to lobby for good…no GREAT music. I champion for the underdogs of music and hope that those whose passion far outweighs their musical gifts…affords them a chance at recognition for their craft. Music over Mess, ANY DAY!

Writer’s Block…weighing down My Muse


Lately, I’ve been in a slump. I can write a blog speaking my immediate emotions or thoughts, but I cant seem to get right with the creative part of me. I have an erotic story that needs finishing. A format for my poetry book that needs completion. I need to finish the NOVEL I started writing 2yrs ago…and even a simple poem is taking me days instead of the minutes I usually churn them out in.

One moment, I had inspiration coming out of the ass…and now, I am not even inspired to thoroughly READ my own stuff. I have to figure out what’s weighing me down. What is it that is making me feel thwarted from my original writing goals. I have a lot on my mind. Some things are happy things. Pleasurable thought. Anticipation of good things to come. Some are burdening thoughts of daily chore. Issues that I’ve been dealing with for a LONG time. Some are just nagging chatterbox issues that surface from time to time. Probably little things that mean nothing but sometimes get front stage in my mind. I have got to prioritize. It is of the utmost importance that I start thinking of life on an urgent basis. To stop thinking that what I need will come to me or happen for me…just because I pray and go to God with my worries. I trust Him to bring me out…but faith without work…yea!

I think the key to things is letting a lot of things go that have no place in my life. Learning to really get a grip on what I WANT vs what I NEED! Thinking my life through and figuring out what is real and what is not. What is fantasy and delusions and what is concrete and substance. I have a lot to figure. I just do. I am praying that I am given the ability to see what it is that needs to get done and have the strength and fortitude to apply the results of my pondering. Peace!