Wondermentals: How Deep Is Your Love?

I don’t care if no one reads this but one…I need to say it.

HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE? Nah, this ain’t no bimbo flow! *lol* I just love love. You can say I’m a hippie of sorts. The kind of person that offers love in place of conflict. Yea…that’s me. I believe in unconditional love…agape love. I do believe that as long as we’re in the human body and succumbing to fleshly desires, we can never TRULY love like God (agape)…but, we can try.

This love I speak of isn’t at all contained to romantic/spousal love. It’s friendship, its family…hell, it’s love for mankind. Even the ones you don’t see. I often say when praying, “God, bless all those who I know and love and those who I love and don’t know.” Love is the most powerful emotion and act in the world. It can transcend time, geography and circumstance. I believe it starts in the smallest gestures. A smile, a kind word, a helping hand. It begins with understanding and non-judgment. Seeing people in spirit before you see the shell. Putting aside cynical ideas, bad experiences and preconceived notions…to see a person at the core of them. To accept them flaws and all…knowing that we too, fall short.

What brought about this “rant”? Well, two things. One of my favorite couples…Rob and Dee, show me everyday that long distance love works. It may not work for EVERYONE, because it takes a special person willing to dedicate their heart to someone who isn’t physically there to reinforce the love. It takes two people being on the same page unafraid to focus solely on each other without fear that they’re missing out on something better. So cheers to them. Godspeed with everything they’re doing. Secondly…sitting here watching “Remember the Titans” and seeing how friendship crossed (and can cross) racial lines. Young men, who were so head strong about not getting along…finding brotherhood with one another, no matter the consequences.

Lastly…love also thrives off of respect. Love can dwindle and die the fastest when respect is absent. My friend, Joy asked a question not too long ago. What would you rather have…love or respect. I chose love…she chose respect. I understood why she’d choose respect. When you go through having someone you love, disrespect you…you of course crave that respect you’re lacking. I just prefer to have love. See, ONE…love for ME will create SELF-respect, which in turn begets respect from others. Then, by embodying what true spiritual love is…I can love whomever, whether they respect me or not. I can say, “I love you, anyway” and allow them the space they need to be who they are and be okay with who I am when I walk away.

There is no fear in love. When you love someone or are beginning to love someone and fear creeps up…HUSH that fear. FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. It is a figment of the imagination. A by-product of loss of control. Love takes vulnerability. The willingness to relinquish control. The ability to understand that true love, whether romantic, familial or friendship…is governed by God. The truest unconditional love is knowing that the blessing is in having loved at all. Having love to give and inspiring, encouraging, healing, believing, understanding and promoting LIFE…with your love.

How deep is YOUR love?

Chicks, Butterflies and Hamsters

So, who HASN’T been on Facebook yet? It’s the DEBIL I tell ya…lol. I got this page a over a year ago at the urgency of my friend, Tish. She swore it was so much fun…but, I hated that I had to ok apps left and right and that I couldn’t do more with the page. So basic…*sigh*. Fast forward to a few months back, my family begins filing in…starting with my cousins in college. Next thing I know most of my immediate family and closest friends are on my page. THEN comes the elementary and high school folk. Well, just a few days ago…a friend found me there and within a 36hr period of accepting her request, she posts a class picture from our 6th grade class. Now, we were in “the smart class”. It was called IH (Intermediate Humanities). We experienced a few things that most didn’t. We incubated eggs and got baby chicks in 21 days. We were then given the opportunity to take a chick home over night, but that was a special privilege for the ones who earned it (I took home a lil yellow one). We also got to feed larvae, watch it morph into a caterpillar and eventually cocoon into a butterfly. Releasing them was bittersweet. I wanted to keep mine…but, of course they must fly. We had a pet hamster as well…CP (Class Pet). HE was fawned over until he had see through babies. LOL I remember how a few of the girls and I drew in a sketch book and created stories.

I remember how, Mrs. Brown our teacher (my favorite) would allow a few of us to “stay up” for lunch in the empty classroom. We had a huge class on the 3rd floor adjacent to the music class…and we had a stage. I remember dancing and singing on that stage with the girls, doing Michael Jackson’s latest steps.

I had such great memories attached to these people. One guy, Mike Phillips…told me today that he thought I was sooo sexy, because he loved the way I carried myself in my pics. Unafraid to let people see who I really was (instead of posting old ass pics) LMAO. Mike was the kid who kept his instrument…a sax with him 24/7. He had a crush on me in elementary…which must have been LOVE…cuz he beat me up after an altercation in class. LOL. He got amnesia and “didn’t recall” whooping my ass…but, that niggum shut my eye. (I think I embarrassed him). Oh, Mike went on to sign with Hidden Beach Records and has played alongside such artists as Jill Scott and Prince. I am so proud of him…his dedication to his sax, something a lot like Lisa Simpson’s…has paid off and he’s living his musical dream. Good for you, Mike!

I also found my friend Renee’, who as we were leaving high school had fallen ill with renal failure. She was my ROLL DAWG! Circumstances moved us apart and in spite of several attempts to contact her…we drifted. I dreamed of her often, wondering…praying that she’d recovered. Finding her was indeed a blessing. She’d lost so much weight and was barely recognizable…except for that smile. Wide and strong…that smile hasn’t changed.

…There is a down side to these reunions. Within the last few months…a young woman from that class picture up there died. Rachel Mack had leukemia and succumbed recently. Finding that out was heartbreaking. I remember us kids going to Rachel’s house for lunch, which was only 2 blocks away from the school. She and I used to compete for who had the best penmanship…I won. LOL What’s so weird is that I’d dreamed of her as well a few times in this past year. Almost in excess…which of course further freaked me out. She was in every class I was in from K to 6.

Rachel…rest in peace, girl. I remember you well. God bless your spirit and your family’s, too. Like the butterflies…I pray your soul flies high.

I’mma F%#K Cupid UP! (V-Day Repost)

I never did like that lil naked fucka. I swear, who in the hell does he think he is? Flying around with his “wings” (which I really think are figurative for his drinking problem)…shooting people in the ass with arrows dipped in love. What’s his GOT dayum problem? Taking it upon HIMself to infect people with HIS idea of love. See, this is that shit. He’s just perpetuating the scandalous propaganda known as commercialism and mass indoctrination of social conformity. Yes, this “holiday” is just for the moneymakers who feed off of people’s desires to be coupled up. Making those who aren’t feel as if they’re somewhat incomplete without a mate. First off, he helped disfigure the heart. The heart does NOT look like a “V” with ass cheeks turned upside down. The heart looks more like a bagpipe instrument…or a balled fist with severed digits. Then he took the beautiful art of poetry and turned it into some sing-songy, sappy, corny ass (but sometimes sweet) expression of romance. Then, they dragged the candy industry into it, by trying to seduce the masses of women with chocolate, only to hold it against them when the shit hits their thighs 10 days later. They also made sex obligatory…I mean, shouldn’t you get bucket naked ALL the time with your boo? Roll around, skin rasslin’ with someone tryna pin each other down with ya inside and outside parts? HMPH!

OH, lets not forget the FLOWER industry. WOW. They took one of the most beautiful expressions of Nature’s love…roses especially, and hiked the price for them up 200% the week of Valentine’s Day. All to take the glory out of receiving a bouquet of spontaneous display.

Basically…HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!! May you get a card, flowers, candy and some hot jungle monkey sex from the object of your affections!

Wondermentals: Purpose

I woke up this morning…well, that’s FIRST! *thanking God for the morning* Ok, so…I woke up this morning at a little before 7am and began cleaning. (why? I don’t know!) Just tidying up from last night’s dinner. I decided to watch something instead of going back to sleep. I found an old tried and true fave, “Soul Food”. I was watching the part where Miles was telling Teri how he was going from being a full time lawyer to pursuing his music full time. Made me wonder about how a dream needs to be better supported from our mates and loved ones…but it was the scene at the club that got me wondering. It’s the scene were Miles’ group, Milestone (After 7, Babyface, K-Ci and JoJo) are singing the song Miles wrote and Teri’s cousin attends. Teri’s ass doesn’t…but anyway. Teri’s cousin Faith is telling Miles how good his stuff is. I guess they’re vibing artist to artist and she tells him of how much she loves to dance. She said that it was the thing she thought about all the time. That it “feels so damn good”. I felt that. I have seen this movie UMPTEEN times and yet I felt that statement like I was sitting in the movie theater for the 1st time. I actually felt tears sting the corners of my eyes.

I immediately thought of my love for writing. Then of course, I realized how badly I need to focus and begin making it work for me. Of course the next question was…what am I doing? I cried a little…wondering what is my life? Now, if you don’t know…I’m still in DC. On my godmom mission…watching my godson. His mom has been under extreme pressure and stress. She lives alone here in DC (the baby’s father isn’t here right now)…and she was cracking under the strain. She’s been so spoiled all of her life. Her own mom’s only child. Coming to DC to attend Howard several years ago was the plan…not to end up struggling here, alone at 26 with baby of almost 2. So…I look over at her and my godson, Syre asleep and in my own thoughts of doubt, it was like God stepped in and shut those doubts DOWN! “You’re here for a reason. Your life is NOT without cause or purpose. He’s placed you were you belong. You’re needed here!” I’ve seen how much happier Aly has been. How less stressed she is…knowing her son is with someone who’d care for him without expecting anything in return except for her to be alright. I laugh at how my godson does the things I do and says the things I say. I can’t take credit for it all…but, I’ll say he’s got some consistency in his world now.

I believe…that God has been constantly placing me where I am needed. Where I, too will learn and grow. Since I’ve been here I have become more and more conscious of my own needs and desires. Being a giver all of my life…I am learning how to receive. Aly and Syre have become parts of my life in a way I couldn’t have imagined before I decided to come here. To think I resisted…stubborn for change. Feeling like being out of my daily existence would cramp my style…not knowing how it would help me adapt to a new style. Since being here, I’ve met and hung out with a couple of friends who were once only voices on the phone. I’ve entertained a couple of friends here on Aly’s hospitality…and I’ve rediscovered the woman I am. I may not be exactly where I want…or where people looking in may think I need to be…but where I am, right here…right now…feels so damn good.

Paint or Picture

I love art. Always have. As a little girl, it was second nature to draw, sketch/doodle, color and paint. I’ve loved the beauty in life. Clouds, starry skies, rain, bodies of water…all of it. I truly feel like my Pisces Moon is constantly taking over my Capricorn Sun. I’m incessantly in a creative mode. I love making things with my hands…or bringing attention to detail.

I want to pick up a hobby, but…um…I may be a little ADD so there can only be one. I want to follow through as well. Take it to new heights. I’m considering painting. I’m talking the acrylics or oils, canvases, easel and all. I am ALSO considering photography. Just getting a digital camera and filtering the world through my eyes.

I haven’t decided which, yet…but I do know I want to do something that puts my right brain to use. I’ve been writing since elementary school. Poetry, short stories…and most recently a novel/thriller in progress. It’s the thing I think about most. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t have an idea of some kind, whether it slips away before a pen can capture my thoughts…or a file where I jot down ideas daily. I love writing…don’t get me wrong…but, I need to find some inspiration elsewhere. Maybe I believe that in the midst of paint strokes or picture snaps…a story will pop into my head. A place will trigger imagined scenarios…or I’ll remember a specific time in my life from seeing a still subject in everyday life that will spark a poem. All I know, is I’ve got this creative energy circling through me and it needs release.

I’ll be sure to share which hobby wins out…and any by products of it. What inspires you? What keeps your mind spry and your spirit content? Is it the little things or is it bigger accomplishments?

K Street stands for Kottoe-mite-ay KNOWS!

If all of you haven’t been paying attention *shaking the shit out of the ADD’ers* I’ve been in DC since the weekend of my birthday…well, that following Monday. Well, I’ve been here a few times before. My sister Aly lives here and has been here for several years. She attended and graduated Howard and just never came home. My sister Monifa and I have been to visit her 3 other times here…and EACH time…we’ve seen the SAME shit!

Aly lives in the “heart” of DC. She’s in the Northwest area which is pretty close to all of the important areas of this district. If I walk downstairs and to the corner of New Jersey and K and look down the street, you can see the capitol building big as day. BUT, if you come back and go to the OTHER street crossing K (3rd Street)…you will see nothing but hookers…


MAN, one of the times we left here at 2-3am in the morning to drive home only to run into one pulling up shim pants and buckling. I mean, dressed like a straight chick (not even a “hooker”) but just sharply dressed in jeans, a cute belt, jacket, shirt and heels. WORKING it…and getting off work! LOL

Aly, Syre and I were headed back from the local Safeway…only to pass by a TALL snapdown with 5 o’clock shadow but with tight clothes on, switching and wearing boobs. He was with a HARD dude in broad daylight. I just looked at Aly and she laughed. I said, “DAMN…there’s a lot of shmenz around here”…she laughed and said that there were a LOT of those around. That around her building were nothing BUT transgender hookers…but that the real ladies were further up K Street (somewhere near the skrip clubs).

I remember when Aly first moved here and we visited…she told us of how “nice” the area was…and for the most part, considering DC’s crime rate…it is. But if one of the nicest areas around is the heart of Shim Blvd…I think I’ll take Peekskill…where the hookers only come out at night and still have their womenz parts in tact. *lmao*

Hmmm?: Do you have my back?

Relationships…*sigh*…it’s the bane of SOME of our existences. Others have been fortunate enough to be parts of love couplings that work and last. A lot of people struggle day to day IN them or to get out of them. For me, lately everyday has been a struggle to get my mind right. To wrap my mind around the fact that once again, love has eluded me. I’m sure one day soon I will have fabulous testimonies of how I made it through, but as for now…I am still analyzing and breaking down past moments to get an understanding of things.

In conversation with a friend (who is in a relationship) she spoke of feeling stupid for loving someone who doesn’t show the love he speaks of. (I don’t like to say that we’re stupid…it isn’t stupid to love someone). She questioned how she got where she is. She started out as a person strong in her convictions of what it is she would and would not do…would and would not tolerate. Most of those convictions shattered with the dislodging of her spine. When I said that to her she laughed, but she nodded in agreement. She said that she had NO spine when it came to this man she loves.

Being the nut/smarty pants that I am…I had a theory. I told her that yes…he took her spine. I told her how he was now rocking her spine AND his, which is why he was so strong and she so weak. I told her that, technically…he is SUPPOSED to own her spine. It makes her weak for him in a way only a lover/partner can be…BUT, she is supposed to own his too. In other words, their supposed to have each OTHER’S backs. Here she is all jelly-backed and he’s got 2 spines AND his own ego. Here is yet ANOTHER strong, smart woman…victim to unfair spinal removal. *lmao* Fair exchange is no robbery…but, there was no exchange. He got her and she got…GOT!

When talking to this friend, advising her, counseling her, loving her with the truth…I began to realize that in my sisterly words…I was talking to myself as well. Telling her and me, that the love for US is made of two people exchanging, reciprocating, and validating one another’s love. Fulfilling one another’s needs and CARING for each other. Not just loving…because you can love someone and not take care of them. A man who loves us ladies…isn’t going to sit idly by and watch us struggle. He isn’t going to TAKE more than he gives without blinking or thinking twice. The same way a good woman looks at her man and can see his needs and swoops in to compensate…there are men who can do that as well. If a man’s CONSTANT is HIS needs and your sacrifice…something is wrong.

When in love…I have my man’s back. I only ask that he has mine too.

GIRL…you better go GET yo spine. That niggum has TWO!!