Word 10: Book


           Tara walked hurriedly through the crowd…multi-tasking her way to her destination. She toggled between glances at her phone, rummaging through her purse, and looking back to make sure the bus wouldn’t leave her. Tara was petite in stature, which kept her line of sight at best…right at most people’s shoulders. The pedestrians bustling in the opposite direction of her seemed extra tall today. “I can’t be late…geez, move it people!” she mumbled. She’d receive a shoulder bump here, a duck and dodge there…making her feel like a lab mouse in a maze. Finally, as she was clearing the sea of city-goers…Tara bumped directly into a brick wall. Not an actual brick wall, but he felt like one. He was freakishly tall and very stoic in his expression. His build was medium but he had the face of a large man. His eyes seemed larger than normal as well.  Dressed like a businessman except for a large Stetson, he seemed to fit in. He smashed the book into her chest swiftly and roughly saying, “Take this…go…NOW!” Tara said, “I don’t want it…HEL…” she began to summoning help, but he commanded her mouth closed with his hand gently at her jugular. “I will not hurt you…but, those seeking the book will. Keep going straight, a cab will stop at the corner, get in, say nothing…you will be driven somewhere safely. DO NOT OPEN THE BOOK!!” he ordered. He stepped to his left and walked away. When she turned around, Tara saw him slip between two people and  he became lost as quickly as he’d appeared. She turned back around and walked to the corner. The cab stopped, she got in, she said nothing and the driver took off. He didn’t even attempt to make eye contact through the rear view mirror. Tara looked down at the book, a forest green tome, thick with at least 800 pages and covered in moss with a symbol of a brass owl on the front. Tara did the one thing she wasn’t supposed to…she opened the book. The cab shook violently, lit up like the sun, rose from the pavement and twirled clockwise over and over. The cab driver and Tara disappeared from the city’s street. Two blocks down…around a corner and behind a building…the tall cowboy felt her open the book and uttered, “salvum me fac!”…then disintegrated into silver dust…

The Eighth Day…

…a day you realized what you wanted to do/be

I know you guys are gonna laugh at me…but, when I was about 7 or 8, my mom asked me what I wanted to be. I told her a………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….clown. LOL

I didn’t REALLY want to be a clown, but I loved McDonald’s and I loved Ronald. I might’ve been craving some Mickey D’s…I don’t know. lol

The truth is…when I was younger I used to want to be a counselor. Perhaps even at 12, it seemed my job was to listen to my friends’ problems. “What kinda problems can a 12yr old have?” you ask.

“My mother hates me…”

“I can’t stand my siblings!!”

“Why doesn’t he like me?”

Yea…seems small, but in a tween’s world…that’s everything. I love being there for my friends and figuring out ways to cheer them up. I wanted to do that because it never dawned on me to take my writing and build on it.

Writing was such second nature mechanics to me. It was like air, eating, taking showers…I wrote everything down and in detail. Journals, letters, and sketched stories were the ways I expressed myself. I could articulate how hurt I was, how angry I was…far better with a letter than an actual conversation. Poetry and even song lyrics began to fill my notebooks and I never once thought of doing it for a living….

I did consider teaching. I loved bringing knowledge to people. It was like offering water in a bottomless goblet of enrichment. I would take my small (not pocket) dictionary everywhere. It was riddled with lines. Squiggly red, blue, green, circles. My favorite things were color coded. Everything one color…flowers, the Greek alphabet, names for fairies, states, and synonyms for everyday words…all beautifully highlighted. My ex saw my dictionary one day and said, “Wow, baby…I’ve never seen anyone treat a dictionary like a regular book the way you do…”

Still, I found all kinds of interests. Did I want to be a fashion designer? I drew all of the time and often played with the idea of style. Did I want to be a gemologist? I loved jewelry and stones. Did I want to be a chef? I love to cook and could totally cater. Did I want to sing? NO. I CAN sing…my ass off, even…but that was never my dream. Too shy for stage displays.

Finally, right before settling into what I KNOW…writing…I had a temporary yen to be an event planner. I wanted to plan weddings and everything fabulous! My sister and I had even recruited a friend to be a partner for a short time in what we called “Pretty Pleased”. We researched, held bi-weekly meetings and did group assignments to acclimate ourselves to the world of planning on a budget. That fell through and left me listless for a bit.

…then I wrote my book. “Twisted Heart”. What began as a way to stay occupied during the day, morphed into a full-on novel of the suspense-drama-thriller kind. I started that book one day back in 2005 and now here I am…8 years later…and still clutching to it like an overprotective mother.

I’ll release her soon…she needs to be set free. Even if only for the sensation of having let go. I have also embraced my art in another way through Fancy Face Kreations…both art and writing have always held core spaces in my soul…it was only a matter of time before they bubbled up and introduced themselves. lol

Snapshot #7: Red

Photo of: Red
My trusty companion…the Dictionary. Perhaps my favorite book of all time. Always changing and evolving…adding and subtracting. Providing hours of information to grow on. 
My family calls me the “Human Dictionary”…most around me ask ME how to spell a word or to provide the definition instead of opening the book or looking it up online. What can I say? I’m a word whore. LOL
For me, words are the edifice of a tall building…each floor, a sentence…the height being the unending ways one can express themselves.
Anyway…the photo is of the color red. Though I looked around my house and found other things that were red…there was only one thing that had the punch this photo had. 🙂

Summer Heat: An Anthology

I’m SO psyched!! I’m excited (and moderately nervous) about the anthology I am a part of with three other very talented (and equally cool ass) ladies.

My girl Katlynne came to me and asked me to be a part of a free anthology spear-headed by a young lady, Sable Jordan. I didn’t even think…I just said “YES”. That’s a shocker, because I’m normally gun-shy when it comes to certain things. I write my blogs and my erotic shorts on my other blog “Passion’s Fruit”…but, I’m almost certain that I’m hiding behind familiar eyes. To put my writing out there for more than a handful of critiquing eyes…is a lot for me.

So, I’m PROUD to say that today, “Summer Heat” was released to be viewed via eBook format (free) to the public.

Just go to Smashwords and download the book featuring four stories:

Downsized by Ms. Downlow (email)

Ninety Days by Kween (:D)

Butterflies in Motion by Perri Forrest

Shaken and Stirred by Sable Jordan

Please give us some feedback and let us know what you all think. I’m very excited and proud to have the opportunity. THANK YOU SO MUCH, Sable, Kat and Perri for bringing me along for the ride!!

A Book Review…

Let me first THANK Ms. Katlynne aka Ms. Downlow herself, for being such a support system. She rocks like spiked stilettos!!

Not only has she been an encouraging force since we made acquaintance on her blog “My Downlow Life“…but she’s penned TWO books and given me the biggest compliment you can give someone…public accolades. lol

Needless to say, each time I read her “Thank You’s”, I was blown away that she felt inclined to put in print, her appreciation for me as a friend and fellow author.

Now…the book.

If you look onto the right column on this page and scroll down, you’ll find a picture of her first book, alternatively titled, “Life on the Low: Creepin’ with Hip Hop”. Hit that. GET that and READ that. The first book takes you through the story’s damsel-turned-vixen, Katlynne’s life. Her life as a law student and wife…and all the drama that ensues when her nearly perfect existence is turned around. You feel her, you root for her and at times…you wish you WERE her. Who wouldn’t want to go from living a life of pulling yourself up by your boot straps…to being thrown head first into the surreal life of celebrities? She makes you feel it!!

The Sequel? Wow…I started this book at almost 10am on a Saturday morning. I did NOT turn my TV on all day until I had finished sometime around 7pm. That includes cat naps and a meal or two. The sexiness of BOTH books is hot enough to make you want to conjure up a lover on the spot. I think I “cricketed” my way through the entire read. LOL

I was more than happy with the book and the ending was FIRE!!! I mean, FIYAH!! I am now tapping my fingers waiting for her to pull the THREEQUEL out of her ass. LOL

DO buy this book. Not just because I said so (well, yea…because I said so, lol) …but, because and besides the fact that she’s a story weaver and a titillating seductress…but, this woman single-handedly published her own work. She took the bull by the balls (yea, I know it’s horns…but this is erotica) and did the foot work. Now, her book comes up on Amazon alongside the Erotic Godmother, Zane.  Her project deserves support and not only would SHE appreciate it…but, so would I. 🙂

Click the pic of the cover to send yourself to Amazon and pick it up!!

Dia Diezisiete~ A Book I’ve Read That Changed My Views On Something

I read TWO books that accomplished this…
When I was with my ex of 8.5 yrs (who was 22yrs my senior) it was a learning experience in more than one way. I didn’t come away with only traumas. I came away with a plethora of knowledge on a vast number of things. Being with him was like attending a very exclusive university and apprenticing for a genius, albeit…”off-color” mind. My thirst for knowledge was quenched and THEN some.
He had an almost rare collection of books that he took care of like an eccentric curator a library. He would instruct how to read the book without destroying the  binding, pages and shape of the book. To this day, I am tender with the books I read…whether mine or someone else’s.
One day, he said, “We’re going to read today…” I was probably…22 going on 23. I felt like saying, “F_C% that…” out of rebellion…but the sponge in me wanted to absorb…so I complied. He handed me 2 books that day. He said, “You can read this in one day…both of them, but if you can’t…at least by tomorrow I want a book report.” I looked at him like he stole my mama’s purse and shoes and put them on and asked, “How do I look?” O_o <—yea, like that.

I did it. I read, “Assata Shakur: A Biography”. Let me tell you…BEFORE I met this cat…I was a militant ABW. I was well versed in the ways of Afro-Centric thinking and unlearning and relearning. This book didn’t show me anything different about racism (well some of it…because the way she was treated was beyond what I’d known). What this book showed me was the TRUE power of a Black woman with a mission. The courage that can only come from an oppressed spirit with a free mind. This woman’s story was heart-wrenching, exciting, inspiring, and intensely written with a power that spoke to my young mind. It’s still one of my favorite books.

The next book was “Superman to Man” by J.A. Rogers. I didn’t know WHAT this book was going to be about. The first thing I thought of was Christopher Reeves. (See how the indoctrination of society can place “flash pictures” of ideas and dogma without even trying? The purest example of slave mentality where you don’t have to beat your subject…just break down their thought process and walk away. They’ll enslave themselves (and their brethren) all on their own ala “Willie Lynch”)

What I READ…was amazing. I’m not going to even tell you what that book is about. I’m asking you to read it if you haven’t. If you’re interested in brilliance and wit…read it. The way this book is written is pure genius. Hell, if I can get hold of another copy…I’m gonna read it again! All I know is that this book gave me confidence to speak up and be heard…to be ME in all of my God-gifted intelligence and to walk tall in what I know. Who I AM. A beautiful, intelligent woman with, not just a mind…but the spirit of a quiet warrior.

Too Cold To Write

I’m currently freezing my ta-ta’s off. I just felt my lady buttons harden to an almost painful point. WTF? When did it get this cold…why is my sadistic ass drinking ice cold Iced Tea? I figured I’d blog when the tips of my fingers warmed up…but it doesn’t look like that’s gonna happen any time soon.

Sooo…yea. *making circles on the ground with my toe*

OH, I’ve got it. SEX! Let’s talk about sex!

No…this is the wrong blog for that. Passion’s Fruit is the nassy blog. 

*scratching chin*

Hmmm…this is hard and it’s only the 4th day. The cold is causing my brain to freeze and it’s not helping that I’m feeling the overwhelming desire to lie down and curl up under my throw and read the book Joy lent me. “The Other Side of Paradise” by Staceyann Chin is the memoir of her life in Jamaica growing up with her grandmother and brother and shifting from different homes…all while longing for the mother that abandoned her.

I find myself reading in Patois…in my head of course. Hearing some of the Jamaican voices of folks I’ve grown up around or lived around. My hometown of Mt. Vernon, NY…experienced a surge of Jamaican immigrants in the mid 80’s and eventually had a Jamaican mayor for 3 terms. 

I remember eating the curried goat and rice and peas from my landlord’s kitchen and thinking, “Hmmm, goat is not that bad.” I can NOT forget the beef patties and cocoa bread we used to get from a bakery off “The Avenue” (a two block shopping area on 4th avenue) run by a family of Jamaican immigrants that knew us like their own. Their bread pudding was YUMMY! My sister dated a Jamaican boy named Oliver for a few years and to this day, she loves ox tails, rice and peas and plantain….except for now that her current love is Puerto Rican, the style of cooking is a little different. (Even though they’re BOTH Caribbean countries). 

I told Joy the other day, that I remember the landlord of a friend inviting us in and sharing her cocoa bread and tea. She fixed our tea with raw sugar and milk and warmed the bread a little. It was so good. I was so used to eating it with a beef patty that I’d never considered eating it like that. 

I am enjoying the book…Stacey’s story, the Patois accent in my head, the memories they’re bringing and the inspiration it’s lent to my culinary repertoire. Just last night, I made fried chicken tenders with curry flavor added. It was scrumptious. I’m considering going to a Jamaican store and grabbing up some genuine cocoa bread and raw sugar so I can go to Jamaica with Stacey when I read.

Dang, I didn’t think I had a thing to blog on. 🙂

Go to Amazon.com and get you the book by Staceyann Chin…there’s even a “look inside” option.

Special thanks to Almond Joy/Butterfly Effect for sharing her book with me 🙂

s/n: I think the phrase “scratching my chin” triggered the book’s author, etc. LOL

Team Kween

When January 1st, 2010 rolled in on tears and pain…I promised myself that not only would this year be different, but that the rest of my LIFE would be different.
The way I’ve been viewing life, by limitations and expectations is not something I want to do anymore. I’ve been limited by my disability (yes, I have one…I have Severe Narcolepsy), which up until now has been something only a select few know of me.  I’m not one to put my business out there, but this is a part of who I am…and I’m not ashamed. The ignorance that is abound isn’t anything I have control over…but c’est la vie.
I was in a relationship for 2yrs with someone I’d never laid eyes on…and I loved him like he woke up next to me every day…but, because of my limitations (medically and financially) I wasn’t able to visit him. I’d hoped that HE would do that, in understanding my situation…but, I see now so much that I didn’t see before…or maybe what I didn’t want to admit. I now know more than I ever wanted to know about how to measure intentions against actions. I now am left to question if “I love you” was just something he said to me while trying to convince himself in the process. Don’t get me wrong, with all my feelings of frustration, abandonment, neglect and residual anger…I don’t wish him ill. I pray that he finds what he was looking for…because clearly, it wasn’t me. I’m okay with that, too. I just wish he hadn’t taken me for a ride while trying to figure out what he wanted.
I also had connections and friendships with people who were unhealthy in their origin and their purpose. I leaned on a few people through my struggles with the “distant long distance relationship” and I realize that I misplaced a lot of feelings onto them. Making others responsible for making me feel validated, when my ex wasn’t doing that. I’ve learned that relationships are SUPPOSED to be intimate and fulfilling. When you need supplements from other sources, you NEED to check why you’re still in a dysfunctional situation, instead of trying to get others to pinch hit for the person who isn’t hitting on a damn thing. I believe that a friendship or two has fallen victim to my inability to free myself from an agonizing position…not to mention, not understanding when those people (with their own lives and issues) weren’t around when I needed. I still love them, but I also realize that loving someone means allowing them to move on and be happy separate from any pressures that you may be imposing.
I’m also learning to follow my dream of writing and publishing my own book. I’ve been writing for YEARS and I’ve got TONS of ideas and story lines churning about. At this point though…having turned 37, something has to give. I have been writing this novel (and now it’s sequel) for over 3yrs. I’ve been clinging to it like a protective mother…not wanting to let it be embraced by others. Now, it’s time. It’s bittersweet though…there are some folks, who throughout my “penning period” have championed my cause…and I wish they were here to go through this excitement with me. I hope that though things may be strained between us…”they” will be proud of me anyway.
What I learned most…the biggest lesson of all, is that I have GOT to be my own team. I’ve got to do the research, the reading, the legwork, the motivation, the support system…to get this thing rolling. There are my loved ones, who say, “Oh, I’m soo proud of you. I’m happy for you.”…and I know they mean it with the reverberations of the words from their souls. Yet, I also know…that until it’s materialized…for them it’s just a thought trying to be a reality. Very few will offer to read, or donate to my cause…because, well…life happens. Everyone has their own thing going. They can’t afford to hip hip hooray for an “idea”…they’ve been waiting for me to burst forward for years. So no blame…but, I know that it’s a solo ride. One for Team Kween!!

PUSH to Precious

A Saturday in October…I invited my friend Joy to come up where I live and go to the movies with me. Along the day’s planning my mother was invited as well. I let Joy choose the movie…she chose “I Can Do Bad All By Myself”. It wasn’t my first choice, but it was a good movie. I wanted Joy to be happy, so that was all that mattered…she needed cheering…if only by a few hours of being somewhere other than her own 4 walls…so the day was successful if for no other reason than she wasn’t home alone in her thoughts.

The previews set in…I love previews. I love the WHOLE movie experience. I’m not one of those impatient folk who has to see the movie right away and complains that the preview section is too long. HUSH, I say…see what ELSE is coming out! lol. I saw a few movies I want to see…”Couple’s Resort” with Faison Love and Vince Vaughn. “Lovely Bones” a thriller about a little girl’s murder…and Precious, a movie based on the book PUSH by Sapphire. Precious is starring a young lady named Gabourey ‘Gabby’ Sidibe as the entitled character. Her mother is played by Mo’Nique, whose role is CLEARLY against the type she’s expected. Speaking of people stepping out of their type, Mariah Carey plays the dowdy social worker and Lenny Kravitz, has a role as well. I am not sure if it’s his 1st role in a movie, but I know I’ve never seen him in one. Either way, I want to see this story.

This story is ugly…much like the name Precious is called over and over again in the 2 or more minutes of the preview. Not because SHE is ugly, but because the truth of how people are in this world is ugly. I’m sure not every parent is born with the instincts to love, protect, and build healthy people of their children…but to see examples of how wrong that can go is undoubtedly sad. When I saw the preview I cried…because one…I don’t like to see people demeaned, belittled and disgraced. Especially over societal views of what “beautiful” is. Two…growing up, I encountered ridicule from kids and adults, too. I look back at my pictures…and I wasn’t an “ugly” child…so, I don’t know why I was called that. I can only chalk up a lot of the chatter from other things such as skin color. Black-Americans have a negative inner caste system when it comes to skin color. Features play a huge part in the stigmatization of beauty vs ugliness. Flatter noses and thicker lips, regardless of skin tone can be seen as ugly. Still…The light-skinned vs. dark-skinned thing is an issue within our own culture and it shouldn’t be. I’ve been called too light…I’ve been called not light enough, and I suspect that growing up that was one of the components of a building complex I had for a long while. Being “thick” didn’t help. I got picked on incessantly for being weighty. I wasn’t even “fat” per se…but, I was stocky and couldn’t be considered skinny once I hit the 4th or 5th grade. What always knocked people off their square, was seeing how the “big” girl could outrun, catch, snatch AND pass most kids my age. Looks are surely deceiving…but, I digress. I can mostly empathize with the girl in this role. On so many levels she is me…still. Not always knowing your value comes with with the territory of having been taunted about your physical looks. When I was younger my ears were uneven. One stuck out further than the other and I was teased relentlessly about it. GEEZ, did my friends give me hell about that one…a sister and brother especially. I won’t say their names, but if they were to read this…they’d get it. LOL. I’m over it NOW, because…well…I’m FINE! HA! Yet, growing up…a little girl doesn’t know that she’ll be swan fine when all the kids see is an ugly duckling. To this day, I can hear a certain friend of my mother’s calling me that. When she said it out loud to my mother after years of not seeing me, suggesting that I’d “finally” gotten pretty…my mother got defensive. She’d never known that my “aunt” had looked at me as if I weren’t as beautiful as her own daughters. Either way…it confirmed in my being that people were superficial and cruel, and most likely did those things because they themselves didn’t feel adequate. I say that I am still Precious in some ways, because there is a part of MOST people who is affected by the things their loved ones say or don’t say. When starved, you crave…when overfed…you waste. It’s simple. I just hope that with stories like this one…we can push the issues of individual hatred further and further to the back…leaving room for nothing but acceptance of humans as they are.

No one can call me ugly now. I’d laugh in the face of that word. I’m God-made…God-created…God-loved. I don’t need the co-signing of man nor woman nor child to feel beautiful. It took me a long road to get here and I’m sure that when I see the movie “Precious” I will see a little or a lot of myself in it. I’m prepared to cry for her, for me, and for all the women out there who grew up feeling unloved, unwanted, unprotected and purposeless. I’ll be back with a review when I do see it.

Destiny – Mary J. Blige

Koffee Break for Kween

Hello boys and girls *taking off good shoes*…I just came to see how you were all doing * placing on skips*. I wanted to share some things with you. *places on sweater* Welcome to Da Kween’s neighborhood! *Queue rock music*

Ok, lol…enough. I just came to check in on the few whom have been loyally reading the Kaleidoscope. I love and appreciate you dearly. Right now. I’ve been trying to get some things accomplished for myself and I’ve noticed that I’ve been spending way too much time trying to decide on the newest blog…rather than the end to my book I am writing. I love this blog, and I shall not abandon it…but, I need to get my head right with what’s important.

When I need a break from the scribing…I will hit up Y’ALL and see what’s flowing from your typing hands…so make it good. I’m counting on you all now…you NEVER know what inspires me. Smooches… Da Kween