In My Feelings…or Not.

I’ve made a decision. I’ve decided to stop running from the truth of who I am. WHAT I am. I am what is called, an “Empath”…

It’s nothing eerie, mysterious or mystical. It just means I’m tapped deeply and highly into emotions and spiritual vibrations. It means, that what people around me feel…I feel. It’s not just emotions either…it’s the physical pains, aches…things of that nature.

Let me start by demystifying what an Empath is. I’m no witch, gypsy, or pagan ritualist. I am a human being with the capacity to feel and “empathize” strongly with other people. Click here to read a little on what an Empath is and goes through. (I’m sure you heard of the fact that humans on average use 8-10% of their brain’s capacity. Geniuses use anywhere between 15-25% or more. Think of what you would be capable of if those percentages increased.)

Anyway, as I was saying…

I often have moments where I meet eyes with people in public and I just start tearing up. I may see a couple and become overrun with emotions. It can be the happiest of feelings…or it can be sadness for what’s hidden beneath. It’s a burdensome gift at times. I get easily pulled into people’s dramas and lives because I am a sponge for emotional energy. Always the helper…I can be the one who sticks around when all the doors are blinking EXIT in neon red. I don’t like to quit on people, so I stay longer than what is required of me. What I’ve learned though, is that no one should be a “sponge” for anyone. Do you know what a sponge does? Of course you do. A sponge’s purpose is to clean, absorb and then be wrung free of it’s excess. That is it’s cycle. There’s no other life for a sponge…other than to dry up and become useless. I’ve also learned that sometimes it’s not really quitting…it’s self-preservation.

There have been times when I’ve just had to close off the outside world for a few days to get a handle on my emotions. I do NOT watch the news…a political faux pas to some…emotional stability to me. I’ve sat in heaves of tears after seeing news broadcasts with people being senselessly killed, raped, harassed…and it’s really killer to see a family member or friend being interviewed with tears streaming. I’m gone. Any thing can set off my emotions…so there are times, in order to distinguish from what is MINE and what is someone else’s…I need down time. I’m not somewhere tucked into tears. I’m listening to music, writing, watching a good comedy for laughs. I’m doing what I love to do in my spare time without intrusion. Sometimes, I’m just napping my way through…being Narcoleptic makes me even more susceptible to the emotions. High and deep emotions make me sleepy…and sleep repairs.

I’m glad that I have the kind of friends who don’t take personal, the time I take off. Rather than assume something is wrong between US…they make sure something isn’t wrong with ME. I’m outgoing, talkative and humorous most times…but, I reserve for myself the times when I need to decompress and shake off all of the tears, frustrations and trials of those around me. I know that when I’ve returned to myself…my friends and family return to me as well. That is important for a “feeler” and someone who has the ability to tap into things before they take place…to have a good support team. People who understand, recognize and respect their gifts.

I hope that this glimpse into me isn’t met with whispers of “she’s crazy” (I’ve gotten that WAY too many times to count). I hope it’s met with compassion for my compassion. If it isn’t…oh, well. This is who I am and I won’t apologize, clarify or mask it for someone else’s comfortability. I’ve been doing that way too long.


Have a Heart…

Tonight, I heard about something that brought me to tears. Someone who I’d seen around one of the social sites I frequent, died last night (the 21st technically since I’m writing past the midnight hour). She had cancer and passed on at the young age of about 25. I really didn’t know her. I’d seen her on other friend’s pages and knew her profile pic well…but, somehow we never crossed paths. I’d actually just heard something about her (in the negative) just days before…yet, I wept at her death.

I’m not at all wondering why it is that I was touched. She was human, had a life, people loved her and now she’s gone. What I wonder about is why it is so easy for people to detach from their emotions simply because someone that they DIDN’T know…died. Why is it so easy for people to dismiss the lives of others all because the tragedy didn’t roost on their front step. That truly bothers me.

Maybe today was an emotional day. A wonderful woman who I consider a mother figure in my life is struggling. As her man lies in pain and goes blind, she looks on helplessly not being able to do much more than BE there. As I prayed for her, the tears fell…a sign to ME that the prayer came from my heart. Then prayer went up for a new mom whose child is having complications after being birthed with the umbilical cord around her neck. I think of all the people who are suffering or have…and I pray a collective prayer for those in need of healing. It doesn’t have to be a physical one. It can be spiritual, mental, emotional…even financial one. There can be a break in the family that needs mending, or simply a void in someone’s life that needs filling.

Today, while in a taxi…the driver confessed (why, I don’t know) that he’d been robbed a few days earlier. He still pursued the robbers in his taxi even though he was afraid. He even wanted to obtain a gun permit to protect himself. I just told him, that he was gifted with the ability to say he was here! His daughter’s birthday was on today (the 22nd) and I told him that she got one helluva gift…dad’s life. I told him, that I prayed he’d find the strength to fight the trauma and fear of his experience. Here’s a man who makes his living driving taxis and he now no longer feels safe enough to do so. Considering that due to his persistence, the robbers were caught, the money recovered and his LIFE is in tact…I told him he was blessed and had angels amidst him. I gave him blessings and exited his cab.

I sometimes ask God, why? Why do I feel things so deeply. Why are my heart strings easily tugged? And then I think…this is the way it SHOULD be. In a desensitized world where people shrug their shoulders at the plights of others…I am glad to say that I do indeed have a heart. Thank God for that.