This is a toughie…then again, it’s not. Not really…
I grew up with a dad and uncle who were drug/alcohol addicted. It wasn’t pleasant. It’s never easy for a child to grow up in such dysfunction. Drunken brawls, verbally abusive behavior, broken promises, embarrassment…are all things I experienced as a child.
Both my dad and uncle are sober today…but the road was hard and tumultuous. I couldn’t be prouder of them…yet, the traumas still lie indelibly on my memories and heart.
I promised myself I’d NEVER be like either of them…and with my hand to God, thanking Him for His grace…I’m not. I drink occasionally and socially. I’m a light drinker, so I don’t go too hard…but, I’m no addict. I drink responsibly and govern myself with much class as possible when drinking in social/public settings. Again…I drink occasionally and in moderation…well sometimes. That birthday celebration was like Yeaaaaa Boy! LOL
As for drugs…I say no. ONE time I tried a joint. I DID inhale…and yet it had no effect on me. (Perhaps I’m already high off life? LOL) One thing is for sure…I hate being out of control. I don’t like losing my senses and being in a position where someone can take advantage of me in any way, whether physically, mentally, emotionally or otherwise. It’s almost as if my control freak tendencies won’t allow me to partake in such willy nilly activities, LOL. Seriously though…I just don’t desire to do them.
I do think that parents should talk to their kids and not demand that they not do drugs. Kids should hear their mom and dad as their Jiminy Cricket when around peers…not as the impetus for their individual assertion…rebellion at it’s finest. If there are drug or alcohol addicted people around children, they should be removed in one form or another…as children, kids either want to fix the issue, blame themselves, or blame the parents. I thought I was free of my dad’s addiction…but, I only encountered it in my choice of man. My ex turned out to be addicted to drugs and alcohol…and I didn’t even realize it until almost a year into the relationship. It was disconcerting to find that I’d brought my co-dependency/enabling issues into a relationship.
I can’t tell this truth without at least helping others face theirs. Here are some links for families of addicts and some info for addicts themselves:
NATIONAL INSTITUTE ON DRUG ABUSE
Al-Anon & Alteen
Well, I already buried my grandmother…and even though the little grand-baby in me doesn’t want to face it, there is a strong possibility that in the future I will say goodbye to another.
I don’t want to have to bury either of parents…but, such is the cycle of life that we’re supposed to bury our parents…I fear this with every ounce of me.
I can’t imagine being parent-less. I can’t imagine talking to doctors and making life-changing decisions concerning my mother or father. I don’t want to arrange a funeral/memorial. I don’t want to look down at their “earth suits” and have to remember them instead of HAVE them.
I don’t want to bury not NARE ‘nother family member or friend!
YES…YES, I GET IT! I knoooow! I KNOOOW!!!!! I know that’s not realistic. ::pause for a sob::
Shit happens. Life ends. I just can’t lose another person right now or no time soon. I know it’s selfish, but I’d rather it be me than anyone I cherish. I’m not saying my life is less important…but, everyone I know has a child or a dependent of some kind…they’re needed. I am childless and though I know my family and friends love me…need me, even…my logic is that they’ll miss me, but not as much as the most significant people in their lives…like their babies. Their mates.
I know, the logic is screwy…but, I’m a punk when it comes to this. Maybe this is the grief talking. It’ll be a year on March 2nd, 2011 that my grandmother has been gone. Perhaps if this is asked of me a year from now, my perspective will change and become something frivolous. I’d rather it be something else right now…but, it’s the thing I dread the most.
That’s my truth today…