Wondermentals: I See You

“I see you…”

It’s something I’ve been saying for years now. It’s how I let those whom I come in contact with know that I can see their spirits…feel them to the core.

Since I was young, I could “see” people. I sensed a lot as a child and often got chastised for responding accordingly…even though it was seen as disrespect. Like the man who was married to a friend of my grandmother. I could smell the strange on him. As soon as he’d enter the room, I’d hide. I’d find a place to be other than around him. His smile was creepy and I couldn’t bear to let him touch me. Once, my grandmother sent me to her friend’s house for an hour or two. He asked me to come to him and I took off like a bolt! They couldn’t find me for the longest. I could hear them calling my name and getting worried that I’d left the house. Finally, my grandmother’s friend called me for the last time and I could sense she was worried. “Kali, please…he’s gone.” She knew I was afraid of him…and I believe she knew why. I came out of my hiding space…but, I begged my grandmother to NEVER send me there alone. Years later it would be discovered he was a child molester.

That’s how it’s always been. I see you. Even when you’re trying to hide your fears, insecurities, intentions, feelings… and secrets. So many have come and gone and colored me naive or clueless…but, I remain in people’s lives on God’s will and not theirs. People will never understand how I can KNOW a person has dubious intentions and still want to be around them and remain involved as a friend or otherwise. It’s because I know that no one is one thing only. I also understand that sometimes there’s much to learn. From them to me…and vice versa. To this day, I’ve regretted not one relationship or friendship because I know that I came out of it a better person, learning something in it that I didn’t know before. I’ve been to places because of people and grown leaps and bounds because of people. We’re a connective unit of souls. We thrive on the heat of spirit and the glue that is experience and bonding. Not one person has crossed my path that I haven’t learned from. I only hope that I’ve struck a positive nerve in others. I’ve lost many people in my life because they didn’t quite like what I saw. Sometimes your ability to see past what they’re portraying is too much. So be it…such is life. I hope it’s encouraged them to live truly and not in the bondage of fallacy.

What inspired this blog was that on Facebook, I scroll for minutes on end. I see the vague rants, the DIRECT rants, the turmoil and struggle, the joy and celebration, the judgment and hatred, the bitterness and cynicism. I see it all…I absorb most and discard the rest. It’s how I learn who is just my Facebook associate and who has the potential to be a lifelong confidante.  I see people pretend to be happy and hide behind the Bible. I see those who don’t yell their beliefs from the Internet’s mountaintop…yet, have the deepest, realest hearts. I’ve seen people claim to be a part of the Lord’s house and have nothing to say but surface, superficial idleness…bragging, boasting and preaching about how the masses can get what they’ve got…if only. I’ve seen those humbly speak to their Facebook family with love and true humility and are blessed immensely in family, friends, the comfort of a humble home and humbler income. I see so much. I see those with their huge vocabularies and small minds. Some with their hypocritical testimonies of love and second chances…and judge from lofty perches of intolerance from cliquish circles of like-minded friends.

I see a lot. The only thing that I try to do is to learn how to be and how not to be. I want to beam genuineness and earnest intention. I try hard not to use my worries and woes as a means to tear down others. I’m happy for new and seasoned lovers. I’m happy for new babies and homes. I tear up when I see pictures of people’s children who I’ve had the privilege to see grow into super kids from expectant bundles of joy.  I pray for those who seem to be on a twisted path. I pray for those on the RIGHT path…to continue onward to where they’re supposed to be. When people get raises, promotions, engagement rings, lose weight, gain degrees and find their purpose, I yell “YAY” with them. When they lose family or friends, get sick, lose hope and feel defeated…I whisper love and give them hugs as I stop in the middle of everything and pray. Do I care if they know? Nope. I surely don’t. I see how affected I am at others’ lives and wonder if anyone is remotely touched by mine.

What I see…is that as people…we’re ever-changing. We’re constantly revealing ourselves as we hide our fears. Concealing ourselves with conspicuous mantras. Some of us are faking it until we make it…some of us are doing the best we can to be the truest us.

Sight isn’t just ocular. It’s aural. It’s organic. It’s sensory. It’s innate. It’s something we can tap into…as long as we’re willing to see us as we’re viewing others. The best sense of sight is heightened in the acknowledgement that we are exactly what we’re viewing. Whether it’s in past tense, present or future tense or simply a small glimpse into what we could be if we let ourselves. We’re sharing a memory, an idea, a fear, a dream, a belief…when we stop and see someone. That second moment that we double back for understanding we’re speculating again, who it is they may be. It’s simply respect. Respect…re: again…spec: look. To look again. See them truly. See them and embrace them…as they are. It’s the most sought after kind of love and affection…that element in love that opens the door to deeper love. Acceptance of exactly who they are in that moment. No desire to change them into our own idea of what we want or need. Full on acceptance. Most people just want to be seen…

I see you. Do you see me?

The Fear of God in em…

On the heels of my blog concerning the deaths of three black men (Derrion Albert, Sirmone McCaulla, George Woodard Sr.)..comes my afterthoughts.

Sitting reading an interview with Derrion’s great aunt on Essence.com sparked my tears to run again. My emotions to take over. My heart to bleed…as usual. As I read this woman’s words and flashed back to the blog my boy Rippa wrote which had 2 deep videos from a sister named Joy the word “respect” resonated in my spirit. As the sister named Joy broke it down, “respect” simply means to “look again”. To take a second look at something or someone before you make a decision or judgment. That was so deep to me. I love words. I study words and their origins in my free time. I pride myself on having a pretty decent vocabulary…but to me, what is most important…is knowing that the wisdom is in applying the usage to your daily life. So learning a new way to see that word was soul-stirring.

Derrion’s great aunt said that parents should spend more time with their children and that so many parents want their children to be seen and not heard. That is so true. I remember my mother saying to me when I was a child that I didn’t HAVE any privacy to be respected…that it was her job to invade my space. To an extent, I’ll agree…but, I think that parents should give their kids more of their own voice. I fully understand that at the beginning of children’s lives…they need to fear their parents. Their parents are their “God figures” and need to fear them in order to create boundaries when they’re young to keep them safe. Yet, when children begin to formulate their own opinions and independent thoughts…it’s time to reconfigure the parent-child dynamic. Make it safe for them to come to the adults in their lives about whatever pressures they may be influenced by. When kids…especially teens, don’t feel understood or as if they can express themselves, they make alternative routes. All of the pressures they may innately back off from…they partake in to drown out that lost feeling. Whether it’s drugs, sex, gang violence, or other criminal behavior…it’s a way to numb the feelings of being alienated from home.

Early this morning in the 5 o’clock am hour…I saw a woman reporting for Headline News TV. Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell is what it was. She was reporting on the after effects of Derrion’s murder, and she said that a lot of the reason these kids are angry is because of home. She said there is probably physical abuse, alcohol, drugs, etc. She’s right in a way…but, I think other culture thinks those things are the ONLY reason kids act a fool in the streets. MOST black children caught up in gang violence or criminal ways are screaming for attention. A lot of these children’s parents had them when they themselves were mere teens. They’re overworked and underpaid. They’re most likely single parents and have either NO one to assist in keeping watch while they work…or the job is left to elderly family or older siblings. Either way…it’s not always the worst situation. Sometimes it is simply a matter of mom and dad aren’t around like they should be. Not because they don’t want to be, but because bills dictate a working parent.

There’s a lot we can and need to do to grab hold of our youth’s futures. Is it nicely packaged with no damage to parent’s egos? No. It’s raw. It’s a hard road. It’s gonna take a long time…definitely not an over night process…but, it begins “I” believe…with RESPECT. Parents want their children
to respect THEM, but you have to respect them as well. If you treat a boy like a prince and a girl like a princess…then they will learn to behave in the manner of kings and queens-in-training. I don’t mean spoil them with material or allow them to disrespect you…but, teach them their worth by example and reinforcement. Give them the freedom to be themselves and nurture their individual personalities. Protect them and make sure that the world around them knows that there is a lion/father and lioness/mother within arms reach. A child who knows that they have parents to put the fear of God in them…and protect them with the wrath of God…will respect life a little more.

But, that’s just my opinion. What’s yours?