What is the difference between privacy and secrecy? Well, privacy is about guarding your personal life and secrecy denotes a sense of duplicity. They are not interchangeable. They ARE two different things.
I have heard a lot of my friends tell me that their men have insisted on protecting their privacy from the online community. The men don’t want to list their status…or aver their emotional affections for them online. There are many “reasons” given:
~ There are haters online who aim to break us up…
~ The last woman I dated betrayed my trust and our lives were broadcasted…
~ No one needs to know but us…
Pure constipated bullshit!
A man is to proclaim a woman as his. He is to let the world and anyone in sniffing distance know that this one particular woman is his lady. A man who is interested in something past sex will definitely “piss on a tree” to let all other roaming men know that his woman is off limits. He speaks of her openly and even if he doesn’t gush…he draws lines between himself and other women that are clearly visible. He doesn’t act independent of his relationship. He considers her even when she’s not in the room. I believe that a person…male or female…should ask themselves TWO things before doing or saying something when their mate isn’t around.
“If my [wo]man could see/hear me…would they approve?” and “How would I feel if I knew they’d done/said this to someone else besides me?”
A man is to provide. Perhaps not necessarily in the archaic sense…where she’s a housewife and he’s the breadwinner (unless that’s their arrangement). More so…it’s a provision of love on every level. Not just financially, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. It’s about giving her what she needs (as she gives him what he needs as well) and being a supportive and interactive part of the relationship.
Protecting her…is as much about shielding her from hurt and unnecessary struggle…as it means a physical sense of protection. It’s about being loyal rather than cheating when it’s bound to hurt her to discover that betrayal.
I personally find that when a man or a woman constantly begs for privacy in a relationship, he or she is hiding their lover for a reason. Whether they’ve got other options that they want to keep lined up, they’re ashamed of their mate, or they have no interest in being 100% committed to that one person.
That is where secrecy comes in…
This secrecy masked as privacy is common. A man with a veritable pantheon of women on his list is reluctant to declare allegiance to ONE woman out of the fear that his band of ego-stroking fans will cease their adulation of him. He’ll be forced to deal with the affectations of ONE woman and be vulnerable to ONE woman’s power over him. I mean, do you know how hard it is to relinquish control/power to another? Poor men…they feel conflicted. How do they maintain their mack personas while appearing to be whipped/controlled/caught up by this one she-devil who just wants to strip him of his manhood…his ability to reel in biddies like a pied piper. ::end sarcasm::
Ultimately, I feel that men and women alike should be honest. Yea, I know…that’s too much like a right angle on a triangle…but it’s a thought. If you don’t want to be in a relationship where you’re open and honest about being exclusive then why be with someone? Why not opt to “date” or screw casually? Why go on and on about loving someone (and only them) yet feeling the need to deny them publicly? I am all for keeping the relationship between you and them…an intimacy protected from prying eyes and whispers…but come on. Eventually, the cat is out the bag and a man and a woman in love will begin to spill over and show how they feel. It’s not cool to avoid, deny, deflect and use sneaky tactics to keep your supposed loved one under wraps. I’ve been there. I’ve had someone go as far as to say they loved me and wanted to marry me but never told a soul past a few people that really didn’t matter. Folks who never met me. Who DID matter…was his mom, brother, etc. His family looked at me as his friend and to this day I was nothing more. YET, he wanted me to tell my mother and sister about his marriage proposals and ring. Interesting right? Not really…more like a con game…and something like a “reservation” to keep me waiting for him with bated breath. ::exhaling::
Anyway, a good dose of privacy is required…but playing dodge ball with your relationship is NOT cool. Someone will PROUDLY shout to those watching, haters and all…”I LOVE THIS PERSON”. Anything else is some high school punk shit.