Family [really] Matters


*This post has been 2 days in the making…I had to stop a couple of times*

Family matters…anyone who says it doesn’t has either never had any or doesn’t like the one they came from…and STILL most people go their entire lives searching for mother and father figures…people to love…in order to fill those empty spaces at the dinner table. If they like being alone…more power to them, but I don’t believe that anyone truly ENJOYS being alone. I believe some think they have no choice. Whether it be because they’ve come to believe they cannot trust anyone else but themselves, or that they don’t feel worthy of love, possibly even that love is overrated (out of pain and growing cynically cold) …so they’ve decided to live in solitude.

The only thing about family is that they sometimes treat you worse than strangers. I guess it has something to do with knowing that you’re family no matter what and believing that they’ll be there when you need them because they’re SUPPOSED to. That is not necessarily true though. I’ve seen a LOT of people say to hell with their “families” and have gone on in life to find and adopt people they’ve met as their new family.

Whether it was work, school, church or nowadays…on the Internet, people are connecting to others who need family just like they do. People are finding a semblance of unity in others who they didn’t know all their lives. Motherless children find their child in a person who longs for a mother’s love. Men and women finding the siblings they weren’t God-given. Just look at the McCains! They’re quite the modern clan. It’s really the norm…the “nuclear family” where two or more families are thrown together through marriage, adoption, etc.

In some cases…it’s not so much that you DON’T have family…you just may be part of a family that doesn’t understand who you are and has never tried to. Knowing someone all your life doesn’t mean you KNOW someone. As I tell people often…there is capacity…and then there is skill. I learned that a while ago watching Oprah (she’s good for something, huh? LOL).

See…you can love someone with all your heart and soul. They can be the person that given the worst case scenario, you’d die for them…kill for them. Yet, everyone doesn’t know HOW to show it. A mom can love her child beyond her own heart’s comprehension…but, if she doesn’t know how to implement stability, discipline, patience, example, amongst other things…the child may never grow to his/her full potential. They may never know their mom loved them more than she loved herself. If you don’t show affection, nurturing, forgiveness, flexibility, vulnerability…all those emotions that endear you to someone, a person may never know they’re loved. If your child, sibling, parent, or other family member cannot come to you and speak their heart without feeling judged or made to feel small…they may begin to feel alone.
Left looking for a family they can choose for themselves…not that its a bad thing. People meet the best family outside the bloodlines. I just wish there wasn’t a need.

Don’t Take it out of Context


Context…its the difference between laughing at a well intentioned remark and taking offense. I left someone’s blog today where what was seemingly a simple explanation of events turned into someone accusing a person close to me of endangering her own children. I can’t and wont go into long elaboration about the situation’s origin…I will just say that ultimately certain things come down to forethought and respect. Though we may be conveying emotions and ideas through written words…we still need to THINK for ourselves. Before you make a statement that could be taken offensively, do you direct questions to the author to which you’re responding to? At least just to insure that you understood? Or do you sound off in assumption? We put “LOL” into sentences when speaking online to indicate a joke, laughter or sarcasm. But, what do you insert when trying not to offend. How do you discern from being attacked or someone’s “humble” opinion? So much can go wrong when reading and responding. Miscommunication is an everyday occurrence. It is quite common for people to have a disagreement inside of a blog or chat b/c of a misunderstanding. I just think that if people took the time more often to think before typing…backspace on a sentence and rewrite their reaction…it could keep down a lot of drama and hurt feelings. Its not as if you’re talking. I can understand a slip of the tongue…but, when typing you have options such as backspace, delete, and edit…there is no cause for oblivious disregard for the feelings of others.