The Twenty Eighth Day…

…the day you had your first fight. why?

I think my first REAL fight was within my family. My cousin Tisha who is three years older than me, ALWAYS tried to boss me around. She’d hug me like I was some stuffed animal against my will until I broke free. Or she’d drag me around like I was a rag doll, bellowing my name in her southern accent. Sheesh, it was like nails on a chalkboard.  I’m sure our fight started stupidly because well…we were kids. lol

Now, mind you…Tisha was always a tad jealous of me. I don’t know why…well, that’s not entirely true. I do know why. My uncles were 7 and 8 years older than me and were like big brothers for most of my childhood. They would throw me in a Tonka truck and vrooom me around the room while I giggled. I was their baby. Tisha on the other hand was a pain and they didn’t like her that much. That always resulted in her vying for their attentions and she ended up losing.

For whatever reason this particular day…she’d plucked my last nerve with her bossy ways. She and I ended up fighting and all I can remember is her pulling on my hair to the point that it was loosening from the two twists it was in. Y’all remember that hairstyle that all little girls had? A twist on each side of the head parted down the middle…or the side if you were fancy. lol

Well, she tugged my hair so hard…it was like she was trying to pull it from the roots. The oldest of my two uncles could be heard yelling between his teeth, “LET GO OF HER HAIR!” Once she finally let go, he kept saying that he didn’t know WHAT was wrong with her and why she’d try to “pull out that baby’s hair”. lol

For years to come, she’d compete with me and struggle back and forth with wanting to hate me and love me. For the longest she’d say, “Everybody thinks Kali is so smart…”, “Everybody loves Kali…”, “Kali this…Kali that…”. I just wanted to know who in the hell EVERYBODY was. I wanted to meet them. lol She would talk about me like a DOG to anyone who’d listen, then turn around and beg my mom for me to stay the night with her.

It’s bananas…because, this kind of behavior became the norm for me. Eventually, throughout school…most chicks would feel this way about me while calling me a friend. I guess not much has changed…well, except for the fact that I’ve found friends who love me and don’t hate me for who I am.

Gotta love that “growing up” thing, huh? 🙂



When did the computers and phones…become torture devices.

Everyday I see SOME thing…whether it’s televised as news, posted on the net or dramatized for television, where people (teens especially) are going IN on each other. Bullying. Attacking defenseless souls who just want to be left alone, accepted, loved, respected…and yet, they’re singled out by miserable people who seek to bring pain to someone else.

Is it peer pressure? Is it that thing that you do with a group of people because you’re just DAMNED glad it’s not YOU on the receiving end? Is it that thing you do because you’re beat up on at home, or you feel inferior to others, or because you want to be feared…because being feared is better than being disliked?

Whatever the motivation…it’s sickening. I’ve seen enough REAL life stories run across my home feed on Facebook…and now, it’s seemingly so serious that producers and writers are making it priority to include this subject into their series. On my soap “One Life To Live”…a young boy gets taunted daily…relentlessly, because he’s asthmatic and carries an inhaler. They call him Weezy and threaten his life if he was to ever tell. The boy was stripped naked and taped. The video…posted to “MyFace” (gotta laugh at THAT) leaving him so embarrassed that he attempted to jump from a building.

On CSI tonight…a young pregnant teen hung herself in her closet because she was harassed on her phone over and over again. Again, a video released…gone viral…rendering her so embarrassed that successfully, she kills herself. Although these are television shows…it is just a depiction of what is REALLY going on in this world. The young man who committed suicide after his sexuality was revealed via video…that happened!! 

Parents…I pray that you’re monitoring your children’s Internet time. I pray that you’re monitoring their cell time as well. There are programs out there that help you trace every keystroke on your child’s computer…allowing you a glimpse of what their activities are. If your child is inflicting harm on others (or is being harmed) there are underlying issues related to their 1) willingness to assault someone so viciously and cruelly. 2) the willingness to TAKE such abuse, not feeling comfortable with coming to you for help.

Perhaps if a child is despondent, obstinate, disrespectful, aggressive and/or evasive with their activities and whereabouts…you may want to consider that he/she may also be taking out those feelings on classmates. If they’re just despondent and passive…and are also keeping secrets…you may want to investigate if they’re being picked on. The best thing you can do is give your child the confidence to speak to you openly. Sometimes adults can come off such the disciplinarian that it invokes fear instead of respect. I’m sure it’s hard to walk that happy medium when trying to scare the life of Job into an aimless child…but, it’s about knowing YOUR kid.

Why am I giving parental advice to parents when I’m not one…(before I gotta tell somebody something, lol). It’s because I’ve BEEN that child. BOTH sides of the coin, too. I’ve bullied and been bullied and I can tell you that as a child whose being hemmed up by someone bigger, it’s not easy to tell mom what’s popping in the streets when her motto is, “IF you come home crying about getting beat up, I’M gonna whoop your ass…”. Yea, it’s that old school shit…and it works to a degree (it’s meant to encourage you not to back down…and to fear MOM over ANY fool in the street). Yet, when it’s happening to you and you’re up against more than one, especially…that theory goes out the window and you’re left with the fight of your life and no stones for your handy-dandy David Slingshot with the super snap back rubber band…

It hurts me to see so many children given such a hard time in school. If it’s not enough to go to school, do the work and pass…they also have to dodge physical, emotional, spiritual and mental harm from children who don’t seem to have anyone keeping them in line. 

What us gone do? What can we do to keep these children from inflicting pain on one another?

Happy Mama’s Day

I just wanted to come through and say Happy Mother’s Day. I don’t care if you’ve never carried a child in your life…if you’ve ever loved someone with the unconditional, unwavering strong love of a mother…then you too, have mothered.

This year, I got to spend a lot of time with my godson and he taught me so much about love, patience, consistency and how to be real (kids can see right through you).

I feel sincerely blessed to have him, whether I ever have a child of my own or not.

Remember to take your reverence of mom all through the year. But, then…that’s how we should treat EVERYONE. No occasional commercial holiday should be the standard for how we treat our loved ones. Each day should be cherished and beheld within our hearts…giving what love we have to those around us.

Be blessed…I love you.

Use Your Imagination!

I am NOT a parent. It’s not so much a disclaimer as it is a reality. I don’t claim to know ANYthing about kids, but I WILL tell you this…kids have NO imagination nowadays. Or at least it seems so. I see all too often kids who need to be in front of the television or the computer in order to remain calm. I love the fact that my uncle only grants my cousins a certain amount of time in front of the TV and video games a week…and its EARNED!

When I was a kid, the use of my imagination was crucial to my mother as a parent. She was young when she had me, but she instinctively wanted me to know how to use my mind. Even though she was in her mid 20’s by the time I was in school…she still made it her business to make sure I used my mind. Buying me a few sets of books, including a set of Childcraft books and an World Book Encyclopedia set…was her way of giving me the freedom to seek knowledge on my own.
Asking her a question was as good as being sent to the “library” which was a cozy corner in our apartment housing a shelf with the aforementioned book sets. Games such as Junior Scrabble and Othello were there for me to play with. Yet, I had a chalkboard, plenty of chalk and paper to play school with. I owned coloring books, paint sets, crayons and all kinds of crafting materials. I learned how to use flour, water and food coloring as “play dough”. Sitting in front of the TV all day was NOT an option. We were sent to play outside and having all of the fancy toys they have now weren’t always available.

I remember…

  • ~Tap dancing with the bottle caps stuck to my sneaker soles
  • ~Playing house in the PJ’s where some of the hollowed bushes served as “rooms”
  • ~Digging an igloo behind the neighborhood clinic out of the 10ft snow drifts
  • ~Making up hand games and cheers with the girls
  • ~Having one parent take us for a walk around a neighborhood other than our own
  • ~Standing in front of the fridge playing Soul Train with the fridge magnet letters
  • ~Holding puppet shows from puppets made from socks and material

Back in MY day *I know I sound old, lol* you didnt have the common occurance where nearly everyone had a PC. No iPods to tune out our parents. No Internet to surf on when bored. No gadget for every known activity/action we need to perform daily. I know that we have advanced to this beautiful technological future, but I still think from time to time parents should tell their kids…NO TOYS…USE YOUR IMAGINATION!!