Word 31: Life

Day 31, the last day of the challenge…was dedicated to whatever word each blogger felt like using. I chose the word “life”.

Before I get into my word…I’d like to thank those who participated. Mahogany Dymond, who requested this challenge, I hope you got out of this what you hoped for. No Labels Unleashed…thank you for giving your all. Lamont Clark did not finish and we had another participant who though she didn’t have a blog, did so on her Facebook page.

Thanks again…hopefully, we’ll have another soon and try again to be unique, expressive and honest. Onto my word…

Life is beginning, and ending and beginning in the middle. Life is cycling…forward, upward and toward destinies and purposes. Life is slipping away from and skipping right up to us every single day. Life is here…and either we’re living it…or we’re missing it.

Word 27: Radio

Radio…

remember them days
when we would sing and sway
and you would serenade
me every day
and you’d make mix tapes
so i could rewind it back
and play a thousand times
that one dedicated track

our language was lyrics
our bodies spoke music
our smiles hummed duets
our spirits symphonic

and when you were nowhere around
i’d fall asleep to the sound
of our favorite radio station
playing our favorite rotations
i’d dream of songs
stages and scenes
with our love strewn in between
with the radio
playing in a soft hum
our love in stereo
love set to drums

Word 21: Fruit

Fruit…

this word brings to mind several things:

~my days as a royal fruit on a social media site (kween kiwi)
~of course it brings about thoughts of “bringing forth” fruit…such as babies and the fact that I’ll never have any…
~I think of “strange fruit”
~I think of my favorite fruits: strawberries, pineapples, pears, bananas, oranges, nectarines…

I haven’t been fruitful through this challenge. I’ve been stopping and going, clamoring to catch up. I apologize. It’s been a mentally hectic few weeks (in some GREAT ways and in a few bad ones). I have to make the rounds so that I can check in on my people. I have a LOT of reading to do (if you all have been doing your homework. lol)


“But the fruit<span class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(A)”> of the Spirit is love,<span class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(B)”> joy, peace,<span class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(C)”> forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness…gentleness and self-control.<span class="crossreference" style="font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;" value="(D)”> Against such things there is no law.” ~ Galatians 22-23

Word 11: Ring

Ring-a-round the rosy, pocket full of posies…ashes, ashes…we…all…fall…down!

That’s the very first thing that popped into my mind. Saturn’s rings was the next. I’m sure somewhere between those two thoughts the vision of an engagement ring appeared. I decided to suppress that, though. There’s no need for that thought to romp freely without supervision. My belief in kings and rings is slowly fading out to a distant memory of childhood’s past…an adolescent folly. I know I may sound cold…something like the icy rings around Saturn (my sign’s ruling planet).

Rings are just an accessory…

For me,
For Saturn,
For posies…

For now.

***I hope you guys are enjoying my impromptu doodles. lol***

Word 5: One

One…

one by one…
each one was done
not one
saw me as the one
at least two
were the one for me
until we were no longer
and i was left alone
one
with no one
one was ashamed
worried about his name
one was insane
his pain
my blame
one lied long
lying to save face
in the face of wrong
the same one
that wrote me songs
but wouldn’t claim
where he belonged
one after the other
my oneness became pronounced
not one love working out
one by one…
each one
i thought was the one
found their one
with someone else
as i accepted myself
as one
meant for no one
i’ve come to see
that i may be one of many
whose lot is to stand alone
one woman
with no man
but with one love
for friends and clan
i often say,
“one day…”
but, deeply within
i feel my oneness
closing in
and that may just be okay

…one love

What’s Going On?

Edward “Butch” Harris

It’s been an interesting week. I sigh in the aftermath of an emotional turn of events. Some are somber and at least one is the bright spot of it all.

Last Saturday, a beloved family member died. I would be lying if I said that death has me shaken since 2010 where at least three people I knew and loved passed away. Since then, my paternal family had it’s ups and downs, with a cousin falling ill with cancer (and recovering NICELY at this time). She got sick almost back to back with us losing our grandmother. Prayers were prayed diligently and religiously. Thank God she was spared and is now bouncing back wonderfully.

Unfortunately, last year…her stepmother died unexpectedly (to those of us unaware of her sickness). Last August when she died, left a chasm in my family centered around money. I’ve chosen to remain on the outside of that situation. I want no parts of that. Money is never important enough for me to betray nor go against my blood. I’d rather be broke.

Either way, this last death was sudden…but not really. Our last time seeing one another he didn’t look too great, but I want to say I put those concerns in a place called denial and prayed he was okay. He wouldn’t be. This is just one more hit to my paternal family and it seems incessant. I don’t know what to think anymore and it’s created a sense of worry…maybe even paranoia.

Anyway…

Two days later, a situation was brought to light concerning someone I once saw as being a friend. I was angry for two days and that’s all I gave her. I wasn’t in the mood for it and have decided that life goes on and that’s it. I’m moving forward and hope that this week begins as a close to that other shit. I’m so done.

Everything also happened during the week where I wasn’t feeling too great. I went to the doctor’s though, so I’m good.

One of the better parts of my week have to do with my friend DeAnna. She was placed on the National Kidney Transplant List and hopefully it won’t take too long. I cried and thanked God. I pray Godspeed over her and that her wait is no wait at all. Read her blog on it HERE.

Tomorrow is my cousin’s funeral. I ain’t ready. I dreamed of him and woke up crying. He was one of those people who when you think of cool people who stay the same no matter how much time goes between seeing one another…you think of him. He was a staple in my childhood and I can’t remember him ever being mean, petty or disrespectful. He’ll be sorely missed. I’m just blown that he’s gone…

Edward “Butch” Harris…rest in peace fam. I love you.

Are YOU Up For A CHALLENGE???



Greetings boos!

I come bearing the gift of inspiration…Lord knows “I” need it. I’ve been immersed in the graphics and designing aspect of my craft, leaving little room for my Literary Muse to perch anywhere near me. She’s seething about it, too. lol

See, what had happened was…my girl Mahogany Dymond (my Tracy) asked me to get another challenge together. Something using words. Cool, I GOTCHU Mah!! I GOTCHU!!

The “30 Days of Word Association Challenge” will commence on the first of October. (The same month as National Blog Post a Month Challenge; which I’m simply giving a more FOCUSED name to).

We’ve held several challenges around here, for those not familiar:

(Beware on that last one…you might not be ready for that kinda truth from me and my girls. lol)

Either way, we pride ourselves on trying to do something different using writing as a vehicle. This time the challenge is centered around word association. I will post the rules on the first of October so that we can get it started. THIS IS A WARNING SHOT! This is basically a call to duty! lol

This gives participants a chance to mentally prepare for the upcoming challenge and also time to invite other bloggers along for the ride. We’re a community, so we do our best to SUPPORT each other’s daily efforts. We’re each other’s checks and balances. If you think for ONE moment you can’t do it for lack of time, energy or interest…don’t even bother. YET, if you need a fire under your ass to exercise your writing chops…we’re your crew! 😉

In the meantime…check out the other challenges and see what we’re made of. “Dem Challenge Takers” are on the side of the blog entries on this page. ENJOY!!

See you in October!!! 😀

Too Close For Comfort?

This is kind of painful to write…

Oh, forgive me…”HI!” Nice to see you all again. It’s been a minute…but, then you guys understand me so there’s no hard feelings. 🙂

Like I was saying…this is kind of painful to write. The reason being that I have always been proud of the ability to connect to others…to build genuinely true friendships. There’s something about establishing a connection with someone who has so many wide and equally deep commonalities as yourself. It quickens the meshing and it can hold you endeared to that person for years of long friendship.

Until it doesn’t anymore…

I firmly believe that just like in love relationships with a significant other…we are drawn passionately to people who are built to bring out the best AND the worst in us. Reflectors of our light and dark traits, lovers AND friends are there to show us who we can be…and remind of us what we no longer HAVE to be. Having said that, just like in love, there’s passion. Friendships can behold passion as well, except it will often be for love OF things like: shopping, reading, partying, music, etc. What will draw you together also has the potential to weaken your bond over time with too much stress on the parts of you that are depended on for your dynamic.

For instance, you may find a friend who loves to shop like you do. You guys tend to hit each other up for the newest sales, seasonal releases and just plain old window-shopping for the lean days. At the same time, because your buddy may like to shop and acquire things…they may also be superficial. You may have a friend on your hands who will “trade up” just because someone else can buy them things and get them into places you may not be able to.

There are always drawbacks to common threads that create friendships. We are individuals and that means we’ll always be self-interested at some point. (Most of us anyway)

For me, I’ve realized something. An epiphany hit me in the middle of the night/early morning, hence the reason I’m up blogging presently. (Random Side Note: I am such a geek, in that when I find a new favorite font, I change my settings so that I can use it as a default font. I’m enjoying watching these words form. Oh, new said font? “Veggieburger” lol)

…I digress.

What I realized is that due to my own deeply empathic abilities and my propensity to meet or befriend people who are also deeply empathetic or spiritual…it’s like placing two frayed, live wires together and watching the electricity surge and form sparks. They can either be sparks of intelligence, inspiration, encouragement and love…or they can be  sparks of competitiveness, envy, confrontations and sensitivity.

It makes all the sense in the world that people who are extremely sensitive to their surroundings and energies, would pick up on the slightest slight. I am by no means saying that they way I feel or the way others feel in relation to me are insignificant or trite. Contrarily, they are at times insurmountable and daunting. It leaves the people involved questioning whether or not they’re crazy.

Questions one can ask themselves in such a conundrum:

“Am I too sensitive?”

“Am I feeling my own feelings or someone else’s?”

“Do I need to tailor my words and behavior? Should I ask someone else to do that for me?”

Those are questions to begin with.

I often wonder if I misunderstand the spirit and intentions of my friends. I surely believe that I’m misunderstood at times. Here you have two or more highly sensitive spirits, picking up on each other’s mental, spiritual, emotional and SOME times PHYSICAL pain. There’s bound to be moments when the intensity of raw emotion bubbles over into everyday communications. Maybe it’s better to be around people who aren’t as sensitive to the unspoken word as you may be. Perhaps that will foster better relationships that don’t breed contempt with passing time. I just know that it’s often work, communicating the intent and motivation behind what I mean…what I mean to SAY.

I just imagine two psychics in a room…so much clairvoyance, perception and highly sensitive and lighted vibrations…can you imagine the offense to be taken to each other’s deepest feelings? To each other’s SURFACE feelings? Think about it…for an average person, a surface feeling is just that. It’s skin deep, seasonal and fleeting. For someone who feels everything with abysmal depth…a “surface” feeling can become a misinterpreted slight. In order for each psychic in the room to truly feel one another with the truth, there has to be a give and take. A moment when one is tuned down as one is tuning in.

Or, maybe  I don’t know what I’m talking about. That’s entirely possible. lol

Either way…I’m trying my best to harness that which doesn’t require release and loosening that which does. Nothing hurts more than to hurt others unintentionally or otherwise. When friendships become difficult because of miscommunication, it can be hard to deal with. It forces you to look within, but more so, it can make you feel like alienating yourself…especially if it’s happening too often.

Just a short thought…

Peace, Scopers.

***BLOG NOTE: I wrote this like three days ago in the dawn hours…I just got around to pressing “Publish”. lol***

Nippy’s 50th

Hi!! ~waves fanatically~

If you guys have been paying attention over the years…you know I love/d me some Whitney. Nippy was the first voice I heard that made me want to buy her album. I got her first album, which was MY first album, when I was 11 or 12. I played the ENTIRE HEYELL out of that album. Miraculously, it didn’t get scratched and start skipping. 
*dang…I said “album”…as in VINYL! lol*
Let me take you on a little highlight reel of my life featuring the incomparable Whitney “The Voice” Houston…

I used to sing her debut single, “You Give Good Love” to my first boo. lol That was my SHIT! Nothing was greater than that song, except for when it changes tempo at the break down. YES! I get all of my life with that song. 

I can’t hit all the notes anymore, but when I was younger…I could tear it DOWN!

The summer that her second album debuted…I was 13. Yea, things got real that summer. I fell in love with the sophomore album just like I did the first. This time, it was two remakes that held my heart the most. “For the Love of You”, originally by The Isley Brothers and “If You’re Really Ready For Love” by the Manhattans. Don’t get me started on “So Emotional”, “Where Do Broken Hearts Go”, “Where You Are” and the underplayed and underrated, “Love is a Contact Sport”.

Yes, I serenaded the boo with this, too. LOL

I could’ve played it forever…and sometimes, I have me a Whitney day and go hard on those 1st and 2nd albums. lol

When I heard Whitney would be starring in a movie…I was ecstatic. My Whitney…an ACTRESS! Cool, so when’s it coming out? lol

The Bodyguard’s soundtrack was my next purchase…this time on CD. No more vinyl purchases at that point. More so, because I no longer had a working record player. Well, of COURSE I fell in love with “I Will Always Love You” a remake originally by Dolly Parton. Oh, and “Run to You”. Such a beautiful song…but the one I sang constantly that made my mama tell me to shut up one night? “I Have Nothing”…

so…now we start getting into the part of my story that becomes a little more personal and raw.

In 1994 I got into my first REAL relationship…with someone 22 years my senior. We had a tumultuous relationship of the sometimes physical ilk.  He had a tendency to get outta pocket and because my mama ain’t raise no punk, I [after the first slap] got “projects” on his ass. Well, where there’s stress in my life…musical refuge coexists. Our song was off of the “I’m Your Baby Tonight” album. Along with the title cut, “My Name is Not Susan” and a very sweet duet with Stevie Wonder called, “We Didn’t Know”…my favorite…OUR favorite…was, “Lover For Life”.

I remember that on our anniversary, which was November 12th…HBO aired a Whitney Houston concert from South Africa…and Whitney sang this song (which was rarely ever played). A beautiful and serendipitous moment in an overwhelmingly rough time.

Who knew that I’d literally feel like a prisoner in that relationship?

The next level of fuckery was just beyond beyond. I refuse to font it. LOL

Just know that the next song was so very apropos once I realized this man was out doing all kinds of madness…

I played that song and album ad nauseum. I loved Nippy’s rendition of Stevie’s, “I Was Made To Love Her”.  “If I Told You That”, “Heartbreak Hotel” w/Faith Evans & Kelly Price, and “When You Believe” the song from “The Prince of Egypt” animated movie.

I remember when Whitney began struggling with drugs and infamy. I wanted so badly each time she arose with a new album, for that to be the moment of reckoning. For her to be on top again and clean with the sobriety of her fan’s love. It wasn’t easy watching her fall right into the next scandal trap. Most people wanted to see her fail. The naysayers were rampant…and when she died, the seemed to act in shame and quiet remorse, but the banter began again soon after. Details, presumptions about the way she died, who she was involved with…eh. I suppose it’s all a part of being a public figure. I just wish there was a way to receive the art…the gift from someone…without all of the negativity. Either way, my heart dropped the day I heard the news, same as it did when I heard about Michael Jackson.

You never truly stop missing such mega stars. If the sun died out today, the Earth would die with it…and a lot of people’s earthly love for music dies a little more as these stars leave here.

I still love you Whitney. I get my life EVERY…SINGLE…TIME I hear your music and sing with you.

Happy 50th Birthday!!

Love Always, Kiwi

The Thirty First Day…

…Bonus Day: Pick a day you haven’t described and share

Well, first off…THANK YOU CHALLENGE TAKERS!!! I appreciate all of those who have participated (and are finishing up) for taking on this little blog exercise. Once or twice a year I try to take one of these on to bring about a myriad of goals. I strive to have consistency in writing, to blog things that mean something to each and every one of us on a personal level and for you who have a blog (or 5 like me) …it’s a way to keep your audience’s attention. I go so long between blog posts that it feels like a ghost town, but these challenges keeps the writer in me and the blogger some love…on their toes.

On to this last day’s challenge…

I had a lot of days that I didn’t get to share. In retrospect, I found a lot of days that could’ve been a part of this challenge…but, hey…hindsight is 20/20. Anyway. I’m gonna play a little bit of “The Day I met…” and factor in MANY days, Hey! It’s my DAY, I’ll dump a whole buncha days in iffin I wanna!!! O_O

I’ll do it chronologically for my mind’s sake. lol:

“THE DAY I MET MY INNANET FRIENDS”

la tres mariposas

Joy & Celeste: HA! I met Joy and Celeste on DECEMBER 6th of 2008! We’d been howdy-doodying online for a bit and decided to have a meeting of the butterflies. SO, Mama Butterfly, Butterfly Effect and the Celestial Butterfly met at Joy’s apartment in the Bronx and made a weekend of it. I ain’t gone tell y’all ALL of the debauchery and fuckshit that went down, just know…divorcing these two is NOT an option…we all know too much about each other. ctfu

OH, that sucka JOY? FIRST thing she said to me upon meeting me at the train station, “DAMN  Kiwi…you LIGHT-skinneded!!” yea…that is why I punch her every time I see her. lol

a diva and an almond

DIVA: I met Diva on an October weekend in 2009. (I think it was ’09). Anyway. Joy and I went to the airport, picked her up, hopped a taxi and headed to the SAME hotel I had my birthday weekend in 3+ years later! We had fun. We went to MAC and got make up, went out to eat, got drunk, talked shit, and had SOME one O_O send us a nassy pic to which we passed around like drunken college boys. lmaooo. GOOD times I tell ya…GOOD times.

three smexy summabiscuits

Maria: On the weekend of 911 in 2011, Joy and I met Maria in Times Square with her then-boo and we commenced to cut up. I got a little tipsy, but that’s par for the course. lol We ate, laughed, took pics around the table and had the best couple of hours we could fit in until Ria had to go. 😦 …it was on THAT weekend that I found out Maria ain’t THAT much taller than me. Yea, she thought she’d be towering over me. NOT. psssh…old delusions of grandeur type shit. lol

deebo and kali simpson lol

DeAnna: Me and Dee met in Boston, Mass on the weekend of June 29th 2012…because she was stalking Phil Perry’s schedule. lol She wanted to go somewhere she’d never been with someone she’d never met and I fit the bill. hehe. She invited me and paid for me to get to her. (Isn’t she a doll?) I got there first and waited impatiently for her. I kept looking out the door like, “Where the hell she at?”.  She’d had a delay and got there just in time to not be TOO late for Phil’s performance. We swayed and took pics of him in the dark *ctfu* and once it was over? I LOST her. She’d tracked that man down and I looked up to see that she’d snapped a pic with him. I turned my back for ONE minute…goodness. lol.

We also went on a boat ride, which was lovely…and found a reason to keep going to the concierge for the sinful chocolate chip cookies out of the magic ubbin behind the desk. Doubletree is the DEBIL for that. (I can taste ’em now…)

squeezing for a pic…wife, dat sucka and me. lol

Tina: I met my Wife [insider] on my birthday weekend this year.  The ORIGINAL plan was for Tina to come before the Christmas holiday, but we couldn’t get it together quick enough in that time frame. I suggested she come and spend my 40th with me [and Joy] instead. It was my 40th after all and I’d love for her to be one of the folks I shared it with. So the party snowballed from there. I swear, Joy, Tina and me are frickin CLOWNS. We stayed laughing the entire time. Tina got to meet some old friends of mine as well as my sis, cousin and godsis. We promised we’d have another chance SOON to do more cutting up.

I’m looking forward to not only spending more time with these ladies, but meeting MORE friends in the near future. I can’t wait to see who I meet next!! *singing* “Rolling with the homieeeees”

***did you all pick up on the running theme? once I met Joy…we rolled together meeting everyone else (except in Dee’s case). Ha!