28~ Heart Over Heat?

If you had a choice between a love relationship and just sex [guaranteed]…which would you choose?

Right now, I don’t know…

I really don’t. I’m at a point in my life where I’d just kill (not literally) to have my carnal desires fulfilled and left alone. I ain’t in the mood to have someone demanding of me a return of my affections all for them to get what they need and leave me wanting. It’s a cynical way to view it, but it’s been my experience the last few times I’ve been in a romantic entanglement.

What I miss about being “in love” is very simple. I miss the spooning at night, the tender kisses and the feeling of someone being concerned for me…needing to make sure I’m okay. I miss those things immensely…

Yet, I at times just need to be stroked right and put to sleep. Give me a kiss and go.

I’m torn. I am. The heart of me…the believer in love and relationships wants to be wrapped up and embraced daily by the nuances of love. I want to have breakfast with someone, plan a day of leisure, lie back in someone’s arms and nap, read together…just BE together…even if we’re just doing separate things in the same room…

The scorned part of me, just wants to be pleasured and have some go-to penile cord and that’s it! Just get sexed down and then be free to go on about my business without the tethers of love’s responsibility.

I think that a loveless sexual relationship with someone is lonely.  With all of my need to be in control of blocking painful situations…so I won’t end up alone nursing a broken heart, still garners loneliness. Once that person leaves and goes home…there is still no one to care. No one to whisper security into your soul…and that’s something I can’t quite get past.

I don’t know…maybe for now…I’ll just take the sex and reserve the right to change my mind at a later date. LOL

9~ Different Than Before

Tell us about the first time you ever made love (not had sex)

The 1st love and I had become estranged. I won’t go into details…but, I’ll say it was my very first experience of a friend’s betrayal with my love. For the longest time afterward I spoke to neither of them…and to be fair, when I decided to forgive one…I forgave BOTH. (Although, the friendship between chick and I was never quite restored. Hey, neither was mine and his!)

I was home. Sitting my little sister and a young lady from the church family we were a part of at the time. My sister had been told numerous times to NOT let dude in, but she had a soft spot for him just like I did. The doorbell rang and even though I KNOW my sister told the young lady (her name was Mo) that I didn’t wanna talk to this cat…they both still let him up the stairs.

There I was in the kitchen and when I peeked past the door (thinking I heard his voice in the house) there he was…


Fine as ever…


I threw on my straightest face possible and asked what he was doing there. That I still didn’t want to discuss anything with him. He practically begged me to take a walk with him back home. He wanted to talk to me and apologize…he just didn’t want to do it with the youngins around. I caved. I didn’t want them hearing either…besides…my mother didn’t like people in her house when she wasn’t around. I was 18, so I had to do what she asked.

I told the girls I’d be back…and off he and I went. We walked the short block to his apt. Turned out, his mom and sis had moved and all but a few things the place was empty. He was about to move into a room, but had a key still.

As I sat on the old freezer he stood between my legs as they dangled and begged me to forgive him. He said sorry a lot…and honestly he rarely ever apologized. This was new. ::pause::

For the record…he and I had a sexual relationship that didn’t span the intense emotions of passion and lovemaking. We had sex…up to this point. I knew the difference the moment he kissed me in a way he never had… >>play>>

He kissed me and held my face. I felt like crying and I’m sure he could tell. He took my hand and led me to the back room. There…he kissed me. He gently unbuttoned my shirt as he kissed my neck. (another tidbit of info…as youngins…we rarely were ever full-on buck-it naked. There was always SOME article of clothing remaining) He fully unclothed me and laid me down. He undressed and laid with me…touching, kissing, holding me…sweetly.

(another tidbit [I hope he doesn’t read this and kill me, lol] …we used the rhythm method. He always pulled out)

…not this time. THIS time…he and I stroked back and forth into and onto each other with a passion I hadn’t quite felt from him. Him deeeeeep in me as I straddled and let him apologize. When it was time to pull out…he didn’t. He held me tightly and that shocked the hell outta me. We laid there…naked…until we fell asleep. I actually awoke to him watching TV and it being dark outside. He apologized some more and wanted me to stay…but, I couldn’t. I had to go check on the two chicks I left home.

From that point on, our time together had more meaning than it had before…until it was no more.

A Book Review…

Let me first THANK Ms. Katlynne aka Ms. Downlow herself, for being such a support system. She rocks like spiked stilettos!!

Not only has she been an encouraging force since we made acquaintance on her blog “My Downlow Life“…but she’s penned TWO books and given me the biggest compliment you can give someone…public accolades. lol

Needless to say, each time I read her “Thank You’s”, I was blown away that she felt inclined to put in print, her appreciation for me as a friend and fellow author.

Now…the book.

If you look onto the right column on this page and scroll down, you’ll find a picture of her first book, alternatively titled, “Life on the Low: Creepin’ with Hip Hop”. Hit that. GET that and READ that. The first book takes you through the story’s damsel-turned-vixen, Katlynne’s life. Her life as a law student and wife…and all the drama that ensues when her nearly perfect existence is turned around. You feel her, you root for her and at times…you wish you WERE her. Who wouldn’t want to go from living a life of pulling yourself up by your boot straps…to being thrown head first into the surreal life of celebrities? She makes you feel it!!

The Sequel? Wow…I started this book at almost 10am on a Saturday morning. I did NOT turn my TV on all day until I had finished sometime around 7pm. That includes cat naps and a meal or two. The sexiness of BOTH books is hot enough to make you want to conjure up a lover on the spot. I think I “cricketed” my way through the entire read. LOL

I was more than happy with the book and the ending was FIRE!!! I mean, FIYAH!! I am now tapping my fingers waiting for her to pull the THREEQUEL out of her ass. LOL

DO buy this book. Not just because I said so (well, yea…because I said so, lol) …but, because and besides the fact that she’s a story weaver and a titillating seductress…but, this woman single-handedly published her own work. She took the bull by the balls (yea, I know it’s horns…but this is erotica) and did the foot work. Now, her book comes up on Amazon alongside the Erotic Godmother, Zane.  Her project deserves support and not only would SHE appreciate it…but, so would I. 🙂

Click the pic of the cover to send yourself to Amazon and pick it up!!

It Aintcho Mack, Daddy…

I know it’s hard to conceive….but, when a woman stays in a relationship, or gives you her sex…it may NOT be your mack, daddy.

Us ladies are a lot smarter then some of us are given credit for. Sometimes, we just LOVE you. Women are the kind of creatures that are built for hope, compassion, tolerance and nurturing. When we fall in love…whether with our babies, our friendships, or our men…we pull for you like you’re Secretariat. When the world says, no way…this racehorse is a loser…we step it up big time and make sure you men know that we believe you can come from behind and be a winner. We hand feed you ego strokes and make sure your coat is brushed to a fine shine and then we pat you on the tail and say, “Go get em!”. *lmao*

Really…do you guys believe that the dick stroke or the mack laid down in “Baby, you’re the only one”…”Baby, I want  you to be my wife…”…”Baby, no one gets me but you…”…do you think that is ALL that keeps us endeared to you? Sometimes, it’s what you DON’T show. It’s what you try to hide…like your vulnerabilities that peek out from behind your stoic exterior from time to time. By all means do give us credit for having our own mind and heart.

There are times…where sex is concerned that we give it to you because WE want it. ::GASP!!:: I know right? No way, right? YES, man. We are sexual just like you are. That old myth/statistic that says men think of sex blah blah blah many times a day more than women SUCKS!! I blink and see penis…and this is a celibate woman talking! I also have friends who get it on a regular and they RAVISH their partners.

I’ve seen so many dudes allow their “conquer” to go to their heads…the big and the smaller one. Don’t. As many women that have walked off and rated a man’s sex as wack while faking moans of pleasure…there are many women…MANY who will ask a man, “What was that?”

I’ve been in a situation at least twice in my life where a man started out with the whole “let’s keep it about sex” and then when I treated them in the manner they requested, they felt some desire to conquer me swirl up from the depths of hell. The “I love you’s” come out. The weird behavior and game playing began…and I ended up asking, “Wait, were you NOT the one who wanted no strings attached sex?” I always get that look of, “You bitch!” or the reply of, “Wow, I thought we had something special…” 


It’s been said that women fall in love faster. I beg to differ. I believe we fall in love together…what I think gets misconstrued is our affection and willingness to say we miss you, or we thought of you…as love. Sometimes, we just want to get up on the comfort of a man. The feel of a man’s body against ours. The heat from a man’s hands in places that…wait, this is the Kaleidoscope…not Passion’s Fruit. LMAO {{shameless plug}}

Either way, just because we GIVE it to you…doesn’t always mean you talked us out of it. We have way more say in your “mack” than you know.

Ms. New Booty

As usual, a lot of my “random rants” started off because of a conversation that has taken place with a friend. This one is no different. I was on IM with my girl and she asked a question, “Why do men play games”…but, that is a common question to which there are many common answers…but we got deep on it and I had to share. I did this whole analogy of comparing some men to boys who get bored and then want to come back when someone else takes interest in their “playmate”…blah blah blah. So…we got to talking and a lot of things set me off. She asked, “Why do they need to be stroked and sweat-ed so much?” to which I replied, “Because their mama never hugged them and kissed them, lol…for real…a lot of these fools need a hug”. So, is that it fellaz? The ego stroking is required because moms wasn’t around to breast feed? Otherwise, explain why some of you need incessant adulation in the form of ego-stroking and sexual conquest?

She said…”they want more attention then we do…they try to hide it. So and so is doing these power plays that’s really pissing me off, making things more complicated than they need to be…just tell a bitch ummm…we had a good time but I need to move on. How fucking hard is that?” I told her it ISN’T hard.

So, I said That’s not the issue. That’s when I brought up the lil boy analogy. I also said, that these dudes like to be able to come back. If he says straight out that he’s had fun, but he’s moving on…then he’d look like an ass when he missed you and had to suck it up to get back in. Rather than look weak…he’s gonna bullshit you…avoid you…play busy as hell, and then when you say that you didn’t think he wanted to deal with you, he can GENUINELY say, “I didn’t say that”…and he DIDN’T. He just avoided you and mind-fucked you until you were willingly waiting for him to return…and you didn’t even realize that you’d allowed yourself to be a rest stop for his bullfuckery.

I never get how a man could have a woman who will give him SPACE, not nag, be easy on the eyes, have brains, be sexy AND freaky, cook, be a LADY, love sports, be supportive…and him treat her like an annoyance. YET, let a BITCH saunter in and mistreat his ass, cheat on him, use him for his money, play him for a fool and emasculate him…and she’s the one he’d marry without blinking. But then I guess theres something to be said for the women who will ignore the geeky, cornball dude with the white collar job and a penchant for romance…yet fall for the dude that treats her like shoe gum. Is it that mentality that the bad girl/guy will screw your brains out while calling you names and making your loins succumb to otherworldly levels of ecstasy? Is that it? If so…Then my girl Alexyss Tylor was onto something when she said that good sex is like someone ejaculating on your brain. Your mind is GONE!

Finally, she says that “her shit must not be all that” which brought me to my final theory. See, women think they can just ride him, suck him and blow him into him being whipped…but, don’t ever believe that is the ONLY thing that “whips” a man. If he’s whipped on the sex, you better believe there is something else she’s providing that keeps him there. A good mind-fuck goes a long way. So, don’t go thinking because you flexed your Kegels and used him like his name was Silver, that it’s gonna be THE shit that keeps him there. Also remember, there are TWO kinds of pussycat men like. NEW pussycat and the one they’re in love with. I don’t care WHAT they say…a man loves getting new stuff. She said that she must be old news…and I said, yea…but you’ll be new pussycat again. *lol* When he’s done playing with the other kitties…he’ll remember that thing you did or that thing you didn’t think he appreciated and you’ll be new pussycat all over again…I mean, that’s if something stood out to begin with. At that point ladies…with all your might…blocking out the phantom sensations of the nut…IGG HIM! If you want to be remembered, respected, returned to…for the woman you are…we gotta know that playing catcher’s mitt with ole Hairy Bonds is not gonna get it. They can only play as long as we let them. They can only lie as long as we believe. They can only avoid what is being thrown. It feels kinda bad when they look back and realize that the bevies of women they’ve mind-fucked has dispersed and gotten wind of their games. How lonely is THAT? No one to play with…awwwww

*insert finger L across the forehead*

Moments With Mahogany…and Chap…and Mama…lol

What it do, what it Do!! Alrighty…last night, I visited Mah’s 2nd show since returning to the Blogtalk arena. Her topic was “Love, Sex, Money and the drama behind it…”, where she correlated the way marriages/relationships affect money affairs…how sex is used (and it is) in love to get what you want…and drama.

I came with Butterfly Effect who made her appearance and then fluttered off to bed. Mah’s friends, Toshiko and Cocoa Carrington were in the building and the Mama came through, calling in to shut it down as usual. Later da Monstah and a few others came through, including DownSouthGaGirl. Mah asked me to call in so I did, which was cool.

One of the biggest things I do agree with the Mama on is that in a marriage a woman should hold her man down. PERIOD. Sex should never be denied, his ego should be stroked and she should definitely feel like in spite of being the one at home (if she does stay home), the wife should still feel valued and given control of the family and home’s affairs.

Then we headed off to Mr. Chap’s place over at the morning show site and had an after party, where the discussion continued. Somehow, Mama put me on the hot seat about boo-boo AKA SHIT and then farting, then farting during sex…then SQUIRTING! She decided to out me and say I’d never squirted based on my answer of no farting during sex. (still laughing at that) I was totally embarrassed, but it was all good. Then Mah, Mama and Chap roasted me good on a few rounds of “Gimme 5” which I sucked at. (blame it on the late night hour of 2am) LOL

I enjoyed myself with them. A good time was had and there was no question that we began winging it after a while. REAL fun is never scripted!

That’s Whats Up!