What is it that keeps us women separated and at odds?

I’ve seen so much BS cross my path in just 2yrs. Was there any wonder that I kept my friends down to a deuce? I think that also with the rise in use of the Internet, that drama has increased 100 fold. If you think its enough of a task to stay drama free in the real world, where you meet a few people you like here and there…imagine a list of “friends” in the hundreds.

One of our biggest issues…is men. LAWD, us and men. Now, don’t get me wrong…I don’t fight FOR men or ABOUT men. I think its inane and useless. If I find that a man that I’ve been interested in or what’s more…involved with, is having relations with the next woman…HIS ass is mine. Not hers. She doesn’t owe me a thing. When in a relationship the man owes me the respect to be honest and faithful. If he isn’t, then he is the wrong party. In a lot of instances, the woman doesn’t even know that she’s just one of many. She looks up and realizes (probably when he can no longer successfully juggle the harem) that her time is every other chick’s time, too. She finally sees that his boys are really girls. His late nights working are late nights twerking it, and his low libido isn’t his being tired from work, its being tired from getting worked over. To find out that your man is lying to you, betraying you and making you look like a fool is hard, but come on sistas…put the blame where it belongs. Your MAN is at fault, and probably in some small way…so are you. Accountability demands that you look back in retrospect at your behavior, decisions and neglect of the situation and find yourself in that heap of twisted relationship. How many times did you sense he was lying, but decided to avoid it out of the desire to “keep the peace”. Whatever it was, it helped lead to a point where you and your man are having problems, so its not fair to lose it on the “mistress” because she’s an easier target. IT’S HIM! So deal with HIS ass.

NOW…this moves onto a different situation. I gotta tell you…no situation is 100% perfect. We don’t always meet people who are healthily over their exes, have NO emotional ties to other people, or have their commitment issues all worked out. We often deal with people who have “circumstances” and “personal problems”, but the end result is the same…chaos. If a man is in a situation when you meet him that is suspicious or drips with “open-ended ties” then to proceed forward can be a wrong move on your part. Especially online, I’ve seen women track a brotha’s activity on his page at a certain site and watch the ladies’ comments in order to figure out who it is he’s seeing. Who is in the #1 spot, who says the word “love” and “baby” too much. Eventually, in spite of seeing that there IS a woman who stands out, she allows herself to be reeled in and made to feel special. At times, the man will even tell her about the woman she suspects he’s close to…often making her out to be desperate, crazy…a stalker, even. On the other side, theres a woman who believed this man loved her when he said it. Committed herself to him, even though there were signs that he could be yanking her chain…so, SHE is there believing that she’s gotten thisclose to love and it escaped her. On HER end, he “got scared” or got turned off by something she said or did. Yep, dude is over there making her believe its her fault…probably because he saw YOU online and decided that what you were offering could be better…or easier. So, you’re over there feeling yourself…thinking somehow that you’re the better woman, because he’s described this other chick as a lame ass, gullible, desperado who took his “friendship” for a relationship…when, he’s been over there telling her the world is theirs to have…if only she’d let him in. Sound familiar?

Why ladies? Why do women allow men to pit us against each other? Allow us to give each other the evil eye. Plod over the next woman’s toes to get to a man. Disregard the woman he’s already with or had intentions on being with…all because he said the right things and coaxed you into believing you were different and no one compares?

Quite possibly, if we were smarter…less desperate for the attentions of a man…less petty, catty and envious of the next woman’s position…we might get it. “It” meaning…the gist of it. The lesson to be learned…that if we’re respectful of our own selves, the next woman’s position, and the basic sisterhood between us, we wouldn’t be getting thrown around in a continuous cycle of bull. You know? Abusive, superficial, dysfunctional relationships where we’re just the understudy to a leading actress. OH…you didn’t know? That most of these cycles are perpetuated because the leading man cant have the leading lady in his own fantasies? He’s been dismissed, taken for granted, dumped or just plain didn’t measure up to HER standards, so he’s looking for HER in every one of YOU! He’s taking out on YOU everything he couldn’t with her…because SHE was smart enough not to stick around once she discovered he was half-assing everything in the relationship! Perhaps if we commanded more respect with our own behavior…it would make it hard for these playas to play on. The less we’d take it…the quicker they’d get their act together, because they’d know that they have to work harder at capturing the heart of a good woman. They’d know that they couldn’t just throw together some weak game and make women lose their minds over them. Especially if sisters weren’t so quick to throw each other under the bus in order to get at them.

So…does it make sense now? Does it look like a good idea to line up in a never ending line of crap, just because some dude said the right thing? Hit the right spot? Filled the void that’s been missing? You get to play queen for a day…all to be the crazy, stalker chick in his life to the next one. Now, the sister you thought you were better than…had it all over…was nothing like…is sitting right beside you on the sidelines of love…alone.

Wanna talk about it?

The Rundown~2008

`This is the “rundown” of 2008. My year started out STELLARLY! (yea, I made a word up, LOL) I genuinely had a life-changing year…no matter what it ended up looking like.

`The beginning of the year kicked off with love. I brought the New Year in literally being asked to be someone’s woman. No doubts that most people can attest that the beginning of love feels wonderful. It’s a natural hallucinogen and can be the sunrise in your day. For a long time throughout this year…this love was a very beautiful thing. It exists no longer…and sometimes I wonder if it ever did, but great things came from this experience…so I’ve decided to take it for what it was and wasn’t and be proud of the things I learned.

`My birthday was on the 10th of this year and I have to say it was the best to date. I received a few thoughtful gifts that truly made me feel loved and appreciated. I don’t really gauge my birthday on what I receive…but THIS year it was hard not to. My mother and sister gifted me with a laptop *stroking keys with love* so that made my YEAR!

`By February, I was co-hosting a show on Blogtalkradio and breaking out of my shell. I’m a VERY shy person, so public speaking in ANY forum isn’t welcomed…yet, there I was. I co-hosted for 8 months and then got my own show. The Kween’s Kouch started out as a way to place my own personality on the forefront…but as of right now, it’s an occasional springboard for poems and music.

`In late 2007 I acquired a few friends into my circle…one of which is Ebony Eyes (Dionne when I’m being serious). She became my sister and by June of 2008…I was meeting her and Mama (Ebony Krystal) at the Huntsville Airport in Alabama. We spent Dionne’s birthday weekend with her and solidified the bond we’d initiated through IM’s and phone conversations. Not only was meeting these two ladies a beautiful accomplishment, but the simple journey from NY to AL all by my lonesome for the 1st time was the truest triumph. I also made a shorter trip to Philly to meet our sister, Netty which was equally triumphant. See…I am Narcoleptic. I’d never been anywhere out of state without accompaniment. So, yes *fists pumped* I DID it! 😛

`Throughout this year, I’ve met people who have become very dear to me. Butterfly Effect (Joy) and I bonded through a transitional period for us both. We’ve been each others rocks and we’ll continue to be that. I met her and Curvy Queen (she won’t let me tell you her real name, lol) this year as well. We spent a very special weekend together and those two ladies (along with Joy’s boyfriend, Rob) helped me get through the loss of the love I found in January. I also became very close to a fellow BTR host, Howelegant (Sandi). She and I have yet to meet, but I am sure 2009 holds a visit in store. Even though I met my girl Danielle in 2007, she and I REALLY became close this year. We bonded in 2007 when I showed a pic and wrote a blog on my godson, Syre’s initial struggle for life. Dani was a nurse at the first hospital he was in and she remembered him right away. We’ve been sisters ever since.

`This year my Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays were THE best in almost ever. I had a BALL with my family and also spent time with my godson and his mom. I’ve found my way out of a shell. I’ve found myself some sisters. I’ve found myself some love…and I wont say I’ve lost it, because I am surrounded by love every day. I wish him the best in his life’s journey. For what it was…it was nice. Love ALWAYS resides within me, so even when I’ve let you in…and you’ve let yourself out…I still maintain love. That’s who I am. I won’t ever change to make anyone else feel good about who “I” am.

`I am thankful for God’s blessings and lessons and I pray that they’ve made me stronger, wiser, and better for 2009’s gifts of life. Be blessed everyone…I know I am.