That’ll Getchu Popped!

…Infamous words of Tami Roman of Basketball Wives on VH1.

That was her first real encounter with Meeka Claxton. She doesn’t like for folks to “put their hands up” because it makes her “defense mechanism” go off and she feels the need to defend herself. That statement in the title of this blog was her first “warning” to Meeka that getting too excited would get her knocked the fugg out. I personally saw it more than once and I honestly don’t think that’s what set Tami off. I didn’t see Meeka’s hands go up, but hey…it’s all about perspective, right?

I’ve been watching it from the beginning. Reality TV is my guilty pleasure. It is not an indicator of my intelligence (so many people say that people who watch this kind of television have low IQ’s or are ghetto…I am neither) so that isn’t it. Since watching I’ve come to like and dislike certain people. I’ve come to like Tami and even Evelyn at times. Jen is kinda flaky, Shaunie is a sneaky mofo (c) embezzlement of her ex-husband’s funds. Royce is cool…a firecracker. Suzie is a shit-starter and Meeka is her protege it seems. By far, Tami is my favorite. Funny thing though…back when she was on Real World II, I liked her initially but then became angry at her when she got David ousted from the house.  He was wrong, but I felt like it went beyond the normal reaction to the situation.

Now…the other night, Tami smacked/punched Meeka in the face. I totally get the reasons why she got mad. I for one am about thinking twice. Being the rash person Tami is, her gut reaction was to clock her co-star in the face. (The bish WAS tryna start shit…but, still).  You have to learn to walk away from a situation like that. If you know you’re dealing with a dirty little, messy little liar…you expose her and ignore her. Like she says in this interview with Necole Bitchie…you’re given an option to whether you want to film with someone. If she didn’t want to deal with Meeka she could’ve put herself in a position of protection by not filming. The outcome of that folly…is the fight.

A lot of people online have been split down the middle with the occasional understanding of both sides. Some feel Tami is ghetto, over-the-top, crazy and an attention whore. Some feel that Meeka deserved everything she got being the messy, petty bish she is…some feel that the show in it’s entirety is a smudge on the already questionable reputation of Black people and especially Black women. This is where I stand on the topic…

In the REAL Real World…in the communities where sistas are from, Tami is a prize. In a world where chicks are back-stabbers and liars…to have someone shed light on any topic…however hostile, is still a breath of fresh air. Tami is not dumb by any stretch of the imagination. She’s actually bright and very articulate. She’s just crazy as fuck got anger issues. LUH you Boo, but you need to touch on some anger management classes. At 40 it’s not cool to pop off on everyone who gets you mad. I know how frustrating it can be to have someone look you in your eye and tell you a lie like they believe that shit…and WANT to put your fist through their throat…but you can’t. There ARE consequences. Legally you can go to jail or be liable financially. Socially, you’re fulfilling the statistic that we’re just some wild animals who possess no self-control. In spite of her brash honesty, Tami will always be pegged the ghetto, classless one because of these episodes of “reality”.

Now…chicks like Meeka? She’s that chick you DO want to bash in her forehead. She’s the chick you can’t trust worth a damn and you find out down the road that you don’t even really know her. She came into the situation messy. Without meeting Tami or Royce she’d already put them in a bag. What was so funny about THIS is that, had she be an equal opportunity hater…she would’ve felt the same way about Shaunie and Evelyn. Shaunie TORTURED Gloria in the second season of BBW over something that wasn’t even Gloria’s fault. She should’ve taken her beef to Gloria’s sister about Shaq, but instead she menaced Gloria until she left the show. Evelyn did the same to Suzie. She may have had a point initially…Suzie runs her mouth too much…but, she made it impossible for that woman to co-exist. If you don’t like her…sit on the far side of the table, don’t bash her, nit-pick and argue each time you see her. It’s childish. Evelyn is also the same person who knew the entire time she was bonding with Tami…that she’d slept with her husband. Evelyn missed the WHOLE damn point and made it about the man. NO slowmo it wasn’t about the man!! It was about the fact that she knew she’d done it and didn’t feel the need to disclose that info to Tami upon their newly burgeoning friendship. Then proceeded to undercut her wife status with the “Non Motha-Fuckin Factor” remark. Yet, Meeka didn’t seem fazed by these things. She BADLY wanted to be on this show and wrote Shaunie more than once for the “opportunity” to be there. Why didn’t she prejudge Shaunie and Evelyn? Well we know the answer. She didn’t because she wanted to be IN the CIRCLE. So she took action against the two people who at the time were on the outs with one or more of the “Popular Bitches”.

If you know you’re dealing with a woman who would pop you in your shit at the first sign of beef…why then would you go IN on her? Did you think this wouldn’t happen? Or was that your plan, Meeka from the jump? …Disparage Tami and fill her spot while attacking her pockets at the same time? If folks are gonna bring attention to some shit…bring attention to her shit-starting ass because she loves drama EVERY bit as much as she claims Tami does.

How about bring attention to the Puerto Rican chick who flew all the way to California to dump water on a chick. Who this season threw an ACTUAL GLASS at Royce. She could’ve put her eye out, but no one is bashing HER. No, they’re choosing to go in on the Black woman.

What about the White chick, who can’t hold WATER for 10 seconds and runs her mouth every chance she gets. The CATALYST to issues between Evelyn and Royce, Shaunie and Gloria, Tami and well…everyone…yea.

YES sistas…we need to stop some shit. We need to think more and react less. This is true…but, we’re not the only chicks who go in. Watch Real Housewives of NJ, Orange County, Beverly Hills, Jerseylicious, Jersey Shore, etc. You will see shit being thrown and yes…even blows. It’s a WOMAN thing…not a BLACK WOMAN thing. WOMEN need to find their class and lady-like ways again. It’s imperative that we do that for our young daughters coming up with big eyes looking at us like a mirror.

Truth is…”we” can’t REALLY “afford” to let these things happen. Other races get to act a fool and the memory of those things are short and fleeting. It’s the NeNe Leakes’, Tami Roman’s, and Naomi Campbell’s who hit the headlines with negative feedback that get the backlash. Like I said in a previous blog…folks went in on A. Keys for her indiscretion w/Swizz Beats (lending NO accountability to HIS married ass) but, everyone LOVES themselves Angelina Jolie’s husband-stealing ass. Right? Matter of fact…some mag called Jennifer Aniston a home-wrecker for reaching out to Brad. Like REALLY? *smh at the utter hypocrisy of folks*

I pray that the lawsuit brought against Tami isn’t too detrimental to her pockets. I have to tell you…though I know she was wrong, I feel like Meeka was on some manipulative, premeditated bullshit to nudge HER way into the spotlight. It’s not everything it seems folks…pay attention to all sides…and remember, we’re hardest on our own. We don’t have to be…the rest of the world does a bang-up job for us.

Girl, BOOM!

That’s what my girl Joy says all the time. It’s like…girl, please. Whatever. NEXT! 

I think I watch Basketball Wives as a manual on what kinda chicks NOT to kick it with. Perhaps I need Baby Hay Zeus with these dang reality shows…lol Anyway…I wrote a blog about Peppermint Patty & Marcie’s friendship and referenced the chick Evelyn. That chick grates my last nerve. I’m writing this blog here to talk about the relationships we have with our girls and the boundaries we sometimes DON’T create when disclosing our lives to them.

Eric Williams aka Knots Landing (lmao) is (was?) married to Jennifer, one of the wives…well, actually…the ONLY wife. Shaunie is divorced, Evelyn never made it down the aisle, Royce is a girlfriend as is Gloria…and Suzie is dating. Well, Jennifer had been hanging onto her marriage with Eric, even though he’d been unfaithful. What “I’ve” seen of her discussions with her husband, Jennifer seems to be the only one really hanging on. Eric always seemed indifferent to me…like he couldn’t care less if she forgave him and wanted to remain married. I coulda popped his knot…then again…

Look at what’s been going on…

Jennifer’s crew has advised her on more than one occasion to cheat on Eric…to level the playing field. Last time I looked…marriage wasn’t to be played with. S/N: Ladies…no matter WHAT your man does in the relationship…if you do the same you’re gonna be looked at funny style. Women are always going to be held to a higher standard…just because we’re the womb.

I learned a lot in my last “relationship”…and some of those things had a LOT to do with how I communicate my pain to my friends. Our friends are our chosen family…which makes them more dangerous than real family. Why? Well, because when someone has a CHOICE in loving you…the investment can be borderline obsessive. What our friends feel, we feel as well. When they hurt, we hurt. We want to beat a fool down with their own broken arm, just to protect our best friends. True friends go hard for their friends…especially women…because we CAN be emotional. So, when our girls cry in our ears, wet up our shoulders and scream bloody murder…we wanna know, “Where dey at? WHO did it?”. Earrings come off, Vaseline gets passed around and shoes get kicked off. Period. Yet, there is a time when you have to respectfully bow out and allow a woman to handle her business. As much as I’d like to go to bat for my girls…I can only support what SHE is willing to do. However, I would never suggest to a friend that the answer to an already complicated and stressful situation is to sleep with someone other than their mate. ESPECIALLY with a TV audience, where it’s taped and the husband can see that shit in repeats.  How are you looking out for your friend’s best interest if your advice is foolish, careless and selfish? Yes, I believe it’s selfish to suggest some shit like that when you know it’s not how your friend gets down. Do you want her to be alone? Single like you? Are you that selfish to say such things because you couldn’t care less about advocating the reconciliation?

Misery, loves, entertains and invites company back…constantly.

Ladies, there’s nothing wrong with loving your girls and confiding in them…but if your girl can’t keep her mouth shut around your dude…quit telling her shit. If she’ll suggest things that go against what you desire with your mate…set her straight on the boundaries and make sure she respects YOUR decisions for your relationship. A true friend will NOT advise you to do what isn’t in your character to do. I always ask my friends, “What do YOU want to do?” If they don’t know what to do, I give them both sides of the coin and options for each…if that inspires them to come to their own conclusion…even better.

No man wants to feel like he’s gotta compete with your friends…and your friends will know she doesn’t have to compete with your man. I miss my friends like crazy when they’re involved…but, I try and put on my big girl pannies and pacify myself with other things. One day, I’ll have a mate and I’ll appreciate my girls giving me the space to be in love.

Any chick who is all about fighting your fights, talking FOR you, doing sneak sabotages with you and your man…all in the name of “friendship”…GIRL, BOOM!

Peppermint Patty or Marcie?

Which one are you? If either?

If you’re Peppermint Patty (we’ll call her P.P. for short)…then you’re the one in charge. You’re the kinda chick whose friend[s] roll with her out of fear, need, or boredom. You can’t roll with Lucy, because she’ll probably kick your ass. You don’t roll with Sally, because she’s too young and she’s C.Brown’s sister, so you don’t want to hurt her or you’ll never sniff C.Brown’s breath. The little Red-Headed girl is too “cute” for you…with her, you become the “ugly friend”. At least with Marcie, no one’s checking for her either, so you like rolling with someone on equal or lower status than you. You make Marcie do all of your dirty work. If you want to know something, send Marcie. Marcie will watch your kids, do your laundry, loan you cash, tell you what you want to hear and call you “sir” all the while.

If you’re Marcie…chances are you’re probably smarter than P.P. You hang with her because she’s the only one that acknowledges you’re around. You KNOW that if you had balls you wouldn’t even deal with her. You’d get some contacts…or not, create your own circle or hook up with Lucy. At least then, you’d know that Lucy would beat the tar shit out of P.P. for rolling up wrong.

Okay, yea…I took The Peanuts and thugged em out a little..but there’s a message. As I sit watching yet another reality show (Basketball Wives)…I grow disgusted more and more by the moment watching Evelyn run roughshod over every chick on the show. Shaunie, the producer and HBIC… invites Tami Roman (ex of Kenny Anderson and ex-Real World cast member) to meet…and she decides she already doesn’t like her. (Fast Forward to the preview of an upcoming show where Tami lunges into Evelyn’s ass). I hate that no one checks her…assertively…on her shit. There’s something to be said for the kind of woman who doesn’t want her friends to like ANYONE but her…to the point, she’ll sabotage every other connection. I bask in the variety of friends I have…and I’m cool that each friend I have has her own bestie or her friend isn’t quite mutual. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. If you’re stuck under your friend too much, it can make you grow sick of them. Weeks go by before I spend a day or more with my friends and I’m cool on that. I have always been a homebody and I revel in my alone time. It feeds my writer’s passions and my artist’s inspirations. Too much of everyone else’s energy can drown out the call of your own individual desires.

It’s a damn shame that chicks are so catty…especially when you’re in your 30’s, parents and responsible citizens with jobs/careers. Grow up Peppermint Patty…and quit wearing the damn Birkenstocks. Get you some Uggs. LOL