Close But No Cigar

I’ve said at least THREE times this past two weeks…”Flirtation is defined as a ‘play on love’…”

Re-read that if you must…but get that in your head. Flirtation is a PLAY on love. When…GOD when…will we stop [as adults] playing with love? Then we wonder why we aren’t successful in relationships. In order to get different results you have to do things differently. Either you WANT to be part of a couple or you wanna be an equal opportunity giver. Period.

Okay ~sigh~ Let me break it down for you…

Fellas,

Women ARE sensitive. We’re emotional, nurturing, compassionate, loving people (some of us…some times)…but for the most part, we’re built to love and nurture. I’m sure that’s why a lot of you fall in love at one time or another. That woman who knows how to make you feel like a man while making you feel safe in your vulnerability is someone you may want to keep. Anyway, being made for motherhood gives us this advantage over you all. It doesn’t mean that you’re not capable of these qualities…but, they are inherently feminine.

Having said that…even the strongest woman, who has built up a strong resolve and can rumble with the best of you…wants on SOME level, to be loved and protected. We fashion our ideas and standards based on how we’re raised and what we learn by experience. In this current day and time…we’ve been shown a few things:

~We outnumber you, which significantly decreases our chances to find a love of our own…

~Some of us are desperate *cringing*…we (and I’m speaking generally) at times take what’s dished because of reason #1. We’ll flirt and interact with the “taken” guy because we’re thirsty for attention. Been there at least once myself, where I allowed my situation to cross lines I normally wouldn’t fathom doing.

~That most men cheat…so some of us are willing to accept that and therefore deal with the heartbreak of his being with multiple women to endure being attached to something… (Not I…you can keep that shit)

You may say these gorgeous things…promising chick she’s special on some level, whether it be friendship or love…but, if you don’t mean it and it’s a script that you run out of habit…reassess your life space. One way or another…ONE DAY…you will be held responsible for providing false hope so that you can get something you want. Whether it’s the sense of conquering a woman who seemed elusive, whether it’s physical gratification, whether it’s emotional intimacy without the commitment…eventually, you will come up short. There are consequences, however small or great to each action we perform. Remember that…especially when you meet the woman who MAY be “that one”. If you continue with the same shenanigans out of habit or need to be needed, loved or adulated so badly that you allow that need to overshadow the blessings being given…you WILL lose your love. All because you couldn’t tell the difference between LOVE and playing on love.

Ladies,

We gotta do better. We really do. QUIT allowing dudes to play you against other women. ¬†It’s sickening. My stomach flips every time one of you plays into the trap of “She’s crazy” or “She’s in love with me, but I don’t see her like that”. He’s telling you what you want to hear. Even us intellectual types get duped. TRUST…being told you are special is only special if he’s showing the world how special you are. Pay attention…ESPECIALLY online:

~The sweet, sexy way he speaks to you on the phone…changes online. All of his responses become generic opposed to all that sweet baby, honey, love, shit you heard on the phone. Yea…watch that. If he happens to call everyone baby, honey, love? You’re in trouble…lol

~Stop allowing men to drag you behind closed doors. The inbox, text, phone is some bull. If he’s JUST a friend and has NOTHING to hide…why can’t he write it on your wall? Say it in a status thread? Respond in a comment? Yea…you know why.

~If SHE is on his page…all of the time, with the lovey-dovey, honey pie-sugar lamb, syrupy sweet comments and the sexual innuendo “wink wink” type stuff…he’s probably chit-chatting with her privately. Most will make her look batty as hell…but she’s probably going off of the bread crumbs he’s left behind him. Not to say there aren’t some psychos online…it’s just that EVERY chick ain’t that damn crazy.

In closing…we all, men and women alike should be careful. Every single person we flirt with in an ongoing matter does NOT understand our limitations or intentions. Everyone is not stable. Everyone isn’t game for game. I firmly believe that whether you ARE the player or the one being played, there is a significant sense of “self-love” missing in action. If you love and respect yourself, spreading yourself thin is inconceivable because you cherish yourself. Your worth is precious to you and you understand your personal power. You wouldn’t even want the DRAMA that surrounds the worst case scenarios involved.

If you’re being jerked all of the time…perhaps you’re not valuing yourself in a way to draw the right kind of suitors. It’s a tough lesson to learn about yourself that YOU, too are the reason you suffer.

Also…Stay in your flock. Gamers with the gamers…Lovers with the lovers. If you’re gaming a lover…you may find yourself fucked up in the game of love. If not, you may be hurting someone who, because they’re not quite familiar with the game…has gotten seriously hurt. If you have a conscience…try to be more careful when you’re spitting game and measuring your mental johnson…you gone poke someone’s eye out.

Love? Or Lock Down?





I have a question for the guys. This isn’t a “male bashing” blog. No, we don’t do that around here. We tell the truth about men and women alike. If it doesn’t apply…don’t apply it. If you can’t use it…don’t buy it.

Now…on to my question. Do some of you “ask” women to be your girlfriend because you really WANT her? Or do you ask her to “hold your seat”? Yea, I said it. LOL



Let me clarify. (Did you think I wouldn’t?)


A guy asks a woman to be his woman. He dotes on her incessantly up UNTIL the point of officially asking her to be his. He’s attentive, understanding, loving, chivalrous, all of that good romantic prelude that some men THINK we require for the courting. Not long after she relents and decides to stop playfully jogging in front of him (you know…for the chase)…it seems like he goes into comfort mode. Though he may still care for her, his idea of quality time dwindles from checking in several times daily and spending time with her with his head laid in her lap…to being inaccessible, “busy” and promising to see her…and failing epically. All of his openness and willingness to confide, turns into secrecy and an inability to consistently be what he was in the beginning. He prefers either the solitude of his own life…or the company of people she’ll never meet.


So, Is this another episode of “The Representative“? Is this another case of a man doing it ALL to obtain and nothing to MAINTAIN? Now, remember my prefaced statement above. This is not a BASH…this is a question of motives and true intent. This is about how sometimes men (even though women do it, too) put their best foot forward and then eventually fall back for one reason or another. I personally, get tired of excusing these things with “he’s busy”, “he’s afraid to commit”, “he’s got a hard time expressing his love”, and things along that nature. If that was the case, then WHAT in the hell was that in the beginning? The too-good-to-be-true displays of affection, commitment and relentless pursuit now a wall of smoke too thick to see through to the other side. Is this a sign that he’s tired? Or too lazy to continue the behavior he began with to keep the woman he longed for so badly once.


How fair is it to tell your woman, “I’m coming”…or “We will spend time soon, baby…I promise” like she’s some thing to be penciled in at your whim? Is it that this kind of dude needs to know she’s waiting, bated breath, moist thighs and twiddled thumbs…for him? Is it the security of making SURE she’s hungry for her man so that he is shielded from his fear of rejection?


Okay, maybe I should’ve said I had questions…plural. ¬†Either way, I know a lot of women, including myself…who would pay to know the answers. Was all of that NEED to be with her the need to make sure that no other dude could slide into home? Is that it? Make her think she’s his woman, so that her sex remains molded to his? I’ve seen it. He wants to make sure that no other dude can come along and woo his woman, sex her down, etc…while he decides if she’s really what he wants…or to secure that one person he can go to when he’s in need of emotional, physical, mental, spiritual affection and security. It sounds like that whole “options” thing…where men are given a plethora of choices whilst the women fight amongst themselves for the slim pickings? I don’t know…I’m just trying to make sense of it all. MAYBE, he’s the guy who in spite of finding someone he’s in love with…has a complex about sharing too much of himself and retracts into his own space to keep from giving too much away. Maybe, he’s just private and not used to being in a relationship where he’s expected to go beyond his own comfort zone. Who knows?!


I just want to know…is it LOVE or is it LOCK DOWN???