For The Good of Them

We all go through pain and hurt and frustrations with our lives and the road we’re on. It’s unlikely that most I know or will know will tout a problem-free life. Even the best outcomes are dotted with triumphs and reversals. The first thing us God-fearing people…or In-Search-Of-God people do is ask God…”Why?”…


I know sometimes you feel like God dropped you off in a basket weaved from pain…right in front of Lucifer’s door…but He doesn’t answer prayers like genie wishes. He answers them…almost like a therapist would. He asks you, “What do YOU want?”. Now in asking this, He doesn’t ask to provide it for you and He doesn’t automatically reward you with your desire (for it may not be what it is you need). There are ways for you to get what you [basically] want…and it be what you need as well. He presents you with a way to get what you need by helping Him help you.


For instance: “I want a child…” God may be saying, “MY child…I gave you a child. I gave you a godchild and I gave you some of MY children to mother…” 


How you WANT it…may not always be how you get it. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you…it means He needs you to fulfill a will of His, while fulfilling your maternal desires. If you had a child of your own…would you be so available to mother to the ones that needed you?


(The greatest blessings are when your WANTS coincide with His WILL for you)


He can’t help it if you ignore or reject the solutions to your problems. His final will is going to happen regardless…it’s whether you choose to ride in the comfort of faith…or in that basket of pain. We have dominion over ourselves and this land He made for us. We’re it’s protectors and it’s main users of it’s resources. The way you’d cultivate a crop is the way God wants you to cultivate your life.


We have NO dominion over each other…even though we are our brother’s keepers. We’re meant to be a solid brother/sisterhood…watching over each other and loving one another as He loves us. Whether or not we do that is somewhere between holding onto pain…and a heightened sense of self-preservation. We aren’t meant to lend ourselves to abuse, but we are meant to learn forgiveness and continue to love our naysayers from a distance. It’s better for you and they indeed eventually feel the power of your love’s void. (I know…but, sometimes you don’t always get to SEE it.) You can’t control how people see you nor can you control what they do or don’t do with, for or because of you. A lot of our burdens would lighten tremendously if we learned to let go of the uncontrollable factors in our lives.


God is showing us daily what we need to do. He witnesses to us through friends, family and yes…even strangers. I can’t tell you how I’ve had a stranger randomly minister to me with a word and be on POINT! We’re just some hard-headed, knuckle-headed chillren. lol


The hardest thing to do with a child (of yours) is to parent while dealing with a defeatist or pessimistic attitude. You know it’s for the best, but they don’t want to hear it. You know your kid needs braces and that for a year or more they will have to walk around with these “railroad tracks” on their mouth.  The fear of peers teasing and out casting…doubled with the growing vanity of a preteen/adolescent keeps them from walking into it with a positive attitude. “For the rest of my life, I’ll have GREAT teeth and a sweet smile“. No…they see the taunting, the hardships of eating with their new apparatus and having to sleep with a retainer in their mouth every night. How frustrating is it to be doing your parental best and have them resent you for as long as it takes to get over the stigma?


That is how some of us adults are. We struggle against what is best for us…because we want it to be easy. We want to coast. We want to breathe without struggle…but, you’d best believe that the current pains are not thrust onto us from the ether. We’ve EARNED these trials with a debris of wrong choices.  PLEASE don’t get all, “So, I’m a bad person and it’s all my fault” on me. That’s a pity party I don’t wanna go to. I’ve thrown a few in my time and I try to make those rarities. I take accountability for my life. The decisions I’ve made and those I didn’t make, but were made for me by my indecisiveness.


I also try and understand that if there are people around me whose lives are smoother, easier, less drama-filled, etc…it’s because they’ve taken a more responsible route on their life path. I can’t get mad because so and so has more than me, a man, children, etc. I neglected a LOT of things while participating in an unhealthy relationship. My 20’s were misused with someone who by all means had LIVED. He had me by 22yrs and I was so swept up in the phenomenon of someone loving ME for the first time that I didn’t consider loving myself enough to see my way out of it. So…any fertility issues I may have had, got slept on. The baby I envisioned may not ever happen for me…and I can’t blame anyone else. I’m not KICKING myself relentlessly about it either. I long for that baby, but I also have faith that the life I’ve lived up until now is where I was supposed to be. As a matter of fact…I look at that one relationship and the one before it and the few after it and know that neither situation was ideal for children. I was blessed with the opportunity to not get saddled down with children whose father[s] may have been absentee or dysfunctional. If that is my lone blessing (which I’m sure there are many more “blessons” [blessed lessons] in those missteps) then so be it.


Basically, our lives are navigated by us…commissioned by God. He’s the manufacturer and how each product functions is solely up to the environmental strains they’re put through. A pair of shoes worn by a walker are bound to get worn down. A pair worn occasionally and only when driving…are bound to last longer. Yet, which pair tell a fuller story? The mint condition pair that have barely been worn? Or the pair that have walked miles…worked in diligence…danced circles…and tapped in happiness? Point? Just because you’ve got wear and tear doesn’t mean you’ve lived hard…and just because you seem unscathed doesn’t mean you’ve lived easily.


We can never know someone else’s path. Where they’ve been, what they’ve gone through, who they’ve loved and lost, what they’ve sacrificed to get where they are. What you CAN know, is something that I heard Liz say in her movie memoir “Eat Pray Love”…”God dwells in me…as me”. Before you go forsaking God and asking what He hasn’t done for you…ask yourself, what haven’t you done for you.


God bless…Happy Easter!




**I wrote this over a week ago and decided to post it on this day. His resurrection can be YOUR resurrection into new thinking and new life. Be blessed my loves…




I sang this song in church as a teenager…it is my favorite Gospel song of all time. VERY close to my heart. Enjoy…

A Fly Chick and a Diva!

I love it when people’s passions translates into something tangible…something that stands as a manifestation of their taste, talent and determination. Whether it’s a man or woman…I want to stand by the creator of something beautiful with all that I can do. So many of us have talents and abilities that we say we want to grow and be recognized but what we do is coddle it in familiar territory for fear of expansion. We all know that once it expands by demand, it becomes a heavy responsibility to maintain that craft. Yet…if you think big…you never know who you can touch with the passion to begin their own passionate plunge into self-made business. Not QUITE the lemonade stand…but a bigger version of that. lol


I have two talented ladies to laud today. One is my girl Yesha. She’s known to the cybersphere as the FlyBlackChick. She’s UBER savvy with the ways of the net and how to capitalize off of it’s popularity. She was the one who inspired me to create this blog, because the now defunct social network we were on several years ago seemed far too small to share my ideas with. She also helped a friend of ours find ways to make money with his very popular blog with everything from political satire to a weekly sex blog for the grown, sexy and witty. She’s definitely good at helping the newbies of the net make their mark online. She’s been designing her own blog’s site for the longest…so of course…she designs others’. She also helps with social media and site development. GO…visit her site if you need ideas to give your site a professional face or need help in building up your business’s reach.


…well….GO!

My next friend has been designing jewelry for the better part of a decade…going on 6 or more years of wowing us with her unique and beautiful jewelry pieces. She has the funkiest names for her lines and loves using colors…to express her very airy Aquarian art. I’ve actually had the link to her site on the side of my blog for over a year now…almost two. I pray you ladies (and gentlemen with ladies) are utilizing that link! *eying you* O_O lol

I received a pair of her hammered earrings from her “Bangin’ Beauties” line, yesterday and I was way too excited. I KNOW there will be more GGX in my future. I’ve got a couple of customized ideas for her, too. She’s flexible that way. For instance, my friend at work loves the earrings and though they come in silver, copper and gold…she wants to see if she can get it in a colored metal…like blue. I wouldn’t be surprised if Gina (Ms. GGX herself) found the metal to do it AND started a new line of colored hammered earrings! That’s how she does…she takes off with a base idea and cultivates it with a vast vision.

EVERYONE who saw my earrings, loved…Loved…LOVED them. What all the ladies at the job were most impressed with (besides the fact that the earrings when visually connected formed a  butterfly) …was that they were lightweight. They don’t weigh the ear down. You get that elongated or large hooped look without the damage to your lobes. That’s important for me since my lobes are sensitive and have a tendency to hurt from heavy earrings…even studs!


She has an Etsy site in addition to her own GGX Jewels site…and has a Facebook like page for her fans to photographically journal their journey in to the GGX experience…Glamour Girl Xpressions is JUST THAT…it’s glamourous and expresses the inner diva of each and every customer. GETCHUSUM!!!

THANK YOU, GINA!!!


Below are the ladies’ sites to check out for yourself!


Fly Chick Media
FlyBlackChick ~ The Blog


and…


GGX on Facebook
GGX’ Official Site

iHate?

When?


When did the computers and phones…become torture devices.


Everyday I see SOME thing…whether it’s televised as news, posted on the net or dramatized for television, where people (teens especially) are going IN on each other. Bullying. Attacking defenseless souls who just want to be left alone, accepted, loved, respected…and yet, they’re singled out by miserable people who seek to bring pain to someone else.


Is it peer pressure? Is it that thing that you do with a group of people because you’re just DAMNED glad it’s not YOU on the receiving end? Is it that thing you do because you’re beat up on at home, or you feel inferior to others, or because you want to be feared…because being feared is better than being disliked?


Whatever the motivation…it’s sickening. I’ve seen enough REAL life stories run across my home feed on Facebook…and now, it’s seemingly so serious that producers and writers are making it priority to include this subject into their series. On my soap “One Life To Live”…a young boy gets taunted daily…relentlessly, because he’s asthmatic and carries an inhaler. They call him Weezy and threaten his life if he was to ever tell. The boy was stripped naked and taped. The video…posted to “MyFace” (gotta laugh at THAT) leaving him so embarrassed that he attempted to jump from a building.


On CSI tonight…a young pregnant teen hung herself in her closet because she was harassed on her phone over and over again. Again, a video released…gone viral…rendering her so embarrassed that successfully, she kills herself. Although these are television shows…it is just a depiction of what is REALLY going on in this world. The young man who committed suicide after his sexuality was revealed via video…that happened!! 


Parents…I pray that you’re monitoring your children’s Internet time. I pray that you’re monitoring their cell time as well. There are programs out there that help you trace every keystroke on your child’s computer…allowing you a glimpse of what their activities are. If your child is inflicting harm on others (or is being harmed) there are underlying issues related to their 1) willingness to assault someone so viciously and cruelly. 2) the willingness to TAKE such abuse, not feeling comfortable with coming to you for help.


Perhaps if a child is despondent, obstinate, disrespectful, aggressive and/or evasive with their activities and whereabouts…you may want to consider that he/she may also be taking out those feelings on classmates. If they’re just despondent and passive…and are also keeping secrets…you may want to investigate if they’re being picked on. The best thing you can do is give your child the confidence to speak to you openly. Sometimes adults can come off such the disciplinarian that it invokes fear instead of respect. I’m sure it’s hard to walk that happy medium when trying to scare the life of Job into an aimless child…but, it’s about knowing YOUR kid.


Why am I giving parental advice to parents when I’m not one…(before I gotta tell somebody something, lol). It’s because I’ve BEEN that child. BOTH sides of the coin, too. I’ve bullied and been bullied and I can tell you that as a child whose being hemmed up by someone bigger, it’s not easy to tell mom what’s popping in the streets when her motto is, “IF you come home crying about getting beat up, I’M gonna whoop your ass…”. Yea, it’s that old school shit…and it works to a degree (it’s meant to encourage you not to back down…and to fear MOM over ANY fool in the street). Yet, when it’s happening to you and you’re up against more than one, especially…that theory goes out the window and you’re left with the fight of your life and no stones for your handy-dandy David Slingshot with the super snap back rubber band…


It hurts me to see so many children given such a hard time in school. If it’s not enough to go to school, do the work and pass…they also have to dodge physical, emotional, spiritual and mental harm from children who don’t seem to have anyone keeping them in line. 


What us gone do? What can we do to keep these children from inflicting pain on one another?

Privacy or Secrecy?

What is the difference between privacy and secrecy? Well, privacy is about guarding your personal life and secrecy denotes a sense of duplicity. They are not interchangeable. They ARE two different things.


I have heard a lot of my friends tell me that their men have insisted on protecting their privacy from the online community. The men don’t want to list their status…or aver their emotional affections for them online. There are many “reasons” given:


~ There are haters online who aim to break us up…
~ The last woman I dated betrayed my trust and our lives were broadcasted…
~ No one needs to know but us…


Yea…


Pure constipated bullshit! 


Proclaim!
Provide!
Protect!


A man is to proclaim a woman as his. He is to let the world and anyone in sniffing distance know that this one particular woman is his lady. A man who is interested in something past sex will definitely “piss on a tree” to let all other roaming men know that his woman is off limits. He speaks of her openly and even if he doesn’t gush…he draws lines between himself and other women that are clearly visible. He doesn’t act independent of his relationship. He considers her even when she’s not in the room. I believe that a person…male or female…should ask themselves TWO things before doing or saying something when their mate isn’t around.


“If my [wo]man could see/hear me…would they approve?” and “How would I feel if I knew they’d done/said this to someone else besides me?”


A man is to provide. Perhaps not necessarily in the archaic sense…where she’s a housewife and he’s the breadwinner (unless that’s their arrangement). More so…it’s a provision of love on every level. Not just financially, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. It’s about giving her what she needs (as she gives him what he needs as well) and being a supportive and interactive part of the relationship.


Protecting her…is as much about shielding her from hurt and unnecessary struggle…as it means a physical sense of protection. It’s about being loyal rather than cheating when it’s bound to hurt her to discover that betrayal.


I personally find that when a  man or a woman constantly begs for privacy in a relationship, he or she is hiding their lover for a reason. Whether they’ve got other options that they want to keep lined up,  they’re ashamed of their mate, or they have no interest in being 100% committed to that one person. 


That is where secrecy comes in…


This secrecy masked as privacy is common.  A man with a veritable pantheon of women on his list is reluctant to declare allegiance to ONE woman out of the fear that his band of ego-stroking fans will cease their adulation of him. He’ll be forced to deal with the affectations of ONE woman and be vulnerable to ONE woman’s power over him. I mean, do you know how hard it is to relinquish control/power to another? Poor men…they feel conflicted. How do they maintain their mack personas while appearing to be whipped/controlled/caught up by this one she-devil who just wants to strip him of his manhood…his ability to reel in biddies like a pied piper. ::end sarcasm::


Ultimately, I feel that men and women alike should be honest. Yea, I know…that’s too much like a right angle on a triangle…but it’s a thought. If you don’t want to be in a relationship where you’re open and honest about being exclusive then why be with someone? Why not opt to “date” or screw casually? Why go on and on about loving someone (and only them) yet feeling the need to deny them publicly? I am all for keeping the relationship between you and them…an intimacy protected from prying eyes and whispers…but come on. Eventually, the cat is out the bag and a man and a woman in love will begin to spill over and show how they feel. It’s not cool to avoid, deny, deflect and use sneaky tactics to keep your supposed loved one under wraps. I’ve been there. I’ve had someone go as far as to say they loved me and wanted to marry me but never told a soul past a few people that really didn’t matter. Folks who never met me. Who DID matter…was his mom, brother, etc. His family looked at me as his friend and to this day I was nothing more. YET, he wanted me to tell my mother and sister about his marriage proposals and ring. Interesting right? Not really…more like a con game…and something like a “reservation” to keep me waiting for him with bated breath. ::exhaling::


Anyway, a good dose of privacy is required…but playing dodge ball with your relationship is NOT cool. Someone will PROUDLY shout to those watching, haters and all…”I LOVE THIS PERSON”. Anything else is some high school punk shit. 


I’m out…

Hair Update

Someone should’ve warned me that being natural was a pain in the ass. It’s been over 8 years since my hair has been natural. I can’t believe that I thought this was a good idea. *fluffing puff on top of my head* …but, yea…I’m trying not to quit mid-process.


The funny thing is, that I was chemical free for a year without even meaning to be…but, the moment I definitively decided that I was going to be natural…the road got rough…literally. LOL


I decided to try only washing and air-drying for a while…to take the heat off of my hair. I wanted to see the natural texture…I’m trying to “train” it. O_O My first attempt out the gate of no heat on the mane was a couple of months ago. My girl Joy dropped off some of Ms. Jessie’s highly-touted and exorbitant “Curly Pudding”. Looks like grape pudding…smells like grape pudding.  Perhaps, because I didn’t condition my hair (automatic fail in Hair Care 101) there was no real manageability to the hair and the curly pudding failed to curl. Actually, all it did was cause my hair to be stiff and dry.  All I could do was brush it back into a ponytail or twist it on either side of my head. *Boooooo*


SO…this time around, I became proactive and preventive. I bought 2 packs of an olive oil deep conditioning treatment. I washed my hair with Motions Deep Conditioning Shampoo…and then used my conditioner for an hour under a cap (no heat). Once rinsed…I added a product my mother purchased, Organics Olive Oil, which is really a “twist and loc” cream, but it was lightweight and helped to soften my damp hair. I also used a oil-based spray called Jamaican Mango & Lime “shine-a-loc”. That helped to bring spring to my individual curls.


This is the result:

I know I have a long way to go…that, I also have to cut of a significant amount of hair to jump start my natural journey. I’m getting the hang of it though…I’ll keep you posted as promised.


Wish me locks…lol