Wondermentals: I See You

“I see you…”

It’s something I’ve been saying for years now. It’s how I let those whom I come in contact with know that I can see their spirits…feel them to the core.

Since I was young, I could “see” people. I sensed a lot as a child and often got chastised for responding accordingly…even though it was seen as disrespect. Like the man who was married to a friend of my grandmother. I could smell the strange on him. As soon as he’d enter the room, I’d hide. I’d find a place to be other than around him. His smile was creepy and I couldn’t bear to let him touch me. Once, my grandmother sent me to her friend’s house for an hour or two. He asked me to come to him and I took off like a bolt! They couldn’t find me for the longest. I could hear them calling my name and getting worried that I’d left the house. Finally, my grandmother’s friend called me for the last time and I could sense she was worried. “Kali, please…he’s gone.” She knew I was afraid of him…and I believe she knew why. I came out of my hiding space…but, I begged my grandmother to NEVER send me there alone. Years later it would be discovered he was a child molester.

That’s how it’s always been. I see you. Even when you’re trying to hide your fears, insecurities, intentions, feelings… and secrets. So many have come and gone and colored me naive or clueless…but, I remain in people’s lives on God’s will and not theirs. People will never understand how I can KNOW a person has dubious intentions and still want to be around them and remain involved as a friend or otherwise. It’s because I know that no one is one thing only. I also understand that sometimes there’s much to learn. From them to me…and vice versa. To this day, I’ve regretted not one relationship or friendship because I know that I came out of it a better person, learning something in it that I didn’t know before. I’ve been to places because of people and grown leaps and bounds because of people. We’re a connective unit of souls. We thrive on the heat of spirit and the glue that is experience and bonding. Not one person has crossed my path that I haven’t learned from. I only hope that I’ve struck a positive nerve in others. I’ve lost many people in my life because they didn’t quite like what I saw. Sometimes your ability to see past what they’re portraying is too much. So be it…such is life. I hope it’s encouraged them to live truly and not in the bondage of fallacy.

What inspired this blog was that on Facebook, I scroll for minutes on end. I see the vague rants, the DIRECT rants, the turmoil and struggle, the joy and celebration, the judgment and hatred, the bitterness and cynicism. I see it all…I absorb most and discard the rest. It’s how I learn who is just my Facebook associate and who has the potential to be a lifelong confidante.  I see people pretend to be happy and hide behind the Bible. I see those who don’t yell their beliefs from the Internet’s mountaintop…yet, have the deepest, realest hearts. I’ve seen people claim to be a part of the Lord’s house and have nothing to say but surface, superficial idleness…bragging, boasting and preaching about how the masses can get what they’ve got…if only. I’ve seen those humbly speak to their Facebook family with love and true humility and are blessed immensely in family, friends, the comfort of a humble home and humbler income. I see so much. I see those with their huge vocabularies and small minds. Some with their hypocritical testimonies of love and second chances…and judge from lofty perches of intolerance from cliquish circles of like-minded friends.

I see a lot. The only thing that I try to do is to learn how to be and how not to be. I want to beam genuineness and earnest intention. I try hard not to use my worries and woes as a means to tear down others. I’m happy for new and seasoned lovers. I’m happy for new babies and homes. I tear up when I see pictures of people’s children who I’ve had the privilege to see grow into super kids from expectant bundles of joy.  I pray for those who seem to be on a twisted path. I pray for those on the RIGHT path…to continue onward to where they’re supposed to be. When people get raises, promotions, engagement rings, lose weight, gain degrees and find their purpose, I yell “YAY” with them. When they lose family or friends, get sick, lose hope and feel defeated…I whisper love and give them hugs as I stop in the middle of everything and pray. Do I care if they know? Nope. I surely don’t. I see how affected I am at others’ lives and wonder if anyone is remotely touched by mine.

What I see…is that as people…we’re ever-changing. We’re constantly revealing ourselves as we hide our fears. Concealing ourselves with conspicuous mantras. Some of us are faking it until we make it…some of us are doing the best we can to be the truest us.

Sight isn’t just ocular. It’s aural. It’s organic. It’s sensory. It’s innate. It’s something we can tap into…as long as we’re willing to see us as we’re viewing others. The best sense of sight is heightened in the acknowledgement that we are exactly what we’re viewing. Whether it’s in past tense, present or future tense or simply a small glimpse into what we could be if we let ourselves. We’re sharing a memory, an idea, a fear, a dream, a belief…when we stop and see someone. That second moment that we double back for understanding we’re speculating again, who it is they may be. It’s simply respect. Respect…re: again…spec: look. To look again. See them truly. See them and embrace them…as they are. It’s the most sought after kind of love and affection…that element in love that opens the door to deeper love. Acceptance of exactly who they are in that moment. No desire to change them into our own idea of what we want or need. Full on acceptance. Most people just want to be seen…

I see you. Do you see me?

22~ Treasures

Create the perfect love scene

~Treasures~

He put in her name, her mother’s name, her father’s name, her sister’s name, her cousin’s name…hell…he put in her pet name from HS. Nothing.

For almost 10 months Mason looked for Allana. He’d spent the last 9 years married to the woman he met while at a conference for jewelers. He met and fell for Lola because she reminded him of Allana and her whimsical spirit. His jewelry business had flourished almost immediately, to his surprise and pleasure…surely a sign that his muse approved…wherever she was.

Gems were Allana’s love. She collected everything she could find, from crystal quartzes and tiger’s eye to estate jewelry from auctions. He followed her to antique shops after school as she perused the boutiques looking for pieces to add to her wardrobe. She almost always spent her allowance on lucky finds…like the cameo ring that had to have been worth a grip, but she paid $13 dollars for. She also found a loose rough cut onyx piece and had a jeweler make a pendant out of it. Allana gave it to Mason on graduation day. Shortly after, she went off to college and they broke up after life caught them in different places. Neither of them are really sure WHO broke it off to this day…

Today, Mason…still married to Lola…was obsessed with finding his childhood paramour. He cared for Lola, but their marriage was on it’s last legs. She’d already begun dating other people and had moved to her mother’s house with their son, but also stayed with him during the week for her job’s commute. It was weird, but it was working.

Mason was getting frustrated. The social sites didn’t have her given name as searchable. Her family had long moved and scattered from their hometown. He didn’t know where any of her old friends were because he, too had moved and lost contact. This was frustrating as hell. He longed to know if she was okay. If she’d married…had kids…thought of him in the middle of the night. He had to know where his “Lani” was.

At his store, he just worked away and did little else. He crafted, melted, shined, molded, appraised and hocked his days away. Late nights at the store were a given. Anything to stay out of Lola’s hair. They were divorcing amicably, but she was still hard to live with. Often, the very similarities about her that made him see Allana…were the same ones that irritated him to no end.

“Can you bring me something home? A sandwich or something? I’m hungry and too tired to drive…thanks.” Lola pretty much demanded.
“I’ll see…by the time I get home it’ll be late. Don’t bet on me.” he said.
“Pastrami, mustard, sauerkraut…on roll. Thanks” …Lola ordered and hung up.

Mason looked at the phone and shook his head. When he looked up…his past stood in front of him in stereo.

“Allana?” he asked with glassy eyes.
“Mason! Wow…I can’t believe…” Allana said with a smile brighter than her sparkling drop earrings.

He came from behind the counter…and scooped her up. She looked the same to him…smelled like memories and hope. He grabbed her face and kissed her. When Mason registered his assumptive actions…he stepped back, smoothed his clothes and apologized.

“I’m sorry, Allana…I don’t even know if you’re married, with someone…I’m so sorry.” He pleaded.

With her own eyes glazed with emotion, Allana stepped closer and said, “I’ve missed you. I never got married. I have no kids. I can’t even recall the last significant relationship I’ve had. I can’t believe we allowed so many years to pass. I am so grateful that your wife found me.”

Mason blinked. He shook his head and heard his mental voice say, “Who, Lola?” …even though nothing exited his mouth. He stood frozen, tears welling up…confusion mounting and questions on the verge of barreling out of him. “Who? What? Are you sure? Do you know her? Lola? Lola Fields?”

Allana laughed and said, “Yes…your WIFE!”

She pointed toward the door and he saw Lola standing outside the door against the stone wall. She waved and nodded, then walked away.

He said, “I don’t understand…”

Allana said, “She found your search on the laptop in  your home office. She said she knew you’d never gotten over me. She asked her detective uncle to run a check on my name and found me at my business…I sell jewelry, too.”

Mason couldn’t believe it. His wife did the most selfless thing she’d ever done in their marriage besides give birth to their son. In that moment, he saw love on two deep levels. His and Allana’s undying love for one another…and his wife’s love for the man who would always be her friend. He couldn’t have been luckier to have two diamonds in his life.

They sat and talked all night long…the promise of love rediscovered glistening in the night.

6~ I Love Thee…Truly

What is your idea of true love?

Well…how in the hell do I ask a question that I’m stumped on my damn self? *quizzical face*

Okay, let me just start typing what I’m thinking…

I’ll start with my favorite passage known as the “Love Passage”.

1 If I speak in the tongues<sup class="footnote" style="line-height: 0.5em; vertical-align: text-top;" value="[a]”>[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,<sup class="footnote" style="line-height: 0.5em; vertical-align: text-top;" value="[b]”>[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


1 Corinthians 13 ~ NIV (BibleGateway.com)


The thing about love for me is that I’m convinced that most people who speak of it have a very minuscule version of what love is in their mind. It’s mostly conceptions given to them through example of their most intimate environment, society and/or Hollywood, or a disillusioned vision of it based on what they’ve never experienced.

Some people’s love is rooted in lust, desperation, loneliness, appearances, fears, etc. I tend to lean toward the kind of love expressed in this passage. If you asked me what it is I want in a true love relationship, I’ll say again…refer to this passage. There’s another little quote that speaks to me by Dinah Craik…

“Having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

That is all.