Obligatory Blog ~2010

Last year when I did this challenge…I had at LEAST one “obligatory blog”. It was full of filler so that I could at least SAY I blogged…

…this is the 2010 version O_O

Things I realized today...

~I miss my sister. Her moving out was fine…but, now…it’s wack as hell. She spent the night here last night and when I woke up she was gone. I used to make us breakfast on the weekends, so I planned to make breakfast for her. I  ate pancakes and eggs by myself. 😦

~I am over my ex. ::WOO HOO::  …this is big for me.  I will always love him, but now it’s more in the sense of loving your fellow human. I wish him well, but I’m over the desire to hear from him or want him. *doing my ‘f&ckn AY’ sign*

~I’m arrogant. LMAO (I threw that in there for Joy) YES, JOY…I can be arrogant…but, I have to stick to my guns and say that I’m not really “arrogant” as much as “flagrantly assured” at certain things at certain times. It’s not an overall trait I have…just a necessary one for when I need to remember who the hell I am in this world! 😉

~I’m spoiled. I never really thought I was…but, there are a handful of folks who give me what I need and some of what I want…usually when I need it…and sometimes when I don’t expect it. That’s a blessing.

~I’m a kitchen whore. I love kitchens. I love that belongs in kitchens. I love a kitchen makeover. I love cooking…and want to do it in a wonderfully equipped kitchen….but then, this isn’t a sudden realization. It’s more of a constant thought. lol

~I’m obsessed with looking down at my girls.  The way they jiggle…lol

~I want a baby…

~I want the husband BEFORE the baby…

~I want to cut my hair off. I keep threatening…but, I want it at least above shoulder. I listen to EVERYONE about it…but, I think I’m gonna do it.

~I realized that I’m putting off a serious blog because I’m not sure if I want to share that part of me yet. I know it has to be done, though. It’s my testimony.

Well, I’m done. It’s all I could do to keep from cheating you all of a legitimate blog. Something that had a little substance! I love you all…til tomorrow. Peace 🙂

I velo uoy

That’s how those words come out sounding to me now. Jumbled and confused…making no sense on paper nor audibly understandable.

I’ve been the self-proclaimed “kween of love” for a long time now. I’ve advocated love…championed it’s causes, whether it’s been familial love, friendship love, or spousal/mate love. I even perpetuate love of strangers. I’ve gotten into knock down, drag out debates about love and how IT doesn’t hurt and how it’s people…hurt people to be exact, who HURT people. About how love and respect is synonymous if you understand TRUE love. How love is simple and life/people are complicated. I’ve said that love is unconditional when understood in it’s truest form and intent…God’s love. I’ve told more than a few and said it to myself more than a few times…that “love doesn’t reside in one person…it resides in you by way of God”. In that moment, I’m usually telling someone that no matter how much you felt that “no one would love you how he does” or that “you’d never love another”…it is a choice you’re making to excuse away wasting time on someone who doesn’t want to give you what you need. *insert a talking hand gesture*

I’m tired. I’m tired of talking about love. I’m tired of saying how much love is worth in a person’s life. I’m tired of trying to show grown folks how to do simple things…like own up to their emotions, truths, life and live through love in the moment. I’m SICK of telling folks how, you can’t control love. There is no love in control and no control in love. It’s a free-flowing thing that one succumbs to by allowing their heart and spirit to guide them, rather than the mind. I’m exasperated, exhausted, fatigued and SPENT at trying to love folks at their core. Seeing all that they hide, trying to love them for whom they are…all for them to try to make me feel like it’s not  worth it. 

If I say I love you…it’s forever. I never stop. No matter WHAT you do short of tryna kill me…and even then, I’ll say “maybe that fool didn’t have his/her Wheaties”. LOL I know that, it’s not in me to promise you love and then renege. It’s not in me to show interest if I’m not genuinely interested. It’s not in me to say you’re my friend and then treat you like an associate. It’s not in me to treat strangers better than I do my own clan. I don’t comprehend malice. I don’t comprehend blatant lies and deception. I don’t make room in my heart and energy spaces for bullshit ass averments that amount to a hill of cat shit. I take love seriously…very. I’m always prepared to show and prove…so what the fuck is wrong that I can’t get the same? I shouldn’t have to tell ADULTS how to be that. I shouldn’t have to remind you of what you said you’d do, who you said you were, where you said you’d be. Either you’re about the business of being true or you’re not. Pick a persona and stick with it. DO you…just let me know, so I can respond accordingly. Love is love…even from a distance!

Perhaps I overstated being the kween of love. I think I’ll go change my Twitter name to JustALoverOfLove and cop to being a romantic that has grown hopeless. Or perhaps, I’m just in a weary state and when I’ve climbed and tugged at the terrain for sure-footing (the Capricorn in me) I’ll be renewed and back to the kween’s glory of reigning in love.

Until then…”I velo uoy”

The Rambler

Hello to you…I am here about the business of blogging. lol

I SO didn’t feel good today. My body craved sleep…so that is what I gave it. Stress is not conducive to maintain health. When your mind is going super fast all of the time and you’re juggling your own ideas and worries, and then you compound that with the worries of others…it can be too much. When I say, worries of others I mean mostly that…we tend to allow our relationships with people to become jobs at times instead of the positive human exchange it should be. I thrive on positive vibes and the moment that it becomes breached with aggravation it can soil the connections. When you find that everything EVERYONE does is getting on your nerves, don’t assume it’s THEM…it may be time for YOU to take a mental break. That’s what I did today and yesterday. It may take this weekend as well. I have plans to do it up solo. I’m going to get some $7 Asti, make myself a few cocktails, make some Nacho Mami’s Chicken Nachos with a new salsa I’m testing. Click here to see ingredients…and have me a good time by myself. I love my own company…and if you need to be up under folks 24/7 in order to feel like you’re living…you STILL ain’t living. Part of happiness at your own whim is about being happy regardless of whether there is someone around to make you feel good and be your amen corner. The catch 22 is that you can’t be alone ALL of the time…it’s just healthy to interact with people. Don’t be that person who orders groceries online, works online, goes to school online, parties in chat rooms and considers themselves “worldly” because they know every nook and cranny of the world wide web.

I also don’t know WHAT the heck I was thinking when I accepted the challenge to blog EVERYDAY for a month, because truthfully, I am notoriously known for taking long blog breaks. Some of my peeps treat this blogging thing like a job…probably because they make money off of it. I haven’t been that dedicated…because MY writer’s jones is propelled by something VERY different. I have an artist’s spirit. Sometimes my pen and paintbrush drips with promise…and others…it’s dried from exhaust. Hell, sometimes an artist’s DRY spells are not because there aren’t any ideas swimming around in that pool of abstraction…it’s because it’s deluded so heavily…it’s hard to part the fresh from the sea water, if you feel me. Ok, I am SURELY rambling…but I warned you. lol

I’m gonna go drink my chamomile mango tea with lemon and go fiddle around on Facebook…I’m so addicted to “Cafe World”…lol Hopefully soon, my mom will go her turn on Lexolous and I can beat the skivvies off her. *I love you mommyyyyyyy*

Later, Keys aka Kiwi aka Kween 😉

Try and Keep Up!

I normally don’t “rant” on blogs. I mean, if I do it is something societal…nothing personal. I just have a few things on my mind…so, I’ll start with the worst one. 

Why in the HEYELL do people become nurses or take on any job where they don’t have the patience for it? My sister is in the hospital…she had surgery on Oct. 31st. Well, I wont even try and count the times me and my mother had to go to the nurse’s station to tell them one thing or another…but this ONE heffa got on my damn nerves. I swear I was ready to punch a hole in her throat. (1st infraction) My sister is in pain…has a morphine drip and Demerol. The Demerol is making her nauseous so ONE nurse (lets call her “heffa”) says she will get her anti nausea medication…well time ticks, no nurse. So, I go and find “heffa” and she says, “Well, the drip is GONNA make her nauseous” and walks away. WTF!! The other nurse finally comes back and gives her chewable tablets to fight the nausea. (2nd infraction) My sister is thirsty…doesn’t want water…asks for ginger ale. I go out and spot “heffa” and ask. She says (waving me off) “I don’t know what that is” (did I mention she’s Latina?) MY reply is, “You don’t know what a GINGER ALE is?” She then stops in her tracks and comes back towards me, finding a woman who is delivering meals and asks her to give me one. I get it and go. (3rd infraction, which almost led to throat punching) My sister needs to sit up more in bed. Yes, she’s a heavy woman…we be “healthy” in this fam. LOL BUT, why did “heffa” say to me all loudly (with another patient in the room) “She’s heavy so we’re gonna need to use this *pointing at a piece of material used to place under patients* to move her so we wont hurt our backs” THAT is when I make my exit to the hallway. I don’t wanna bash her in her mouth. I don’t wanna CUSS…esp. since, I know when we leave my sister will be alone…so I go into the hallway to hold my mule. That chick coulda got it…easily. She came back and apologized the next day…and my sister let her know that she doesn’t need to say certain things. My sister is in school for nursing and she said she couldn’t imagine saying some of the things this chick has said. Another thing…they had my sister waiting 3 whole hours for pain medication. She called me crying and I had my mother call the nurse’s station. RIDICULOUS!! I know a lot of people get into careers because they pay good money, but it sucks because I feel its one of those jobs you have to have a passion for. Otherwise, you’re hurting more than you’re helping. 

I also want to know why people can’t just be honest about their intentions. I have had WAY too many friends come to me and I’ve been through it WAY too many times myself…where men AND women lie about what they want from you relationship wise. My opinion is this…if you seriously are that confused by what you want or need, then take time by yourself or go be with someone who doesn’t care about how you treat them. How many promises you break. How wishy washy you are about your feelings. If you don’t wanna be in a relationship people, damnit…SAY it. Be an adult and have some accountability. It’s selfish to hold onto someone and do your thing without regard to the one you “say” you love or care for all because you don’t want to take the chance that you’ll choose wrongly. I personally think if you’re even holding onto someone like that…there is a pretty good chance you KNOW they are the one for you…you just don’t wanna fuck it up. Let go of the control and give it 100% of you…isn’t that what YOU would want from someone else? 

Finally, I just want to say…NOTHING can get to me more sometimes than unappreciative muhfuckas. NOTHING. People are in your life because they CHOOSE to be. People usually do things because they CHOOSE to…but, what is so hard about saying, “Thank you”? Oh, and saying, “I didn’t ask anyone to do that for me…” is a cop out. It is DECENT to say thank you and remember that someone has been gracious to you. Stop making excuses for being a selfish, spoiled brat!…And I’M TIDE!


I’m sitting here talking to my girl Juicy. First we’re talking about her daughter’s head of hair that rivals mine and she’s only 6. Then we got to talking about how thick her hair is WITH a perm…which lead me to a scene from one of my favorite movies. I know y’all remember The Color Purple…and the scene where Celie is combing Mister’s daughter’s hair…and she’s just-a-hollarin! Which leads to Celie getting the taste removed from her mouth after “sassing” Mister. THEN, it led me to the many movies I behold in the same category of greatness and impact on me.

What’s Love Got To Do With It, Malcolm X and Color Purple evoke emotions that vary from tears (the abuse and struggles) to laughter…to anger (back to the abuse and struggles again). I thought on how I’ve been watching these movies for so damn long…yet they still pluck the same emotional strings. Got me to thinking how we humans tend to recall the same emotions for the same things based on where we were at the time. We never seem to shake that…at least I don’t.

The same with music…no matter how old a song is, you can always recall where you were. There’s a song by Miki Howard called, “Come Home to Me” which always reminds me of the death of my aunt-in-law’s dad. It does the same for my sister.

I look at what has transpired in my year of 2008 thus far (don’t get it twisted the end is near…too fast if you ask) and I see movies, songs, places, things…that will bring about emotions in me. I will never be able to hear certain songs or watch certain shows/movies without remembering what I’ve experienced. Every time I hear “Jammin” by Bob Marley or “Southern Stuff” I will think of Alabama and my trip there with Mama to see Eb. I wont be able to see Alvin and the Chipmunks without thinking of Eb’s baby, Kennedy watching it 50-11 million times. LOL When I hear Chap’s 52 parts of “Come On” I will think of…well…CHAP. LMAO I know that I will ALWAYS think of Net when I hear “Copa Cabana” by Barry Manilow…and the miracle God gifted her this year. Not to mention how I’m gonna think of Philly everytime I chop veggies on my bamboo cutting board. (long story, lol) Songs, movies, places, things…all churning out memories and emotions.

I know this was some random shit. SO WHAT! I warned you with the title. I’m just in reflection mode today. How about you all? What would you come up with if you began reflecting on 2008? (Who says you have to wait til the end of the year to do it?)