Ask And Ye Shall Receive

Dee and I in June of 2012

Hola, Scopers! I came to share something very close to my heart with you. It’s been a moment since I’ve laid anything bare for you all…so, here I am…blogging in the hopes that you all are reading and in the mind and spirit of reception.

I met my friend DeAnna last year in Boston, MA. She’d been “chasing” Phil Perry for a minute and when she knew he’d be in Boston at a Doubletree hotel’s lounge…she jumped at the chance to go. It was also a chance for us to meet. So, I hopped a train and met her there.  We enjoyed a weekend of getting to know each other [all over again] because though we were seeing each other in the flesh for the first time…we’d been friends for years through the internet.

From the moment I became acquainted with Dee or “Deedles” to her close circle of friends…she’s been one of my closest confidantes. She’s also always been a dialysis patient for the entirety of our friendship. In the time since I’ve known her, she’s been embattled with the task of fighting for her life. Surgeries, treatments, weight loss requirements., traveling to doctors AND holding down two jobs (now, one)…has been her daily struggle.

It actually seems as though her battle has only gotten ROUGHER within the last year.  She lost her father suddenly and has had several surgeries. You can read her blog “Sunsets, Streams and Afrosheen”  and see some very raw and uncut photos and details of her sickness.

Doing THIS for her…THIS meaning, this campaign to help offset some of the costs of her medical expenses…was a no-brainer. She’s my friend…my sistar…and someone who I’ve prayed for and worried over like family. I can’t even imagine the pain she’s going through, but I know that as her friend it’s painful to watch her struggle as a single mother, a kidney patient and a woman dealing with her own personal grief.

I know times are hard friends…I really do, I’m roughing it as well, but what I am asking is something I hardly ever do for anyone, including myself…which is bare my soul’s need to the public. Whether it’s $1, $5 or $10…or if it’s a gift of more…I ask that you consider giving to DeAnna’s cause. All of the expenses she’s incurred in just the last YEAR since finding a hospital in Chicago (she lives in Springfield, Illinois) has been astronomical for what it is she’s bringing home. She has a long way to go…a few more surgeries and lots of traveling to ready her for the point at which she can receive a kidney. (She was accepted to the National Kidney Transplant List!). We’ve received a few donations from some very giving and beautiful souls…but we have 102 days to reach her goal. I think 3+ months is enough time to get us at least HALF way to the goal. What do you think? Yes? 🙂

Click on the link to the donation site (it’s on the top left of this page, but because of how my blog is set up *lol* …I’ll post the link ————> here)

I want to thank you in advance, bless you always and love you much!!

Thank you,

Kiwi ❤

The Booty Don’t Lie

Can “big booty privilege” make women mean?

Heyyy, how y’all doing? Good? Miss me? Cool…I had to throw some niceties in because my mind is on rapid and I gotta blog this before it gets lost in the vast randomness that is my mind. lol

So, if you’ve ever really paid attention, you all know I have on many occasion gotten inspiration for this blog by simply listening to friends, chatting with them in the inbox and such…so today is no different.

It started with a very ugly tweet thread I saw on tumblr. I won’t say who it was, not because I fear the backlash, but because I don’t believe in calling out behavior like that publicly if I’m not going to go HARD and be a FRIEND about it by taking it privately first. I feel very strongly about things like this, but I know my audience. I’m familiar with how folks can be and it would only get uglier and honestly, I don’t have the energy for a back and forth with folks who come with armies of ass kissers.

ANYWAY…

What I can’t stand is the mean girl syndrome. The bullying. *breathes deeply* Where do I damn start?

Okay, FIRST…let me address this thing that people have with “atting” celebrities their ugly opinions. Blogging, commenting, etc…publicly…addressing these people you DON’T know but THINK you do. I know that because we buy and support their music, movies, art, businesses, etc…we feel some sense of entitlement to their persona…and that’s partially true. Their PERSONA is ours to love or hate, laud or reject. Their PERSON, is theirs. Not ours. JUST because someone lives in the public eyes due to stardom doesn’t mean we arbitrarily have the right to go in on them when we feel like it. They’re humans…extraordinary ones with extraordinary jobs and lives…but, humans nonetheless. It’s NOT our right to barbecue them for the way they choose to live or share or react to the world. YOU try having your entire life laid out for public consumption like an open buffet with no lids. Imagine all the fingers and germs that could get into your life if they could. Folks go in on celebs for being a whore (4-5 monogamous relationships back to back does NOT a whore make)…but, let us see YOUR little black book. If the cameras and paps were everywhere you were…who would the public think you were?

Secondly…the Internet has a penchant for saying everything that’s on its mind. You see a big woman in something you think makes her look nasty? You tell her. You see a man with a small penis? You tell him. You see a woman with an unflattering hairstyle or a baby with a “ghetto” name or a man with one tooth in his head…and what do you do? You tell him. WHY is that? Didn’t your parents teach you to not say ANY thing if it weren’t nice? Why does the Internet have you all so programmed to be cruel at the drop of a dime? Do better Internet…really.

Thirdly, this shit with judging folks on a regular basis, having fun at other people’s expense with retweets, hashtags, memes and GIFS is a little out of control. Is it okay to laugh at something funny? Sure…I love to laugh and do so often. I actually prefer to giggle at cat and dog fuckery, but that’s just me…

I digress.

Knowing someone’s life online and then constantly reminding them of a time they’re most likely trying to forget is beyond disrespectful. How would any of you like it if, if the one thing you were trying to let go of…was constantly regurgitated back to you? I did that to someone once…without even knowing it…and when I heard that it hurt her, I apologized. No one needs constant reminders of what they’ve done wrong. Most of us are far harder on ourselves than anyone else could ever be.

…stop being hypocrites y’all. I have seen in this past month, folks get on Twitter, Facebook, tumblr and blogs and tout their support of Trayvon, but then turn around and dismember Rachel Jeantel publicly ad nauseum. You’ll say, “No Justice, No Peace” but then use that same tongue to break someone down whom you dislike or find amusing. NO one should be your amusement to the point that it dehumanizes them and makes you feel no remorse for it. That’s so ugly.

Lastly, I find a lot of the women on the Internet…specifically Black women (yea I said that shit) who, because they are a certain skin tone or body build (see waist to hip ratio aka hourglass aka pear shaped, etc) believe they CAN be mean to others. Oh, and NO…I do not have a booty and I ain’t jealous. I have noassatall, but trust and believe with the sweetness that is my name *Kiwi*…booty don’t mean nothing to me. Besides…I walk like I got one 😉

Is it because they’ve spent a lifetime being complimented and adored by men and women, alike…that they feel like they can step over other people without so much as a whimpered “excuse me”? I see these chicks on Twitter with these huge followings. People telling them everyday how cool they are, how gorgeous they are, how fine their body is…has seemingly caused them to be megalomaniacs. Too much of a good thing CAN be detrimental…and clearly is. Chicks thinking because they’re the typically coveted body image…they can mistreat, disrespect and wave a “no fucks” hand at everyone they see fit to. Not cool ladies. We sisters could be SO strong if we’d unite and be a driving force of positivity, but if you don’t stop the cattiness, the meanness, the cliquish attitudes and cockiness…we’ll be stuck RIGHT here. In this moment…and how is that beneficial for posterity?

It’s not.

I’mma leave you with “Queen” by Janelle Monae and Erykah Badu…because even though the booty don’t lie…it sure can exaggerate the truth.

“Be a queen, see a queen, respect a queen.” ~ Kween Kiwi/Keys

The Thirty First Day…

…Bonus Day: Pick a day you haven’t described and share

Well, first off…THANK YOU CHALLENGE TAKERS!!! I appreciate all of those who have participated (and are finishing up) for taking on this little blog exercise. Once or twice a year I try to take one of these on to bring about a myriad of goals. I strive to have consistency in writing, to blog things that mean something to each and every one of us on a personal level and for you who have a blog (or 5 like me) …it’s a way to keep your audience’s attention. I go so long between blog posts that it feels like a ghost town, but these challenges keeps the writer in me and the blogger some love…on their toes.

On to this last day’s challenge…

I had a lot of days that I didn’t get to share. In retrospect, I found a lot of days that could’ve been a part of this challenge…but, hey…hindsight is 20/20. Anyway. I’m gonna play a little bit of “The Day I met…” and factor in MANY days, Hey! It’s my DAY, I’ll dump a whole buncha days in iffin I wanna!!! O_O

I’ll do it chronologically for my mind’s sake. lol:

“THE DAY I MET MY INNANET FRIENDS”

la tres mariposas

Joy & Celeste: HA! I met Joy and Celeste on DECEMBER 6th of 2008! We’d been howdy-doodying online for a bit and decided to have a meeting of the butterflies. SO, Mama Butterfly, Butterfly Effect and the Celestial Butterfly met at Joy’s apartment in the Bronx and made a weekend of it. I ain’t gone tell y’all ALL of the debauchery and fuckshit that went down, just know…divorcing these two is NOT an option…we all know too much about each other. ctfu

OH, that sucka JOY? FIRST thing she said to me upon meeting me at the train station, “DAMN  Kiwi…you LIGHT-skinneded!!” yea…that is why I punch her every time I see her. lol

a diva and an almond

DIVA: I met Diva on an October weekend in 2009. (I think it was ’09). Anyway. Joy and I went to the airport, picked her up, hopped a taxi and headed to the SAME hotel I had my birthday weekend in 3+ years later! We had fun. We went to MAC and got make up, went out to eat, got drunk, talked shit, and had SOME one O_O send us a nassy pic to which we passed around like drunken college boys. lmaooo. GOOD times I tell ya…GOOD times.

three smexy summabiscuits

Maria: On the weekend of 911 in 2011, Joy and I met Maria in Times Square with her then-boo and we commenced to cut up. I got a little tipsy, but that’s par for the course. lol We ate, laughed, took pics around the table and had the best couple of hours we could fit in until Ria had to go. 😦 …it was on THAT weekend that I found out Maria ain’t THAT much taller than me. Yea, she thought she’d be towering over me. NOT. psssh…old delusions of grandeur type shit. lol

deebo and kali simpson lol

DeAnna: Me and Dee met in Boston, Mass on the weekend of June 29th 2012…because she was stalking Phil Perry’s schedule. lol She wanted to go somewhere she’d never been with someone she’d never met and I fit the bill. hehe. She invited me and paid for me to get to her. (Isn’t she a doll?) I got there first and waited impatiently for her. I kept looking out the door like, “Where the hell she at?”.  She’d had a delay and got there just in time to not be TOO late for Phil’s performance. We swayed and took pics of him in the dark *ctfu* and once it was over? I LOST her. She’d tracked that man down and I looked up to see that she’d snapped a pic with him. I turned my back for ONE minute…goodness. lol.

We also went on a boat ride, which was lovely…and found a reason to keep going to the concierge for the sinful chocolate chip cookies out of the magic ubbin behind the desk. Doubletree is the DEBIL for that. (I can taste ’em now…)

squeezing for a pic…wife, dat sucka and me. lol

Tina: I met my Wife [insider] on my birthday weekend this year.  The ORIGINAL plan was for Tina to come before the Christmas holiday, but we couldn’t get it together quick enough in that time frame. I suggested she come and spend my 40th with me [and Joy] instead. It was my 40th after all and I’d love for her to be one of the folks I shared it with. So the party snowballed from there. I swear, Joy, Tina and me are frickin CLOWNS. We stayed laughing the entire time. Tina got to meet some old friends of mine as well as my sis, cousin and godsis. We promised we’d have another chance SOON to do more cutting up.

I’m looking forward to not only spending more time with these ladies, but meeting MORE friends in the near future. I can’t wait to see who I meet next!! *singing* “Rolling with the homieeeees”

***did you all pick up on the running theme? once I met Joy…we rolled together meeting everyone else (except in Dee’s case). Ha! 

The Ninth Day…

…the day you discovered the Internet

Well, I got a computer in 1999…and was WAY too happy to be able to finally get on the net. I actually spent less time on the net and more time researching fun things. I had a love for surnames, so finding out what names meant had me geek-ed!

That computer was short-lived…some refurbished piece of shit that bit the dust. So, we got the PC of the moment…a Gateway. I got Britannica-wasted the first day. lol

I want to say that I truly got introduced to the internet in 2000. I found my sister online via AOL and she introduced me to chat rooms. LORDY BE, LORDY BE!!! That is the LAST place Kali needed to be. There I was in a chat room full of racist fools, hissing racial slurs and racial supremacy and I was NOT the one to fuck with. One dude was LIVID, I tell you…because I told him that Black people were NOT the true monkeys…White people were. I told him that take away the black hair and he’d see his grandfather. Small brains, larger cranium, white skin, big ears, thin lips, elongated torso, short pelvis and legs, extremely long digits and a barely there nasal passage…and VOILA…Grandpa Whitey! He left that chat room so quickly that I heard an e-door slam. LOL I told him that Black people had BIGGER brain mass, smaller cranium, shorter torso, longer legs and shorter arms. That we had natural melanin and less body hair, therefore…the primate known as a monkey was more HIS folks than mine!! hahaaaa

I had fun terrorizing racist and sexist assholes…it was QUITE the therapeutic outlet for a woman going through a tumultuous domestic abuse situation. I left my dripping venom on many a fool in those days. I traversed the chats and Black Voices scene, barely meeting anyone…just reading to see if I WANTED to.

Finally, my true segue into social media came via MySpace on 2006 when I got a page to my god-sister’s urging. It was also the year that I got SUPER cat-fished. The drama was STILL one, that to this day leaves me looking over my shoulder.

Later that year after the crazy person whose REAL name I do not know had left…I found [the now defunct] site of Yahoo 360. A friend I’d met on MySpace had lured me over and I was hooked. There I found friends and love and unveiled my poetry and found erotic writing tucked into my repertoire. From there we migrated to Multiply, which has now closed ITS doors.

I sometimes can’t believe how much has changed since the days of chat rooms and AOL’s “YOU’VE got MAIL”. The dude running…and running…and running…as you wait to be connected via DSL.

Dang…I feel old. lol

The Evil Commenting Machine

On a daily basis, my feed on Facebook is inundated with links to blogs. Gossip blogs, news blogs, fashion blogs, etc. Some of my favorites are Necole Bitchie, Madame Noire, Hello, Beautiful!, and Clutch.

Yet, I sometimes feel reluctant to even place a comment on the page. So many people seem to make negative commenting and rabble-rousing a damn full-time job. It’s unbelievable the time people put into debunking celebrities lives, refuting others’ opinions and making an otherwise positive post a hot spot for hate and bitterness.

I can imagine folks posting up on blogs…hitting refresh WAITING with excited pleasure to see if someone has replied to their fuckery.

There’s something seriously wrong with a person/people, when they can’t have a positive discussion EVER and…AND…STAY ON TOPIC!

For instance, If there’s a post about single mothers who work…it’ll turn into an argument about hating men because they leave them single. Well, it may be relevant on a whole, but that doesn’t have anything to do with discussing single moms, their jobs and how they manage.

Another instance…Solange releases a new video. Here comes the folks saying how she’s better than Beyonce, which leads to how Beyonce has purposely tried to keep Solange down…to how Beyonce’s baby is Solange’s and finally…Blue Ivy is a doll. O_O

Chile…What’s WRONG with folks?

I just saw a post on Clutch, about the rate of young Black men graduating from college and some chick turned it into how women need to focus on themselves and forget about men because they don’t care about US. How we show concern for men on a women’s blog. The fact that the post was geared toward Black TEENS who are still being cared for by parents…NAMELY, WOMEN…mattered not. She continued to spew her ridiculous ideology until the comments were closed on that post.

It’s not that I don’t think people should voice their opinions. I just wish more of us did it with tact, respect and learned how to stop speaking when it’s no longer effective or respected. To continue on and on in an attempt to convince someone your opinion is fact, looks like the sign of a psycho. That’s not too far-fetched either, since the Internet is a hotbed for undercover unbalanced folk.

For the love of all that’s digital…please know when to log off. Everything thought doesn’t need articulating.

It’s "RESEARCH"…

AS USUAL…a lot of my inspiration for blogs comes from convos with my sistar circle. I swear, Joy needs to be my co-author on this here Kaleidoscope…lol.

We were talking and talking…and laughing and stuff…and we got to talking on what I affectionately call “researching”.

Y’all know what it is. When you’re in a relationship or in the beginning stages of one and you follow dude’s trail to see what’s what. (Don’t get it twisted…I’ve found out that a LOT of men “research”, too).

I think in this day and age of cyber-hook ups and e-cheating…when a woman or man sees something suspicious looking, it’s smart to “research”. Some call it being “nosy”, “paranoid”, “insecure”, etc…but, sometimes you need to make sure that your instincts are just THAT and NOT the former adjectives of dysfunction. I’ve heard folks say, “Well, if you have to ask you already know the question…” but that’s not always the case. Sometimes, we’re just used to what’s been given and it’s not as clear as a bell. I believe that dating via internet has changed the dynamic of how we view information as it relates to intuition and feelings. It’s almost commonplace for a person to Google or do a background check on their intended.

In my last relationship, I remember that I saw a lot of things that didn’t sit well with me. I’m a patient person so a lot of the small things got cataloged in my mental archive for a later date. Being the informational sponge that I am, my interest was piqued. Sometimes, I wonder if it was JUST love that made me stick around or the ending to the story. *blame the writer in me for that one*…Things that were said to me, scenarios presented, people shrugged off as “nothing to worry about”…were later excavated for “research”.

Some shit is simple. You see a dude doing you wrong…you just go ahead and take it for face value…but, it’s not always that simple. When you’re getting to know someone, you take them at their word until they show you differently. (At least that’s how I operate) When he says that’s his cousin, his best friend forever, his childhood buddy…O_O…you say, “Okay…well, tell me more…”

If once you inquire within for more info and his or her story becomes suspiciously fictitious…then, you may “research”. For me, it was hearing him tell me that one chick was from his old neighborhood and a family friend…yet, every chance she got…she eluded to them being a couple. She seemed to be joking and other times dead serious…but, still one more subtle declaration. I could see her being the type to sing that stupid ass Mokenstef song, “He’s mine…you may have had once but I have him all the time…”. Yea, that’s a dumb ass song. ANYWAYS…she clearly wouldn’t let up. Even befriended me on MySpace. I KNOW that chick could see all the looooove I left him, but she pretended to believe what he had to have been telling her. “She’s just my friend…and co-host” *__*

Eventually, I ended up on her blog (she began following me and I subsequently followed her back in an attempt to take her for what he said she was) and then one day I saw it. BIG OLE “I LOVE Blankety Blank”. He said it was a friendly love. I say fuck that…friends don’t swoon when you sing to them…but, alas…he was jackass #1 for lying and I was jackass #2 for remaining as long as I did in that non-relationship. I knew better though…so I continued to “research”. Between their lovey-dovey comments and that “inside track” I had on his doings…I ended things. For a few months anyway. (Stupid is as stupid was) When I finally ended it…it was NOT because of the “childhood friend”…but, because of the “chick that he didn’t know”. He denied that woman until he couldn’t any longer…and now, they’ve got a child together. Wow…what a way to not know someone, right? LOL

I recount this to kinda lead up to something. I as a woman, have intuition…and truthfully, it’s a very STRONG intuition. Sometimes bordering on psychic. Yet, when you try telling people around you such things you get pigeon-holed. Remember the adjectives above? I became, “nosy”, “paranoid”, “insecure”and my FAVORITE…a stalker.  Nah, never that…but, when I’m lied to I feel the gloves come off. I can prove my shit…because liars…especially self-proclaimed intellectual ones, tend to fuck up on arrogance alone. They pride themselves on being 3 steps ahead. I’m from the school of, “I ain’t gotta say shit…but watch me”. I don’t have to reveal my “research”. I APPLY my “research”. I take nothing for granted when it comes to meeting people on and off the internet. If a person isn’t online, then my other senses heighten. I LISTEN to what’s being said and to what’s NOT being said…and see actions. *ooooh ACTIONS, remember ACTIONS?*

For instance…One cat rolled up on me in the supermarket. Stood and talked to me while I waited for a cab. Wanted to go out with me and such. Gave me his number. At the point I’m at NOW after ALL of the shenanigans and “research” and using such info and confirmed events to verify my gut…it doesn’t take long to ferret out the assholes. My past “research” skills paid off in spades in so many ways. The supermarket cat never made it to a first date. Why?

~ He could never keep a promise to call
~ He asked me out via text (no…you will  NOT e-woo me)
~ When I decided to GIVE him a chance in SPITE of the text woo…he still fell short. Didn’t respond on time and THEN asked me to come to his house for our first “date”. HELL NO!! I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I might bring some mofos to case yo shit and rob you blind…God KNOWS what you’ll do to ME!
~ When I brought these points to his attention…his answer was quite trite. “I’m not a phone person and I’m a homebody”.

That may have been true enough…but, the truth for ME is that…I deserve to be wooed. I deserve a DATE. I didn’t care if we met and had coffee and dessert. I didn’t care if we hung out at a park and got hot dogs…but, me kicking it in your home without knowing you is no way to woo a lady. I could see that becoming the norm and to me that is just another form of “hiding” a woman. Nope. Not I.

I didn’t need to “research” that. The red flags were there. He claims he wasn’t married, but something was afoot.  I simply learned to trust my gut. To do the minimal research and not invest time in a bottomed out market.

I learned through all of that “research” that every feeling I had about a situation was right. It ended right where I suspected it would…in a pile of bullshit.

LADIES and GENTS…in this day and age…do NOT be afraid to “research”. You see that dude on your girl’s page that ALWAYS has lustful comments and she never puts him in his place…don’t be surprised if you find out about an inbox-affair. Ladies, you see that chick that looks like if she could lie down in your man’s lap…she would…but, she can’t even acknowledge you on a post…yea, she might be an issue. I ain’t tryna start no shit, but come now…we’re adults. If you’re in a committed relationship…you LOVE this person…this is your future, potentially…you’re not going to let man, woman, dog nor cat…disrespect or give your significant other the impression that there’s more to the connection than it really is. I found out…that if something bothers you and you TELL your love that it does, they should move on it. Immediately. Don’t ask me if I’m tripping. Don’t tell me I’m insecure. If I bring something to your attention…handle that. A real woman will understand and step to the side and be happy for you. A dude who is “just a friend” will not start throwing out disrespectful comments about your chick if he’s not interested. We all know when a new love is on the scene. Pay attention. It’s right there to be seen. Otherwise, you gonna make me do some “research” on your ass.

What? It’s for scientific purposes!!! 😉

“If you tell someone that something hurts you and they do nothing to change their behavior…they don’t CARE about you…” ~Madea

Looking Asses

I am taken aback…

That folks in their 30’s and 40’s are still playing mind games. That women who are grown and have children or just are GROWN…still pursue men on and offline like a cat in heat. That men who define themselves by the length of their dick, still act like children with no aim. I on the other hand…just wanna be at peace, live, laugh, love and learn. That’s it. Keep the rest.

Let me tell you…2011 is NOT the year to fuck with me. I’m not lying down for ANY bullshit. I WILL step and I WILL blast you! So many times before, I let etiquette and decorum dictate my steps. I’m over it. I’m STILL a lady…STILL a kween, but even a kween has to exact some action when fools start trying to infiltrate her peace of mind.

I had a convo with a dear sister friend and I was once again reminded how the lies of a MAN had tainted my online reputation. A site we used to be on had me looking like some desperate bitch who needed to be loved and wanted to be just like some other woman! WOW. I’m glad that I know who I am and I’m BLESSED that I have real friends who know better. I don’t sweat the small stuff usually, but this bit me on the ass in a hard way. I don’t feel that, believing in someone is desperate…it’s called LOVE you assholes!! Trusting your friends to keep your confidence isn’t VIOLATING or BETRAYING someone else…or being catty or being a bitch. If I’m talking to someone I call a FRIEND and they runteldat…that’s not MY fault…it’s Mouth Almighty’s fault. Contrary to the rumors and lies of little people with little else to do than discuss me…I don’t thrive off drama. Drama makes the underside of my breasts itch…keep that shit. One thing is for sure…if you wanna know if I said some shit…ASK…I PROMISE I’ll tell you if I did or didn’t, but if you’ve made up your mind already that I’m some petty bitch…then stay over ——>THERE!!

Anyway, I find that some of the same people who were in my circle then made it over to Facebook with me and honestly…I know there is this dark cloud that follows me. The only way for the myth to be dispelled is for folks to be enough of an independent thinker to say, “Hmm, I wanna get to KNOW her…”. Otherwise, it’s like a red letter sloppily stitched onto my chest. Truth is, EVERY guy online who I’ve ever been “involved” with…pursued me. They had to CONVINCE me that they really were interested and wore me down after months of convo. I’ve never…EVER seen one dude and been like, “Let me roll up on that.” Nope. I mind my business…and then because these men on the Internet have a gang of stans…I end up the bane of some bitch’s existence because she thinks I’m a threat. One thing I’ve NEVER done is befriend someone so I can see how close they are to my love interest. If you’re still doing that in 2011…

GET A FUCKING LIFE!!!

I ain’t ask dude to holla…
I ain’t ask dude to rope YOU in…
I ain’t ask dude to lie to you…
I ain’t ask for none of it!

Take your LOOKING ASS…and SAT down! Leave me alone. You REALLY won’t like me if I gotta tell your ass that shit again!

20~ Cans and String

Do you believe in Long Distance/Internet Love? Why or Why not…

For others, yes…for me…no. I don’t have anything good to say for myself in this matter. I used to believe that getting to know someone sight unseen gave you the advantage. No physical hang ups to keep two people from getting to know each other and sealing the bond spiritually. I believe that others have and will have successful LD and Internet romances…I’m just not putting myself in that position again.

I got duped…not once, not twice…but THRICE!!

As far as I’m concerned if you’re not in the state of NY and aren’t within a train ride away…don’t bother. I’m not doing the “false intimacy” thing anyway. Some emotional boo that I talk to and make promises with all for them to be doing local coochie because they want to detach from the commitment, but want to have that “love thing”. FUCK…YOU!!

For who I am right now…it would behoove ANY one wanting to deal with me, to make themselves apparent. YES…I WANT TANGIBILITY!! Who doesn’t? I can’t fantasize and romanticize  love and relationships over the phone. All of that giddy laughing, diving for the phone every time you hear their ringtone, sleeping with the phone damn near glued to your face…no way. All it took was 3 failed attempts at love via the net for me to assess that it ain’t for me. Threading string through unwrapped and cleaned tin cans to use room to room was cute. I can’t do cans and string as an adult. I need to be able to lay eyes on you and ESPECIALLY hands on you. I need that in my life right now.

I’ve learned MY lesson…

iHate?





When?


When did the computers and phones…become torture devices.


Everyday I see SOME thing…whether it’s televised as news, posted on the net or dramatized for television, where people (teens especially) are going IN on each other. Bullying. Attacking defenseless souls who just want to be left alone, accepted, loved, respected…and yet, they’re singled out by miserable people who seek to bring pain to someone else.


Is it peer pressure? Is it that thing that you do with a group of people because you’re just DAMNED glad it’s not YOU on the receiving end? Is it that thing you do because you’re beat up on at home, or you feel inferior to others, or because you want to be feared…because being feared is better than being disliked?


Whatever the motivation…it’s sickening. I’ve seen enough REAL life stories run across my home feed on Facebook…and now, it’s seemingly so serious that producers and writers are making it priority to include this subject into their series. On my soap “One Life To Live”…a young boy gets taunted daily…relentlessly, because he’s asthmatic and carries an inhaler. They call him Weezy and threaten his life if he was to ever tell. The boy was stripped naked and taped. The video…posted to “MyFace” (gotta laugh at THAT) leaving him so embarrassed that he attempted to jump from a building.


On CSI tonight…a young pregnant teen hung herself in her closet because she was harassed on her phone over and over again. Again, a video released…gone viral…rendering her so embarrassed that successfully, she kills herself. Although these are television shows…it is just a depiction of what is REALLY going on in this world. The young man who committed suicide after his sexuality was revealed via video…that happened!! 


Parents…I pray that you’re monitoring your children’s Internet time. I pray that you’re monitoring their cell time as well. There are programs out there that help you trace every keystroke on your child’s computer…allowing you a glimpse of what their activities are. If your child is inflicting harm on others (or is being harmed) there are underlying issues related to their 1) willingness to assault someone so viciously and cruelly. 2) the willingness to TAKE such abuse, not feeling comfortable with coming to you for help.


Perhaps if a child is despondent, obstinate, disrespectful, aggressive and/or evasive with their activities and whereabouts…you may want to consider that he/she may also be taking out those feelings on classmates. If they’re just despondent and passive…and are also keeping secrets…you may want to investigate if they’re being picked on. The best thing you can do is give your child the confidence to speak to you openly. Sometimes adults can come off such the disciplinarian that it invokes fear instead of respect. I’m sure it’s hard to walk that happy medium when trying to scare the life of Job into an aimless child…but, it’s about knowing YOUR kid.


Why am I giving parental advice to parents when I’m not one…(before I gotta tell somebody something, lol). It’s because I’ve BEEN that child. BOTH sides of the coin, too. I’ve bullied and been bullied and I can tell you that as a child whose being hemmed up by someone bigger, it’s not easy to tell mom what’s popping in the streets when her motto is, “IF you come home crying about getting beat up, I’M gonna whoop your ass…”. Yea, it’s that old school shit…and it works to a degree (it’s meant to encourage you not to back down…and to fear MOM over ANY fool in the street). Yet, when it’s happening to you and you’re up against more than one, especially…that theory goes out the window and you’re left with the fight of your life and no stones for your handy-dandy David Slingshot with the super snap back rubber band…


It hurts me to see so many children given such a hard time in school. If it’s not enough to go to school, do the work and pass…they also have to dodge physical, emotional, spiritual and mental harm from children who don’t seem to have anyone keeping them in line. 


What us gone do? What can we do to keep these children from inflicting pain on one another?

*read me*

I have heard people say so often, “I don’t tell my business”. Trust me, I get the “principle” of the thing. I think that nowadays, being on the Internet where we tend to blast/status/tweet every thought that forms a ball in our subconscious…has become the norm. We don’t respect our intimate business and lives. We’ve become voyeuristic…loving the lives of others through scopes and cams and vids and pics and…well, you get it…we talk too damn much. I get that EVERYTHING isn’t for public consumption. Your relationship with your man/chick? Not my business! Your financial portfolio? Nope, don’t care. The baby daddy/mama drama, sexual preference/quantity of partners, addictions/vices…don’t have anything to do with me…

…yet, a question looms. What is our purpose on this earth spiritually? Are we meant to lead such individual lives that we feel compelled at all times to be self-contained? Are we not to be a threaded community of spirits, influencing each other…perpetuating growth and cohesiveness? Are we not our brothers’ keepers?

So, that brings me to the conclusion that “our business” is really GOD’S business. Your triumphs and fails are testimony to His will…I mean if you believe in God in the first place. I even believe that if you DON’T believe in God that you still could believe in positivity and affecting others through sharing parts of yourself for the ability to relate. Isn’t the point of being in relationships, whether spousal, familial or friend…to be vulnerable, build trust and be loyally supportive? To gain wisdom and understanding conducive to the evolution of our humankind?

It’s okay to be an open book…well as long as it’s a positive read. Just because people are open books doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. Some folks SHOULD keep some things to themselves. If your content is trashy, flashy and the furthest from classy…shut the book. LOL I’m sure that those are bestsellers…the ones that people flock to read and beg for more…but, that just makes you entertainment, nothing more. Your truest self is lost on an audience only consumed with your highs and lows aka drama. YET, if your content is positive and strikes to the core…even if only a few read it, those are a few more people on this earth affected in a good way. Inspiration at it’s finest.

Just thought I’d stop in and say hi 🙂