Word 22: Afraid

Afraid…

Bear with the randomness of this. I’m just spitting out unrelated sentences using the word afraid.

“I’m afraid there is bad news…”

“Don’t be afraid…”

“You’re just afraid to love…”

“They all were afraid that she was slowly unraveling…”

“Afraid of what? Afraid of who? I’m afraid of no one” she could be heard protesting at the top of her lungs.

“A F R A I D…My nerves are A-FRAYED” lol

“If you spend your life being afraid of love, life…LIVING…you’ll always be a shell of yourself.”

“I’m not afraid anymore…” he muttered…his last words, a release of his hold on what was no longer his to have…life.

Okay, I’m finished. lol 😛

What’s Going On?

Edward “Butch” Harris

It’s been an interesting week. I sigh in the aftermath of an emotional turn of events. Some are somber and at least one is the bright spot of it all.

Last Saturday, a beloved family member died. I would be lying if I said that death has me shaken since 2010 where at least three people I knew and loved passed away. Since then, my paternal family had it’s ups and downs, with a cousin falling ill with cancer (and recovering NICELY at this time). She got sick almost back to back with us losing our grandmother. Prayers were prayed diligently and religiously. Thank God she was spared and is now bouncing back wonderfully.

Unfortunately, last year…her stepmother died unexpectedly (to those of us unaware of her sickness). Last August when she died, left a chasm in my family centered around money. I’ve chosen to remain on the outside of that situation. I want no parts of that. Money is never important enough for me to betray nor go against my blood. I’d rather be broke.

Either way, this last death was sudden…but not really. Our last time seeing one another he didn’t look too great, but I want to say I put those concerns in a place called denial and prayed he was okay. He wouldn’t be. This is just one more hit to my paternal family and it seems incessant. I don’t know what to think anymore and it’s created a sense of worry…maybe even paranoia.

Anyway…

Two days later, a situation was brought to light concerning someone I once saw as being a friend. I was angry for two days and that’s all I gave her. I wasn’t in the mood for it and have decided that life goes on and that’s it. I’m moving forward and hope that this week begins as a close to that other shit. I’m so done.

Everything also happened during the week where I wasn’t feeling too great. I went to the doctor’s though, so I’m good.

One of the better parts of my week have to do with my friend DeAnna. She was placed on the National Kidney Transplant List and hopefully it won’t take too long. I cried and thanked God. I pray Godspeed over her and that her wait is no wait at all. Read her blog on it HERE.

Tomorrow is my cousin’s funeral. I ain’t ready. I dreamed of him and woke up crying. He was one of those people who when you think of cool people who stay the same no matter how much time goes between seeing one another…you think of him. He was a staple in my childhood and I can’t remember him ever being mean, petty or disrespectful. He’ll be sorely missed. I’m just blown that he’s gone…

Edward “Butch” Harris…rest in peace fam. I love you.

The Status I Blogged

**This began as a status update on Google+ and I decided it was so lengthy (didn’t mean to go on and on) that it made more sense to blog it and link it to my social media**


I have been a “militant” woman since I was 17 yrs old and experienced my first Black Studies class in Mt. Vernon High School. Learning the difference between complexions and features, in regards to what makes a beautiful (c) attractive face. Learning the difference between an Afro-Centric POV and a Euro-Centric POV. Unlearning to learn. I’ve been doing that for almost 30 years now (I’m 40 for those who don’t know) and I’ve playfully called myself Kali X. I didn’t believe in the justice system…and then OJ was acquitted. I then got to see biopics like Hurricane, and rescinded my shortly restored belief in progress. 

Last night’s acquittal of Zimmerman stoked the flames of latent militancy in me. It’s not that the other stories went unnoticed. I saw most of them. Praying for families and justice. I was incited and made sad by them all. Yet, something about this one was an awakening. It doesn’t drown out the other lost lives and injustice. Not at all. One can feel strongly connected to something without overshadowing the next important thing. 

It’s like people…

 Just because I have a connection with one over the other doesn’t make the other insignificant. We can’t see EVERY thing and know EVERY one. Don’t be so hard on others for not seeing the other cases that are similar or as important to Trayvon’s. We connect where we can. Just know that caring at ALL is something that needs respect. Especially, in a society where we’re numb and desensitized to the news and it’s daily casualties. That’s lesson 101 in “Save our Community”. STOP telling people how to care and how to rally. 

We’ve been conditioned for so many years to mind our business and protect home over everything else. A lot of us were raised in communities that valued the motto, “Snitches Get Stitches”. It was encouraged to keep your opinion to yourself. Think of the days before the civil rights, where a Negro would see another being unjustly beat, punished or accused…and if he wanted to keep his and the lives of his family safe…he’d better pretend he didn’t see it.

THAT kind of conditioning has been taught, subtly generation after generation. Kind of like how kids were taught to be seen and not heard. So, it’s got to be understood at some point that it would be easiest for people to turn their heads. 

Back to my point. Due to that indoctrination of our people…it’s admirable when someone decides to put down the fear of retribution and pick up a petitioner’s pen, or a picket sign, or a blackened profile pic. In whatever way someone can show support…respect that. Speaking against the efforts, however small…of other people is the VERY reason we can never come together and unify. SOME one always knows a better way and therein lies the start of division.

I’ve been quiet since the verdict. I’ve read the statuses, tweets, reblogs and Instagram pics and I’ve chosen to remain quiet til now. 

I don’t know about anyone else…but this has created a fear in me. A good kind of fear though. An awareness, if you will. It’s a re-awakening back to the knowledge of reality. We HAVE to start teaching our kids how to protect themselves. They have to understand that we’re living in anarchy. It’s not in full swing yet, but it will be. The Age of Aquarius dictates that in order for there to be peace…the old ways, the old foundation of government, history of politics, must be torn down. Only then can a new world be built. 

That was my thought today…maybe I’ll come back and blog some more later. 

Peace, Kweendom

Randomosity: Blurred Lines

*dancing like T.I.* “HEY HEY HEY”. LOL

I love that song. I only named this post that because it’s what I’m listening to. Then again, maybe we’ll be able to pinpoint some blurred lines within this post after all…

Let’s start with the kind of week America has had. ~Phew~ America…well, the WORLD over has shit going on EVERY day. What we see in the news is a mere modicum of the world’s weighty chaos. For shits and giggles, though? We’ll talk US fuckshit.

• The Trayvon Martin/Zimmerman trial got started this week and it’s been a doozy thus far. I missed the opening statements, but I heard all of the boo’s and tomatoes flying at Don West for his poor taste in banter.  “Knock knock. Who’s there? User. User who? User DUMB ass for that knock knock joke!” Don’t get me started on all of the hoopla surrounding the testimony of Rachel Jeantel, Trayvon’s friend and the last to speak to him the night he was killed. Her articulation has been questioned, roasted, lambasted, etc,…by the nation over. Her attitude was put on trial and I could only ask myself during this time, “Why does it matter what kind of attitude she has when the truth is…this is about Zimmerman’s guilt. Not HERS in the court of public opinion?” Why was it super important for a lot of Black folks to renounce her and call her everything but a child of God? To distance yourselves? To show the world…to show “massa” that YOU’RE not like that. You got book learning and is a GOOD speaker…right? A lot of y’all pissed me off, because while you sat there and made memes and jokes and judgments…you also seemed to be pissed at Paula Deen for wanting to dress your grandfathers up in slave butler outfits for a wedding…
• Which brings me to my next random. Paula Deen’s snafu, faux pas, oopsy daisy. She admitted to using the N word and she was quoted as lusting over a good old-fashioned plantation wedding; niggers dressed up in period wear and all. After apologizing and going on Today to tell Matt how racist she isn’t, Paula has suffered through the ostracizing of her brand. Food Network has decided not to renew her contract. Smithfield has taken back all their ham. Walmart, Sears, and a slew of other businesses have marked her shit down to free and asked her not to bring NOTHING else up in there. Even the publisher of her book which is #1 on Amazon, has chosen to drop her like a hot potato greased down with a pound of butter. So, yea Paula is roughing it right now and Jesus be a sedative so she don’t get ill behind the hoopla. (Yes, I have compassion for her…Yes, I think she needs to be sat down and made an example of…the two are not mutually exclusive) …So tell me why you mofos can go in on Paula in one breath and then disparage Rachel in another. You don’t make it easy to keep White folks from wondering why they can’t call us what we call ourselves. Now, I don’t THINK that’s what we should do (let them call us what we call each other) but, what peeved me is for a lot of us to go in on that young woman with NO chill and NO remorse about her looks and speech was outta pocket and short exact change. What the fuck is WRONG with people? Why do people feel the need to state every opinion, hurl every negative thought outward from the tongue and bask in the trials of someone else? Goodness gracious…We’re SO harsh on each other, but we want everyone else to regard us? Think on that.
• Aaron Hernandez…this dude here. Like, he couldn’t have been dumber if he’d just gone ahead and buried the body in his yard…but, HEY…maybe he’s innocent! 
• While folks were wondering if Paula Deen’s pots were going to be newly priced at free and were counting the times Rachel Jeantel called Don West “sir”…The VRA was fucked with and now some of y’all may not make the voter’s booth come next election. I guess the gay community’s big win at Capitol Hill was too much freedom for one week. Basically they said, “Look…either y’all ninjas can vote or the queer can marry…can’t have both.” We see you America O_O
• Kanye’s album sucked. I’d ask for my money back, but I ain’t pay for it. 
• Po’ North West…her parents are Dumb and Dumber for that shit. STOP NAMING THESE KIDS PUNCHLINES! They gotta play on the schoolyards and date and work and shit. Do NOT name your kid “Kryss’Tel’eyes” and wonder why they’re fucked up by adolescence. 

I could keep going, but why? Did you really come here to see me rant? (Of course you did, lol) 

I’mma show some restraint though. The world is something else. Our little first world problems ain’t shit. The difficulty in which we may struggle to vote ain’t got shit on being raped to correct homosexuality or children as guerrilla soldiers trained to kill for little to no reason. So what you ran out of your special almond milk…you better get you some Carnation milk, mix it with some water and pour it over that cereal and enjoy it! Shoooot. lol 

I guess all the lines this week were blurred…and many crossed. At least I can say I was paying attention…

Peace y’all

Randoms, Hi’s and Life

Gratuitous picture of ME 🙂

I’m so shady to you all. If there’s no challenge…I don’t even show up for school. HA! So…HI EVERYBODY!! 😀

Not really…just had a lot on my plate. I can’t even begin to list the reasons why my days seem like a cluster of mashed “things”.

From physical ailments, business, family, etc…I’ve had little time for (nor desire to be) blogging. I’ve been a sporadic socializ’r on Facebook and Twitter…opting for tumblr instead. There, I can scroll, scroll, scroll and get inspiration, humor, music, photos, etc…and don’t have to utter a word to anyone. I’ve been quite good with the anonymity that comes with being a small blog with not a lot of “fans” to talk to.

btw…I hate the word “fans”. I use it to speak of other levels of notoriety. I’m a “fan” of Jill Scott. I’m however NOT a fan of a Twitter blogger. I am a follower, by the technicality that it’s CALLED “following”. Speaking of which, I’ve been questioning this fandom thing and how annoying it can be to try and socialize (because we’re on social media websites) and have people who have a “fan base” ignore select people. There’s no one I’d ignore unless the comments were spam, harassing or just not in line with what’s acceptable for ways to speak to people. These folks get a little piece of the Internet and think that they’re above everyone else. How I change my mindset…is to stop participating. You can’t make someone else bigger than you…and especially bigger than GOD. Quit it.

I can’t deal with a lot of the fuckery I see. It’s senseless. As an artist and a sensitive heart I have to deprogram myself from time to time. I do this by logging out and finding constructive things to do…like make jewelry. This is my first time making jewelry. I have friends on Facebook who do it for a living and I’ve patronized a few, but I’m on a budget right now and prefer to get what I want or need by DIY means.

I love this one. Meant to be a bracelet, it is now an anklet (too big)

I like the colors here.

I actually can’t wait to go to Michael’s or AC Moore’s so I can scoop up some more tools. I have NO plans on selling it. I don’t have the patience to do it over and over by demand. It’s just a hobby for me at this point…something to meditate to.

 I’ve had a few stresses (nothing serious) but a girl needed an outlet.

Side Note: My girl Joy hooked me up with a new listen. Lianne La Havas. Hadn’t heard her before and now I’m addicted to her. lol We’ll be going to a concert in Central Park in July! *YAY US*

Here’s one of my favorite songs by her! Talk to you later!!! ~smooches~ ❤

Chit Chatter

It’s 3am…my witching hour…so of course I’m up.

Right now, I’m listening to the wind whistle Dixie…and an old episode of All My Children is on where I can remember being grossed out by the almost-love affair between Erica and Ryan. How you gone romance your daughter’s baby daddy? Ole cougar lookin’ ass…

Anyway…I’m up. Not mad either. I had a great Vicodin induced “nap”.  Oh, you don’t know what happened? Lemme update you:

~ So, my 40’s kicked the door in with a “probable meniscus tear” in my left knee (to be determined how severe w/an MRI) …did I write that in my birtsay blog? Probably. Either way…I’ve been hobbling like an 80yr old. What I’ve noticed is NOW…I’ve got pain in my right knee, because when you injure one side of your body…the other side will begin to get overused. So now…BOTH knees hurt.

~ I’ve had a tad bit of family drama (on the pappy’s side) and it’s had me in perpetual eye rolling mode for some time now. I’ll just say, “The LOVE of money is the root of all evil”

~ I’m learning to let go…I used to have SUCH a hard time letting go. I love so hard and want people to stay in my life whom I deem important, but when people let you go…you too, have to shake off the shackles of exhausted connections…and yes…even if it is family. I’m preparing myself to leave this earth SOLO…so, that means, if folks wanna act like my presence is optional…I will act accordingly.

~ Fancy Face Kreations has been my new baby for a while now…and with God’s grace and a chance from new connections, it will flourish. Click the link at the top of the page and see what we’re all about!!

~ Folks are hard-headed (random)…I swear you can’t tell folks NOTHING. I promise that I’m  learning to purse my lips and shush my thoughts. 40 gives you an almost automatic IDGAF license.

~ I’m kinda mad that the news reported that cats are killers. DUH..they have claws and teef. They have the hunter instincts like their bigger cat cousins and WILL put it in the life of a bird or rodent. It’s the cycle of life. Talmbout…humans need to keep their cats in the house. “The jail you made for Fluffy is the one you gonna rot in…”

~ Why folks keep messing with Bey? Let that child alone. Leave these CELEBS alone. They’re people too…learn some boundaries. Living a life in the spotlight doesn’t mean you get to invade them with your judgments. Mattafack…try this with ALL humans. Getcho own space.

~ Welp, I’m closing it out…not going to bed so to speak…but, ending my little midnight meandering. I’ll end up on Facebook playing Chefville until I can’t keep my eyes open.

Good night, Scopers. To you all in the line of fire of the bad weather…be safe. God bless. Return to me. 🙂

Randomosity: Midnight Meanderings

So, I’m up…in the middle of the night…per usual.

I slept a little from 10 til 12ish and now I’ll be up until around 4 or so. THAT means, I’m flipping back and forth between TV and Internet…more TV than Internet. I’m burning the midnight oil on tumblr and Pinterest with a little dip back and forth on Facebook, which means I’m shaking my head at the confuckery (confused fuckery) that seems to incessantly infect my feeds and dashboards. Goodness…

So, here it goes…my rare randoms:

1~ There’s a LOT of angry little Black children on the net. I remember in my 20’s when I was a political and informational zealot. Learn new things? Rage against the machine!!!! This shit is sickening though. They can’t tell what they’re maddest at…slut-shaming, Beyonce’s light skin or gay marriage. Don’t get me started with the arguments on natural hair. *hiss*boo*hush*

2~ Folks brag on the WRONG shit. UGH. I’ll let you fill in the blanks…because I’d be here all morning…

3~ Muhfuggas forget REAL fast when their asses are happy, just how much of an annoying, sad, bitter and complaint-ho they were. I bet you dollars to donuts (whatever THAT means) …that the moment they’re boo-less, every social media outlet they’re signed into will get the news that they’re single and oh…fuck love! ~____~

4~ I can’t believe how cliquish people still are…so closed off to new friends.

5~ Food Porn 101: Don’t take pics of food that aren’t discernible. If your stew looks like shit and your potato salad looks like pig slop…save us the trouble of losing OUR last meal. #everyonesaphotographer

Why does this tickle me so?

6~ If I were Chris Bosh, I’d go to Disneyland…in Tokyo…dressed in a Goofy costume…just to avoid the public. #lookslikebukkake #eww #hismoufwasopen

7~ Kind of connected to #3…um, I wish people would quit getting new on FB…especially if your ass has the timeline. There’s scrolling PROOF that you’re an UNSTABLE CREATURE! Quit acting like you fly above when you been slinging pigeon shit for the longest…

8~ It’s a damn shame that people…men and women alike, still play mental games. SO glad my ass is single.

9~ I want some folks to boycott Mob Wives. Since Basketball Wives is SO damn violent…go on and boycott them other chicks. The fighting on there is a LOT worse than the bickering and ATTEMPTS to fight on BW. Have y’all seen Drita connect with a chick’s jaw? Hell, even them chicks on Jersey Shore have had it out…don’t just single out the coloreds.

10~ I’m a rebel. I wore panties on No Panties Day and now…I’m drawlz-less. In yo FACE!

11~ There are kamikaze spiders in my room…

12~ I officially can’t stand tumblr, Twitter & Facebook famous folks. You too good to respond to folks’ comments? O__O

13~ I’m officially feenin’ for an Avengers and Thor 2.

14~ While I’m on movies…I STILL love the end of First Wives Club! *it just went off*

15~ I’ll leave you with this last one…why is it so easy for women to turn on each other?

So there you have it. A midnight random rant…courtesy of me, Kween. lol

Good night/morning!

Brand New

There’s a saying among my people…”She/he is acting BRAND new…” If you’re unfamiliar with this colloquialism…it’s meant to infer that someone has “forgotten themselves”. There are a few specific instances where people MOSTLY forget themselves and act “brand new”:

~ They get some money
~ They get MORE money
~ They get a new house, car, etc.
~ They get a new mate O__0 (Yea…I’m talking to you)

Now, let me go ahead and get the bullshit out of the way. I am NOT bitter. I am justifiably pissed off. Those two things are vastly different. When someone has used your friendship and love as a tool, betrays your bond and then turns around and wants to remain friends (which is code for, “Please don’t get mad at me and make me feel bad”)…there’s something that kicks up in me that gets disgusted and appalled by the audaciousness of some folks CLEARLY high off their own supply.

So, what has prompted me to write this is as much a cathartic necessity as it is a source of “info-tainment” for you all. I love that I can come here, share my world (if I so choose) and know you all are going to be honest, open and respectful as you read and comment. ~mwah~ 😉

Anywho…When you are someone’s friend, intended love, family member, etc…you build up a base of honesty and trust. From that other traits of bonding are birthed, which causes endearment. Time and energy spent insinuating yourself into someone’s heart and soul…should be valued to the tune of invaluable. Someone, willing to allow you access to their heart and happiness…should be considered and given the utmost respect. I take no one in my life lightly. If God saw fit for us to be a part of each other’s lives…I do everything within my power to keep those ties tightly bound with love and all that encompasses it. Does it always work? Of course it doesn’t, but that’s my hope.

What I know is not to expect that everyone is like me. I don’t expect people to do what I do, feel how I feel or react the way I would. Yet, there is SOME sense of expectancy in a relationship of give and take (which is why unconditional love is so hard to attain.) When a person presents themselves as capable and starts off on the right foot…it is disconcerting when they drop the ball and pretend it never happened. I try my best to be accountable for my actions. If I hurt you, I’d hope you would tell me. Whether I intended to or not, believed I did or not…I’m going to apologize and take stock of my mistake so as not to repeat it. When someone hurts me…I often find that most aren’t willing to do the same. Having said all of this…when someone you trust is ALL in (to the point of going so hard you question it’s sincerity) and then abandons your friendship/love all because they’ve found something better, more convenient,  newer…it leaves a bad taste.

The “brand new” comparison comes in RIGHT here…

Some people are so inherently selfish that when they’re in friendships/relationships…they THINK they’re giving of themselves, but what they’re offering is base attention and not deep affection.  When someone does something consistently in a superficial or let’s call it…in a more habitual manner…it can mask itself as the consistency that reinforces love. Yet, in order to be in any kind of love relationship one has to be in touch with who they are and understand what love is. What their OWN worth is…so that when doling out love in an exchange, they will have something to measure it against. That way, self love is readying you to give that very thing you desire and deserve to those around you. In other words, treating people the way you want to be treated.

So when some of the selfish folks get what they need/want…or accomplish a goal of intimacy or conquest…they move on. Moving on is fine, but you should remember to never burn that bridge. You never know if what you got from that person is something you may need to tap into again. For anyone to shrug off justified anger and hurt because they don’t want to be held accountable, don’t want to feel the discomfort of having a mirror held to them…is simply cruel, cold and irresponsible. We are indeed responsible for the feelings of those we care for and if you don’t feel that way, then perhaps you need to reassess your heart space. So to then bask joyfully in their new life choice as if they haven’t done a thing wrong…is acting “brand new”.

Remember this…You can TRY to create a flawless future all you like, but you may also want to make amends with your peppered past. Don’t think for one moment that your current happiness with your “newness” is under Karma’s radar. That chick has a GPS on all assholes, bitchasses and wrong-doers. You’d better PRAY that your new found shiny outer coating is gleaming bright enough to blind her to your ways. Then again…she CAN smell fear.

Oh, you thought you weren’t fearful? Yes…oh, yes…most selfish folks are FEARFUL. They fear rejection, loneliness, judgment, accountability, etc. That’s why like thieves they get in…and get out, doing their best to not leave anything behind. Eventually, though…you always get nabbed. Especially if you believe in a higher power…you have to answer for your deeds. You have to live with yourself when there’s not a thing around you except the sound of your own heart beating, your mind’s ticking and God. Not so brand new anymore, right?

10 Signs You’re Cyber-Logged

There are very few people who AREN’T online. My grandma isn’t…but, my other grandmother was…so there’s a 50% chance your grandparents are online. lol

There are a few of my peeps who I WISH had a Facebook page…but, don’t. I don’t know why they didn’t get the memo, but perhaps they’re onto something. I wish sometimes that I didn’t crave the crack so much and had avoided the Facebook vortex.

Facebook/Internet addicts are true crackheads. I’m talking shakes, ashy lips and notions of stealing for their next hit. I ain’t saying I’m addicted…let’s just say that I exhibit some of the 10 symptoms of this “cyber-logged” list.

What is Cyber-Logged? Well it’s like water logged. Inundated to the point of complete saturation, leaving the frame of “something” weak and worn. This isn’t your TYPICAL list of crack symptoms. We all know what it means to be addicted to SOME part of the e-world. Most of us sleep with our cells in our hands. That vibration when the phone rings is like an e-gasm to most  folks. I just thought I’d share some of my current observations and list ’em.

10 Signs You’re Cyber-Logged aka Signs You Need to Have a Seat!

10. Refresh is your friend. Yea, buddy…you refresh every 4.3 seconds on Facebook, tumblr, etc…because you’re hungry for the next update. I see folks show up as SOON as I post. I be like…where in the MATRIX hell did they come from?

9. Your statuses/updates are successions of the same event. Let me give you an example:

“Oh snap, my fave movie is on!!” 19 minutes ago


“I love this part…it always makes me cry” 17 minutes ago


“Nooooo man…don’t leave her!” just now

…yea…how are we watching TV intently if we’re “statusing”? Why do we feel the need to pull our friends into the fray as well? Why ESPECIALLY do we do this…when watching WITH people? Are the people in the room NOT sufficient enough to discuss the movie/program with? *SMH*

8. You’ve got 50-11 pages for no reason. *raises hand* GUILTY! It’s not MY damn fault they make it so easy to create a new page. Or a blog. Or an email. Shit…at least I’m not creating whole LIVES like SOME folks…lmao

7. You e-stalk…Now, look. Let’s not get sensitive sir/ma’am! You do it or you’ve done it. ESPECIALLY if your siggy is online. “Oh what the fuck is all THAT about?”. Next thing you know you’re combing the person’s list, mutual friends, and eventually…you lay in wait to see what color Shug gone paint the wall next. *don’t deny it mofo…I seentcha*

6. Your browser has 10 tabs open with Facebook, tumblr, Youtube, Twitter, your blog,  your email, and a combo of news, shopping, and porn. *again…don’t lie dude* LOLOL

5. Your chat is open 24/7. Whether it’s your BBM, your LiveProfile, your YahooIM, etc…there’s a way for your friends to contact you at all times…and you RESPOND…sometimes…in your SLEEP!! Go to bed damnit. LOL

4. When your FB notifications pops up, you see it no matter what you’re doing in another tab. 0)___0)  *whistling*
4a. You answer those things with lightening speed…the hell you doing? Hitting refresh?

3. You’ve got some sort of insomnia related to your need to know what’s happening on your page. For me…I’ve got issues that directly relate to my muse’s inability to duly inspire at a NORMAL time of day. She wakes me up and as a sub-symptom of my wakefulness…I end up perusing the damnedest things while “breaking” from writing. I’ve discovered many an annoying, hurtful or informative thing while up at night writing. Sometimes…it’s A-OK to lie the fuck down…

2. You take pics of EVERYTHING and post it. Your new outfit. Hair. A pic of you taking a pic of you in the mirror so you can show your new phone. EVERYTHING you do gets chronicled in the “Mobile Uploads” album. I just ask that you save us from the pics of your cat vomiting, your kid pooping or your man/woman sleeping. Dang…can I have some mystery in the e-relationship?

MY #1 sign that YO/MY ass just MAY be cyber-logged? That when I post this blog in a few minutes (approx. 1:50-ish am)…You will see it, read it, pretend you have NONE of the above signs…but, comment anyway.

GO TO BED DAMNIT!!!! #notestoself

It’s Nothing But The Blog In Me

I tell you…I can’t focus for SHIT! Just like the above picture of the Goddess Kali (my name) I’m never doing just one thing. If I am…I’m sleeping. LOL


The artist in me is so fickle. One day I’m blogging food, the next, poetry, then a myriad of topics…then I’m over on Passion’s Fruit writing up some sex. (my current fave) Who can I blame? Can I blame social media? I mean, it’s THEIR fault that I have a Facebook for family and friends, one for just the friends, two for games and another for *ahem*…stuff. LOL


Hmm, maybe I can blame Narcolepsy. Yea. Narcolepsy DOES make my short term memory unreliable and hurts my focus. (well, it does…shut it). I find my eyes glazing over when people’s conversation gets monotonous. :::zzzzzzzzz:::

Okay, maybe it’s just that I’m always thinking and that I’ve learned to be a multi-tasking phenomenon in order to facilitate my disorder’s function. If I’m doing more than one thing at a time…I can stay awake longer. So, I blog here, there, tweet, status, play games, play music and watch TV all at the same time. Of course…you can’t take in so much without being influenced and sparking OTHER creative processes…so, my mind is always clicking and moving.


I would make a resolution to just go ahead and get focused…but, I can’t focus long enough to figure out where to start.


Maybe, I shouldn’t mess with magic…you know? I can’t imagine doing just one thing at a time, or waiting for inspiration to appear. I just wish I had a better method for managing 4 blogs, 2 tumblrs and 5 Facebook accounts. Oy Vey!!


Anyway…I gotta go do stuff. lol