Stay Outta My Scalp!!

One of my biggest issues with my own kind (meaning people of color who also happen to be of the female persuasion) …is that natural hair shit.

I’ve been natural for about 2 1/2 yrs. I did put a texturizer in a few weeks ago, but it looks like nothing happened. My hair is quite disrespectful!! LOL

Either way, My reasoning behind being natural stemmed more from these following things, than a movement of African pride:

~ When I DID relax my hair…it was 2 times a year…tops. That’s not good because it can cause breakage.
~ I hated getting scabs from the burning sensation. I’m QUITE tender-headed and couldn’t take it.
~ I wanted to see if I could get a varied sense of styling options (even though, my hair has been hard to tame. I’ve taken to co-washing, but the truth is…my hair never held many styles…even while relaxed.) I wanted to see what my hair texture was capable of.
~ I don’t know if I’m developing arthritis or carpal tunnel…but, I just know it’s getting increasingly hard to comb all of my hair. I lose at least 20 minutes in the morning on a bad day behind the frustration.

I don’t NEED anyone to tell me how relaxers affect the brain and blood (do research on why it is doctors suggest pregnant women don’t relax their hair during pregnancy.) I don’t need anyone to remind me of my heritage.

S/N: What the hell does that mean ANYWAY? I mean…if I chose my mom as my “hair model” rather than a white woman…my hair would still be “good” O_O because my mom is mixed. So…it’s ignorant to decide for the entire race that Black hair is assumed to be happily nappy. We have all kinds of genes swirling in our DNA pools and therefore, no one can determine what trait a child will come out with nor what grade of hair they’ll have.

Anyway…I’m tired of all of the harping on how one who decides to relax, straighten, etc…is “giving up” on her natural self. I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive. I know some loc’d and afro’ed folks who could take a lesson in our cultural history. I some “naturalistas” who don’t date within their own race and prefer to date non-black men. Wouldn’t someone who puts such stock in her natural hair and heritage want to marry and procreate with someone who shares her skin color and kinky hair? Right…go ahead, think on that…

How does someone feel they have a right to police my hair? Women get up in arms about anyone being up in their uterus! Don’t police my babies! Don’t police what violates my body! Don’t police my weight! Don’t police my skin color!! These are all of the things that women all over have a tendency to feel passionate about…yet, a lot of the same [Black] women feel the right to tell another sista about how natural she ISN’T, how Black she AIN’T, how weak she IS…just because she chooses to wear weaves, relax or flat-iron her hair…or GOD FORBID…shave it off.

btw…why ISN’T it as a big a deal to women to see a Black sista with a bald head or a low cut, yet they get up in arms about the processing of hair? Couldn’t someone assume that a person who never allows their own hair to grow past a certain length ..or at all…may have some kind of aversion to her own hair texture? Translation: Self-Hate/Hair Hate?

Right…think on that one, too. Get back to me when that makes sense. I hate to blog this shit again, but it’s just THAT much of a pain in my ass…quit it already.

In the meantime…if I decided to wear a fro or a bone-straight style…I’m still a beautiful woman of color. Proud of who she is…but, not allowing ANY one to define her.

::going to price flat irons::

Damn, Ladies…

Women Unite!!!

…or maybe not.

Why is that though? Why is it that women PERIOD seem so easily pushed to turn on one another. It doesn’t take much at all. The moment a woman leaves the room, something negative is uttered. A woman sees a confident woman doing what makes HER happy…out comes the claws.

I’ve never seen such meanness. I see so much side-eyeing, side-swiping, side-talking on a daily basis. In my Facebook feed, my Twitter timeline, my tumblr dashboard, my office, the store, reality TV…GEEZ la-fuggin-WEEZ!

I can’t even say it’s all about men, either. I’ve seen chicks hate each other for simple looks. “She thinks she’s this…” …whether that be her thinking she’s cute, smart, sexy, whatever…I see it.

WHY can’t a woman just look at another woman who is doing her thing and quite possibly succeeding at it…and give her kudos? And MEAN it? Why is it so hard for women to be honest with each other?

Has society pitted us against each other with it’s views of beauty and worthiness? Have we been indoctrinated over the years with superficial peeves about each other? Hair, clothes, weight, skin color…MEN? Yes, SOME of the issues are about men and the attention level one may get over the other.

If I see a woman doing something productive, making her life count for something and being a positive force…I can’t hate her. I love her grind. I love her determination and if I’m not doing what I feel I should be doing, I pray that she’ll inspire me. No, everyone doesn’t have to be inspired  Hell…if you seriously have a reason to dislike or hate…then do you, but why must that be the only thing you have to offer? If I don’t like someone, I just don’t deal. I don’t care if she’s the average Jane or if she’s a celebrity. I seriously don’t like much of Nicki Minaj’s works. Rather than [at any given opportunity] go in on how good she’s NOT…I just don’t listen to her music. I don’t entertain her interviews. There’s no need for me to hold a hate campaign against her. If anything…I respect her carving out a place in the industry for herself.

I refuse to succumb to the title of a “crab in a barrel” by hissing in her direction or any OTHER female I may not care for. It’s not to say you can’t have an opinion, Ladies…but, why does it HAVE to include a hateful lambasting of “that bitch” that you PROBABLY don’t even KNOW well enough to have an opinion on? How do you arrive at a conclusion about any person you’ve never held a conversation with? That to me is a problem and it’s a seemingly BIGGER problem among my very own people. Yes, Black women…I’ve seen some HATEFUL ass comments about each other online. No sense of respect, boundary or basic loyalty to a caste of people who severely need to be unified. Nope…just crazy, insane, nonsensical hate and bitterness toward one another.

This HAS to stop!!

…but, HOW? Where does it begin? Does it begin with saying nice things in lieu of judgments? Does it come with changing the way you speak to people (changing the attitude and being less offensive/defensive)? Where do we begin? How do we pass on love, respect, peace and a sense of community love in place of hate, disdain, envy and division?

I don’t know. For ME, it’s checking mySELF. I rarely have a catty thought anymore. I used to have one from time to time, but those are far and few between. Nowadays, if I find myself rolling my eyes at you…I’ve truly come to that feeling by way of observing you or getting to know you…and even THEN, I don’t feel strongly enough to talk badly about you or wish you ill. Even when people have left my circle…I still send love their way. Why do anything else? Does it benefit ME to be a bitch and be a self-proclaimed warning signal that says, “I’M A BAD BITCH…BEWARE!”? Sure doesn’t. I refuse to sully my overall energy with that kind of negative brashness.

Please ladies…PLEASE consider how you speak. How you perceive each other. How you treat each other. Women are beautiful in so many ways and we must celebrate that in each other daily. Anything else is a crime.

Come out of the litter boxes, damnit! LOL

That’ll Getchu Popped!

…Infamous words of Tami Roman of Basketball Wives on VH1.

That was her first real encounter with Meeka Claxton. She doesn’t like for folks to “put their hands up” because it makes her “defense mechanism” go off and she feels the need to defend herself. That statement in the title of this blog was her first “warning” to Meeka that getting too excited would get her knocked the fugg out. I personally saw it more than once and I honestly don’t think that’s what set Tami off. I didn’t see Meeka’s hands go up, but hey…it’s all about perspective, right?

I’ve been watching it from the beginning. Reality TV is my guilty pleasure. It is not an indicator of my intelligence (so many people say that people who watch this kind of television have low IQ’s or are ghetto…I am neither) so that isn’t it. Since watching I’ve come to like and dislike certain people. I’ve come to like Tami and even Evelyn at times. Jen is kinda flaky, Shaunie is a sneaky mofo (c) embezzlement of her ex-husband’s funds. Royce is cool…a firecracker. Suzie is a shit-starter and Meeka is her protege it seems. By far, Tami is my favorite. Funny thing though…back when she was on Real World II, I liked her initially but then became angry at her when she got David ousted from the house.  He was wrong, but I felt like it went beyond the normal reaction to the situation.

Now…the other night, Tami smacked/punched Meeka in the face. I totally get the reasons why she got mad. I for one am about thinking twice. Being the rash person Tami is, her gut reaction was to clock her co-star in the face. (The bish WAS tryna start shit…but, still).  You have to learn to walk away from a situation like that. If you know you’re dealing with a dirty little, messy little liar…you expose her and ignore her. Like she says in this interview with Necole Bitchie…you’re given an option to whether you want to film with someone. If she didn’t want to deal with Meeka she could’ve put herself in a position of protection by not filming. The outcome of that folly…is the fight.

A lot of people online have been split down the middle with the occasional understanding of both sides. Some feel Tami is ghetto, over-the-top, crazy and an attention whore. Some feel that Meeka deserved everything she got being the messy, petty bish she is…some feel that the show in it’s entirety is a smudge on the already questionable reputation of Black people and especially Black women. This is where I stand on the topic…

In the REAL Real World…in the communities where sistas are from, Tami is a prize. In a world where chicks are back-stabbers and liars…to have someone shed light on any topic…however hostile, is still a breath of fresh air. Tami is not dumb by any stretch of the imagination. She’s actually bright and very articulate. She’s just crazy as fuck got anger issues. LUH you Boo, but you need to touch on some anger management classes. At 40 it’s not cool to pop off on everyone who gets you mad. I know how frustrating it can be to have someone look you in your eye and tell you a lie like they believe that shit…and WANT to put your fist through their throat…but you can’t. There ARE consequences. Legally you can go to jail or be liable financially. Socially, you’re fulfilling the statistic that we’re just some wild animals who possess no self-control. In spite of her brash honesty, Tami will always be pegged the ghetto, classless one because of these episodes of “reality”.

Now…chicks like Meeka? She’s that chick you DO want to bash in her forehead. She’s the chick you can’t trust worth a damn and you find out down the road that you don’t even really know her. She came into the situation messy. Without meeting Tami or Royce she’d already put them in a bag. What was so funny about THIS is that, had she be an equal opportunity hater…she would’ve felt the same way about Shaunie and Evelyn. Shaunie TORTURED Gloria in the second season of BBW over something that wasn’t even Gloria’s fault. She should’ve taken her beef to Gloria’s sister about Shaq, but instead she menaced Gloria until she left the show. Evelyn did the same to Suzie. She may have had a point initially…Suzie runs her mouth too much…but, she made it impossible for that woman to co-exist. If you don’t like her…sit on the far side of the table, don’t bash her, nit-pick and argue each time you see her. It’s childish. Evelyn is also the same person who knew the entire time she was bonding with Tami…that she’d slept with her husband. Evelyn missed the WHOLE damn point and made it about the man. NO slowmo it wasn’t about the man!! It was about the fact that she knew she’d done it and didn’t feel the need to disclose that info to Tami upon their newly burgeoning friendship. Then proceeded to undercut her wife status with the “Non Motha-Fuckin Factor” remark. Yet, Meeka didn’t seem fazed by these things. She BADLY wanted to be on this show and wrote Shaunie more than once for the “opportunity” to be there. Why didn’t she prejudge Shaunie and Evelyn? Well we know the answer. She didn’t because she wanted to be IN the CIRCLE. So she took action against the two people who at the time were on the outs with one or more of the “Popular Bitches”.

If you know you’re dealing with a woman who would pop you in your shit at the first sign of beef…why then would you go IN on her? Did you think this wouldn’t happen? Or was that your plan, Meeka from the jump? …Disparage Tami and fill her spot while attacking her pockets at the same time? If folks are gonna bring attention to some shit…bring attention to her shit-starting ass because she loves drama EVERY bit as much as she claims Tami does.

How about bring attention to the Puerto Rican chick who flew all the way to California to dump water on a chick. Who this season threw an ACTUAL GLASS at Royce. She could’ve put her eye out, but no one is bashing HER. No, they’re choosing to go in on the Black woman.

What about the White chick, who can’t hold WATER for 10 seconds and runs her mouth every chance she gets. The CATALYST to issues between Evelyn and Royce, Shaunie and Gloria, Tami and well…everyone…yea.

YES sistas…we need to stop some shit. We need to think more and react less. This is true…but, we’re not the only chicks who go in. Watch Real Housewives of NJ, Orange County, Beverly Hills, Jerseylicious, Jersey Shore, etc. You will see shit being thrown and yes…even blows. It’s a WOMAN thing…not a BLACK WOMAN thing. WOMEN need to find their class and lady-like ways again. It’s imperative that we do that for our young daughters coming up with big eyes looking at us like a mirror.

Truth is…”we” can’t REALLY “afford” to let these things happen. Other races get to act a fool and the memory of those things are short and fleeting. It’s the NeNe Leakes’, Tami Roman’s, and Naomi Campbell’s who hit the headlines with negative feedback that get the backlash. Like I said in a previous blog…folks went in on A. Keys for her indiscretion w/Swizz Beats (lending NO accountability to HIS married ass) but, everyone LOVES themselves Angelina Jolie’s husband-stealing ass. Right? Matter of fact…some mag called Jennifer Aniston a home-wrecker for reaching out to Brad. Like REALLY? *smh at the utter hypocrisy of folks*

I pray that the lawsuit brought against Tami isn’t too detrimental to her pockets. I have to tell you…though I know she was wrong, I feel like Meeka was on some manipulative, premeditated bullshit to nudge HER way into the spotlight. It’s not everything it seems folks…pay attention to all sides…and remember, we’re hardest on our own. We don’t have to be…the rest of the world does a bang-up job for us.