Are You Selfish? Or Just Phony?

I…its what selfish people think about most of the time. Their motives are always driven by the concept of self-gratification, self-preservation…self, self, self. I do indeed understand the idea that one must love oneself as much or more than others. That the martyr role is overrated and giving yourself the love you desire is important in showing others how to love you as well. Those are basic instincts…to want to survive. Yet, when does it make sense to look around and survey your surroundings?

I’ve noticed how people can be so self-absorbed that they never recognize anything going on around them or in other people’s lives. I notice how those same people seem to love pontificating on the importance of life, love and awareness of the human struggle. I’ve also noticed that some of those people are undeniably hypocritical. It’s almost like having people fight for animal rights and world causes and be hateful to their fellow man. Speaking of a love for things that cannot take care of themselves or voice their needs, but disrespect the needs and lives of those who can. All too often, I see people talk great game about their human interest and intellectual opinions on the world’s events…and be totally clueless about what is going on in their personal microcosm.

I often wonder how many people take on causes, pursue current events and speak on the different things of importance…all to feel important. To deflect from their own personal journeys that they avoid embarking on. I mean, isn’t it a better cause to be all about saving the seals and preserving the lives of cows instead of going home and facing lonely rooms and empty walls with no pictures of loved ones? Or you use the plights of others to deflect from what’s eating you? Isn’t that selfish? To use other people’s lives to dictate, coach from the background and judge so that you don’t have to deal with where you fall short? Don’t you all think its about time to remove the masks of denial and selfishness and deal with personal shit the way you effortlessly handle others?

When I ask are you selfish or phony…that question is asking this: Are you so selfish that you just do not care about others? Or are you such a phony that you pretend to not see what is in front of you because you’re too cowardice to face your own inadequacies…leaving you to focus on the outer world. Are you so phony that you’ll put on a great face to save face? Blindly “band-wagoning” with other’s philosophies in order to hide the fact that within the causes you champion, lies your own weaknesses?

This was one of “those” blogs. I found myself reading a few things that simply made me upset. I see people claiming to be one thing…asking for one thing…DEMANDING one thing…and not reflecting their persona. Not reciprocating. Not having the balls to stand up and be what it is they speak of. I saw Notorious the other day…the story of Biggie Smalls. In one part of the film it is said, “We can change the world…” and the immediate response was, “In order to change the world, we must change ourselves” If you’re constantly focused on the world’s problems, the state of current events…all to the neglect of personal introspection, you ARE part of the problem. One’s fervency for knowledge and passion for spreading discovery will not change the world. It’s knowing yourself, being yourself and being real about who you are WITH the world that fosters change. THAT way…you’re working in and out, instead of needing the world to change for you.

Think about that…

Mother?…F_ck HER!!

I have a damn problem…I have a GOTdamn problem with certain “mothers”. A friend of mine was incensed by something she found out. A close friend of the family, whom she considers a nephew had been molested for 2 years by a family member…and the kicker? His mother knew and did NOTHING! She PROTECTED this fool. Now, I could go into the details of this story…but, my focus is not on the fact that this young man just outed himself as gay…but that his mother is a complete and total asshole.

I need to know…because I’m confused. I am bewildered at the idea that a mother could find out her child was being sexually abused and not do anything. Now, I already know what a lot of folks are gonna say. Circumstances make all the difference right? Like if a woman’s self esteem has been affected to the degree that she needs a man so badly…she’ll protect him when he hurts her or her child. Or that, a family member’s image (or her own) is so important she’d allow her child to be molested over and over…learning the behavior of an abuser, only to either fall victim to the behavior or possibly inflicting abuse onto another child. Oh, how about the fact that it’s been done to them before, so they don’t know any better. Well, before we go any further I will say…to my knowledge I’ve never been abused. I’ve never been raped. Now that we’ve got that out of the way…FUCK THAT! I have children in my family…and I know children who belong to my friends. I have a godson who is 20 months old. If someone were to harm a child “I” know…I’d be a cops-calling, bat-wielding, penile/vajayjay maiming maniac. I’m not protecting ANYONE but the child. That heffa even had the nerve to blame his father for not being there…even though his absence was because SHE didn’t tell him he had a son. Does anyone have a buck? It needs passing…

This is a sickness. It’s as rampant as the AIDS virus and as common as the cold. All to often I hear of kids being raped of their innocence and their rights to be protected. I got so emotional today, because even though the boy in this case is now a young man…he’s still a victim. This will follow him always. He will always remember being taken by a man and not having the chance to BE a man. He will always remember that his mother protected an adult rapist…instead of her young child. He may never understand that his “homosexuality” may be in part to his abuse and not simply “being born” that way. I pray for his psychological self. His spiritual well being and his ability to separate the heinous act thrust upon him from an act of love. I also pray for his mother. That she’ll be able to live with herself after this knowing that she failed…miserably. I also pray that someone comes forward and sends her AND that rapist’s ass to jail…perhaps, they will be “protected” in the system and wont have to be a victim of their own victimization.

Happy Birthday, Kali

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 36. I’ve been told most recently so, that I don’t look over 30. *yay me*. I don’t dread aging like a lot of people do. People think aging puts some sort of limitation on you…like you’re expiring. I feel like I’m just getting more in tuned with who I am…what I am. If I can live as long as my great grandmother Katie did, and most of her 17 siblings…I think I’ll be doing well…90-something sounds cool. I’ll be able to tell any grandkids (if I’m blessed to have a child) or any children in my family of how I lived to see a black president take office. I’ll also be able to tell them how I was born at a time when it was safe to walk the streets alone, before Halloween candy had to be inspected, before sex became a possible death wish, and when parents could actually BE parents. I’ve seen a lot in 36 years…not as much as others, but enough to keep me abreast of life’s tender issues.

My mother missed the mark this year…she was sick and slept a little longer, but she usually woke me up no matter where I was to wish me Happy Birthday at 8:36am. I woke up a little after 10am and the first thing I did was call my maternal grandmother. She’d sent me a card (the only one I received) and laced it with a $20. Right about now, that ish felt like $200! LOL My mother wanted to make me breakfast, but being that she is SICK, we decided that “special virus” pancakes wasn’t the business. My sister, being that she doesn’t cook often…was not a prime candidate so I made my own. Pancakes w/cooked apples, turkey sausage and coffee. We ate together, watched movies together, ordered pizza in (due to the weather we weren’t going ANY where…snow). Watched more movies and prepared for a guest…my godson and his mom. I will be going to DC on Monday with them to babysit for a month or so. There I will hook up with a few people I’ve been friends with for over a year or more and seal the deal on some cool friendships. Anyone who says the Internet is a bad place…hasn’t had the pleasure of meeting people and making connections. Sticking with “what you know” can sometimes cut your blessings. I’ve met some fabulous folks in 2008…and intend on broadening more horizons this year.

I had a birthday party on the 9th. Blogtalkradio style. CLICK HERE to read all about it and hear the playback of the show. We counted down New Year’s style to my birthday and had fun acting up. I received nothing but love all day Friday and on my birthday the next day. I didn’t do anything special like go out, dance it up in a club or anything. I kicked it home on a snowy day in a warm place with warm wishes and thoughts. My biggest gift was God’s gift of life. The moment I rolled out of bed…I had celebrated my birthday for the 36th time. Happy Birthday, Kali!

Toddlers and Tiaras? WTF?

So…I see a commercial about an upcoming reality series called “Toddlers and Tiaras” on TLC. Documentation of parents and their children who participate in pageants. Now, beside the damn obvious…what is WRONG with this picture? Haven’t these people seen or heard of Jon Benet Ramsey? Do you think that child is dead on accident? *rolling eyes* In this day and age of the molester…I would NOT put make up on my child and strut her across a stage looking like a miniature woman! I believe wholeheartedly that Jon Benet’s death is a direct result of her being involved in those pageants…even if all it did was perpetuate an “attraction” if you will…to her young self, that eventually ended in her death.

WHAT is to be gained by putting your child on display as young as 2yrs old? Dolled up and coached to pose, dance and speak like an adult. I’m in NO way comparing children to pets, but shit…yea, I am. LMAO. I hate when people dress their dogs up and groom them to look like camels and buffalo. (Check these pics) Curvy Queen showed me that and I fell out laughing…before I got MAD! Helpless animals being played with and used as entertainment piss me off. I doubt if a dog’s thoughts could be read, you’d see “Dress me up like a bitch with pearls, a pleated skirt, polo shirt and pink sneakers on all paws” uh…no. So, I see this is a very similar situation. Dressing up kids who have no control or say over what they do…like grown ass folks, encouraged to play into an ALREADY skewed societal view of women.

Anyway…I’m done ranting. What yall think about this?

what I found…*inspired by luv* ;)

it was accidental…
it happened while i was
easing my hand
down a smooth thigh
admiring a soft sole
and polished toes
it happened while…
eying a mole beneath my eye
and a full cheek
while smiling slyly
…my lips curled
making eye contact
with someone
not even there…
without warning
i heard my own laugh
infectious in tone
when i speak…
its with deliberation
emphasized with an alto tone
a spoken melody
captivating to the ears
of a rapt heart
reeled in
an affection for
the meaning of life
…it happens
when the love
seeps through torment
and against all logic
i believe
holding onto optimism
seeing stitches of pearl
in pillows of white
when others
see night
i found it
a rare measure
of virtue
in a seasoned soul
MORE love
i checked it
turned it around
inside and out
head to toe
and pleasured in it
*runs fingers down neck*
i saw it…
and named it