Word 5: One

One…

one by one…
each one was done
not one
saw me as the one
at least two
were the one for me
until we were no longer
and i was left alone
one
with no one
one was ashamed
worried about his name
one was insane
his pain
my blame
one lied long
lying to save face
in the face of wrong
the same one
that wrote me songs
but wouldn’t claim
where he belonged
one after the other
my oneness became pronounced
not one love working out
one by one…
each one
i thought was the one
found their one
with someone else
as i accepted myself
as one
meant for no one
i’ve come to see
that i may be one of many
whose lot is to stand alone
one woman
with no man
but with one love
for friends and clan
i often say,
“one day…”
but, deeply within
i feel my oneness
closing in
and that may just be okay

…one love

The Fifth Day…

wearing that ring…

…the day you first fell in love

I used to say that it was when I was four and fell in love w/my first. I’m gonna keep it real with you. So, here it goes…

When I first fell in love with the first wasn’t at 4. That was puppy love…a crush. I think I fell IN LOVE with him back then when he kissed me up against the wall in the middle of the night, while his hand was on my 11yr old boobs…

Nope, let me try again. I think I fell in love with him…when we were watching a movie in the dark with his sister and he reached around her for my booty…lol

Nah…okay, maybe it was when got on his knees between my legs and unsnapped my…wait, no.

Perhaps, it’s the day that I feel like we went from having sex to making love and he made me feel like a woman…no?

Damnit. Okay so maybe it was when he first sang to me. ~sigh~

Maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe it was the other guy. See…I’m thinking I had my first mixed with my first love. The fella I spoke of up there, was the first to kiss my lips, feel my hips and deflower me. He was the first to give me fuzzy feelings and the first to break my fragile teenage heart…but, the first time as an ADULT was probably in 2007.

In 2007 Mr. Mic had entered as a friend via the Nets. We talked a lot and I dug that. I wasn’t looking for love at all. I didn’t mind his conversation, but I was very aware that he was the object of a lot of ladies’ affection. He was charming, concerned and comical…and that’s valuable to women.

He’d sung to me, but that wasn’t it. He’d told me he loved me…and that wasn’t it. He’d cut off a lot of people, giving his time to me with undivided attention [for a time] and he called me everyday in the beginning. I think when I realized I’d fallen in love was when I found myself singing his music one day and smiling big. A song I had written a verse on. It probably was in early January of 2008 near my birthday.

It was an Internet love though. It didn’t manifest past these bits and bytes. Many asked what it was that made me love him…some even doubted that you could fall in love on the Internet. I say…if you can be with someone who mistreats you, cheats on you, lies to you…in your face, why can’t I fall in love, join spirits and share a heart…sight unseen? What makes your tangible, physical love more important than my ethereal love that brought me out of my shell, introduced me to people I love to this day and gave me a song in my heart for 2+ years? Who can replace that?

Nothing…

…and nobody

Snapshot #5: Guilty Pleasure

Photo of: Guilty Pleasure

My guilty pleasure is Facebook. I’m an addict…I know it. I need help. I’m actually falling back. It can be a pain in the ass and once something that’s supposed to be entertainment, becomes a “chore”…it’s time to step away.

It’s kinda hard though. I  write constantly on blogs and offline working on stories, so Facebook is just a click away when I get bored and need something else to do.

As you can see…my banner is a grouping of butterflies ::CHEESE::…and I’m known by my first and middle name and not my last. That ain’t nobody’s bidness. LOL

So yea, my guilty pleasure…

**scribbling on screen** Send…help!

5~ If You’re A Bird…I’m A Bird…

Favorite Romantic Movie

The Notebook…

I could’ve said, “Love Jones”…because honestly, that movie rocks and one of the key lines in that movie that speak to me is, “I love you…and that’s urgent like a mothafucka!”. I mean, in the day and age of excuses upon reasons upon alibis, upon treasons for why one cannot commit…it sounds good coming out of a man’s mouth that love is about urgency…even if it’s just a line in a movie. I loved me some Darius and Nina…because they spoke to me as a couple who were both so artistic and bonded off of those passionate stanzas and camera clicks. I could’ve chosen them…

Or “Titanic” with it’s epic romance of obligatory relationships, love-at-first-sight whims, artistic interludes and music that could pluck the heart strings of even the coldest heart. I loved Jack and Rose…and how he showed her that she could let go and be free…to answer the call of her heart without compromise. How to live for herself and not others…how to be okay with not having the world in material possessions…to have the world in her soul. Yea…I love them, too.

I could’ve picked, “Love and Basketball”. Love one on one. “I’ll play you for your heart…” MAN…I love that movie. Quincy and Monica…balling it out…and sometimes bawling it out in the name of love…oh, and basketball. lol. Yet another story that spoke to my love of love spanning from era to era. Young puppy love, high school love (at first unrequited), college sweethearts…and then going their separate ways. That moment, when you’re in the middle of doing that thing that the two of you did together and wondering why you’re doing it, now that you’re apart. Could’ve picked them easily…

I could’ve chosen those (amongst countless others that have had me snotting as I lived vicariously through the lead couple’s ups and downs, realizations and sometimes not-so-fairytale endings) but, the one that had the most range of love and emotions was, “The Notebook”.

God, I could’ve been Allie. At one point in the movie…she’s being asked what SHE wants and all she can think about is who she’ll hurt. I could’ve been NOAH for goodness sakes…pining away for a lost love. Having that gaping void that no one could occupy but the one who made you freer than you ever thought you could be.

I loved how he courted her…persistent, with all he had, big sweeping gestures…but then reinforcing them with the most tender moments. (I smile as I write) I loved how he wrote her a letter everyday for a year…that is fucking DEDICATION! Here he is, this young dude…could have any local chick and he’s penning love notes for his lady…EVERYDAY for a YEAR! Man, folks can’t even be consistent and CALL a bish everyday for a MONTH…and you have this cat using up the ink in his inkwell…messing up good paper (expensive as hell back then) to write someone who may never (and almost didn’t ever) see them. Noah even renovated the house that they both dreamed would be their home. He did this even though he hadn’t laid eyes on her in several years since their tragic break up. Even when they weren’t together…he was living for her love. ~sigh~

Yet, the love that rounds it out the most…is the spin on the story that begins the whole movie. Noah as an old man…living in a nursing facility (though he doesn’t have to) to tend to an ailing older Allie who is now suffering from dementia.

This dude is sitting there…DAILY, re-reading a book of their love story…JUST so he can capture a glimpse of the woman he remembers. The woman who remembers HIM. Imagine…loving someone SO much, that you cant and won’t let go in your heart. You pursued them until you couldn’t anymore…and then when given an opportunity, you seized it and was always willing to let them go if it was what THEY needed to do…loving someone enough to let them go. That hurts more than being let go or letting go because you felt they weren’t the one. To have a chance to get right what went wrong is beautiful…it ain’t everyone’s story…but, it’s a hell of a love story nonetheless.

Yea…The Notebook was and is a classic romantic movie for me. If it came on now (no commercial interruptions) I’d watch. I cannot watch that movie on network TV. It kills the flow. I must watch without any scenes being edited for a 2hr time slot. A story of epic proportions…spanning from sweetheart love to “the end of time” love. Everything I’ve ever thought love could be.

“Say, I’m a bird…”
“You’re a bird! …”
“Now say you’re a bird…”
“If you’re a bird…I’m a bird”

~tears~

Chrisette Michelle’s “Notebook”…not from the soundtrack of course…but apropos nonetheless 😉

Dia Cinco~ Something I Hope To Do In My Life



I want to do a lot of things.

I’ve wanted to publish my writings. I’ve wanted to show the world my ideas. I’m constantly writing and nothing is being shared yet. I anticipate that one day [soon] an opportunity will meet with my burgeoning ambition and BOOM…I’ll be on the path to authorship.



I’ve wanted to be a mom…a wife.
I’ve wanted to travel…exotic islands, culturally-rich countries…
I’ve wanted to conquer my paralyzing stage fright…


Can you see me? Like…singing my ASS off on stage and folks loving it?
Speaking my poetry and ripples of awe and emotion feeding my delivery?
::envisioning::


I’ve wanted to get serious about my love of photography and graphics.


I hope to do a lot in my life…This little ole blog can’t hold my hopes. I could go on forever talking on my hopes.