Crime: Time Framed

I am 37yrs old. The statistics on my romantic life are pretty simple. I look back in retrospect and realize the the times I thought I was IN LOVE…were infatuations, misguided companionship or friendship gone wrong. I still wonder if I’ve ever truly been IN LOVE. I’ve had one major relationship (this includes physical meeting, sex, monogamy and including but not necessarily co-habitation). In spite of feelings I’ve felt…a true relationship is not all inclusive without physical consummation. And, though I have fallen a few times since…I can say that those were just trips with a little knee scraping. So, again…the depth of love I’ve experienced is still being measured…just like time.
Over time…I have wondered exactly WHEN it was that I realized things. It took me to get out of those entanglements…sometimes years after…to realize my “love” was heavy like, lust or friendship. Then I wondered…when in it…how long DOES it actually take before you “know” that you’ve found something special?

My girl and I were IM’ing one evening and she mentioned something about how she and her dude would be discussing their relationship’s future soon. I guess because they are approaching several months to a year and she feels now is the time to discuss the direction of their relationship. I agree with her thinking. We are NOT in high school anymore. Us 30-40 somethings taking years to decide whether we’re serious about someone or not…need to get it together. It doesn’t take all of that. By now, we have a pretty good idea as to what we need, want, don’t need and don’t want. So, why all the time passed? Why make someone waste years of their life all so you can selfishly hang on to them while “figuring it out”. And for the record…when folks (male or female) want someone…they make themselves accessible or they GO for it. People who want you…WANT to be with/near you.

Is it really worth it to drag out connections to supplement gaps in your life? Is it really worth it to bide time in a delusional facade of a “relationship” to be able to say you’re not alone? At what point in the frame of time you’re with someone…do you ask, wonder or realize that you’re not in the relationship you deserve to be in?


I guess the penalty for committing time frame violation…is MORE time being miserable.