Dia Viente y Nueve~ Something I Hope To Change About Myself…

…and why.
Not quite sure. There’s a lot of things that could use a little tweaking. In the beginning of this truth challenge…I mentioned my fear, but I do believe that I am learning to use that fear as a barometer for my decision making. I do think that I’m getting to a point in my life that anything that I thought was hard has become easier…not EASY, but easier.
I DO think I can work on my sensitivity. Not sure how to do it though. I want to be able to shake off hurts quicker. Who wants to be a gaping wound? I know I don’t. I wish that I could find the ability to be Rick James cold to some shit. I don’t want to be so “tender”.
Being a bleeding heart is a full time, exhausting and trying job. YES, it’s a job! A thankless one at that. I’m learning to curtail my desire to help EVERYONE. Some folks LIKE wallowing in dysfunction and being the whipping boy/girl. So many people love the attention that comes with being the victim and/or being the savior. I call it the “heroic victim syndrome”.  People who wear fragile capes of triumph, yet are always the ones who get hurt. I can’t imagine a life of never EVER being at fault. I try to be accountable for my place in every situation…even if it just means admitting that I did nothing in lieu of something. That’s another thing I need to work on. Discerning the act of quitting with the instinct of self-preservation. Sometimes you just have to jump ship instead of stagnantly floating amidst the debris.
So yea, those are some things I wanna work on…AM working on. Change is a core transformation. It’s a journey that begins with you and your higher power. It doesn’t happen overnight nor is it most successful when done out of expectation. REAL change is for you and shouldn’t have any roots in the need for outside validation. It is the essence of the butterfly…metamorphosis of the soul. I want to earn my wings. 🙂

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