*tapping finger on chin*
Okay, I got it. I hate that I can be fearful…
I have a tendency to in spite of knowing I encompass the ability to DO something…I stop short before doing it. Like the first time I rode a bike, I knew the concept of balance and pedaling…but, I was afraid to fall, so I stopped short. That resulted in a sore booty and a few chain burns on my leg. Though…once I got back on and tried again…I was a bike-riding fool. Everyone who had a bike (because I didn’t have my own) had to let me ride. “Can I ride it around the park?” …and OFF I went. I couldn’t be stopped.
I can be given a task and immediately I am daunted by it…then I suck it back down, jump in and WING it. I think it’s the perfectionist in me. Trying to in THAT moment to figure out the best way to do it…the most expeditious way to complete it and to do it with a round of applause shortly following presentation. I want others to be as proud of me as I am for having finished. Sue me…I care what people think…to an extent.
I want to squash that fear…but, then maybe I don’t. I mean, I also feel that it’s necessary. With that fear (IMO)…humility is accompanied. I’m not so full of myself that I get over-confident and find myself sucking wind when my supposed GENIUS results in a dud. (We all fall short). I want to be okay with the end result…to not rush it. I want to know that I gave it my all. I want for whoever it was that gave me said task…knows their trust wasn’t misplaced.
So…Yea, that’s something that I “hate” about myself.
That wasn’t so bad…onto the next 29 days. I’m raring to go!!