I’ve been looking at my life in overview. This year especially. 2008…8 being the number of possibilities…makes me sit in wonder of all that this year has presented me with. I fell in love this year. I wasn’t looking for it…it just happened. Truth is…I didn’t WANT it. Not after the disappointments I’d experienced…I just wanted to coast. Yet, I fell. A lot of people have not felt like it was a smart fall (what fall is smart besides a fake prat fall for comedic purposes?). A few say it was based in fantasy…and I tend to agree that in part it was. In my heart though, I’ve fallen for him based on a spiritual and mental connection. No one needs to understand that but him and I. If it works…God bless and if it doesn’t, God bless.
I’ve also come into my own in a lot of ways that I didn’t see for myself this year. I made a trip from NY to AL all on my own for the 1st time. Having severe Narcolepsy makes that a wonderful feat. I then did it again, with a shorter trip from NY to PA. Philly to be exact. Because of these trips I’ve met some cool people and made them family. That in and of itself is a beautiful thing…but, I’ve also met my inner me. I’ve become more in tuned with the person I am. Voicing my feelings on a consistent basis to who needs to hear it has been hard. I’d been a people pleaser for so long in the name of peace…that I created my own inner chaos…but, I’m learning every day to be more self-preserving.
I’ve also been more creative poetically and literally than I had in the past. I penned my 1st short erotica series and am almost finished with my first novel…a thriller. I pray that God continues to inspire me and allow me to manifest some dreams.
Throughout this year, I have found more confidence and self love than I’d ever beheld. I began loving ME…the woman at the core. Learning from past mistakes…while making more along the way for future’s reference. I came out of my shell and am not as shy as I once was. I owe a lot of that to my love. I am grateful. I don’t take much for granted. I try to be gracious and grateful for all I am blessed with. I try to be accountable for my mistakes and I try to share my lessons and jewels of knowledge with anyone willing to listen/read. I love with all I have and am. All I ever wanted was for ONE person in my life to love me and cherish me fully. Not to convenience, condition or circumstance…but embracing the full me from core to crust.
That’s another thing I’ve learned…that my philosophy on unconditional love remains the same…and I must remind myself of it. No matter WHAT I accomplish, WHERE I go, WHOM I love…to put expectations to bed. Expectations are the death of anything. Disappointments will drain you of your faith, patience and hope. If I’ve learned anything in this year…I’ve learned THAT mantra remains true.